Living Up To Your Own Expectations: Are You Overdoing It?
I would be hard-pressed not to inform each of our readers that I am my own worst critic. There are goals that I have yet to reach, but I am the type of person who pushes herself so hard and continually cheers herself on, that I am sure they will get accomplished. I have spoken about my actions, demeanor, character, and practices in some of my articles, and they all seem to add up to: Am I currently living up to my own expectations or am I overdoing it? The same question can be applied to each of you; are you living up to your own expectations or could you be overdoing it? It is one thing to reach one’s goals, but to constantly push or overexert oneself because one has many ambitions could prove to be hazardous to one’s health. Maybe I am just pulling nonsense out of the sky, but I often feel as if I tire easily now due to all of the things I am trying to take on versus my past life and experiences.
Could it be age? Could it be that I am unsatisfied with my current status? Could it be my overactive mind working overtime? Perhaps each of these questions fit perfectly into my circle of life. I have often told myself that the worst thing I can do is fail. Therefore, I implement actions to keep this from happening, yet there is a slight feeling of slacking or fear that peeks over my mountainous mind and haunts me to no end. I want so much out of life, but I do not want to die trying to obtain it; so the task is to find a happy medium. This is where I find myself stumbling. I hope I am not alone in expressing these feelings; in a sense, there is an internal clock constantly ticking and I feel like I have to race it before the big hand hits ’12. Then, there’s that other part of me that says, “Slow down Tre, you have longer than you think.” I have discussed several of these feelings before in recent articles, but I want to go a bit further on this one.
When should one realize that their body cannot keep up with their mind? At this point in my life, I feel drained and I am only twenty-eight years old. I would like to believe that I would be obliged to add another twenty-eight and “then some” years onto my life, so wouldn’t it be safe to assume that I should take it easy? If you remember my August article, you will remember me stating, “I do change when needed and wanted, but my daily adventures are the same as each week passes. It is as if my mind and body are synchronized and have to complete these happenings before I can truly rest at the end of a workday.” Well, all of this is still certain, yet it has been “one upped” somehow and I have no idea why I feel the need to push harder.
Therefore, I feel that my mind and body are not as synchronized as they once were. Everything is coming together, the pace in which I was moving before seemed appropriate. So why am I going into “push harder” mode? Perhaps it could be the act of finally accomplishing more than my parents did before me (which was and is their wish), or feeling inadequate when compared to my closest friends. Whichever the culprit, I must find it, conquer it and move forward.
I usually add snippets of advice, helpful links, and uplifting quotes into most of the articles, but I am taking this further. Please, share your thoughts on why you believe I am pushing myself harder than before. Discuss a few steps with me that have worked for you in the past and still ring true. Give me your knowledge and in-depth thoughts on slowing down my mind and moving towards a smoother pace. You are more than welcome to recommend a book or two that you believe relate to this very topic. I assure you; I love a good batch of advice and will utilize it as much as possible. I would even venture and say that this current dilemma could be my present bag and it definitely needs unpacking.
My name is Tre L. Loadholt and I am a workaholic.
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Thanks tt!!
Sounds like how I used to feel. Your life is spinning out of control and you’re just never good enough. Your harshest critic is yourself, when in reality you should be your biggest fan.. at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got. Why punish yourself when you should be loving yourself?
