Why Her?
We’ve all felt the wind ripped from our hearts when confronted with the whirlwind of … infidelity. Warm souls shrinking into cold shadows, bringing our nightmares into the forefront and forcing our hearts never to believe again. But yet we wonder…
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Why her? It’s a question that echo’s the moment the first tear slips from its sleeve. It’s a question that demands answers. Statements. Understanding. But the answer is simple… you can do better.
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Because he wasn’t for you. You have to ask yourself where the blessing is in the fact that he is no longer in your life and you have another hurt that has not killed you and will make you stronger in time
This was on point. I know that all women go through this at one point. This fictional story is so many women’s story. Your ending was on point – you can do better. A whole lot better. Once a woman realizes that she can let go and move on.
This is what I am going through now. Thanks so much for posting this one!
Its a hard pill to swallow,but you HAVE to believe that heartache spells B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G-,and adversity strenghtens character!!
As sad as losing a “man” is and as much as we may ask ourselves why, we’ll never understand the answer unless we look outward. It is not you that makes a man cheat but it is he. It is a conscious decision that a person makes to go outside of the bounds of their relationship and see someone else, regardless of what was going on in the relationship. If you are not satisfied, the honest and humble thing to do is to admit it and move on to other pastures. Women, too often we think it must be something we did and blame ourselves. Not at all necessary because even if you were your best self, you can’t explain another human being’s reason for cheating.
Also, look upward to begin your healing process and learn to move on. It is not easy but it is a necessary step.
honey at least in this fable it was just another woman and not multiple women and men too, SMH these are the times we live in SMH……..so yes we must be thankful TO GOD, no matter how it hurts or how much we may still probably care for not allowing certain folks to stay in the midst of our lives, because they are not meant to stay….
Wow! I was the other woman for over a year. I finally came to realize that I too deserve better and I deserve to have someone to call my own. I realized that I would never be the one after I found out he moved her into his home. He told me that I just have certain attributes that she does not. I don’t believe she knows what kind of man she has..and I feel sorry for her. I just hope that one day someone does not ring her phone with the news and if they do, I’m just glad it won’t be me on the other end.
I agree with Nadia this was on point – great comments too :o)
This was a very heart felt piece. Well-written and articulated. Good job! I was cheated on too! It hurt like hell. But in time, all wounds heal. Now, I am in a better relationship. Keep the faith.
So amazingly written Alaina, your words are beautiful, on this article, as well as Sista Stop It. Even though it’s fictional, it perfectly hit home with me. Thank you for sharing your talent with me, I needed this today.
As I read this along with the comments, I can agree that it is him. Still, it doesn’t help much with that void and feeling of abandonment. The first time it happens, faith steps up as fear grips. Then it happens a second time and possibly third. Not just to me, but to a few of my girls as well. That’s when the greatest threat hits. How much of it is you, or a trend in society? I wonder, is there such an abundance of accepting women that men are taking advantage of the market? I can’t really blame them, but it leaves me with, dare I say it, a hint of bitterness.
Katrina YES most men know that a “good black man” on paper anyway, LOL, is a commodity, and some of them milk that advantage for everything its worth.
Now does that excuse someone from being a lair and a cheat and trife all around…..NEVER……. that is never an excuse to mistreat someone.
Its selfish, foul and that male isn’t “good” in the least bit…so yeah some of that blame is theirs also, as well as the women who allow themselves to be mistreated by these pieces of men, I say pieces cause a whole perosn that is a man I don’t believe lives this way, as rare as they are, I still believe some exist somewhere.
Why not her?
That’s a good question Crys Mack….
Cause he cheating! It’s nothing about HER per say – but how he handled his current situation is the issue here. So that’s why a woman would question – Why her? It’s his choice on who he chooses to be with but don’t do it while your in a relationship = not cool.
I know I wanted to know why. I was with my man for 3 years and one day I see them out together and I was like …WHAT?! Then I asked him why did u cheat and what was it about her that made u cheat with her. Was it emotional?. sexual? how she looked?
I think that’s the point of the article. Someone is asking why dude and why her? AND if this new girl KNEW he had a girl then he can have her cause that’s not the type of chick I would care to know anyway and they deserve eachother.
im very impressed how she expressed her feelings, so articulate and I can definately feel her pain. I have been through this same situation and you know what? i came out a better person, i wasnt vindicative because i was hurt, i kept on smiling because i knew there was someone otu there greater and better than him. Yes, and I married him! that guy now has what he deserved and the woman he left me for treating him like garbage, the same way he treated me, and now we are actually good friends, he tells me all the time that he was sorry he let me go,and that he shouldnt have done what he did. but its too late. dont worry my dear, everyone gets what they deserves in the end.
This happened to me about two years ago and I couldn’t fathom how my ex could hurt me so.. Ironically it was the same time that Monica released this album and I listened to this song like 100 times a day, seriously. I prayed a lot and looked at the relationship from an external point of view. He cheated on me and chose to start a relationship with that other woman because it was God’s plan for me to be somewhere else.
Everything happens for a reason and trust and believe, you will become a better person for it – if you allow yourself to. It took some time and included me really finding out who I was as a person and I’m much better for it. I wouldn’t have changed my “Why Her” moment in my life though because the situation molded me into the person I am today. I did what I COULD with the relationship but somethings aren’t meant to last.
My ex reached out to me a few months ago to say he was sorry for what he did. I never responded because I said what I needed to say years ago. I actually feel sorry for him now because to him, the grass was greener on the other side and now he’s asking himself “Why Her?”
Beautiful song, who is it by?
Hi Gerty: It’s by Monica off of her “The Makings Of Me” album
xoxo, Clutch
I love the title of this article because its a question that so many women have when it comes to the other woman. But women need to understand that when we ask ourselves this question we reduce ourselves to an object to be compared to another.
Well my sisters. We’re not objects were unique individuals that we brought her to shine like no other. And if the person you chose to be with couldn’t see that (or you didn’t see that in yourself), then pull the reigns and get your shine on. It was only meant to be for a season. When breakups happen it only means that you’ve got more blissful work to do on yourself. Not the freakum dress kind…but the kind that answers the question: What do I believe I deserve?
To quote Beyonce…”After all the rain…you’ll see the sun come out again’, could never ring truer.