The Type of Men Naturals Attract

by Laquita Thomas-Banks

84373551YouTube, is another one of my favorite sites to check out natural hair styles, products etc. The following are summaries of natural women talking about the types of men they now attract since they have begun wearing their hair natural. Check out their videos to get the full effect of their experiences.

Erin creator of Naturally Scandalous and Scandalous Beauty

Erin says she now attracts men who are artsy, cool, calm and collected. She describes them as ‘Dwele type guys’ – guys who have a swag that is not definable, “… they’re on a whole different level.” She says that what puts a smile on her face is when she meets a guy and somewhere in the conversation he says, your hair is beautiful. She calls that a “ding, ding, ding, moment”. Erin thinks that the fact that a man is attracted to natural hair, has a good heart and spirit, and sees a women for who she is is a beautiful thing.

IntlNC

IntlNC aka Andrea, says that she attracts men depending on how she feels about herself. She doesn’t know if it really has anything to do with hair, but says attraction is internal. When she feels insecure, she attracts men who are insecure; when she is confident, likewise, she attracts confident men. Andrea says that going natural was an internal process which changed her into a more confident person, and therefore “the quality of men in my life have definitely improved.”

Veronica Miller creator of Blessed and Highly Textured

Veronica says she has yet to attract the deeper, artistic, Dwele-type men, but does attract men old enough to be her father. She also attracts guys who are more open-minded about beauty – their taste in women is broad and goes across the spectrum. When she straightens her hair, which is not often, she gets more attention, but doesn’t want someone who doesn’t like her natural hair. She tells of an ex-boyfriend who called her Sideshow Bob when she wore her hair in it’s natural state, and would only compliment her when she straightened it. She likes when guys tell her that her straightened hair is nice, but they like it curly better.

Brwnbrbie24

In Brown Barbie’s 2008 video she talks about going out with a friend who looks like her, same build, features etc., and how her friend who wears straight, long weaves gets more attention from men than she does. She describes it as ‘crickets chirping’ regarding the attention she gets. She says she does get compliments, but they are few and far between.

She doesn’t understand how people can dislike features that are natural. Just because she chooses not to chemically alter her hair, she’s looked at as beneath women who relax and/or weave their hair. Nor does she understand how men can have issues with natural hair when they and their sons have it, “… to me, that seems like self hate.”

Krystall 72578

In Krystall’s response to Erin’s video she says that she also attracts a different “breed of men”. She says that men approach her with more respect. She stated that she met her husband when she had a perm and now even he seems to have more respect for her. She says that her husband now notices and points out other naturals when they are out, and that he realizes its rare and beautiful and has a lot of respect for it.

2Kurly4U

In 2Kurly’s 2008 video she says that she received more compliments when her hair was shorter because it was curly, but as it grew out she got less compliments, attributing this to men liking curly styles versus frizzy ones. She feels the bigger issue is society and the media which both play a role in shaping the way beauty is defined i.e. images of black women with long, straight hair.

2Kurly’s husband chimes in and agrees that men have been ‘duked’/misguided with such images. He advises naturals “to keep doing what you’re doing”. “I’m a real man and I’ve got a real woman – naps and all, and I love it,” he says.

Naturally4us creators of Naturally4us.com

Carmen of Naturally4us says that women need to build-up their own self esteem and she has her two sons weigh in. One, a former barber says that he has seen the effects of perm damage and advises women to find a natural style that fits them and makes them feel good.

Her other son, says he understands how naturals must feel when they are not looked upon by men in the same way as those who wear their hair straight. He also believes that it’s all about self confidence and advises women not to change their hair for men, “do it for yourself … the right brother will come along that will appreciate you for who you are.”

