How Soon Is Too Soon?

“If you like it then you should have put a ring on it”…is what you hear signifying that you have an incoming call. You smile as you see the name on the phone. It’s him. The one who makes your heart skip a beat. He says he is coming over in half an hour. You hang up elated because you are going to see your love. You begin to clean and fix yourself up in anticipation of his arrival. “Ding dong”…you race to the door at the speed of light. You open it expecting a hug and kiss, but instead of his usual smile he has a frown. You ask what’s wrong and that’s when he lays it on you…it’s over. He no longer wants to be with you, but still wants to be friends. After 2 years of more ups than downs…it’s over. Fast forward to 7 months later and you still have not gone out on one date. Men have asked you out countless times, but you always say no. Your girlfriends keep telling you “It’s time to get out there and date again. 7 months is long enough.” All you can think to yourself is, “Is there a set time limit between relationships?”

This is a question that many men and women have asked themselves at some point in time. I was once told to divide the amount of time that I had been with someone in half and that is how long it will take to get them out of my system. For example, if you were in a relationship for a year it will take 6 months before you are ready to date again. Once this time has passed then you can move on. We constantly see celebrities going from one relationship (or hook up) to the next and people always comment that, “it’s too soon, they need to take more time.” Recently, there has been a lot of talk about Rihanna (yea I know I am tired of seeing her name too) and her new “boo” Matt Kemp. There have been mixed opinions about whether or not she moved on too soon. It has been almost a year since the chaos that took place on the night of the Grammy’s. If a year is not a good time to move on then when is and what predicates this time decision?

After taking a poll of 20 men and women ranging from the ages of 23 to 30, I found that 93% stated that they believed that there is no set time between when a person should start a new relationship after getting out of a previous one.

After taking a poll of 20 men and women ranging from the ages of 23 to 30, I found that 93% stated that they believed that there is no set time between when a person should start a new relationship after getting out of a previous one. Instead, it should be based upon how the last relationship ended and when that person feels that they are ready to move on. If it ended on good terms, then possibly only a month or two is all it will take to move on. If things ended horribly, as in the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna, it may take a lot more time. Baggage is one thing that no one should take into a new relationship. It is not fair to the new person to have to deal with the mistakes of the last man/woman. If you still cry when you hear a particular song, you may not be ready yet. If you are constantly comparing the new boo to the old one, you may not be ready yet. Antoine Nichols (24) said, “Usually people who set rules for relationships regarding time and things of the sort end up alone….do what works for you…Everyone is different so there [is] no blanket rule/time limit that can be applied, especially when emotions are involved.” It is also important to be able to distinguish a “hook up” from a relationship. Just because he/she slept with someone doesn’t always mean they are ready and/or trying to be in a new relationship.

Friends and family for the most part have your best interests at heart in terms of helping you to get over a failed relationship, but in the end it is up to you. There are times when it may be apparent that someone jumped into another relationship too soon (after a 5 year relationship they are with someone new in 2 weeks). Though we have our thoughts and opinions, only that person knows whether or not they are ready. If it is too soon then they will reap the repercussions of their decision. Hopefully they will learn more about themselves and grow, but setting time limits puts pressure on people to do something they may not be ready to do yet. It could also cause them to miss out on the “real thing” because it has only been three months and according to the rules they have to wait another three.

Love is something that should never be rushed. Take your time, know yourself, love yourself and then move when you feel the time is right.