Promiscuous Girl Turned Church Girl
We all remember that one girl in school who seemed to be headed down a destructive path. Raised by a single mother, an absent father, and poor living conditions were the unfortunate circumstances that shaped her. These adverse surroundings would be the beginning of her early demise. Stripped of her young innocence at the tender age of eleven, when most girls are undressing Barbie dolls, the 15-year-old boy next door was taking her clothes off. It was her first sexual encounter, but definitely not her last. Barely a teenager, she would become a statistic: Black Eighth-Grader Pregnant.
As fate would have it, a lifeless creation wouldn’t survive the premature birth. Just when the present and future looked bleak, a second chance emerged from behind the dark cloud. A new lease on life was all the more reason to regress to old ways. High school brought more boys to the yard, and her milkshake satisfied their sweet craving. By this time, her number of sex partners could be counted on two hands.
This promiscuous pattern followed her into adulthood, resulting in yet another pregnancy that she would later abort. Unsurprisingly, none of these casual, sexual escapades flourished into long-lasting, healthy relationships. She allowed herself to be treated like the public bus stop. A handful came back time-and-time again, as long as she opened the door. Discouraged and confused about her future with men, she was vulnerable prey; such a damsel in distress attracted the eye of a woman. Dabbling on the same side of the fence still didn’t prove a perfect fit, and left her longing for the touch of a man.
So instead of giving earthly men her most prized possession, she entrusts the supernatural with her mind, body, and soul. She professes her commitment to the Man upstairs, believing He will heal her wounds and broken heart, and send her the “right” man at the “right” time.
Tired of being loose and living reckless, maturation starts to set in. Almost thirty with a broken “pocket book” in tow and tainted reputation, her sullied reality is enough to make her change her ways. After experimenting with women, being mistreated by boys and used by married men, her lost soul is crying out for a higher power to save her. Eager to start a new chapter, she makes a commitment to live upright and adopt a different standard of life. All of a sudden, she’s a self-righteous Bible-toting disciple, stomping for divinity.
Nowadays, you can find her on the front pew every Sunday, as she prefers praise and worship over Saturday night reveling. On a mission to put the past behind, she develops amnesia in order to cope. Removing herself from people that remind her of who she “used” to be is much easier than to face her reflection in the mirror they flash before her. Yearning to one day marry, her label as a whore is the hardest to overcome. So instead of giving earthly men her most prized possession, she entrusts the supernatural with her mind, body, and soul. She professes her commitment to the Man upstairs, believing He will heal her wounds and broken heart, and send her the “right” man at the “right” time.
She vows to remain patient and celibate in her attempt to live a pious lifestyle. Determined to walk a straight line and not succumb to her flesh is harder than she imagined. Her faith is waning. She now falls to her knees for guidance, before it was for pleasure. Still a wreck inside, but her pride won’t let her show it.
While her road to redemption is commendable, what she doesn’t know is, practicing religious principles is not enough to break the vicious cycle and restore self-worth. Masking behind a scripture-filled, leather bound book won’t set you free. It goes beyond organized rituals; it takes being honest with yourself and admitting who you really are. Changing one’s mindset, ideals, and habits are unlike magic tricks, transformation doesn’t happen in an instant.
Shoving your skeletons in the closet before properly sorting them out will reveal scattered bones, causing you to trip every time. Lack of self-esteem is the root of the problem, and the solution is to build that love from within. Building love that was never given or realized since childhood takes time to develop, and can be a life-long process. Spending time alone in the midst of your calm and still spirit is where inner confidence and wholeness dwells.
Lots of quiet time forces you to deal with the truth, and therein lies the guilt, shame and pain, which is hard to face. Don’t be mislead in thinking turning over a new leaf (i.e. self-discovery) is about what’s on the surface and the image you portray. While partially true, actions become evident once true growth is materialized. Being a devout church-goer and Bible thumper who can quote scripture doesn’t prove anything. The first step to living a consecrated life is finding your true intention, not what you say or show to others.