  • http://www.whoisrafe.com Raf

    I’m a man who appreciates sisters w/ relaxed hair. . . but a sister rocking natural hair or lack thereof just does it for me (I’m talking to you Nazri Segaro and Tracey Moore!) Maybe its the aesthetics, or just the concept of a woman comfortable enough with her image to buck the norm (Janelle Monae for instance).

    http://tinyurl.com/m7x8nw
    http://tinyurl.com/nucca5
    http://tinyurl.com/naqqjk

    But to quote Andre 3k “Oh i just oh i wanna lay in her hair… “

  • RObleu

    Thank you Clutch for posting this article. Based on my experience attracting men when I wore my hair straightened or natural, there is a definite difference in the type of guys that I attracted. However the same can be said about the type of outfit a woman wears. As a person who doesn’t plan to EVER straighten her hair in the near future, I had to come to the realization that my hair in its natural state as well as my desire to flaunt it is a part of my identity that any future partner of mind has to accept and appreciate.

  • RObleu

    I would also like to pose a question for the ladies: Do you find that you attract more white when you wear your hair natural or when its straightened?

  • http://www.besoulfullyunique.com Alaina

    Nice Laquita! I think who you attract also depends on where you live. Here in Minnesota( the land of milk and honey, if you get my drift), when i was wearing my hair natural (I say was because underneath these extensions it’s still natural, so I’m still in the game folks, just on vacation) I would attract just like Veronica stated older men INSTEAD of the preferable Dwele types which there aren’t many of here in Minneapolis.

    @RObleu- Up here, sistas don’t really get the opportunity to date white men whether they’d want to or not. We are world famous for our interracial dating, but that’s brothers with white women and anyone else but the sisters. Come check it out! ; ) Here a mass majority of our sistas NATURAL or not, are single, if they can’t get a brother. White men don’t often approach us up here.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chorizo4lif Melanie

    aye yi yi…why the need to refer to “Dwele-type men?” Does anyone actually know what type of women Dwele likes? Or is the author assuming that Dwele is is an example of the wide stereotype that the people who puportedly listen to his music like women with natural hair?

    Two things can be gleaned from the personal experiences of the women above: i) that girls with straight hair seem to get more attention, and ii) that girls with natural hair attract more “quality” men. We all know why #1 happens. We’ve (as in all americans) have been conditioned to think that white is the standard of beauty, especially when it comes to hair. As for #2, I would venture to say that the men appear to be of a higher “quality” i.e., more introspective, intellectual, etc., because they are probably more educated, aware of the inferior beauty standard, and of the standards and stereotypes that they, themselves are subjected to, and work hard to overcome them.

    For me, this is the key: “she attracts men depending on how she feels about herself. She doesn’t know if it really has anything to do with hair, but says attraction is internal.” I think it’s really sad that we have to categorize ourselves those who go “natural” and “unnatural.” Ironically, the confidence factor, I believe, is in extricably linked to the stereotype/standard of beauty concept I discussed above. I wear my hair both natural, and straight. When I’m at work and I wear my hair natural (I’m a lawyer) people are constantly undermining my authority, especially when I’m in court. Baliffs and Judges repeatedly ask me “are you a lawyer?” When I step above the bar to the lawyer table, as all lawyers do when they walk into a court room. Other lawyers will push in front of me, and I always have to raise my voice a little more in order to be heard. However, when I wear my hair straight or pulled back in a tight bun, I might as well be walking with President Obama, because I get star treatment. Especially when I wear my hair straight, people tell me that I look “different” and “professional.” And I only wear my hair straight about one week a month. So the crappy treatment is pretty much the norm. At the end of the day, at work, I wonder whether wearing my hair straight makes me exude more confidence, and whether stemmed from others’ confidence in me once I was whitified and less threatnening. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? It’s depressing, and of course, it doesn’t help that I’m in Cincinnati.

    On the other hand, when I wear my hair natural (i.e., in all its poofy glory) in an environment where many people have and appreciate natural hair I feel just as confident, if not more confident. It is rare, however, that I’m in such a situation, and it doesn’t help that I’m in Cincinnati.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that…I don’t think a certain “type of man” (i.e., “Dwele” type, whatever that is) likes natural hair. I think that we live in an f’d up world were notions of black beauty are incredibly twisted and wrought with the history of oppression, hate and racism. Those of us who are able to live outside of the man’s box, or, in other words, live and work with educated and enlightened people, are lucky, and hopefully one of these days, that will be the norm. For now, I’m glad that my family, friends, husband and other educated brothas ( I can’t believe I just used that word…I hate it lol) give me enough confidence to overcome the rest of the world’s issues.

