Why Every Girl Should Have a Gay Guy Friend

Monday Mar 16, 2009 – by Janelle Harris

73666437 I don’t think I’ve gone out in a bad outfit or an unflattering hairstyle since 1996, the year Hurricane Charlie blew into my life. For a young, friendless—and probably a little corny—thing like I was way back on freshman orientation week, he was a godsend.

It didn’t seem like it at first, though, considering he sauntered up to me in the student union building one day then pointed a manicured finger at my head like we had history, advised me to immediately cease and desist from wearing my hair snatched back in a ponytail and introduced me to the five designer girls flanking him and his forward self. Turns out he had just met them, too, inadvertently recruiting what would become—for half of my first year in college—my little crew (nicknamed “Charlie’s Angels” by some of the more clever guys on campus). Not only was Charlie my inaugural GGF (gay guy friend), he became my personal stylist since he was a fashionisto and progenitor of all things fabulous and wardrobe-ishly correct. Call me a stereotypist if you want, but I’ve discovered that most of them either are or fancy themselves to be.

Nearly thirteen years after that saucy encounter, I have to laugh about letting some six foot tall gay dude roll up on me and give me a public tongue lashing for my quicky hairdo. (If that would’ve been a girl, though, there would be a whole other kind of story to tell, right?) But boy oh boy, has Charlie come in handy over the course of our mutual growth in divadom. Thanks to him, I met and fell in love with a few other guys: Giorgio Armani, Louis Vuitton and Marc Jacobs to name a few. Aside from offering an eye for fashion, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, he’s exposed me to a host of other bonuses and benefits that come with having a gay guy friend—so many that I now adamantly feel like they are a must-have for every sister.

I know we’re collectively salty over the number of brothers playing for the other team, draining our pool of datable men down to May May, Pookie and them who hang on the block. And that’s a viable complaint. But no number of low cut shirts, booty-hugging jeans or thigh-high skirts are gonna bring these brothers back to Heteroville, so we might as well appreciate and celebrate them for what they are: a must-have companion for every single gal clamoring her way through the dating scene.

Here’s what comes as part of the GGF package:

The guy spy. Unless there’s been some sort of permanent operation-induced change, gay men are still in fact dudes. That means they have the outer accouterments to infiltrate locker rooms, bachelor parties and football functions—so long as they don’t blow their cover with their repulsion for female strippers or playing too-close two-hand touch with the team’s tight end. Instruct your GGF to either keep his mouth closed or dust off his best deep, testosterone-filled voice so he can blend in with the crowd—and come back with a full report on all of the gory details that guys edit when the fairer sex is around.

The stand-in boyfriend. In our college party, club-going adventures, Charlie has blocked a countless number of undesirable dudes from getting their grind and/or rap on. Physically he’s a pretty big guy—so no matter how girly giggly we are in our downtime, he’ll throw that tall, medium-build frame in between me and Mr. Whackness in a minute. If a sucka approaches out on the street, he straightens up and straightens out, grabs my hand and plays that boyfriend role so convincingly even his mama would assume he’s been de-gayed. I guess that male bravado has a break in case of emergency option, but it can be a helpful resource in crunch times.

The unromantic romantic. When boyfriends let special days slip through the cracks, GGFs (good ones anyway) are there to pick up the slack and shower a verbal beat down on the slacker. Sometimes, Charlie will just haul off and do the sweetest things with no prodding or provocation—like buying me teddy bears or my favorite kind of pizza (since I’m clearly a foodaholic) just to show me he cares. He—and his fellow GG counterparts—also tend to make the best cheerleaders, giving us girls completely objective compliments on our faces and bodies without all the lusty baggage that comes with straight men’s admiration. If a gay man tells you you’re fierce, that’s a big up worth its weight at the MAC counter.

Like all relationships, the GGF bond can’t be forged or forced, contrived or constructed. It just has to flow. Since there’s so many out there (as any single lady living in Atlanta, DC, Los Angeles or New York can attest), there are that many opportunities for the friendship to flow and flourish naturally and give you a reason to give plenty of snaps for the kids.

Joi says:

March 16, 2009 at 9:17 am

So very true!! I love my gay friends for their fashion sense and brutal honesty. Everyone woman should have at least one in their life, but it’s more fun if you have a whole crew, lol.

↑ Reply

Shang says:

March 16, 2009 at 10:18 am

My brother is gay and I love him. Especially when we shop together. I would rather shop with him than anyone else. He gives me great tips on what’s in or out!

Coffee says:

March 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

I have never and will never need a homosexual anything. Homosexuality is a sin. Yes – it’s natural – but so is the inclination to smack your boss when he/she offends you and that’s wrong too. When did it become cool to be gay? I feel so sorry for the twelve year olds who think they are are gay when they haven’t even had a chance to have a crush on someone of the opposite sex. I didn’t like the opposite sex when I was 12 and I’m so NOT gay. *sigh* What every girl should have is God in their lives.

nOva says:

March 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

I understand the playful intent of this article and I don’t begrudge the author her personal experience, but let’s get a couple of things straight (no pun intended).

