Do Black Men and Women Hate Each Other?
Conversations about relationships are about as regular as books in a library. So if talk is aplenty, why is nobody listening?
On and on we go about the ills that shape our lives, but those stubborn trees still block our view of the forest.
Ask a politically conscious black male about the biggest problems facing society, he’ll bemoan bipartisan rancor in Congress. Ask a black man who has a Ph.D, you’ll hear lack of education. Ask the angry black man, he’ll scream racism. Ask the poor black man, he’ll claim poverty. Ask the rich one and he’ll talk about the degenerates in the hood with their pants down to their quads and cite their gun-toting ways. Ask the lazy one and he’ll tell you that there are lions out in the street.
None of these responses includes any mention of an X-chromosome. Very few men will admit that gender issues are a prevalent problem because we don’t feel that it matters. Women are tangential to the pursuit of success; to us, they’re an afterthought:
“You can lose money chasing women, but you can never lose women chasing money.”
When a musician rhyme about women in their records, sex, cash or entertainment accompanies. Very few songs are about listening to a woman’s concerns, emphasizing their value to the world or fostering interdependent relationships, which at face value, is understandable. There’s much more to worry about than crooning about tending to a woman’s needs. 99 problems. Right?
Not exactly. Just because one doesn’t acknowledge a problem doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Truth be told, most men actually have 100 problems. Sir, when will the time come that you deal with the fact that almost every relationship you’ve had with a woman has been crappy? Even worse, when will you stop denying that a deep-seeded gender issue even exists?
An interesting thing about dissent among demographic lines is that they tend to follow a familiar thread.
What are white conservatives’ biggest complaints about black people?
Too emotional (always playing the race card). Hypersexual (black women). Lack of discipline (shootings, financial spending, liquor). Innately incapable. Victims of circumstance. Sub-human.
What are heterosexual men’s biggest gripes against homosexuals?
Too emotional. Lustful. Weak-minded. Innately screwed. Spiritually immoral. Sub-human.
What are black men’s biggest complaints against black women?
Too emotional. Innately incapable of rational thought. Hypersexual (some cases). Lesser species. Did I mention too emotional?
There’s something to be said for the incessant sexism within the black race, but truth be told, sexism exists across the racial spectrum. One could argue that sexism is an older problem, hence more intractable than racism, classism, ageism and any other ism out there. But of course, if you asked men and women which issue was more polarizing, there would be an overwhelming split between the sexes.
Gender and sex are thought to be synonymous, but there are marked differences in the terms. Sex is a biological concept that a human is born into. Gender is culturally ascribed; more descriptive of the roles each sex play in their respective environment. Status wise, women have always been the mules of the human experience. Hence, the “lesser” gender.
In 1980, the United Nations released a report that distillates this inequality:
Women, who comprise half the world’s population, do two thirds of the world’s work, earn one tenth of the world’s income and own one hundredth of the world’s property.
This year, women in this country are outnumbering men in the workforce for the first time ever. They make up most of our workers in the service industry – teachers, nurses, human resources – in a country that gets most of its bread from the service industry. Blue-collar jobs have shifted, leaving many uneducated but otherwise skilled men bereft of employment.
And this is just on a general level. In the black community? Been there, done that, even bought the T-shirt.
When a person is feeling down, who generally catches the brunt of their wrath? The people closest to them. Like a group of caged animals that will eventually shift their anger to each other as they see no freedom in sight, black men and women have been mired in a feud that is simple in concept, but complex in solutions. After a while, the animals in the cage forget who is the enemy.
This is the biggest tragedy of the diaspora’s assimilation into Western culture. Besides borrowing some of the same ideological capital that white men have used on black women years past, black men seem to go about their relationships with women blithely unaware of a culture that seeks to continue this trend.
Black women, on the other hand, are equally as oblivious in escaping European standards in their disregard of black men. Only seeking the best of the stock, many black women take umbrage when they see many leading black men choosing women outside of their race. But it’s shouldn’t be surprising, considering that we’re all watching the same television, imbibing the same pop culture. Why wouldn’t women of other races take note?
African-American women has to become aware that their own judgment in a black man’s behavior, looks, status is shaped by mass media as much as any American. Black women, for their part, has taken heed of their white sisters and become more prodigious in the work place. They are no longer as dependent for financial support, so understandably, they won’t tolerate the same perceived nonsense from their men that they would have in, say, 1940.
As a result of this and the natural power struggle that a capitalist nation tends to breed, human relationships tend to take a back seat.
With each other – black men and women – out to elevate their status, unrest predominates. Call it intelligent design started in the cotton fields or just plain post-modern stubbornness, it seems as if blatrimony these days is as natural as ketchup soup.