  • Sabrina

    As a natural woman, I don’t think that the attraction falls on the hair as it does the person and how they carry themselves but due to the nature of the article, it depends on where you live, I guess. For an example, I live in NY but was born and raised in Chicago and the latter is where I was when I went natural. In Chicago, dreads/naturals are considered “quality, educated, aware of social/political issues” so forth and these types only attended certain events (poetry, book-readings, african-inspired events). Here in NY, it’s about the package which includes style, personality, looks. For me, I get attention from men period. Not only from the male bohos but from the corporate guys, the street guys, older/younger men, non-black men….

    I loathe the stereotype, however, that women with natural hair = neo-soul’d out because I was a huge of Badu, D’Angelo back when I had a perm and my taste has not changed with my texture. I feel that women,(natural or not) should embrace themselves for who they are not their hair because it’s not about the condition of your hair as it is your mind and believe me, I’d rather deal with a natural mind/permed hair than natural hair/permed mind anyday.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chorizo4lif Melanie

    Woops – just to correct myself, the author was not referring to dwele type men. Apparently someone in the video was. My bad. – melanie

  • PeachyKeen

    As black woman, I am SO TIRED of the hair wars. I do have a relaxer and NO, I don’t hate my natural hair texture. I don’t want to be a white woman either! I think every woman should do whatever she’s comfortable with that makes her feel beautiful. While I love Clutch, I think this article just adds more fuel to the fire. I’ve never been around a black man who cared whether the women he dated had natural or relaxed hair, as long as it looked good on her. The only objection I’ve heard from men is against weave, because they see it as fake. I just think women need to stop being so critical of other women, period. This is ridiculous.

  • Yasmine

    @ Peachy – I don’t think it adds to the fire. I actually think it’s positive and opens a dialogue. As someone with a perm – this is all new to me. So to hear this is VERY interesting. I have been enjoying this natural series on Clutch and sad that it’s going to be ending soon.

  • Lauren C

    I agree Yasmine. Just because it’s not want you want to read doesn’t make it negative or adding fuel to the fire. Naturals don’t really get to showcase and talk about their experiences too much on sites for women with all hair types and this is a good platform. This is also good for the men that frequent Clutch to express their feelings and how they feel about it.

    Kudos Clutch! This a very innovative way to have a conversation via video!

  • Harlem Chic

    I just want to add that Dwele/Maxwell types fulfill a wide range. Some of them while artsy, romantic, and sensitive can also be broke as hail. I’m talking hit or miss employment, living with mama, wanting to go for long walks in the park ALL THE TIME, and feeling like they shouldn’t celebrate Christmas and Valentine’s day. LOL. There’s an urban myth that black women who wear their hair natural don’t like material things; and I beg to differ. There’s a belief that since we don’t “do our hair” that we don’t care about nice restaurants, vacation stays, jewelry and the like…or it could be just me…

    The bonus to be natural does more often than not weed out the superficial glass house knuckle heads; but let’s not romanticize. Creative types can be a handful of eccentrism that you don’t bargain for.

  • kirah

    I’m not sure that I’d say that the way you wear your hair is directly linked to the type of men you attract. I think it has more to do with your confidence, how you portray yourself and the vibe that you put out there. I’ve worn my hair own long, short, natural, relaxed, i’ve had it braided, and now I have a weave while i transition back to my natural hair but this does not change the type of men who are attracted to me. Yes, I do get more attention when I have long weaves or relaxed hair, but regardless of my hair style, the guys that actually approach me are all the same – open-minded, confident brothers. That’s because I don’t allow my hair to affect my confidence and my vibe. It all goes down to how you feel about yourself and what you believe you are worth.