As a gay man, I-
- have no experience/interest in makeup, fashion or hair
- am not suited/interested in giving my female friends dating advice
- am not interested in being a reverse beard for her (playing stand-in boyfriend)

Ultimately, friendships shouldn’t be likened to accessorizing. I have friends that are of multiple races, male/female, straight/gay/bi and never once have any those classifications served as qualifiers for the friendship.

The gay male/straight women friendship is a special one, but since many of us do not embody the above qualities/interests, a case has to made for two individuals simply getting along because of basic chemistry–which is the foundation of any relationship. My female friends know better than to ask me about shoes and purses.

Jennifer says:

March 16, 2009 at 3:51 pm

I totally get what’s being said in this article, but not all gay man/straight woman relationships are like this (I say this as I’m watching Carrie Bradshaw having lunch with her GGF Stanford on SATC, LOL). Sometimes we forget that at the end of the day, a gay man is still a man. He does not necessarily enjoy the things most females do. My best friend just came out to me and he’s still the last person I’d go to for advice on men, makeup, and clothes.

clark says:

March 18, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Can we also add one qualifer to this?

Women who’ve been single for a long time begin to coat themselves in gay guys….to the point where they start to scare away potential suitors. Rolling up in a club ten-deep in gayness becomes its own self-serving route to spinsterhood.

Alicia/InstantVintage says:

March 19, 2009 at 12:48 am

I feel you, Nova…sometimes women tend to “accessorize” with their friends which is no way to run a relationship.

Notwithstanding, there are more than a few that fit the bill that you don’t.

sloane says:

March 19, 2009 at 12:24 pm

i’m going to go ahead and call you a stereotypist janelle. how insulting can you be? how would you like it if a white person created some article stating: “you should get a black friend because etc, etc, etc”? starting out with premise like yours that paints as fey fairy godmother fashionistas( when all gay men aren’t EVEN FEMININE, and some don’t even like women) that have nothing better than to do be your arm candy when you don’t have a man, your man doesn’t come through, and when you want a man to get away from you is the most ridiculous thing if i’ve heard in my life. how about treating gay men as INDIVIDUALS WHO JUST HAPPEN TO BE GAY? if black people are not defined by the color of their skin, then gay people aren’t defined by their sexuality. please take care of your heterosexism (look it up), before you write another offensive article about an entire varied group of people.

@nova-thank you for your intelligent commentary. the whole “gay man as a straight girl accesory” is so fucking tired.

@coffee- you know what’s a real sin? people thinking its cool to assume some kind of moral superiority because they’ve got their messed up interpretation of the bible to back them up, be openely discriminatory, and think that nobody is going to tell them about themselves. please go fuck yourself. i’m a lesbian and i’ve known since i was 7. and you know what else? i’ve dated men, and i’m STILL a lesbian. i’m very feminine, pass for straight all the time, get hit on by men, could get a man, and i’m still a lesbian. and i’m HAPPY. i’m very happy without the intrusion of sanctimonious assholes like yourself and your mutated version of christianity. i believe god made me this way, and he loves me unconditionally. that’s the only kind of god i will accept in MY life.

NinaG says:

March 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm

ummm… co-sign on EVERYTHING sloane said

D says:

March 21, 2009 at 12:23 pm

i agree w. sloan too,i’m not gay but this is a completely WHACK and offensive article

kaydee says:

March 22, 2009 at 2:46 am

I didn’t know we got to personalize the type of god we put in our lives. (/sarcasm) Basically, I think everyone should respect each other’s sensitivities. Gay men aren’t accessories. What if the situation were reversed? Gay men using straight women as arm candy…to pretend to be dating the straight women whenever being hit on by an unwelcomed man. I love everyone, gay and straight. It is up to GOD to judge and not me. To each its own…

Colin says:

March 25, 2009 at 7:47 pm

I thought the whole article was hilarious! Reading and being a Gay male myself I see it as just reinforcing stereotypes of the Gay community. This kind of goes along with what Nova said above, just because you are Gay does not mean you are girl. I do know plenty of my Gay counterparts who are more feminine, wear makeup, get highlights done every two weeks, up to date with fashion, the whole nine yards. I know an equal amount whom are super masuline, play sports, have deep “manly” voices, and no one would ever guess they are guy until they got to know them.
Overall, while yes I think it is true that we are more sensitive and understanding than most straight males, I think the article is probably not intended to cause harm, I just think people who are uneducated about this topic need to remember that there is a much broader spectrum to being Gay than what is stated in the article.

Megan says:

March 25, 2009 at 11:08 pm

Wow. I definitely just thought the article was good for a quick laugh until I read everyone’s comments. I’m inclined to agree with those who are not amused.

I’d be livid if I was someone’s “Black Friend” because I was [insert racist stereotype here]. I’ll be damned if I make someone feel that way because of who they sleep with.

Thanks for the perspective.

b- says:

March 26, 2009 at 12:17 pm

well said D.