Subpar Sisters
You’ve seen them on the train, at the mall, maybe even in your office or school. The girl who needs a perm, the ratted out weave, or the sis who just always looks busted and disgusted. You want to help sista-girl get it together, but is there a tactful way to tell someone they look broke down?
How do you tell someone their look is truly busted? There is the obvious answer: you just come right out and say it. But only the truly crass amongst us have such little tact. In reality, it’s someone we know or like. We may go to school or church with them, it could be a co-worker, a distant cousin, or a friend’s neglected little sister. For this reason, your intention is not to inflict hurt feelings. People can be very sensitive when it comes to their appearance. To make matters worse, some people don’t know they look WRONG. Some people just don’t care what they look like one way or the other and how dare you critique that.
However, by helping some one reveal their outer beauty, you can help them to embrace and appreciate their inner. If you don’t have the chutzpah to come right out and say it, here are some ways you can get the ball rolling:
No matter what route you take, when all is said and done speak to the person one-on-one and explain from the heart that like Oprah, you only want to see them live their best life and exude their true confident self. No one can be mad at that.
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People can look “not their best” for reasons that run deep and are reflecting in their lack of style. There is nothing wrong with wanting to see a sister looking “her” best. I have never met anyone who wouldn’t accept a free makeover- which proves that we all know that we have room for improvement.
As far as looking like something the cat dragged in because of taking care of kids- please!! I live on a single income- clip Revlon coupons- and check for clearance on makeup and accessories to keep my look intact. Just got a box of relaxer for $3.19 and a box of Dark & Lovely hair color for free(after instant rebate) at Walgreens! You can do it if you really care!
Perhaps sistas wouldn’t look so subpar if they were, I don’t know, more natural looking. All the weaves, perming, coloring, dying, trannying and everything else we go through to make ourselves look more like (a certain type of) women (despite the fact that we’re women by birth) increase the chances of us looking broke down considering that these looks require excessive, expensive, and timely maintenance that quite frankly, everyone can’t afford to keep up.
And don’t tell me that we can do our own perms and coloring to save money because quite frankly, everyone is not a beautician. Plus these are potent chemicals that could readily damage hair especially if self-done.
Being clean and neat is not the same as being high fashionn.
Unaltered Beauty,
I rock natural hair, but let’s not forget that the “natural” look can also be high maintenence.
For example, if I want to get my hair loced today professionaly I have to pay at least $85 or more. Not to mention the hassle in some cities to find a beautician who can really do natural hair at a reasonable price.
It’s all about being the best “You” you can be whether you rock a Fro, weave, locs or a simple ponytail.
I agree with Roxy, lack of keeping yourself up underlies much deeper issues..
My late grandmother cleaned houses for a living and never went further than 8th grade in her schooling. But if you look at her pictures from back in the day, she was the sharpest woman on the block! It’s about working with what you have, and she was a great reflection of that
Sometimes, the outside is a reflection of what’s going on in the inside.
Perhaps the FIRST step should be to ask the sister how she feels, if she’s feeling depressed or has some other health or family issue first.
Judging by how many comments this article has gotten, I see what women really care about. :/
Oops I meant received. Excuse my bad grammar, my momma would smack me.
Some people are broke, some are lazy, some are going through rough times. I am all 3. I don’t like looking like I have $$ b/c I don’t want to get mugged. I don’t like looking super-feminine in public (tight skirts and high heels) because it attracts unwanted attention, it’s harder to move, and harder to run away if needed for safety reasons.
I think people have really misinterpreted the message of the article.
I don’t think the article is about looking like you are on the cast of Sex and The City. It’s about looking your best, however you like to dress, be it casual, feminine, Jimmy Choo or Target.
You can look great without having to wear designer threads.
We can sit up here and claim its not about looks but at the end of the day you are judged by how you present yourself. Would you show up at a job interview with holes in your shirt, hair undone, legs unshaven, etc.? Not if you want the job!
Being broke is no excuse of not looking your best. You can shop at The Salvation Army and still look great, let’s not get it twisted.
I can relate. I am one of those subpar sisters at times. I still look decent when I can. One of my closest friends is fashion forward. She gets tired of her clothes real fast so most end up passed down to me. Sites like Freecycle always has people giving away clothes. When it comes to hair. I cannot style my hair(just yet) but I am having a time finding someone I trust to properly do it. So yea my hair looks jacked up alot until I find time and someone WITH talent to do it.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD BY SAYING SOME PEOPLE ARE SENSITIVE. I BELIEVE THAT IS ONE OF THE MAIN PROBLEMS WE HAVE TODAY. NO ONE WANTS TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE OR BRING UP A PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY ARE AFARID OF WHAT THE OTHER PERSON MAY THINK. I THINK HONESTY IS THE BEST ROUTE TO TAKE NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH. THE ONLY THING ABOUT THAT IS YOU WILL HAVE TO DECIDE HOW TO ADDRESS THE SITUATION AND HOW TO TALK TO THAT PERSON. THERE IS A WAY TO BE HONEST WITHOUT BEING HARSH. MOST PEOPLE WALK AROUND LOOKING THE WAY THEY DO BECAUSE SOMEONE LIED AND TOLD THEM THEY LOOK GOOD. I FEEL LIKE THIS, I WOULD RATHER YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH AND HURT MY FEELINGS THEN TELL ME A LIE AND HAVE ME MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF….JMO.
@ GERTY W…VERY GOOD POINT ABOUT ” It’s about working with what you have.” YOU CAN LOOK GREAT WITHOUT SPENDING ALOT OF $$$ BUT ULTIMATELY WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO IS CONFIDENCE!