I can def relate to the whole body not keeping up with your mind. Have you ever stayed up all night because your thinking, planning, plotting you life so that you can be a success,financially stable, be a superhero to your people, and still manage to recycle?? I my name is Eilish (21) and I am an overachiever. Today I did something that “my hectic senior yr undergrad” life hasnt allowed me to do since august and that was to go to the gym. Today they were giving a tour of the gym saying it is not only about being a size 3 people forget the health factor of working out. and as i am pedaling away on my stationery bike at top speed im thinking why dont they also say that it is also for your mental health as well. Instead of staying up all night and losing sleep planning, plotting, etc I get it out the way while working out to clear my mind so that I can be efficient, and realize that some fat in my life, extra social justice groups and coalitions, stress about the GRE’s and having a stellar gpa. Tre there is a such thing as being hard on yourself, but give yourself an hour because guess what if you leave that job behind God forbid sickness, emergency, etc guess what they are only going to replace you. People forget that. Work hard and take the tools that will help you benefit moving forward. Its easy to forget about yourself when you have a week long to -do list but we arent doing anything but running ourselves into to the ground bring about health conditions, etc cutting our life short. Yes that big project was completed but at what expense? you only slept for an hour and have to work for 8 hrs the next day. Stress is a silent killer remember that. We put alot of wear and tear on our hearts and that has to be reversed if you want to be one of those ageless beauties in Essence magazine who go skiing at 90 and have a boyfriend who is 60 lol jk.
Tre, this is a great topic and it’s not addressed enough, thanks for writing this. I can definitely relate to you!!! My daddy, who is no longer with me, used to always tell me throughout my teenage years and while I was in college that once you make it to the top of the mountain, there’s no place left to go but back down. I believe this was his way of saying to slow down and enjoy the journey. You don’t want to miss your own show working so hard for the next big achievement. I don’t know any books that address the topic specifically as of right now, but I can tell you that “Get Yours! How to Have Everything You Ever Dreamed of and More” by Amy Dubois Barnett is a great read because she wrote on how to get yours in EVERY area of one’s life: the career, your health, your happiness and more.
Lish & Arlice Nichole, thanks for reading and leaving your advice. AN, ur father was a wise man & that book sounds like it is rite up my alley. Thanks again.
Speaking from experience, Tre…being an overachiever certainly beats being an underachiever. Sorry I haven’t been around…love ya much. Levy.
glad to see you’re still writing, dear …
Levy… The only thing stopping you, is you (I know this b/c that is how I get too and I have to move self out of the way and simply go for it!). Love you too, thanks for reading.
Dee, glad to see you’re still around. Thanks for reading.
This article was good. I’m only 22 and sometimes I just feel like I haven’t done enough. So I constantly push myself to do more and more. I’d just like to say that it’s better that you’re living up to your own expectations and not someone elses.
Tre…I am 32 and I always feel like I haven’t done enough or there is always something else I should have done. It took me a while to realize I can only do so much. It’s good to push yourself and have expectations and goals, but it’s ok to just sit back & enjoy everything you have acomplished in life or for the week. As long as you have goals & dreams; that makes every day go smoother…I ask my children all the time, what they want to be when they are older, and I keep it in their minds they can do and be whoever they want to be if they put their mind to it!!
Thanks,
To fail IS to succeed…you go back and correct,revise, and get going again.
High expectations are good, but should only be appleed to yourself, I believe. You can’t expect someone to do it the way you want and feel as passionately about things that may just be a passing phase for them. Workaholic?…I dunno…I’m an artist and can work on something for days/months/years intensely but be acutely aware of the art of living in the moment and taking time out to enjoy. So long as you balance the work of “being” and the work of “doing” there is no limit on where you can go.Run your own race. This was a great piece…I’ll be thinking on it tonight.
–Kimabe
Glennisha, thanks for reading & I agree with ur comment about living up to my own expectations & no one else’s.
Wanda, u r right! The thing is when I try to just enjoy what I’ve done thus far I think about what else needs to be done. I’m going to try though.
Kima, thanks for the advice. I will definitely take it into consideration.
I’m like a train, when I have tasks at hand, I don’t stop chugging until I’ve accomplished them all. But best believe, I give myself a break to celebrate my hard work. I watched my mom work hard all her life hoping to someday stop and smell the roses. Life threw us (our family) some curves and there are no roses in sight. She is always a big reminder for me to take time for myself today because when you look back on your life, sure you’ll remember your academic achievements and your career highs, but you’ll also remember that sleeping marathon or that one great vacation.
So do make the time to stop and smell the roses.
