YouTube, is another one of my favorite sites to check out natural hair styles, products etc. The following are summaries of natural women talking about the types of men they now attract since they have begun wearing their hair natural. Check out their videos to get the full effect of their experiences.
Erin says she now attracts men who are artsy, cool, calm and collected. She describes them as ‘Dwele type guys’ – guys who have a swag that is not definable, “… they’re on a whole different level.” She says that what puts a smile on her face is when she meets a guy and somewhere in the conversation he says, your hair is beautiful. She calls that a “ding, ding, ding, moment”. Erin thinks that the fact that a man is attracted to natural hair, has a good heart and spirit, and sees a women for who she is is a beautiful thing.
IntlNC aka Andrea, says that she attracts men depending on how she feels about herself. She doesn’t know if it really has anything to do with hair, but says attraction is internal. When she feels insecure, she attracts men who are insecure; when she is confident, likewise, she attracts confident men. Andrea says that going natural was an internal process which changed her into a more confident person, and therefore “the quality of men in my life have definitely improved.”
Veronica Miller creator of Blessed and Highly Textured
Veronica says she has yet to attract the deeper, artistic, Dwele-type men, but does attract men old enough to be her father. She also attracts guys who are more open-minded about beauty – their taste in women is broad and goes across the spectrum. When she straightens her hair, which is not often, she gets more attention, but doesn’t want someone who doesn’t like her natural hair. She tells of an ex-boyfriend who called her Sideshow Bob when she wore her hair in it’s natural state, and would only compliment her when she straightened it. She likes when guys tell her that her straightened hair is nice, but they like it curly better.
In Brown Barbie’s 2008 video she talks about going out with a friend who looks like her, same build, features etc., and how her friend who wears straight, long weaves gets more attention from men than she does. She describes it as ‘crickets chirping’ regarding the attention she gets. She says she does get compliments, but they are few and far between.
She doesn’t understand how people can dislike features that are natural. Just because she chooses not to chemically alter her hair, she’s looked at as beneath women who relax and/or weave their hair. Nor does she understand how men can have issues with natural hair when they and their sons have it, “… to me, that seems like self hate.”
In Krystall’s response to Erin’s video she says that she also attracts a different “breed of men”. She says that men approach her with more respect. She stated that she met her husband when she had a perm and now even he seems to have more respect for her. She says that her husband now notices and points out other naturals when they are out, and that he realizes its rare and beautiful and has a lot of respect for it.
In 2Kurly’s 2008 video she says that she received more compliments when her hair was shorter because it was curly, but as it grew out she got less compliments, attributing this to men liking curly styles versus frizzy ones. She feels the bigger issue is society and the media which both play a role in shaping the way beauty is defined i.e. images of black women with long, straight hair.
2Kurly’s husband chimes in and agrees that men have been ‘duked’/misguided with such images. He advises naturals “to keep doing what you’re doing”. “I’m a real man and I’ve got a real woman – naps and all, and I love it,” he says.
Naturally4us creators of Naturally4us.com
Carmen of Naturally4us says that women need to build-up their own self esteem and she has her two sons weigh in. One, a former barber says that he has seen the effects of perm damage and advises women to find a natural style that fits them and makes them feel good.
Her other son, says he understands how naturals must feel when they are not looked upon by men in the same way as those who wear their hair straight. He also believes that it’s all about self confidence and advises women not to change their hair for men, “do it for yourself … the right brother will come along that will appreciate you for who you are.”