A new recipe may be necessary.
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I think you are making the same mistake many men have made trying to argue points with women. You are using logic against emotion. It never works.
No matter what you say, or how well you explain it. If Black women feel that everyone is against them, or Black men prefer non-black women, or that white men will make them feel more beautiful. There is nothing that can be done about her feelings.
I feel the crux of all of the arguing back and forth is dishonesty. People are very shallow about their wants. But try to hide this behind overused catch phrases.
“considering that we’re all watching the same television, imbibing the same pop culture”
This is very true, and I have said this many times on my own.
I’m trying to sense the authors arguments here…
Did he suggest that the Black men views the black woman as:
Too emotional. Innately incapable of rational thought. Hypersexual (some cases). Lesser species. Did I mention too emotional?
How many black men has be polled to even come to that conclusion?
(…) black men and women have been mired in a feud that is simple in concept, but complex in solutions.
The author hasn’t provided one of those very “complex” solutions.
“Gender is culturally ascribed; more descriptive of the roles each sex play in their respective environment. Status wise, women have always been the mules of the human experience. Hence, the “lesser” gender.”
And somehow does the author suggest that we (Black woman) remain as such in a means for the black man to reconstruct the black patriarchy in America? I’m not making this assumption up because he follows that with the following sentence:
“Blue-collar jobs have shifted, leaving many uneducated but otherwise skilled men bereft of employment”. AND “As a result of this and the natural power struggle that a capitalist nation tends to breed, human relationships tend to take a back seat.”
Does the author have a problem with women taking the jobs from uneducated men who are otherwised skilled for the job to reconstruct the fallen patriarchy?
Hum…this rhetoric seems VERY VERY VERY familiar..
There’s a paragraph that I’m looking for…the one that talks about the black woman and the black man being blinded by the white capitalist system….
FOUND IT:
“This is the biggest tragedy of the diaspora’s assimilation into Western culture. Besides borrowing some of the same ideological capital that white men have used on black women years past, black men seem to go about their relationships with women blithely unaware of a culture that seeks to continue this trend”.
I get what your saying Zettler Clay…but rather than zig zag past the point why don’t you just say what you wanted to say:…that black woman should just step down and let the black man lead because he’s being pushed down by the white capitalist system…that’s the only way the black man and woman can be together again. I’m not saying its a bad solution…I’d just wish you would have said clearly instead of that zigzag nonsense.
Once again, this is a divisive article. It is confusing and loaded with sensationalism targeted at placing even more distance between “Black People”.
I regret my time with Clutch is coming to a close, maybe you should just focus on Rhianna articles and b.s. gossip.
I don’t think it’s divisive. It’s here to create a conversation. If articles that are not safe are causing you to stop reading this excellent site, then bye.
Now, on the article. I think Zettler has some good points, but I think it could have been relayed better.
Also – this site doesn’t relish in gossip. smh.
So many broad and general points were covered in this article that after reading it I still didn’t really quite get the conclusion or the message the author was trying to relay.
But I have to say that in my opinion sexism transcends race. It would have been good if you showed examples of where this “hate” may have stemmed from?
“Black women, for their part, has taken heed of their white sisters and become more prodigious in the work place. They are no longer as dependent for financial support, so understandably, they won’t tolerate the same perceived nonsense from their men that they would have in, say, 1940.”
Now that, my friend, is ridiculous. Black women didn’t have to take heed of anything white women were doing, because they’d already been doing it. The majority of Black women have always worked, typically as domestics. They couldn’t afford not to. For many middle class white women, entering the work force was not about survival, as it had been for black women long before white women thought it would be liberating to work outside the home.
In general, discussions about equality between the genders are rooted in the experiences of white women, which were vastly different from that of their Black counterparts.
“Now that, my friend, is ridiculous. Black women didn’t have to take heed of anything white women were doing, because they’d already been doing it. The majority of Black women have always worked, typically as domestics. They couldn’t afford not to. For many middle class white women, entering the work force was not about survival, as it had been for black women long before white women thought it would be liberating to work outside the home.
In general, discussions about equality between the genders are rooted in the experiences of white women, which were vastly different from that of their Black counterparts.”
Beautiful…
Zettler,
I enjoyed the article and think it starts off offering a fresh perspective leading to a great conversation piece. However, as another poster pointed out-your main objective was not made clear. If I were to infer your point, it would be that black men, like all men cross-culturally, are oblivious to the sexism that exists. However due to our status in this country affects us even more. That aside, I feel that your conclusion did not state the obvious and that is black (like most) men aren’t interested in stopping and admitting to their role in sexism and further don’t have to because they have many other options racially in partners. It also doesn’t bring to light that in the end black women aren’t the problem. You can step out into the street and find 8 “good” women but black men are harder to find whatever the reasons are (please write an article on that to explore). Why do all these argument resound the same song? Black women should marry beneath them (if they want to be with a black man) and be flogged for their achievements which make(insecure) black men feel inferior? It was an 80% good article with not real point that we haven’t heard before.