Living up to your own expectations instead of someones elses is a great start.
If your mind, body, soul and spirit is tired, I suggest trying Bikram-Yoga. Go to their website (Bikram yoga.com) and find a location near you. Second, in business, theirs no failure, just opportunities to improve. Determine what you want to accomplish, Analyze how you use your time, Plan daily and weekly activities, Avoid unnecessary activities, Conquer procrastination. One reason for procrastination is the fear of failure. Another reason, is lack of self-confidence. Take complex task and divide it into smaller parts.
You are a true “Queen”- because a queen is concerned about her people.Stay focus, Stay strong (mental)
CeeCee, I hear you. I use the weekends as my down-time, but that’s the time I have to do everything I cannot do during the week… It’s insane, but I do relax more than I give myself credit for: by watching a movie, reading a good book, getting some time in online, and catching up with some friends via the phone. Trust me, I’ll take this to heart.
JT, procrastination is not in my vocabulary. Even when I get lazy, I still manage to conquer every task well before any deadline (if there is one). I will definitely have to check into the Bikram Yoga website and see what this particular branch of yoga is all about. Thanks you guys.
i can honestly say that this article was the most on point especially for me. i move too fast, think too much and never really have the time to smell the roses because i am working on the ‘next thing.’ what i suggest is to one day say f$%# it and take time for yourself. no friends, no family, no co-workers. the only way that you can truly slow down is when you stop listening to everyone else’s praises and complaints about you. that is what is keeping you so stressed. everyone has an idea of what you should do when ‘this thing’ whatever that is is over. when your world consists of pleasing the wrong folk, keeping up with the wrong folk or just trying too hard for other folk you lose sight of yourself. and at the end of the day, those folk will not be in the area. stay up sista!
Tre – Amazing article, I think you know by everyone’s response that you are not alone in your feelings. I too am an overachiever..failure is not an option for me. The thing that I fear the most is not taking risks, and with goals comes risks. Continue to do what you are doing but add to your goal list make time for Tre. I place my “me day” on my calendar..it occurs each week on Monday’s. Use this time to relax, reflect, and do something besides work. Trust me it works…
Boy oh boy can I relate to this. Tre, I don’t know what it is about our age group, but we are definitely trying to overwork ourselves. Sometimes I wake up and I realize that my brain is still working and it just makes me more exhausted.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone, this was great. All I can say is, one day, we’re gonna be old, and when we look back, what is going to be important to us? Because to be honest, I’m a hard worker, but I don’t even like to work a lot! I just feel like it’s societal pressure, but we also need not compare ourselves to other people and what they are doing:) You’re gonna be just fine.
Automne, thank you for your words. With me, it’s not really others whom are doing the suggesting towards my working hard and doing more of this or that, it’s just me. LOL… Fighting oneself is much harder. I appreciate your thoughts, sincerely I do.
Rashana, That “me” day being marked on the calendar seems like the way to go. Definitely something to truly put more thought into. It’s good to see that I’m not the only one in her mid to late 20′s wanting to push harder for the sake of what? exactly… ha!
Ganeka, I believe you are exactly right… Here’s hoping to me and others being just fine. :)
Great article and great subject to explore.
To add my $0.02 cents I think you’re overdoing it or missing the point when you use other people as a measuring stick for your own success. Most times when we go after something its because we see that somebody else has it instead of just asking the Universe how to better serve with the gifts and talents you’ve been blessed with.
Celebrity and the overexposure of it have cause many people o believe that they are doing enough because they don’t have the face, the body, the money, the car, the house, the trips, the jewelry, the makeup of celeb x and y.
There’s no substitute for being driven; but there’s a lot to be said about what’s driving us. Is it passion and excitement or security?
Correction:
Celebrity and the overexposure to the general public have caused many people to believe that they aren’t doing enough because they don’t have the face, skin, body, money, car, house, the trips, jewelry and makeup of celebrity x and y.
Are we driven by passion and excitement or security and stability?