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Christianity is all about relationship with God. GOing to church, quoting scriptures and dressing modestly are only outward shows of an inner transformation. Unfortunately some people seek the outter redemption without touching the inner person. The bible says we must confess our sins to God (not ignoring/trying to forget them), then He will forgive us-meaning we are no longer bound by them. Then He will restore us…and during all of this we must pray and study His word…which says that restoration is a journey in which we must DAILY battle our flesh and the wrong desires we have. Even the great apostle Paul (one of the most influential leaders in Christianity) let us know that throughout his whole ministry he STILL struggled and was tempted to do wrong. The good thing is that the Word also tells us how to conduct our lives so that we are less likely to fall into temptation.
This poor sister…Her only mistake was in having a zeal for God but not according to knowledge (meaning she was looking in the right direction-towards God for her healing-but she went about it the wrong way).
Why do I feel like we are giving this girl such a hard time? Her heart is in the right place.
If she continues to seek God, hopefully she’ll find her purpose – to praise Him. It’s not always an overnight transformation but in the “right time”, if God can’t change her – nobody can. It’s not by her power that she may change, it will be by the power with which God will enable her.
Quiet time alone might help but quiet time with the Lord is priceless. She needs not prove anything to anybody but God himself.
Be blessed Clutchites!
clutch,
i really do love you. you’re a publication that says what i wish a lot of people would. you have excellent writers, but sometimes i get angered with the same old recycled rhetoric you use when it comes to throwing out words such as “whore” and the like. i’m someone who is very optimistic who believes that the world’s problems can be changed for the better when people stand up for what is right. i believe that we can live in a world without sexism and misogny. this is why, everytime that i see an article along the lines of sexism like this i will myself to comment, no matter how many times i have said the same statements, probably to the same author over and over again, on the off chance that i will convince her of my side, or maybe make her look into what i am talking about.
“Stripped of her young innocence at the tender age of eleven, when most girls are undressing Barbie dolls, the 15-year-old boy next door was taking her clothes off.” Sex or the lack thereof is not what makes ANYONE innocent or not innocent. Just because this maybe-made-up-woman had sex when she was 15, does not mean that her innocence was lost. Innocence is lost when we commit a crime, why is her having sex equated with a crime?
“This promiscuous pattern followed her into adulthood, resulting in yet another pregnancy that she would later abort.” Why does she warrant a bad label such as this? Because she has had a lot of sex? Why is that a negative and not a positive? The more sex you have the better you are at it right? I have never heard the word ‘promiscuous’ used to describe a male who has had a lot of sex partners. Why do you choose to use such sexist, sex-phobic language to desscribe her, her sexual history, and sex in general?
“Unsurprisingly, none of these casual, sexual escapades flourished into long-lasting, healthy relationships. She allowed herself to be treated like the public bus stop. A handful came back time-and-time again, as long as she opened the door.” So often, when it comes to womyn we are taught that we should seek long lasting relationships. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship all the time, but i’ve never heard anyone say that they don’t want good sex. Womyn are taught to be and seen as gate keepers to sex, even when we want it just as much as he does. We are seen as giving something up.
Now, if a relationship is really want she wants then, ok. But in this article you’re taking away the possibilty that she might just be a natural, healthy, sexual person. I can admit that some womyn who are seeking love, look for it in men instead of themselves, which in turn has them having sex that they might not really want. However, a lot of sex with a lot of men does not make her a “whore” nor does it make you “loose” or “reckless”.
Sex comes with lots of responsibilities because of the physical, emotional, and mental ties that bind regardless of if its so-called “casual” or not. Even if you do not adhere to the Word of God that says that sex is designed ONLY for marriage…countless studies have shown the adverse effects sex has on children. Both she and the 15 year old boy have lost their innocence in that they have been exposed to an act that is not on par with their maturity levels. Sex between children is not something to be celebrated. Sex with many partners, male or female, is not something to be celebrated. Abortion is not something to be celebrated. Sex to children is not a gift, its a curse.
