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Baby…What Do You Think?

Monday Dec 1, 2008 – by

Welcome to “Baby… What Do You Think?” where fashion faux pas are taken to task and sartorial excellence is championed! Clutch is crazy (like a fox!) for giving these two a forum to take their fashion commentary, usually delivered at home in front of the tv to each other and their Chihuahua named Angel, to the masses, saying exactly what you’re thinking, but are too couth and refined to say out loud! A Brooklyn-based couple, Filthy is a New York-born, loud mouth, aspiring music impresario with a penchant for Funkadelic, Barker Blacks and fancy ties and Kristy is a professional spindoctor with Southern roots, a vintage clothing junkie and an inherited shoe fetish.

Rihanna
Filthy: I dig the look. I’m for anything that has her stepping away from the bad girl image.
Kristy: The dress and accessories are cute but I don’t know how I feel about the Foghorn Leghorn hair style.
Taraji P. Henson
Kristy: I don’t know why she’s wearing those.
Filthy: Are her feet bound in suede?? Is she doing some couture geisha thing?
Kristy: Her left foot looks janky. Is it broken? Is she trying to make the best out of a bad situation with a green suede ankle cast? That’s the only explanation for those atrocious shoes with that outfit. What the hell?

Toni Braxton
Filthy: She looks like she spent the entire night keeping her dress from sliding down.
Kristy: When make-up overpowers your look, you risk going a bit tranny. A tranny midget in a sack.
Shar Jackson
Kristy: Oh boy. She is really feeling herself in those clodhoppers.
Filthy: She does have this “I’m the shit” look on her face, huh?
Kristy: Well, the way her and Papazao hustled Britney, I guess she feels like she earned that smug smile she’s rocking. 

Ashanti
Filthy: She’s so thrilled to be competing in this year’s Little Miss Sunshine child beauty pageant!
Kristy: Why is she wearing Spanx as a skirt with a bustier?
Aisha Tyler
Filthy: I’m not mad at the dress but the accessories are really throwing me off. Is it just me or are her bag and shoes really distracting?
Kristy: Very distracting. More distracting are the fins on her shoes.

Beyonce
Filthy: Beyonce can still fit into her 5th grade dance rehearsal outfit!?
Kristy: That’s just not flattering at all .. But maybe that’s “Sasha Fierce” and not Beyonce .. Groan.
Melanie Brown
Filthy: What’s with the collar?! What’s with the collar?! Is that a saint halo??
Kristy: There’s way too much going on with that dress. There’s a hood-collar thing, there’s boobs, there’s a zipper, there’s boobs, there’s pockets and then there’s more boobs. That’s a lot … of boobs.
Filthy: Really? I hadn’t noticed the boobs.

Meagan Good
Kristy: She looks like the bad Sandra Dee from Grease after she became a Pink Lady.
Filthy: Are those tattooed eyebrows??
Michelle Williams
Filthy: Jiminy Cricket has the sloppiest bodyguard ever!
Kristy: His face reflects how I feel about that outfit.
Filthy: I want to see her wearing his suit.

Queen Latifah
Filthy: Why is she flexing??
Kristy: Those look like fat skinny jeans! The bottoms are so loose.
Filthy: It looks like she has someone behind her pretending to be her arms.
Zoe Kravitz
Filthy: Yeah, sometimes she looks a damn mess, but she’s so damn adorable.
Kristy: She really is. I want to pinch her cheeks and make her a grilled cheese sammich.

Garcelle Beauvais
Filthy: When H&M goes wrong.
Kristy: Can she run a steamer over her crotch? Please?
Elise Neal
Filthy: Latex! Trojans makes dresses??
Kristy: She looks like a popped party balloon.

Tichina Arnold
Filthy: That Martin money must have run out cause I never thought I’d see her getting her S&M on.
Kristy: I bet she’s all types of sweaty under all that leather.
Michelle Williams
Kristy: She looks like Storm from X-Men .. she’s gonna blow away ANY second now.
Filthy: Is this her best Rihanna impression?
Kristy: She looks like she was playing dress up in Rihanna’s closet.

Kelis
Filthy: Does she just not care anymore??
Kristy: She knows she looks a mess .. look at the look on her face. And white panty hoes are very rarely acceptable .. and this is not one of those occasions!
Alicia Keys
Filthy: That coat is so DOPE!
Kristy: Give me that coat, stat .. that’s a badass outfit, top to bottom.

Halle Berry
Filthy: She looks so stumpy ..
Kristy: She’s gorgeous but her waistline is so low with that belt and top that it makes her torso look too long and not in a good way.
Ashanti
Filthy: Damn. Ashanti’s a buzz cut away from looking like crazy Britney Spears.
Kristy: Is that an airbrushed sweatsuit?!
Filthy: Not sure, but matching sweatsuits are not a good look.
Kristy: Either way, tragic.

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15 Comments – Add Yours

  1. avatar chichi says:
    December 1, 2008 at 7:55 am

    you guys are amazing critics, all the reason why I come to the fashion section to hear your advice.

    ↑ Reply
  2. avatar Kirah says:
    December 1, 2008 at 8:59 am

    ROTFLMAO!!! You guys are too much. Rihanna’s face is blah, Beyonce looks fat in that outfit but Alicia Keys is on point!!!!! Michelle Williams in way too thin. What happened to her. I used to think she was the most beutiful girl when she first joined DC.

    ↑ Reply
  3. avatar Tifani says:
    December 1, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    You are so right Kristy, that is a bad outfit that Alicia Key’s has on!!

    ↑ Reply
  4. avatar Michelle says:
    December 1, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Yeah, wow, Michelle Williams looks like she could use a slice of cake.

    Also, I <3 Zoe Kravitz!!!

    ↑ Reply
  5. avatar Et Cetera says:
    December 1, 2008 at 3:06 pm

    Whoa. Michelle Williams needs to roll around in some fat back or something. Feed yourself girl!

    ↑ Reply
  6. avatar Tyra D. says:
    December 1, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    You guys are tooo much. I’m laughing so hard at the first Michelle Williams post I can barely type. And Queen Latifah, oh my goodness…

    ↑ Reply
  7. avatar Michelle B says:
    December 1, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    Ok she’s cute, but does Zoe Kravitz have on ‘MOM JEANS’..Wow

    ↑ Reply
  8. avatar Opium says:
    December 2, 2008 at 12:47 am

    Okay, the commentary on Michelle Williams {both} had me LOL but the Queen Latifah critique had me damn near tearing up. Ya’ll silly! :-)

    ↑ Reply
  9. avatar Alicia/InstantVintage says:
    December 2, 2008 at 1:48 am

    “A tranny midget in a sack”

    I peed just a little. Ok, not really, but this was hilarious!

    ↑ Reply
  10. avatar Ms. DeSU says:
    December 6, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    Funny funny stuff..yall are on the ball every time!

    ↑ Reply
  11. avatar teina says:
    December 6, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Again, hilarious.

    ↑ Reply
  12. avatar Get Togetha says:
    December 9, 2008 at 11:11 am

    *Dead* @ the MichelleWilliams/Jimmety Crickett comparison.

    ↑ Reply
  13. avatar tremaine says:
    December 14, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    Alicia was rocking that outfit, indeed… LOL! You guys are still hilarious w/ the critiques, seriously.

    ↑ Reply
  14. avatar girlfreend007 says:
    January 6, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Thank you! I enjoyed myself – LOL BTW I want Alicia’s coat too damn that is a badass coat aka She did that!

    ↑ Reply
  15. avatar Paris E says:
    January 30, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Kudo’s Alicia Keys… the rest of em… YUCK! ;p

    ↑ Reply

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