  • mk

    @PeachyKeen, I’m not sure what article you were reading, but I definitely didn’t read anything that would incite/add fuel to a hair war. I went natural right before I went to college; during that time, my sistafriends & I have had several discussions with the opposite sex about the type of females they’re attracted to. Almost all of them cited long hair as ideal. I think throughout the 5 years I was there, I can count 4 men that loved my hair.

  • http://thehappygoluckybachelor.blogspot.com Clnmike

    All about how you carry your self, hell I have seen blad headed, and I mean Mr. Clean type of head, women that were fine as frog hairs because they had confidence pouring out of their scalps. In fact last night while shopping at a kroger a woman walked by with a semi orange mohawk, not fauxhawk, a clean on the sides mohawk. And I must say she looked good if only for having the tatas on her to come out side like that.

  • http://www.gangstarrgirl.com Gangstarr Girl

    Once I went natural, I started attracted Dwele types like the first girl, but also other, as in, non Black, especially White men. On the whole str8 vs. kinky issue as far getting attention, I think that just depends on the person’s features. Some styles just look better on certain people. Of course, you have ignorant folks who will look at str8 hair because it’s str8 and that’s what they’ve been trained to believe was beautiful, but sometimes different looks just vary depending on the person.

  • http://bettychambers.com Betty Chambers

    I looked at the author’s profile, and past articles, aside from the last inflammatory one, most have a rather nice angle on natural hair.

    I’ve been natural most of my life, so there’s little for me to think of in a “straightened vs. normal and natural” look when it comes to men.

    Guess I will have go Google Dwele, I’ve never heard of the dude. Then again, I don’t listen to urban radio, or live anywhere with a lot of “brothas.” There are some black men around, but not a lot.

    I get asked by non-black men about letting it down or how long it really is, since I wear it bundled up, or covered up most of the time.

    I don’t think about or consider my hair when I do attract men. It never occurs to me.

  • PeachyKeen

    @ MK and Yasmin,

    I see your point. It’s just that in my experience, I’ve never heard been around anyone- male or female- who has disparaged natural hair. I realize that doesn’t make these women’s experiences any less real, I just think they should try not to worry so much about what other people think. The negative reactions they receive to their natural hair is all about the commenters’ ignorance/poor self-image, not them, so why dwell on it?

  • EnsomCityEmpress

    never look thought of it that way at all, and my own marriage can provide a testimony to this article, yes my hair is natural and i have the most cool,calm and collected husband there is. very composed and never heard him raise his voice before. i guess the sisters with the naturals got it going on.:)

  • Marie

    I have attracted before as well as natural as I have become natural. The biggest different that I have seen is that a lot of non black men seem to approach me. White men make a point to speak to me now. I found this very interesting as I’d assume that white men would prefer a straight haired, Beyonce type black woman but they seem to truely love the natural sistas.

  • Marie

    ^^I butchered that first sentence LMBO. I have attracted black men before as well as after I became natural.

  • Roonaq

    Im not even black ( mom’s white from iran, dad’s a caramel colored arab hence my curly kinky hair) and i CAN SO RELATE to this article.

    I get way more compliments + attention when i straighten my hair.. I kinda get offended..To the extent that even people are always urging me to chemically straighten it and wear it straight all the time.. I now always wear my hair straight; i have chemically treated it + use blow driers, iron flatteners etc..

    When i wear my hair natural( afro with curls) last year people literally tell me ” waat happened?” and ” Girl, why? don’t leave your house like that again”.. Even though i think it looks cute, and suits my oval face.

    oh well..

  • Roonaq

    By the way. I look mixed race.

    When I let my hair curly, the black guys seem to like my hair a lot. and they hit on me.

    When i straighten my hair, white and latino guys hit on me more.

