Subpar Sisters
You’ve seen them on the train, at the mall, maybe even in your office or school. The girl who needs a perm, the ratted out weave, or the sis who just always looks busted and disgusted. You want to help sista-girl get it together, but is there a tactful way to tell someone they look broke down?
How do you tell someone their look is truly busted? There is the obvious answer: you just come right out and say it. But only the truly crass amongst us have such little tact. In reality, it’s someone we know or like. We may go to school or church with them, it could be a co-worker, a distant cousin, or a friend’s neglected little sister. For this reason, your intention is not to inflict hurt feelings. People can be very sensitive when it comes to their appearance. To make matters worse, some people don’t know they look WRONG. Some people just don’t care what they look like one way or the other and how dare you critique that.
However, by helping some one reveal their outer beauty, you can help them to embrace and appreciate their inner. If you don’t have the chutzpah to come right out and say it, here are some ways you can get the ball rolling:
No matter what route you take, when all is said and done speak to the person one-on-one and explain from the heart that like Oprah, you only want to see them live their best life and exude their true confident self. No one can be mad at that.
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I saw this article an immediately felt self-conscience. I have dealt with both sides of this. I’m often told I’m a pretty girl and complimented on my style, but I have had days where I don’t go the extra mile and I’m not given a break. I’m not high maintenance by any means but I have had several girl friends be turned off by my primping, and others feel I don’t do enough maintenance. I think we should strive to look healthy, that’s true beauty. More times than not if we don’t feel good inside it will show on the outside. I don’t think any woman should feel she has to put on a show for anyone but herself. If a friend looks “busted” it may have less to do with her style and more to do with how she’s feeling inside. Style is a state of mind, and we should approach it as a way to express our inner selves rather than a way to satisfy others.
i dont care what anyone says, appearance is important!
that’s is how u introduce yourself to the world!
no one sees your personality when you walk into the room… they see your busted hair and raggedy outfit.
we are all queens and should keep ourselves as such.
i hope im not repetitive i skipped through all the comments above— ya’ll writing too much foolery for my liking! lol.
*side eye*
Why are people so affronted by the notion that they shouldn’t be walking around looking disheveled all the time? I don’t see where Natalie asked anyone to come out of the pocket for a new wardrobe or that you need to care what people think. You *should* think enough of yourself to not walk around looking a mess.
An iron and a brush should be in everyone’s home. We all know how to wash clothes (hopefully) and look presentable. Why we all don’t do it is a mystery to me.
*shrug*
First of all, even the prettiest woman in the world does not feel like it everyday. No one can say they step out of the house looking the best everyday. We’ve all walked out in our sweats and ratty shoes because that’s how we felt like looking that day. So what?! Second of all, the article is about how to tell someone they are, in your opinion, “looking busted” without hurting the person’s feelings. I think what people are “affronted” by is the idea that the next woman is an authority on how someone else should look.
wow this has become very heated topic.
today i was at work…so you know you have those people who umm lets say copy your style. So today a certain person has the same outfit i had on monday and toting a animal print bag…i look and im like hmmm i just wish folks would just do their own thing…since when you wore those colors and that prints such as that.
ive been there for two years and i always feel like there is a competition going on. the thing is im not competing. Im being me by wearing my animal prints and wild colors and patterns because i love it…but when you see someone purchasing stuff that is the exact or very close item that you have then it is a problem.
So i ask a co worker that has been there for years. she tells me that she was not dressing like that before i started working at that office.
this individual gets alot of attention because of the clothes that she wears or shall i say i wear. and i find it said because behind the sky high heels and tight clothing (thats her forte not mine). we have a woman who does not get up to walk around 10 mill times a day when she wants to be seen…when she is sporting basic outfits…and behind the tight mini skirts ( because she just have to have the men faint over her to feel good) she does not have much to say in a truly intelligent converstation
I vented…I ranted…but the moral of the story is be true to yourself whether it is in fashion on tackling life…you have to know who you truly are.
*conversation.
but I think that women all too often have to be validated that they look good by others instead of judging themselves.
i didn’t see the author suggest we go up to total strangers and tell them they look busted or to pull an intervention on them. that’s just totally tactless. it would be like me going up to michaela angela davis when i see her out and telling her to get a perm or ask why she looks raggedy all the time. we’ve spoken a few times but i don’t know her like that. we’re talking about friends or people we know walking around in ripped pantyhose or unwashed or unironed clothes, looking like they just rolled out of bed on the regular. it’s about looking like you have basic hygiene and look tidy. not about dropping major bank.
I see what your saying…and I took it as “help treat someone who rarely treats themselves”. Some people just are too busy, or are going through too much, to look in the mirror and want to put an effort into their looks. Some realize that there’s just much more to life than “style” and trying to look good. I agree that some women do just need a lil’ extra “help” – like my mom, who puts her children first and works like all the time – but there’s something about telling someone that they “need” a perm that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She’s a grown woman she can do what she wants…and no one knows what she may be going through. I love being stylish as much as the next girl, but there’s so much more to a woman than that.
The way I see it …if a person wants to dress homely or not invest into their own personal look then why should we care? There are always going to be women who say f*ck effort and give two squirts of duck poo how they look. In the scope of things that’s going on in the world some people just don’t care about appearance…and frankly we shouldn’t “should” on anyone.
