Do You Tell Your Girlfriend EVERYTHING?

by Craig JC

88748593In this high-tech age of internet bios and usernames and user profiles, it’s easy to divulge intimate knowledge and information about yourself without even knowing it. If we don’t’ know a person we’d be hard-pressed to tell them where we live, our favorite foods and hangout spots and all sorts of nuances particular to us.

But how well do our BFFs know us? Do you tell your girlfriend EVERYTHING?

In a routine conversation it is quite likely that you spill your guts about your family life, the problems with your mother, the relationship with your father, the kids, etc., all to the point where your best friend is embedded in your business.

Is that healthy?

I mean, we all need some type of privacy, right? Some people adhere to the motto that ‘My best friend knows everything about me, and I know everything about them.’ But do you? Many a heartache has arisen due to a so-called Best Friend Forever turning into a Big Fake For real.

Jobs have been lost, jealousies taken root and even men being taken due to revealing secrets, dark, deep, secrets that sometimes are better left unsaid, and unspread. Some women even tell their best friends how their man likes it in bed, when he wants it and how bad he needs it, totally illustrating the picture to the point of salivation for the listener.

Isn’t it true that some things are left to the imagination? Friend or not, can a married or very much in love woman or man really justify describing a sexual escapade to a single friend who longs for such an experience?

Can the BFF really add anything to the conversation besides asking you if your man is down for some fries with that shake? No wonder the Bible cautions against covetousness, especially if people can’t keep their business to themselves. But does your girlfriend have any responsibility here? Perhaps when a friend starts to open up about T.M.I. a true friend could say something like, “Excuse me, but I don’t feel comfortable hearing about that,” or “Keep it in the closet.”

True, we’ve all got skeletons there, but if you’ve got a graveyard then on the couch of a shrink may be the best place for a person that insists on sharing intimate stories.

Well, do you tell your girlfriend EVERYTHING?

  • c

    I use to. I am a very open person and a few people have even told me they feel like they have known me forever when in fact they may have only known me for a very short while. In a weird way I would think not telling my best friend or friends everything was me being sneaky or hiding something from them and after all aren’t you suppose to tell your closest girlfriend everything. However the older I get the more I realize and accept that it is okay for me to keep some things to myself, it’s not sneaky or secretive at all, but in fact having boundaries. And after all don’t good fences make good neighbors. So now I share some things, but not everything and that’s perfectly alright!!!

  • Reecie

    I never tell anyone everything. nope. I have things that I share with some friends that may seem TMI, but if the nature of our friendship allows for those types of convos, its cool. I don’t give intimate details of my sex life because its just not necessary. I can talk family, work issues, etc, but even still, I keep some of me just for me.

  • Tiffany W.

    No, I like my privacy. I am grateful that they actually tell me up front, that they can’t hold water. So, I am forewarned.

  • Alaina

    Dang craig!! Why you so mean? LOL. I mean, you just went there huh, didn’t even sugarcoat it! OK OK, that’s the guilt talking MAJORLY!!! I should be labeled the town gossip, because I run my mouth like a faucet! I tell my business, yo business, yo cousins business, and the gardners! JK… OR maybe SLIGHTLY kidding! BUT, you’re right! When people know all your dirt, they use it against you, or they use it on you! Keep the advice coming JC. Once again, you’re on point!

  • Crystal

    My best friend is my personal diary. So you just shut the hell up.

  • Crystal

    You are messing up my relationship with my BFF. She read this and believe we should keep some things secret. That is bull crap. I am banding her from this page.She is my couch and better yet she is free and open 24 hours. Now if you don’t have a BFF, sorry for you. If people BFF have done those bad things then they have been BFF conned. I trust my BFF and her secrets will go to the grave with me a treasure never to be open. Thank You,and good night.

  • jayla

    See!!your friend does tell you too much crystal! lol! you came all the way to clutch just to get ma! lol!

  • jayla

    OOps! meant get mad! great advice craig! youre a nice edition to clutch! you keep it real even when people get mad at the truth!!

  • badbytch

    I have a best friend (she’s been my best friend since 7th grade) that I do eventually tell everything to. Reason A she is my partner in crime so…. no secrets there. Reason B my best friend and I are very close and have a special relationship (as all TRUE best friends should). We learn and teach together, we inspire each other, we guide each other, and we help each other. So there may be some things that I don’t always tell her immediately but at some point I will because discussing the issues with her helps me gain clarity as I sort through things myself.

    I have a problem with the idea that “you should not tell anyone everything because they will use it against you”. If your friend is a real friend then that would NEVER be the case. It wouldn’t matter if I told my BFF that I had the world’s greatest lover, if she respects me, my intimate relationship, and our friendship she would never consider betraying me.

    I think assuming that bearing all to our girlfriends is somehow “dangerous” perpetuates the stereotype that women, particularly Black women, can not get along, can/do/should not trust each other, and that when it comes to men and sex its every sista for herself. And that is simply not the case.

    I think we as black women should continue to support and love each other unconditionally. We should build strong, healthy relationships that do not allow assumptions based on rivalry, jealousy, and mistrust to influence and/or taint them. Because my best friend helps me more than any “shrink” can.

  • sn

    Soooo true!! We all do not need to be an open book to our friends or people we don’t really know. We should practice being slightly mysterious every now and then. Thanks for keeping it real!

  • J.G.

    No. I tell no one everything.

  • Fox

    Not since I have seen her ugly side to others. We have dirt on each other, but I have things to lose. Her life is not going well now so she doesn’t. At this very moment I am uneasy about some of the things she knows. I don’t tell her anywhere near what I used to.

  • Anonymiss

    People need to be smarter about choosing their friends. I don’t understand why people put up with bad friends. Sometimes it is painfully obvious when you’re friend is gunning against you rather than for you && people need to realize that it’s ok to to remove someone out of your life if they don’t have your best interests at heart. Also you have to know what friends to tell what. Some people just have big mouths and you know those are the people you can’t tell anything. Then there are some friends who are extra judgemental and you know you can’t tell them certain things either. Then you have those friends that you know you can pour your heart out too, typically the ones that can relate to you situation or are very empathetic/understanding. It’s ok to have different types of friends but you have to know how to interact with each one and don’t expect to be able to tell them all everything. Also there are certain things that are best kept secrets e.g. your sex life.

  • O

    Some people share things with their BFF and never share them with their man and turn around and wonder why they can’t connect and have lasting relationships with men.
    Despite what pop culture tells us, the intimate details between two people really should remain with those two people, otherwise, don’t be suprised when your relationships doesn’t last.

    The true grown up and mature ladies are more discreet about their bizness and handle their emotions better than the younger ones.
    They understand that it’s unwise to kiss and tell.

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