How to Be a Player

They say All Dogs Go to Heaven, but where do those other men go who have yet to get caught with their collars lying on someone else’s nightstand?

…probably to your house, if your luck is playing in their favor.

But what is luck really, when you embark upon a man who puts the “S” in Sizzle, the “C” in Charm, and dares to do more than just knock you off your feet and leave you breathless or wanting more?

In all honesty, unless you find a man with a patent on “Living up to your expectations,” I’d hold off on the wedding invitations for now. Even Tiger Woods proved that the Princess and the Frog isn’t the only black (a few degree’s black in his case) fairytale to surface in 2009, so you may want to examine the hype before buying into the product.

To be or not to be… Played.

Players make a living off of the part of us that’s continually dying; our hearts. Now I’m not saying that we women are running around with Black Roses on our mantles or mourning the presence of sunshine. I’m referring to the fact that we were born dying so our lives are like an hourglass that is merely grains of sand away from becoming dust. Because of that, our heart always wants to yield to a spark of life whenever it feels a strong one. Players are supercharged, and their knowledge of our vulnerability is why we connect to them so intensely.

How can you tell a player when you see one? Good question…

He might actually be the man lying right next to you at this present moment. All the while you’re without knowledge that there are 3 other women in your zipcode catching the same cool breeze off of “Ice Cold’s” heart. All of you wrapped in deep, yet only seconds away from feeling that ultra sting Babyface never prepared us for when you’re feeling the downside of getting caught in the wrong somebody’s Whip Appeal.

No, this isn’t a guide to all you Player’s out there that think Alaina Lewis has a Handbook handy for your learning purpose, I suggest you check www.becomeaplayer.com for that. What this is however is a light brush across the surface of the depth that is known as Playerdom.

Thanks to a few “good” men, who’ve all chosen to remain anonymous for the sake of keeping their “game” in tact, we have the opportunity to understand a little more about these predators so we can stop falling victim to their games and get away from the nightmares.

Clutch: So, when it comes to dating multiple women, or “Playing” them, as I like to refer to it, why is one woman not enough to satisfy you?

Because. Is one pair of shoes in your closet good enough to keep you from going to the shoe store and buying another pair? No. One pair of shoes just doesn’t go with everything. I like to keep my women the same way, because you can’t take every girl to the theatre or the Knicks game, so you gotta keep reserves around to fit every situation.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

Honestly, it might not be the woman, it might be the insecurity in the man that has him constantly wanting to prove a point. But for me, I like to fill in the imperfections. Since I can never find a perfect woman, if I can get 5 good women, I have a collective of perfect qualities in imperfect women to tap into whenever I want.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

The only way one woman might not be enough is because she may have a nice personality but not the looks to go with it, or vice versa. You try to find a fit. You might have one that you talk to all the time, or another who’s good in bed. So it’s not like we’re dating multiple women… really we’re dating pieces of women in multiple women that all together make up one satisfying woman. Does that make sense?

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: Do you ever think about how the other women feel?

Yes, I do, but only when I’m with them. Out of sight out of mind. Living that way keeps me from dealing with feelings. Really though, that question makes zero sense, because if I really cared about their feelings then why would I hurt a women in the first place?

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

Mostly it’s just about me because I’m thirsty.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

For me I do, I have a conscience. I’m one of the ones who tries to be honest sometimes, but my honesty with a woman depends on why she’s dating me. Sometimes women date us for different things. One might want to date us because the sex is good or I get their hair and nails done, or they’re on the rebound… When I know what the women I’m dating are on, that’s when my level of honesty and respect with them comes out but it depends on them first.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: So what would you define a player as, apart from the notion some men have that it’s just cheating not playing?

It’s only cheating when you get caught, everything else is just a game to me. Plus, I’m not the brother out here telling every girl I mess with that we’re “exclusive.” I stay away from those words, and when a woman I deal with starts talking commitment it’s time to for her to leave my Rolodex. I think women need to catch that if they don’t want to get played out here. It’s almost like they enjoy the anxiety. If a man won’t commit to you, or doesn’t care to even rep the conversation, then you ladies need to realize that they’re not yours for the keeping.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

A true player, like myself, is a man who can keep it real with all these women, and still have my cake and eat it too, at the same time. That’s a real player.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

The difference between a player and cheater is that a player has a goal… a cheater is just greedy. I might want to pay my car off, make it through a hard winter season or something, or I might just want a rest from the single life and want to dabble with feelings for a while… We’re not all the way cold blooded you know, we have feelings too, and sometimes we want to tango with them. Getting more than one girl is really an ego boost, but sometimes it’s just some personal stuff going on with us as to why we play around. Whether our moneys low, our manhood is too small, or our mama’s told us we’re ugly and now we want to take it out on the rest of the world- whatever. It’s an ego boost for us to be able to treat women like an agenda.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: When you see a woman you like, how do you know you’re going to “get her”?

Same way I get everything else I want; confidence, determination, and just by being me. When women see me in the streets, tailored suits, Benz, or sitting in VIP, it’s “in the bag,” just like Fabulous stated. Why? Because they can see I work hard for what I have, whether I got it on my own or whether one of my ladies sports the bill, that’s attractive to anyone. So really, the question should be, “How do you women know you’ve got what it takes to get me?”

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

It’s all about the sixth sense. If you got that swag, you got it, but if you don’t then you’re on your own with it. That’s why you’re interviewing me, because you know I got what it takes, just like the rest of these women out her. I get mine every time.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

Well we don’t know, everything is a task, but when I see something I want, I go and get it. Once I’ve conquered her, I either stay with it or move on.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: What is it about a certain woman that makes you know you’ve hit the jackpot and everything that they have, is yours for the taking?