  • Amber

    I am a brown-skinned woman currently residing in DC and have been natural (about 3c-4aish kinky curls) for approx 2 years years and I can say with certainty that I have never had a negative reaction to my hair. Matter of fact, I get more compliments on a daily basis from both genders now than I did with my 20″ naomi campbell looking weaves. Folks seem to love it! Every man I meet wants to touch it and run his hands through it, even men I dont know lol
    .
    Idk, maybe it’s the way I style it? I didnt completely transition by cutting off my relaxed ends until my hair was close to armpit length. And, for the most part I wear a huge stretched curly fro with defined curls 98% of the time…Honestly though, when I showed a male friend of mine this article he said that my hair comes across as being “good hair” (ugh! I hate that ignorant statement!)so thats why men like it. Idk, but after he said that and coming back to the videos I think maybe if I wore a puff or twists or had a period of rocking a smaller or shrunken fro then I can see myself getting unpleasant stares and comments from men. At the end of the day, I feel what a lot of these women are saying tho bc I think you can look at what a lot of men in media have been saying lately about black women and see that there are a lot of self-hating sentiments regarding traits stereotypically associated with blackness lingering around.
    .
    I also think that geographic locale may also have a significant influence on the reactions some women are getting too.

  • Amber

    oh yea, regarding the type of men I attract Id say I get of close to 30 and over well-educated black men and a large number of nonblack men. I didnt get as many white guys hitting on me when I was a relaxed head. For the most part I think I get fairly high quality and caliber of men.

  • Lynette

    Geat article! I especially liked the last video with the mother and two sons who pointed out that it’s not about your natural hair perse’ but more about how you carry youself…your self-esteem…and your confidence. Because I’ve permed for many years I was afraid to show people my natural hair and I think others could see it as well. As I’m gaining confidence displaying my natural nappy roots, others see it too, and they respond accordingly. I’ve had compliments from guys of all walks of life responding positively to my kinky hair. It really is about how you feel and not necessarily about your hair. Thanks for posting this article Clutch! It’s truly inspirational!

  • ayomide

    Having natural hair and getting attention depending on where you live can be a problem. When I started wearing my hair natural I was in VA and was getting no love, not the type of love I got when I had straight long hair. I had guys lined up when I rocked my wrap hair style, even in a messy ponytail. So I know it was because of my hair. I kept my hair nicely twisted like I do know, no frizzy mess. After I moved to NY had no problem in fact there was so much competition because there were women everywhere with natural, locked hair. This where I met my husband. He likes my hair not matter how I wear it as long as I am happy he is happy. When we met I had braids. He does want me to either brush or cut keep the back of neck so it isn’t a out of control. He does tease me, I hear the side show bob thing when I wash my hair and show him how big it is but I tease him also cause he is bald. We are in Oakland now and older men give me compliments- I am talking like men in their 50′s and up! I guess I remind them of a time when….. Their compliments make me feel good because it sweet. If I wasn’t married I could have a suga daddy.
    Seriously, this is a problem for natural haired women and it has to stop. There was a time when black was beautiful and it still is we just need for everybody to believe that. Natural, straight it doesn’t matter

  • lashonda

    I definantely agree that men who love your natural hair are very rare gems. My family isn’t that supportive of my decision to go natural, and I was just about to just forget about it all and go back to my perm when I met this guy who was wonderful. He just fell in love with my natural beauty…no make-up needed, no perm required.

  • http://www.sheeparcade.com Free Games

    Natural is always beautiful and I think that it is not only about men getting attracted to something natural within us but the fact that this inner beauty and attraction holds on for a lifetime.

  • TJ

    PeachyKeen:

    Trust me, it is so easy for women with relaxers to THINK that they chose to get a relaxer. Media is so influential in our decisions. So many women think that they ‘prefer” relaxed hair…”it just doesn’t look good on” them. Those are lame excuses. I have heard countless of idiots say that they didn’t want a girl with a nappy kitchen, or that they like “long haired, thick, red bones”…..Let’s get real here. We know these hair wars exist, and you don’t eliminate them by pretending they don’t exist. It’s always the brainwashed ones handing out advice. Get a grip……

    And yes, I do believe that natural women attract more white men that Black men. Alot of Black men are sleep or unconscious and still believe in Eurocentric standards of beauty.