LaKeyshaF: Not all sex comes with emotional or mental ties. If she is mature enough at that age to have that type of sex, then so be it. The writer, also does not talk about the boy/man losing his innocence at that time, only her. And still you fail to let me know why it is bad to have many sexual partners? Maybe abortion is not something to be celebrated, but it is not something to be ashamed of either.
@ mikilikemouse:
“I have never heard the word ‘promiscuous’ used to describe a male who has had a lot of sex partners. ”
I don’t know about that, to me and a lot of other women I know, a guy with too many sexual partners is a ho’ i.e. promiscuous.
Amen Tameka! Religious rituals are about CONFORMITY and never transformation. Allowing the word or principles of God to touch your broken soul requires courage and a spiritually mature person or counselor to periodically lend a listening ear, warm heart and sage advice.
@mikilikemouse and ceecee
Our society refers to ho-ish men as “lady’s men”. Whatever!
I agree that more attention should be given to the issue of the sexual abuse of boys. But this commentary does an EXCELLENT job of capturing and defining the dilemma of this type of sister that I am very familiar with.
The key to her healing is to get a revelation on the GRACE of God and the destructive power of shame. You give th adversary power when you hide the ugliness of your past life. Secrecy and denial are huge burdens and keeps your spirit from growing. You have to be transparent and EMBRACE & ACCEPT God’s forgiveness.
One clue that a person has not forgiven themselves is that they are critical and judgemental of others. You cannot extend forgiveness when you have not accepted God’s forgiveness for your own self.
Another clue is over-achievement. Tyler Perry is a good example of that trait. “I’ll show you! I’ll be the best___________ that anyone has ever seen!” Many achieve because of their passion for their craft. Some do it for revenge or to fill a gapping hole in their heart, to find SIGNIFICANCE.
Avoidance. Silent treatments. Rehearsing the event in your mind or out loud over and over again. Uncontrollable angry outburst. These are all signs of bitterness and unforgiveness.
Break the chains. Be honest with yourself. Forgive and Grow.
I feel grateful that this article was written. First of all because alot of us need to get a be educated and made aware of things. And yes I do feel sex and realtionships period come with alot of baggage. I think more than the sex you’ve given to a man alot of girls because of the absence of fathers give themselves. They just want to be loved and then some no good man takes their body and uses it and then abuse their heart too. And don’t leave the married men out who cheat on their wives and tell all the lies. Because he will never leave just continue to use you emotionally, sexually and so on and so forth. Regardless we know women suffer alot more when it comes to this type of behavior. Because even when we don’t want the sex, we are raped and it is taken against our will. Sometimes they even say that we don’t love them if we don’t sleep with them. I really haven’t at this age understood or figured out what that means. Cause love is not having to do or engage in something you don’t feel you want to. So there are women and young girls truly sufferring in silence. They have no one who understands or are willing to bring this issue to the forefront. It makes you feel less than a woman, it makes you feel dirty after a while like this is all you’re worth or good for. So please don’t stop writing these type of articles of awareness. Also whoever thinks abortions doesn’t come with it’s share of hurt and pain is crazh and insane. Unless you are a murderer and haven’t admitted that to yourself. Not to say women shouldn’t have a choice cause I went there but there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I wouldn’t have made a different choice. And with Tyler Perry life story I’m glad he came out. Because it just lets you know no money 0r fame in the world makes the pain go away. Only Time!!!!! And the GRACe Of God if you believe.
@ LaKeyshaF,
Well Said. This type of sister (or even brother) need to know that Christ and God forgive us, but we still have to do our best everyday. No matter what. and whenever we fall, and people want to tear us down, He’ll always pick us up. That’s what what real faith is and not just “masking behind a scripture-filled, leather bound book.”
Let’s build each other up like family should!
I was going to go on a diatribe but LaKeyshaF said EVERYTHING so eloquently…I agree with her 100%
:-)