Embrace the Hate…It’s Crucial for Success
I will never forget the moment I realized I wanted to be a writer. It was my junior year in high school and as far back as I could remember I was TOLD that I was meant to be a doctor. Believing that this was true, I made up in my mind that I wanted to be an obstetrician. On the contrary, I was horrible at math and hated science. The only thing I loved to do was write. I would write about any and everything that intrigued my young mind from world issues to wondering why all the girls wanted to date the basketball players. It was my way of releasing any and everything I held within my teenage mind and heart. I always received straight A’s in all of my English classes, including anything where I had to express myself in words rather than numbers or measurements. When deciding what my major would be in college, I made the decision to pursue my passion and major in journalism. I thrived on asking questions and writing features and editorials on topics that touched the heart and ignited a spark in the mind. Little did I know that following my dream would come with so much opposition from both friends and family.
When I made the official announcement of the new path I would be taking in life, my parents were less than thrilled. Growing up in a West Indian home (my parents are from Trinidad) the only jobs that were acceptable (and worth bragging about) were corporate or medical careers. I immediately began to get hit with the rapid fire of questions, “Why would you do that? How are you going to support yourself? There is no real financial security, Writing is NOT a real career.” Instead of getting the support I needed, I was ambushed with negativity and doubts about my future. I almost felt like a disappointment and they reminded me of this every year in college. At the beginning of every semester, my mother would ask me the same thing, “When are you going to change your major?” It was frustrating to say the least and when friends began to be “concerned” about my career path, I too began to question my own abilities. I was told that I was pretty and should be on T.V. “…Broadcast journalism is a more lucrative career and your parents will be happy to see you on television.” So I tried by getting an internship at a well know television company and I noticed that people cared more about what was on my head than what was in it. At that moment, it became apparent to me that I was meant to write because I am SOOOOOOOOO much more than just a pretty face. My words were my brush and with it I was going to paint a masterpiece that would rival that of the Mona Lisa.
I turned all of that negativity into fuel to drive my ambition. The tenacity to inform through the written world reached new heights. I realized that to be great is to be misunderstood and in order to reach the pinnacle of success, I had to use the doubts to help me climb higher and higher. I landed internships at well known publications and my work was being published. Coincidentally enough, once I began to receive praise from others, my parents quickly jumped on the bandwagon. All of a sudden it was, “Gyal Risa is writing and her name is in de paper.” Friends began to ask me to write features on them or projects they were working on. When I was at the lowest of lows, it was that hate that kept the love for writing alive. It was the thrill of knowing that one day I would prove them all wrong.
Trust that I know the importance of love and support. The thing is that at times, too much love and support can push one into a state of complacency. In order to keep the fire burning, it is crucial to embrace the hate. The nay sayers can love it or hate it, but as long as you know the TRUTH about all the greatness inside of you, one day they will definitely FEEL it. This is when all the “concern” will turn into “congratulations”. Today when someone is quick to dash salt on my dreams all I do is smile and think, “You think you know, but you have no idea!!!!”
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I can totally relate to the situation described here. I recently graduated with a B.S. degree from a prestigious university, and my mother had nothing positive to say to me when I told her that my next step would be to start culinary school in August. Food and cooking have been my passions since I was about 10 years old, but now that I’m deciding to pursue cooking as a career, I always feel like I’m having to defend my choice and justify my actions to people who don’t understand why I’m driven to do what I do.
This article was exactly what I needed to hear right now.
It is amazing that you sent this article out today and I received it! I’m a writer and i just lost my job on Friday, but I can totally relate wholeheartedly to your story. I’m 42 and after a few detours in life, I just graduated college with an English degree this year, but I’ve been working as a writer for about 5 years. Honestly, I still don’t think my family “gets” just what it is I do for a living. While not being as vocal as your family, mine always seemed to carry that tone of uncertainty with me whenever I talked about my career, as if they’re concerned that I will spend my lfe flailing around without a “real” career to support myself. And, now that I’m unemployed, I know soon all the suggestions of what career change I should make will begin to surface. But I’m a writer and a good one too! I am gonna use this opportunity to seek out my next writing position carefully and considerately to continue my path to do what God has intended for me, no matter what anyone else has to say! Thank you so much for the inspiration – what a blessing!
I realize that I’m being repetitive so I’ll change it up a little…This article is so ON POINT!!! Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom. My favorite passages are:
“I turned all of that negativity into fuel to drive my ambition. The tenacity to inform through the written world reached new heights. I realized that to be great is to be misunderstood and in order to reach the pinnacle of success, I had to use the doubts to help me climb higher and higher… When I was at the lowest of lows, it was that hate that kept the love for writing alive. It was the thrill of knowing that one day I would prove them all wrong.
Trust that I know the importance of love and support. The thing is that at times, too much love and support can push one into a state of complacency. In order to keep the fire burning, it is crucial to embrace the hate. The nay sayers can love it or hate it, but as long as you know the TRUTH about all the greatness inside of you, one day they will definitely FEEL it. This is when all the “concern” will turn into “congratulations”. Today when someone is quick to dash salt on my dreams all I do is smile and think, “You think you know, but you have no idea!!!!”
Great. Article thanx for the inspiration.
I feel like this article was about me. My mom is Trinidadian as well and hated the fact that I wanted to study Journalism. She said “be a Doctor, you make more money”, I always replied “its not about the money, its what make me happy”. After 2 years of studying Biology (which I failed), I comprimised with my mom to get a Business Degree. I am now working on obtaining a professional certificate in Journalism to understand the craft. The one lesson I have learned out of all of this, is that you should not try to please any body but yourself.