  • http://http123456789 ms.jai

    nappy hair is NOT attractive period. If you put 2 people in a room, a person with silky hair and a person with frizzy coarse hair everyone epecially women will come up 2 the individual with good hair and tell them how beautiful it is. the only reason why a lot of black females go natural is because their hair got 2 damaged from perming and they don’t know wat else 2 do with it.

  • Kat

    @ms.jal–
    At least I can say that I know how to work my natural hair!

    I was sick of the perms and burns and my mother’s insistance of getting them. I was 19 when I got my last perm (I’m 25 now). I had burns so bad and I decided I wasn’t going to go thru that torture anymore. I cut my hair and let it grow. I was surprised at my natural hair. It is thick and wavy (I have 3b/3c hair). I really didn’t need to torture it at all. Just wash and wear! I get a lot of compliments from everyone, esepcially women who come up to me and ask where I get my hair done, cos it looks like I had rods put in (I tell them apolgetically that it’s my natural look! no rods!)

    Men esepcially want to touch my hair. I dunno why it facinates them. My hair is more big than long, grr. I guess on my good days, the Shirley Temple look gets to them, haha.

    I do have haters that call me Sideshow Bob, but they’re just jealous that I can just hop out of bed, throw some water on my head, shake it out and I’m done. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/yessunshine Leslee Hussein-Charisse

    I had just beyond shoulder length relaxed hair for most of my life. Durin a brief stint I shaved it off and kept it very close to my hair because I worked upwards of 50-60 hours per week in a kitchen then grew it back out to the same shoulder length straight mass… I was in a relationship at the time with someone who just wanted my hair neat… (I believe he secretly liked it long though) LOL

    Several years back I opted to stop relaxing but kept pressing my hair. Last December I decided to get sisterlocks. The backlash was horrible “Why would you do that to your pretty hair?” as if pretty was only straight.

    I don’t know that the caliber of men that I attract is any different. It runs the gamut as always.

  • Christine

    Great article. As a natural black woman growing dreads, I can certainly relate to the other comments. I get hit on by black men, but usually they are men who are too young, or waaay older than me. But the response from black men, seems to be more positive. As far as white men, I noticed I seem to attract more vocally blunt white men who seem to think that they can say anything to me for some reason. And it’s usually sexual. The response from white men for me has always been mixed. It almost seems as if the white men are looking at me as some sort of exotic rare piece of meat or something. And they usually turn out to be men who usually don’t date black women.

  • Loquacious_

    I have natural hair and I didn’t attract the “Dwele or Maxwell type.” I attracted white men. I will have white men and white women tell me that they like my natural hair more than when it is pressed straight. It’s funny, when I went to a job interview for a staff attorney position in a non-profit law firm, I wore my afro. It was fluffed and big. Three people interviewed me, two attorneys that were white and one paralegal that was black. After the interview, the black paralegal pulled me to the side and told me that I would have to straighten my hair if I got a job offer. In the second interview, I asked the white attorney if my hair would be a problem or a distraction because I wanted to wear it natural and they were shocked by my question. The white folks didn’t notice that my hair was natural, they said, “we just see hair. We didn’t think there was anything distracting about it.”

    It is a shame that some black people (emphasis on the word “some”) see hair and then the person while some white folks see just the person.

  • von

    honestly i get more flack about my natural 4a/b hair from black women than men. When i wear it in a huge fro or afro puff they always assume i never get my hair done when in actuality i wear it straight, twisted, weaved up, braided etc. They think because i dont have “good hair” i should not have went natural. Which sometimes makes me mad. Like one time a woman with natural hair that was wavy (what some people would call “good hair”)asked me why dont i just perm my hair. Most men on the other hand ask me can they touch it and seem amazed by it. I guess some men are turned off by it but i wouldnt want someone that shallow to approach me anyway. At the end of the day i love my “nappy hair” and thats all that matters to me!

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