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Baby…What Do You Think?

Thursday May 1, 2008 – by

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Welcome to “Baby… What Do You Think?” where fashion faux pas are taken to task and sartorial excellence is championed! Clutch is crazy (like a fox!) for giving these two a forum to take their fashion commentary – usually delivered at home in front of the tv to each other and their Chihuahua, Angel – to the masses, saying exactly what you’re thinking, but are too couth and refined to say out loud! A Brooklyn-based couple, Filthy is a New York born, loud mouth, aspiring music impresario with a penchant for Funkadelic, Barker Blacks and fancy ties and Kristy is a professional spindoctor with Southern roots, a vintage clothing junkie and an inherited shoe fetish.

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Estelle
Kristy: Long legs are essential to a dress this short–good for Estelle and her genes. That said, that better be a lighting trick and not ash I see on her knees. I’ll be REALLY upset if that’s ash.
Filthy: Her face just bothers me.
Zoe Kravitz
Filthy: She’s cute and all but what the hell is up with the torn leggings? She looks like she slept in garbage.
Kristy: This outfit screams “teen angst.” She loves the girly dress but wants to stick it to the establishment with her angry leggings and hobo shoes. She’ll walk the press line, but won’t enjoy it. Very “Legend of Billy Jean.”

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Solange Knowles
Filthy: Is it just me or does she always look like she’s trying to prove that she’s okay with not being Beyonce?
Kristy: It’s not just you. I wonder if any of that busy-ness is House of Dereon?
Kelis
Filthy: Kelis waves goodbye to her mom at her first day of school.
Kristy: I hate hate, hate jean outfits. A denim top AND bottom? Really now Kelis, you know better than this.
Filthy: But where’s her lunchbox?

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Rihanna
Filthy: Don’t get drunk before you get dressed.
Kristy: This is just boring.
Selita Ebanks
Filthy: She looks like she has on a shag rug skirt.
Kristy: There are about five bald skunks running around the forest PISSED OFF right now. I’m calling PETA.

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Ciara
Filthy: Ciara’s getting her hipster look on. Daring!
Kristy: I’m not mad at the scarf… very cute accessory to add some punch to an otherwise blah outfit.
Keisha Cole
Filthy: I love it. The sweater is fantastic and she looks absolutely adorable.
Kristy: You love it because she has great sweater monkeys underneath it, which I can totally clap to! I want that sweater.
Filthy: Heh. Sweater monkeys.

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Janelle Monae
Kristy: She’s playing the Sugar Plum Fairy in a reenactment of The Nutcracker with an all black cast… called We Crackin’ Nuts!
Filthy: Is this from Big Boi’s ballet?
Thandie Newton
Kristy: Clearly, she just got laid. And not in the good way.
Filthy: Cirque Du Soleil!

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Elise Neal
Kristy: That’s beautiful, top to bottom. I love the way that dress looks against her skin. She’s got the brown girl glow!
Filthy: Yeah she looks lovely.
Beyonce
Filthy: Is Beyonce wearing her Rihanna Halloween costume?
Kristy: Maybe her and Hov just finished doing a little dom/sub role play? Right now, he’s handcuffed to the bed with a ball gag in his mouth.
Filthy: Maybe she’s trying to quench Hov’s Rihanna thirst.

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Toccara Jones
Filthy: Toccara gets this months J.Hud award.
Kristy: Wow. What you said… that’s a pretty color though.
Kimora Lee Simmons
Filthy: Why does she always have an “I Smell Something Bad” look on her face?
Kristy: Because she’s smelling that perfume she’s shilling.

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Tracee Ellis Ross
Kristy: Dammit Tracee. She’s officially the poster child for how to ruin a perfectly lovely outfit with STUPID “statement” shoes.
Filthy: That skirt is fresh as hell.
Serena Williams
Filthy: Is it just me or does she look like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard Of Oz?
Kristy: No, you’re right. It’s the lack of eyebrows. And she looks like the mom whose kids get pissed when she comes to pick them up at school, talking about “Heeeeeeey kids!” Is that a Ring Pop on her finger?
Filthy: You mean the mom that shuffle walks like Jackee?

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13 Comments – Add Yours

  1. Keysha E. says:
    May 1, 2008 at 9:33 am

    Rihanna needs to go back to the Ilands stat she is losing her Barbados Glow. Shes looking really pale these days.

    ↑ Reply
  2. Opium says:
    May 1, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    “We Crakin’ Nuts!”….. just plain hilarious!!!

    I luv the two of you!!!

    ↑ Reply
  3. Michelle says:
    May 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    you two are hilarious haha

    ↑ Reply
  4. T Ronise says:
    May 1, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    Ahahaha slept in garbage, busy-ness House of Dereon, five bald skunks, the Ring Pop! I love it! Thanks for making my day!

    ↑ Reply
  5. Tyra D. says:
    May 1, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    Have you guys been to my parent-teacher conferences? He he he ha ha ha. Very funny as usual.

    ↑ Reply
  6. tremaine says:
    May 1, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    As always, you guys keep me laughing. Classic, Comedic, material, hands down.

    ↑ Reply
  7. angie says:
    May 3, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Another great one!!!!!!! HAHAHA @ “We crackin’ nuts”, “sweater monkeys” & the whole Serena Williams bit. Yall are a mess!

    ↑ Reply
  8. Jasmina says:
    May 3, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    Great comments all around.

    ↑ Reply
  9. Ashley says:
    May 5, 2008 at 3:55 am

    lol at Kelis first day of school comment.

    won’t solange get a cute short cut already???

    ↑ Reply
  10. Nai says:
    May 6, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    LOL!!! at Ashley about Solange!!! All that dang hair!!!

    ↑ Reply
  11. Glennisha Morgan says:
    May 17, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    They’re always right on point! lol

    ↑ Reply
  12. Baby…What Do You Think? « Clutch Magazine: fashion.beauty.life.culture says:
    June 1, 2008 at 5:08 am

    [...] standing like a linebacker?? Filthy: Cause she’s built like one? Serena Williams Filthy: Last month she was the cougar Jackee mom and this month she’s either a soccer mom who is a personal trainer on the side or she’s [...]

    ↑ Reply
  13. DaLaMc says:
    July 19, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    OMG. I was sitting in my office laughing so hard my boss came around the corner to check if I was choking on something. Every comment was on point and funny as I don’t know what. Keep it up!!
    (side note) I used to like Toccara before she got all bobble headish. Looking at her makes me want a lollipop!

    ↑ Reply
  14. Patience says:
    July 2, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Great post with lots of imoptanrt stuff.

    ↑ Reply

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