With that said…I dress fashionably cause it helps me to feel awesome about myself. I love fashion and I love having my own style. And um…let’s see….with the Gap, Old Navy, Forever 21, H&M, Zappos, J Crew Marshalls, TJMAX, BR, and the endless choices of affordable and attainable fashion to choose from women who choose to look “busted and disgusted” must want to look that way.
People can only see their own potential. You can’t see it for them.
I don’t think some of you are reading this article correctly. She isn’t saying confront a stranger! she just used them as examples of busted people we see everyday. She juxtaposes this with the idea that the stranger you see is somebody’s wife, mother sister friend, etc. So if you have a friend that you know is busted, imagine how strangers see her. If you wouldn’t want a stranger to confront your loved one, then you need to say something to her yourself!
also, the author isn’t talking about one bad day, she is clearly talking about people that have let themselves go or have bad fashion sense! really, if YOU looked a hot mess everyday, and didn’t know it, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?
I do not understand what everyone is so upset about. I think maybe some of you ladies were teased as children about your hair or clothes and never got over it because some of you are taking this article very personally.
and there is a big range between being a hot mess and a fashionista. nobody is saying you have to step out the house looking like a model but if you are wearing an outfit with holes and not combing your hair because you “worry about things more important than style” you are just fooling yourself because people will assume you are just to trifling to buy a 2 dollar comb and some clothes patches from walmart.
I agree with Kelli on this one…I strive to be healthy and take care of myself all on a budget. I may not rock stilletos to class at Howard, but I look presentable. A little lip gloss, my favorite skinny jeans, and occasionally a few pluses to the package go along way. I’ve always felt a little challenged in the style category, but you would never see me with a run in my stocking that visibly showed my nail polish patch up job(picture up top is funny). I do try afterall and I definately treat myself for staying fit and just being me!! I do believe that there is a major difference between taking care of oneself / caring about your appearance and actual materialism. There are some people who look down on others for not having…when in all actuality they(the person they are judging) look just fine. So, I’m personally a firm believer in upkeep, but NOT materialism and upkeep that is simply above your means(finacially).
Perception is reality…whether we like it or not. Unfortunately many people will treat us the way we appear to treat ourselves.
Rashana you are toooo right!
I think the problem here is a poor definition of what qualifies as ‘busted’
A lot of commenters jump to the conclusion that the author thinks they (personally??) should spend more money in order to look better. I had to go back and re-read the article to be sure, but I don’t think that was what she was saying at all.
Of course it doesn’t mean not looking like you spent a lot means you look bad, or vice versa. Clean, neatly trimmed nails (free) beat a manicure with old chipped polish any day, no matter how much it cost before you chipped it. If your girl thinks she’s fly in her pricey new Prada dress even though it’s 2 sizes too small with a stain on the back she thinks nobody else will notice, you may want to be the one to stop her from going out, especially if she’s on her way to a job interview.
As unfair as it is, people judge each other by how they look. If someone you care about is having strangers drop loose change in her morning coffee cup every day and can’t figure out why, maybe she’d rather have you say something to her than have it keep happening. And emphasis on the “someone you care about” part; why would you go up to a stranger with that like it’s your business?
Natalie Nichols you have started a snowball and it is getting larger by the minute. LOL (I congrats you on your bravery!!!):)
By reading the comments, all have taken this article personally. I feel that it has hit a personal chord someway or somehow; it is ludicrous to say, “a person should not take this article personally…”. We all take it personally because we all dress ourselves according to how we FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES. No one is better than the next person.Yeah, you may seem to others that you dress better than me, but you may have very, very low self esteem and is hiding behind your name brand clothes. People are dying everyday over stupid, ignorant and/or senseless things and all we could think about is how “BUSTED” someone looks. This is crazy…….seriously. What matters more is how you treat someone and if you smile at someone or tell a stranger hello or even help someone with directions. I know I may seem unrealistic, which I am not……but all I am saying there is more to life than getting your hair and nails done all the time. Yes, you can put your hair in a simple ponytail or “rock” a cute afro or maybe cut off all your hair and yes you do not “need” a perm**eyes close**. What matters most is that you live your life because sh** happens (LOL) and take care of yourself spiritually, mentally & physically.
Hey if you are wearing stockings with runs…turn your outfit into a grunge look. Hey why not!! Enjoy life & let people judge…..they did it to Jesus and he still came out on top!!!!!!!!! Amen LOL
Ms. Beans..I could not have said it BETTER…!!!!!
Ahem….What kinda magazine is this? Of course outward appearance is discussed here. And let’s be real. Are you reading this to save the world or get a few tips on beauty and fashion?
Some are more fashion forward than others. However, I do think there is a fine line between being the girl that’s not dressed to the 9s and dressing in a way that looks like you have no regard to your apperance. (E.g. shoes that should have been thrown away years ago, hair looking ungroomed wearing an outfit 10 sizes too small or too big) I believe this article refers to the latter.
But I probably wouldn’t say anything unless it was a sister or someone very close to me and even then I wouldn’t force it. I truly beleive to each woman, her own!
FYI: If the writer of this article “Subpar Sisters” did not want to view others opinion, she would have never posted it. Let be real about that….anyway it is my OPINION. If you diagree, then it’s cool; if you agree, then it’s even better. At the end of the day, we all have our differences and that is what makes the world go around. By the way, this magazine does not seem like strictly beauty and fashion based on articles from the past posted on here. i.e. “Red Dress” ,etc… Have a Great Day!
P.S. Great job to the writer for writing an article that evokes thoughts and emotions. :)