When I see a woman willing to bend over backwards in just a short amount of time, or if she’s anxious and eager for me, I know she’s missing something, whether it’s love, money, or security. She’s deficient, plain and simple. This tells me and any other brother walking down the street, that if I step to that girl in the right way, and act as the void filler, whatever she has will be mine, and when I leave her alone, she’ll feel empty once again and will do whatever it takes so that I stay in my position. Even to the degree that she’ll let herself get played.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

When they do whatever I want them to, or something outlandish like drive across town to get me, loan me money from the very beginning knowing I can’t pay them back, nor was it my intention too. When you can ask a woman from jump if you can borrow her car when she goes to work, you know then that you got your money train. For women, when yall get to opening up your wallets and letting me take take take, I know it’s a sense of security for you. You women think that if you do these things, that you’ll always have someone to come home too, and most men won’t turn down what you’re offering whether we want it or not.

- Romantic Player, 25 years old.

It kind of depends on several things, how they react that first time after sex, what they offer you at the beginning… You’ll know because they’ll come in trying to spoil you and I’m like, ‘Ok, I’m going to take this real quick.’ The funny thing is, that might not have even been my intentions in the beginning, but when women come with it, I’m like damn. I mean, if I see a twenty dollar bill on the ground I’m going to pick it up.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: Do you think about settling down with any of these women you play?

No, it’s a hustle… work. I’m looking for a career. No one is married to their job, but they are married to their career. Playing women is not something I do for fun, it’s a means to an end. When I’m where I need to be in life, I want a woman who I can respect, not someone who let me walk all over them to get to where I need to be.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

I would never settle down with a woman that’s too easy to get.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

The thing is, I have no problem settling down with a woman, but can she settle down with me and my habits. If women would stop looking at my cheating on her as cheating, and see it how I see it… dessert, or an extra curricular activity, then we’d be okay. I’d keep my bullsh** from home. The problem is women want to have me to themselves. Just because I’m in love doesn’t mean I don’t crave variety. People who eat steak might want McDonald’s from time to time, or to go down to the ‘hood and grab them a fried chicken dinner. I have no problem settling, but the one I settle with has to be able to understand that.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: Why do you think women are so into you?

I don’t think its so much that women are into me, I think it’s more like women aren’t into themselves. I mean you can see the ugliest brother out here bagging 2 or 3 fine sisters. Are they really into him? No, but what he does is represent their insecurity. Most of yall will be happy to have someone even if it’s the wrong someone. Some of these brothers out here are so doggish that all a man has to do is say “Hi” in a club or buy one of you women a drink and like I said before, ‘it’s in the bag’. Women are into “Attention.” If I pay you some attention, I could have what I wanted from you in seconds. Attention is what you women crave, and if I’m interested, that’s all it takes, whether she’s single or not, since some of these men in relationships leave the front door open for someone like me to get in without the key.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

I think it’s because I recognize that even though not every women is a Beyonce, I can still treat em like a gentleman would. Most men are assholes about it, but there is a way you can be charming to these women. Flowers, restaurants, romance, something deeper than just worrying about getting in bed all the time. Whether you’re playing these women or not, you have to have some type of element of romance to go with the whole set up.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

I’m not afraid to let go. If you see me walking confident, you’re going to want to follow me. I think my confidence is what draws them in. You can stay or go, I don’t care, but my ability to be able to walk away is what keeps them hanging on. They want a piece of the pie… Isn’t that what we all want in life? A piece of the pie? They’re just getting a piece of my pie, and I’m serving it gracefully. Everybody needs to eat, and I like to feed the needy. You hear me? [Laughs]

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: What’s the worst thing you ever did to a woman while you were “Playing” her that you actually regret?

I was with this one woman, who I know was in love with me, but just very insecure. She’d give me what I wanted, took care of me, and I took her car out one weekend, her new car, and on my way to one of my other women’s houses I crashed it. I guess the reason I regret it was because she had a good heart, even through all the stuff I did to her. I sometimes wonder to this day where she is. I’m probably the reason she’s playing men herself right now. [Laughs]

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

This one woman made me super mad, matter of fact I was provoked into this because even when I’m playing women I have a conscience. Our issue happened over money… but to make a long story short, I went and picked her friend up one night, and we had a “Good Time,” if you feel me, and I went back and threw it in her face. It hurt her bad, and I guess since I broke up their friendship, plus left her alone, I feel a little wrong about it. She was left empty handed.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

I made her take one of my other women home…

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.

Clutch: Do you think women like to be played or is all of your luck just coincidental?

Hell yes you women like to be played. I think it’s because most of you enjoy having something to complain about to the degree where you’ll put yourself in the line of fire. Plus, you sisters aren’t exactly innocent. Most of yall are out here playing people too, so it becomes a game to see who can play whom first. Like a chess board. I always win of course because I like to think 5 steps ahead of every move a women could make. You never see me coming, but I can read you women every time.

- The Cocky One, 33 years old.

I think some actually enjoy it. They act like it. It seems like whenever you meet someone on a whim and you’re trying to be serious, they start pushing you away. If I gotta go through all that, then I’ll take it as it comes.

- The Romantic Player, 25 years old.

I think women like competition. You see these women in the club, dressed all jazzy with the latest purse and the shoes and the hair done… Those are the ones who like to compete. You have to know how to read them. You see the ones who want to compete… you treat them differently, and that slowly gives them competition. Women love to be chosen. If you half choose a woman and have her with one foot in and one foot out, she wants you to choose the other half too. It’s kind of like a mind thing. So it’s not really them wanting or liking to be played, it’s them liking to compete for what I got for them.

- The Conscious Player, 29 years old.