Over the past two years I’ve heard the same story about Black women still being single at age 30 – 38. One thing that brothers like me know is that women aren’t taking into account what’s really going on around them and with them. First of all, why are Black women in such a hurry to get married? Why the urgency? Is it because of the media? Is it because all the reality shows are about love? Is it because women want to have kids by a certain age? I don’t care what anyone says, you can’t force a man to be with you. If you do you set yourself up for failure. You never allowed him to form his own reason for being with you. Also, don’t desire a man just for the sake of having one. That defeats the whole purpose of a relationship. If you go this route the union will be based on a false ideal.  ABC News Nightline asked the question: ” Why Are 42% of successful Black women single?” 42% of Black women having never been married who said they were looking for Black men earlier in their lives, are now open to interracial dating. Those women should have been open to interracial dating in the first place instead of limiting themselves to Black men only. It doesn’t matter who you marry or date as long as you like them and they like you back.

Side Note: There is proof to show that many White women get married younger than Black women. I saw it for myself in my “Oral Communications” class. We all had to get up and say a few things about ourselves and there were two white females and a white male who stated they were either engaged or already married. They were also in their junior and senior years. None of the Black students in the class talked about being engaged or married.

Things would be better if we hold back on affection like hugging and kissing as little as possible when we start relationships with the opposite sex. It keeps you from being distracted. This will allow you to get to know the person for who they really are instead of liking him or her for being a good kisser. There is nothing wrong with hugging and kissing. What I’m talking about is the tight grip hugs and the long drawn out kissing with tongue. It causes your mind to go somewhere else and we all know where that is. When you get deeper into the relationship, you notice things that you couldn’t see in the beginning when you were doing all the kissing instead of asking the questions.

People also have goals. The women in the ABC story were successful as well as attractive, but also very busy. They all had Bachelor degrees or were pursuing Masters and PhD’s. Who has time for a relationship when you’re pursuing things like this? I know I don’t. I personally would rather not have a girlfriend when just starting college because it’s just a distraction for me right now. Statistically, when guys have girlfriends in college they will come out with a low GPA, and the girl they were trying to impress the whole semester will have a 3.5 GPA. Then, the guy is looking around, feeling stupid and asking himself what happened.

So, what I suggest is if there is a guy you like, take the time to be friends first instead of jumping into an exclusive relationship. Although there should be some form of monogamy between the two of you, I encourage you to be patient. One more thing to keep in mind that men aren’t always going to say they like you. I think if women will simply let a man know they like him, he’ll be more likely to gravitate to you because he already knows for sure that you like him. I don’t mean be all over the guy, but you know sometimes girls should ask for a guy’s number or ask him out on a date. Women say they want a 50/50 relationship. Well, that’s part of it too.

My whole reason for writing this is to let black women know its okay to be single. Don’t be in such a hurry to get into a relationship and get married. It’s Okay.

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  • Shellfish789

    Furst of all there is nothing wrong with being single…….
    As far as White women being married and not Black women….

    They allow themselves to be taking advantage of, they let their men do what ever they want (which includes being on the DL, having other women, verbal and physical abuse)

    Black women will not let you take advantage of them and they are not going to tolerate Bad behavior from men….

    I’m single and I’m a good woman…..I’m single by choice…

    What I see now for choices ….I’ll pass

    I could have gotten married to a man who wanted me to quit my dreams to focus on his dreams…he was also Bi-sexual and mentally abusing……he found someone who would put up with it! Glad its not me!

    A lot of women who are married are putting up with lots of DRAMA and issues men bring to the table……

    A smart woman is not going to tolerate bad behavior and would rather be alone for Peace of mind than drama……