Thank you Alysha!!!! When I initially read that sentence I had to stop and re-read it just to make sure that I read each word correctly. It gave me pause as well. I get so sick of the revisionists history about black women; it is sickening!
Thank you so much for pointing out that error and stating the truth.
As for the rest of the article, honestly, I cannot say that I completely understand the author’s argument.
It seems to me that as Black people, we really need to have an open discussion about our history and all the damage that has come from it instead of making it into all these other issues. As a Black woman, I am very sickened by all the watching, judging, and maligning of us. From the way we wear our hair, to our achievements, to being comfortable in our beauty and sexuality, to being free to choose who we date, to our, very personal decision to marry or not, to have children out of wedlock or not. I don’t appreciate all this coming from Black men especially because they don’t have the Black woman’s mind on these matters and as long as they continue to make judgments about us they never will. I can tell you this, we have always been independent women and we worked it in the most trying of times and circumstances. Perhaps it is the Black man’s perception that we have been dependent on them. My mom taught me to always have my own. A man who is of sound mind and good intentions love women who are capable and able. Sometimes you have to stop and just talk to Black women and not at them. What you find might surprise you.
Well, I think a whole lot more can be said about this hatred black men and black women have against one another. You grazed a few points but it is much deeper than that. But thank you for raising attention to this very problematic issue.
Honestly, this is the weakest article I have read on Clutch. It fails to answer or address the title of the article. Simply put, it is not well written.
It meanders through and pontificates on what “white sisters” do in the work place and how black women have followed suit (wth-black women are discussed but this says nothing about the relationship between black men and women); what “white conservatives biggest complaints about black people (I could care less, I voted for Obama and so did many other black men-where’s the black relationship conflict in that?); and ” what are heterosexuals biggest gripe about homosexuals (huh? black men and women are not even addressed with this statement),” but the author fails to tie any of this into the title of the article. Really, this has nothing to do with the question, “Do Black men and women hate each other?”
As a reader, I should not have to piece together what the author is trying to say. Honestly, this article is all over the place and really should have been considered a rough draft instead of a final copy. I think this is a great question and an even better title for an article. I just think the author needs to put more work into it.
p.s. Call me oversensitive if you want to, but you could have used a better analogy than animals in a cage and that of black men and women in conflict with one another. *lol* I’m just saying.
Agreed. This article was ambiguous(and not in a hyper-intellectual critical analysis way). What I could piece together was offensive and ridiculous. I’ve only just discovered Clutch, and I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come.
To M. – you should make sure you look around and read Clutch. Not every article is going to be great but this site has more hits than fails. Welcome to the Clutch family.
EMPHASIZING BLACK WOMEN’S VALUE????ARE YOU FREAKIN’ ON CRACK????
Most black women(especially the fat and fugly ones)think they;re SOOOOOOO MUCH
BETTER than black men,even the classically handsome,Brad doll sorts such as yours truly,it isn’t even funny.
Of course,that’s why I’m into buxom blondes.
Summarizing,black ladies:Lose two hundred pounds and,I don’t know,15 dress sizes and that AWFUL B****INESS,and we boys will go back to you!!!!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN , I DATED A BLACK WOMAN AND TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE IT WORK, GUESS WHAT? SHE RUINED MY BUSINESS, MADE A FOOL OF ME IN FRONT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND LEFT MY LIFE IN SHAMBLES…NOW I HAVE A LOVELY WOMAN FROM SPAIN…WHO IS BEYOND BEAUTIFUL. I WANTED TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF A DECENT BLACK FAMILY BUT I WILL NEVER DATE ANOTHER BLACK WOMAN AGAIN SAD TO SAY
I am a attractive 30 something black woman who prefers black men. I have dated interracially in the past and is open to whomever is a good man. In my experience, I find a lot of black men hate black women. The disgust of these guys is appalling. Its gotten to to the point when they date interracially they blame black women for their own preferences. I have gotten into heated debates with these types of men. Its almost like they need excuses to want white girls..lol As far as black women, I think we are way to conservative when we meet men. Black women need to learn how to lighten up when meeting and dating without being being slutty because really no man wants a woman with a bug up her a** when he meets her.
He need a white woman who will do everything he wants. Hey I say go with the other race make me happy!