Great read. Don’t be so hard on your parents though. It’s a West Indian thing…either you’re a doctor or a lawyer. Even after getting my Masters degree my father is still asking me “When are you going to law school?”
Not only is hate crucial its a part of the journey. Most folks are scared sh*tless to take the necessary risks of going against the grain so instead they’ll criticize, express concern, and give you a snowball’s chance in hell cause that how they feel about their own chances.
Articles like this are critical on the narrative of womanhood. If you can help one women with this perspective; it was worth writing.
Girlllll, God Bless you. I think sooo many West Indian children can relate to your article. Here in the Caribbean, it’s all about prestige and making lots of money (I’m not sure which trumps the other). I myself remember telling my parents when I was really young that I wanted to be an interior designer, and they both laughed and said ‘sure, why not, that would be a good hobby’ and just like that, the discussion was over. I was of course directed toward the sciences and becoming either a medical doctor or an engineer. In the Caribbean/British system, for the most part, you get your law degree/medical degree by age 21 and your professional practicing certificates by age 23/24. Needless to say its not uncommon to find 18 and 19 yr old law/medical/engineering students questioning whether this is really what they want to do,conceding that they are only there because their parents/family pressured them to do it.
But though I believe that that attitude a quite backward, I really don’t think it’s a ‘Hate’ thing. And this is a discussion I have with my US born cousins when they and their parents ‘kick-off’ on this issue. We as Caribbean people have our own hurts and grievances which unfortunately, our parents and those before them do not explain to us, the next generation. Stemming from a colonial system which is MUCHHH fresher compared to US history (coincidentally, today is Trinidad’s 47th independence day, a BABY still), our parents grew up in a society where only a certain class and color of ppl were allowed to and able to be Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers etc (hence my earlier comment about prestige v. money). A basic motivating force was this: work for yourself, and not anyone else. Be your own boss etc. etc. Colonialism was a oppressive. Hence the reason why soooo many West Indians migrated to the US, UK and so on; the promise of a better life so their children could access what THEY THEMSELVES could not. Most children of west Indian descent are going farther than their parents ever did.
Make no mistake, I am by no means making excuses and romanticizing any of this, but it is an aspect which has to be considered and remembered when discussing an issue like such as this one.There’s a cultural communication breakdown and misunderstanding. I have come to realise that it’s not hating, just ignorance. So yes, ‘they think they know, but really have no idea’ but cut them a bit of slack. Usually once they see you’re doing well (and you pointed it out yourself) they back off, and are GENUINELY proud of whatever it is you’re doing (never mind there might be a slight disappointment within themselves that the other path wasn’t showing and don’t understand at alll)
Goodness, I’m spoken a lot. However, I do believe that this aspect of caribbean culture and way of thinking needed to be explained a bit. All the best, and keep on writing!
This feeling is with African and Indian and Asian parents. They just want the best for their children
wow! i feel like you just wrote this with me in mind. i too was TOLD to be a doctor by my west indian parents when i knew all along i wanted to write. i agree with melissa…it’s not hate….just years of post colonism and wanting the best for their children. thanks for the great story.
Great article – very inspiring ;o)
I’m a thrilled you continued to follow your dreams despite what your parents said. Often times parents throw their dreams on their kids so they can live vicariously thru and it’s unfair. It’s hard enough going to college with all the challenges one is faced with today, let alone major in something you have no desire or passion for. You cannot live your life for someone else. Follow your own dreams otherwise you’ll end up regretful and miserable. Congratulations and many blessings.
Melissa
Funny you said interior design as that is what my degree is in. (graduated this past May). I initially went to school to become a high school art teacher and even back then everybody said “teachers make no money” and tried to stir my decision to become something else. That was never an option because, although extremely underpaid, I always wanted to work with kids, esp the age group that most give up on. I have been drawing since I was a toddler and have an artsy creative mind that took a turn for admiring decor and design. That’s when I went and changed my major (because schools were cutting arts). Even still, I had an ex friend question me a few times and even went as far as to calling interior design stupid. Excuse me? how do hotel lobbies, airports, law offices, restaurant, lounges and mtv crib houses become so beautiful? its the builders, architects and interior designers that make it happen! they have a whole station (HGTV) devoted to the subject. It amazes me how ignorant ppl can be. So I stress ppl follow their OWN dreams. I am happy doing what I do.
Risa, I’m happy that you didn’t let negativity and doubt kill your dream and drive. Too many people do. Thank you for sharing. =D
Thank you so much for this. I went through the same thing with my father (both of my parents are also Trini). But my mother was the supportive one. I ended up spending so much time in college because I started with a major in computer science, but eventually changed it when I saw it lacked creativity. While at Howard, we had to pick a classmate to profile for a journalism course — this required us not only interviewing the person but also speaking with that person’s friends and family members. I asked my partner if I could read the profile she had written on me. That’s when I learned that while I majored in computer science, my mother thought I was making a big mistake. She was happy to see me return to writing. I get some resistance from my dad, but my family is pretty supportive and dig that I’m making my own path (a family full of computer science or tech heads gets boring after awhile).
I’m glad I read this post because I still get some hate on my career decision, and it doesn’t help that I was recently laid off. But I’ll take the criticisms from my dad and turn them into rungs on a ladder I’m climbing, with my dream within reach.
Thanks again for your post, and congrats!
Thank you so much for this! I went through the same thing with my parents actually even after finishing my studies and now working and getting my promotion I am still going through the same thing. They dont understand what it is I love about advertising!
I’m inspired…
Great article Risa.