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Signs to tell he might not be ready for a relationship – signs that women should look for when getting ready to enter into a serious relationship.

It’s hard enough finding that special someone that like Sky previously informed us , perfectly matches my fly, but it’s an equally nerving situation when you have the object of your affection amidst your mental and emotional grip and you discover your Romeo is not ready for the precursor to matrimony: Being in a serious relationship.

Love should be less complex than life makes it, yet figuring out a man can make love an extremely challenging situation. It’s no secret that times have changed when it comes to obtaining success in the love department, but while you’re diving in and taking chances, you better keep your life vest of information close by, so you don’t drown trying to swim through the current of your heart’s desires.

Just like picking out apples in the produce aisle at the local market, finding one ripe and ready requires careful examination. Men are the same and reach their peak of perfection at completely different moments. Some are ready to attack love, while others still enjoy the array of options permitted to mingling in the single-hood. But, when you’re ready to indulge in love’s appetite, how can you tell if the man you’re pining for is ripe enough for the picking? One bad apple, truly does spoil the whole bunch, so how do you weed out the bad fruit to peruse the beauty in a fresh opportunity? Here are five signs I feel should help women decipher when a man’s not ready to enter a serious relationship before they embark upon a journey that leads to an emotional waste of time.

He tells you he’s not ready.
I struggle with this one myself at times, because I just like a lot of other women in the world, sometimes breeze past the “matter of fact” statements men make en route to what I consider to be the “potential” hidden meaning. A man saying he’s not ready to our ears sounds more like, “He’s just scared,” or “He’ll be ready after he gets to know me.” We have a way of dissecting a man’s honesty and blurring it with dreams of possibility. Sometimes this statement, indeed, poses as an untruth, but you’d be wasting a lot of time and energy risking your feelings on that probability. Being ready for something serious is a decision that passes over the threshold of uncertainty. Whether a man means it or not when he says he’s not ready is irrelevant. If you’re brave enough to exercise your heart’s risks and feelings, then you need a solid individual to meet your readiness at its core. You need someone who’s centered.

Actions speak louder than words.
Words have the luminous power of emitting light in some of the darkest relationships, but if you’re keen at discerning the truth you’ll look past the smooth grooves of seemingly pleasant conversation and stay focused on what remains unspoken. A man can rush to say anything to keep a thumb on his prey, but if his movements depart from his melodic wordplay, then you better pay attention. Maybe he calls you “Wifey”, but treats you like a “Bust it baby.” Or builds an ocean of anticipation in your heart, but is too shallow to follow through with his actions. He may even ask you to wait a while before he considers a serious commitment, but enjoys masquerading around with you and engaging in all the aspects of a relationship without being held hostage by the title. Actions speak louder than words. If his intent is to one day make you a priority, then you better make sure he’s doing what he needs to do, as a man with a plan, to transfer his lyrics to action. Any man can paint a fantasy, but it takes one who’s ready to commit to a promising relationship to build a masterpiece.

He doesn’t call you or take you out.
If women knew this already, then books like He’s Just Not That Into You wouldn’t exist. It’s seemingly a no-brainer to anyone who understands it’s simplicity, but believe it or not, it’s still a major issue that plagues the minds of women everywhere. In pursuit of a Love Thang, we sometimes forget the obvious when going over the list of rules. Yet I guess, when you’re on the hunt for love, rules sort of go out the window. Desire is an important word to remember. It’s a known fact that when you want something in life, most of us will do whatever it is that is necessary to get it, especially when it comes to meeting the needs of our feelings. When it comes to love, by nature, men usually step up to the plate when pursuing a woman they desire. They understand how quickly a door of opportunity can close if a woman is presented with another possible option. If they want you, why would they slack on responsibility and let someone else to take you? If they’re not calling you or taking you out on dates, then they must not mind if the next man does. Don’t let late night “horizontal conversations” and a man habitually returning your voicemail’s and texts messages (mis)lead you to interpret a promising relationship. You need to be wooed and pursued for more than just sex or out of what he may feel is his obligation to respect your feelings and return a call. If he’s ready, he’ll come to you first. Men are leaders and if they’re ready they’ll prove that to you.

He’s still too selfish to consider your feelings.
If everything out of his mouth says, “me, me, and me,” then it’s obvious he’s not doing a lot of thinking about you. This is a mistake made way too often, hanging out with a self-absorbed suitor in the hopes that they’ll one day soak in some of our value and make us a priority in their personal lives. Selfish is as selfish does. It’s something a person has to grow out of and not something they’re going to do at the stroke of your command. They may meet every need you have at this immediate moment, but it’s likely fulfilling something in them first and has no further meaning. Have you ever dated someone who never asks you about your day or works to uncover all the amazing aspects of your wonderful personality, yet saturates you with all their “need to knows,” at every waking moment? Selfish. If a man doesn’t take a true interest in you, your life, your interests, and truly getting to know you than he’s not worth the emotional investment. ALSO: If while he’s talking about himself and his future plans in life, listen to see if he mentions you in the conversation. If there’s no mention of you in his future, then he’s indirectly telling you that at this moment he still doesn’t see you in his future. It’s time for you to be selfish and opt not to waste your time.

You’re not a part of his personal life.
When a man wants you around long term, he’ll let you in on his personal life and bring you around everyone he cares about. Guy’s don’t always give women clearance into their world, but if you get a pass, consider it a step towards possibility. If he genuinely likes you, then everyone he introduces you to, has already heard great things about you and will express that to you on your first interaction with them. BUT, if you’ve never been a topic of his personal conversation, then rest assured that apart from you, he may not do a lot of thinking about you. That’s definitely not a good thing. If you’ve been hanging out a while and he still hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends, than I wouldn’t invest any more time in him until he progresses your “relations” to stage two. Right now, you’re temporary in his mind and letting you in his personal world, for him, isn’t worth letting your feelings wander towards the idea of long term possibilities. It’s simple, by not letting you in, he’s not leading you on. He’s only proving without words, that he’s still not ready to be serious with you.

Clutchettes – please feel free to add onto the list. We want to learn from your ideas too.

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  • Breauna

    Ok, So i have a crush on this guy in highschool, I haven’t much talk to him during Junior year until Senior year and i seen him alone or with one person that is his best friend. Some how I became attracted to him and wanted to know more about him so that way we can be together(tho it’s kind of hard cause i often make more friends than relationships). Anyways One time i made a love poem and put it down as a Anonymous person and placed it in his locker. After he found it and read it, just that next day, he told about it(i pretended to act like i had no clue what the note was and stuff) and he told me that he wasn’t looking for love just yet because he wanted his education. Now i understand that and really supported that everyone get’s there education and am willing to wait until we graduate in 2015…but i just can’t get him out of my head and i get romantic feelings. I try to get to know him more on a friend base because i heard that he was shy around girls but it makes it hard for me cause i’m shy around guys that i like and i feel awkward/scared to talk to them…

    So my question is this:

    -How can you approach a guy that is shy without being shy as well?
    -How to show him that I want to be more than just a friend?
    -Will it be even worth it to wait on guys like him that really has no interest in being in a relationship?
    -How do i stay loyal to him so that way we can try to work things out together after highschool?

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