The Future Old Man In the Club

There’s a few reasons why a man over the age of 25 is still single.

1.) He’s not interested in finding love. Maybe he’s still on that quest to find himself. Or rather, he may have won that search a long time ago and realized that love is not a necessary part of his personal equation. Being alone is his norm.

2.) He’s damaged goods and would rather stay clear of that ticking time bomb many of us call a heart, even though he still longs to be close to a little TNT from time to time. Being brokenhearted doesn’t mean you don’t get lonely, but it will make you stop taking chances on those worthwhile relationships some of us are still seeking.

3.) He’s making big moves in his career, and adding an extra pulse to his already overstressed situation may throw him off balance, leading him further away from his target and closer to a relationship he could have built when he was already married to his accomplishments.

4.) He doesn’t want to settle down due to all those uncharted waters he has yet to sail. Putting it simply…there’s still too much “love in the club” for him to go home to the same ole woman every night.

The Future Old Man In the Club: that handsome guy who you’ll see around the age of 18, who after mastering his first conquest goes on to dabbling with a plethora of untapped measures at 21, conquering entire nightclubs of single women at 25, and testing the limitations of his weakening stamina from the age of 35 and beyond. If he’s still got a leg to stand on and enough botox stocked on his shelves to convince the younger ladies in the club, that yes, Grandpa’s still got it.

Yeah you’ve seen him. He’s the much older brother who walks into the club straight from his Chicago Steppers Class wearing a pimp daddy suit, gators, and a Kangol hat. He’s sipping Jack and Coke and eye balling the crowd of scantily-clad ladies behind his aviators and dilated pupils. He likely drives a classic, a Delta 88 or an old skool Monte Carlo. If he doesn’t, it’s merely his attempt to keep up with the times because there’s nothing worse than a older man trolling for young love when he’s still locked back in 1977. (I apologize for the stereotyping, but I was just describing the older gentleman that bought me a drink last night while I was out on the town. At least I left out the part about him having a cane.)

Sadly enough, when you look around, some of the men you know in your peer group today are working their way up to carrying the “Future Old Man” torch.

But how did it happen? How did these “Grandpas” find themselves in the same predicament that you’re in as a fresh faced adult, uncovering rocks and pebbles to see if someone worth while is resting off the beaten path and interested in doing more than sharing a couple laughs during small conversation? How is it that after all these years, he’s still in the running for someone to go home with when from my point of view, he should have conquered that race a long time ago?

It’s easy. He stopped looking as the ease of abiding by virtue and the necessary steps it used to take to hit first base became relaxed and all you had to do was ask and you were able to receive nookie without the commitment. In other words, we women hold a little responsibility in making it so that the Future Old Man in the Club never has to settle down.

But it’s not all our fault, men don’t need a scapegoat when it comes to placing the blame.

If there’s an argument for the amount of single black women running around and the decline of our marriage rates, then there needs to be a discussion on the number of single black males who factor into this situation for outright refusing to settle down with any one woman because of their continual lust for getting it in with new “tang.”

School taught us the difference between the maturity rates of the male compared to that of a female who seemingly eases into her understanding of adulthood and responsibility. But it seems like somehow, during the males stride to make it all the way to the top of the Wisemans Mountain, they’ve begun to taper off for good before finishing their attempt to reach the summit.

Many start to get all too comfortable maxing and relaxing somewhere on that pleasurable incline between sewing their wild oats and settling down with one woman. Some eventually do find their way into the matrimony sack, but as the years progress, and the marriage rates digress by the hour, who needs to cop a ring, when they’re at feels soooo good where all the benefits come at such a lower cost?

Really the Future Old Man In the Club is just your average guy who refuses to let anyone smother his future opportunities. He enjoys his freedom just like anyone else, but his concept of time and his inability to utilize a stop watch when considering his departure from youthdom has him trolling for cuties year after year as long as opportunities remain available. And no one, including himself, takes notice of his permanent laugh lines and graying hair.

With songs like the New Boyz’, You Ain’t Gon Tie Me Down, and with Jay-Z shouting out, On To the Next One, promiscuity is becoming more popular than Facebook. “30 is the new 20,” and 40 is the start of a new beginning. “You’re only as old as you feel.” Men nowadays hear a multitude of slogans that are designed to be the rhyme and reason behind the war with settling down with one woman. But the down side for the Future Old Man In the Club is that after a while, just like anyone else who is actively searching, the hunt becomes tiresome and eventually you’ll wish you had a guarantee.

As men get older, and their friends start to marry their significant others, that brother who swore an oath to stay single for a lifetime begins to long for the very thing he shoved to the side: love. He does a replay back in his mind on the trail of broken hearts he left behind and all the good women he gave up who eventually found love in the arms of another. He finds himself back in the same spot where it all began: the club. But instead of looking for a one night stand, he’s hoping to cross paths with his past and stumble upon a guarantee. But it’s never really that easy for them, especially when you’re looking for something you already had, but took for granted.