WTH?! That’s Her?

So it’s been confirmed: your man is cheating. Tricking. Stepping out on you. After you snooped through his texts and uncovered his Facebook flirting, cracked his email address and hacked his Twitter account, heeded your cousin’s warnings and listened to your best friend’s plots for vigilante justice, it’s really real. What started out as an unsettling suspicion gnawing at the bottom of your stomach was promoted to a nagging pang in the back of your head that became a reality brighter than a cheap pastel Easter suit right in front of your very eyes. But then you stumble across a picture or worse—see the chick in person—and you think what the blazin’ frumpy hell?! Is it be kind to animals month or did I really get played for this?!

Guys will insist that cheating has less to do with how physically irresistible the side piece is and more about the need she’s fulfilling that main girlfriend can’t or won’t. (Even my own boyfriend dared to cosign this idea, which proves he really does have a steel set given the highly sensitive nature of the subject and the potentially volatile nature of this writer.) And in the land of logical checks and balances, it would make sense if your man percolated on your commitment for a breathtaking sista built like the human number eight. Heck, the offense might even seem somewhat forgivable. But being dissed for Brianna Basic can rock your self-confidence down to its core. What does this no-frills heffa bring to your man’s table that you don’t?

With the 80/20 rule in play, there’s as many answers as there are homewreckin’ hoochies in the world. (And with the march of reality TV starlets still beating strong, we’re ever-dismayed to know just how many that is.) Knowing that despite your best, all-in effort, only 80 percent of your dude’s needs are going to be satisfied makes that 20 percent deficient seem like a chasm as wide as Louis Farrakhan’s part. It’s an open invitation for trouble, even in the tightest couples. In the end, does it really matter how the woman who can come between you and your main squeeze looks? Not at all. But it sure makes for plenty of good heckling ammunition when you and your sista circle gets hold of the information.

So beautiful ones, you know as well as I do that 1) a Negro who takes his 20 percent out to market doesn’t deserve your time or tears in the first place and 2) the other woman who didn’t realize she was indeed the other woman should get a pass from any harassment about her physical shortcomings, especially when measured against someone as fabulous as yourself. But if said side chick was a willing participant, fully knowledgeable about you and your role as his woman/wife/girlfriend/lady, then get ready to be as creative as Mother Nature made her homely. It ain’t about maturity—it’s about comedy.