“Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion, you must set yourself on fire.” – Arnold H. Glasgow

85629718 I’m burning. Ignited by my own passion to be the blaze in my trail atop these sovereign grounds. When I received my script to adulthood sometime in my early 20’s I never expected that the role I’d be cast in would consist of me playing a single woman, alone, on my own… yet independent. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t doing cartwheels on the idea of being barefoot and pregnant either, my thinking isn’t quite that archaic. I was however, looking forward to making some cliché Cosby Show memories with my own personal Morris Chestnut and staging the perfect photos with my nuclear family to place in cue during those special moments of show and tell.

But as reality so aptly shows us, life isn’t quite like the movies. So when my dreams didn’t transpose into a fantastic reality, instead lying in the darkness waiting for a man to lead me out, I woke to the gleam in my own shining star. I began to resonate the strengths that I desired from another. I grabbed the reigns to my life and declared my independence.

You don’t need a man before you start living, life begins when you decide to show up.

You don’t need a man before you start living, life begins when you decide to show up. There’s no justification for lying around lazily with your hands tied behind your back waiting for the perfect reason to live beyond a marginal standard. It doesn’t take a male influence to give you that extra push. You can buy a house, get your education, raise a child as a single parent, pay off a car, and take a trip around the world, all without a man there to help you do it. Sure, it’s nice to have someone in your heart to share in those pleasantries, but while your waiting for your future, you need to be fostering your here and now.

As women, we’re usually attracted to a man who exhibits traits of self-sufficiency- unless you enjoy playing mama to a grown boy who walks through hearts behind the mask of men’s clothing. I don’t know about you, but I’m done changing diapers. If you’re putting in half when it comes to living up to your potential, don’t expect anyone you meet to offer you any more. Life is about balance. You need to be a reflection of what you want in return.

Sure, men are always going to come around, but if you’re not a woman worth being around then you shouldn’t expect any of them to stick it out. No more than we like drama, or someone we’re going to have to baby sit, the men who enter our lives don’t want to come and play the role of our savior either. People in general have their own set of problems. You need to iron out your own differences before you intermingle with another. You need to make the choice to move from dependence and see the jewel in having your own.

Having your own is about being at the top of your game, in that court we call life. You need to be shot calling the plays and riding it back and forth to the net.

Having your own is about being at the top of your game, in that court we call life. You need to be shot calling the plays and riding it back and forth to the net. You don’t need to be worried about having an opponent, at the moment you should find comfort in riding solo. It’s about practicing and amassing the proper skills of perfection. When it’s your time to roll in the game the choice will be easy. Based on your stats you’ll be a first round draft pick.

A man is going to pursue you when you show the world that you can “do you” to perfection. We attract the things we’re projecting, so if you want a stand up guy, you need to elevate your game. Don’t just be the candle, but rather the source for heat. While your waiting for your bout with luck, make sure you’re continually building your own fire.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Prepare to be a leader. Take comfort in being your own keeper. More importantly, have you own.

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