Why He Only Texts You

by Geneva S. Thomas

He was special. That’s what you told yourself when you gave him your number. He texts you the evening’s typical, “what u doin.” It’s been a over a month and in the interim of bragging to your girls about how fine he is, you ask yourself, “why hasn’t he called?” You become concerned, running that line of chronic excuses in your head.

“Well, maybe he’s busy. It is during work hours.”

“It’s must be a bad connection. He has Sprint and I have AT&T.”

“Maybe he thinks the suspense is sexy. He’s going to call me this weekend.”

Friday and Saturday have passed. It’s Sunday evening. Right after the quintessential Lifetime flick, you work up an exercised nerve to call him. Making sure it’s after 9 standing on your balcony, you leave no excuse to be had around availability and cellular connection.

You’re a bit apprehensive and admittedly agitated. You dial each digit slowly right before you stop to stare into nothingness telling yourself, “He ain’t ever called me. Why should I bother.” You look down at your phone and press call.

1st ring…

2nd ring…

3rd ring (you think of hanging up)…


You feel like a lame. “Damn, he couldn’t even pick up.” Your busy yourself. Deciding that you’ll wash the dishes your roommate left. Just before you retire to bed, you hear your phone’s text alert. It’s him. The text reads, “What up?”

You’re floored. It’s a mere 20 minutes after you called him and instead of returning your call, he texts you.

Ladies, if a man texts you exclusively, this is a major indicator that he has a girlfriend. Think about it. It’s been over a month and you haven’t had one conversation. You’re the type of girl that is fed by men physically and intellectually. You value the opportunity to talk with the man your digging for hours. You understand that if a man truly wants to get to know you, it can’t do it via text.

Here’s another thing to think about, the technology of phone texting allows us to text inconspicuously. Hell, you even make it a practice to text your BFF from the weekly staff meetings you dread. What could really stop a dude from texting you in the company of his girl?

Listen, I’m not promoting paranoia here, but take it from me. It’s only a matter of time before his number finally shows up on your phone. But it won’t be the voice you remembered. It’ll be the voice of his girl.

  • reallynow

    The reality is men really don’t like just “talking” – text is direct and to the point. Its also a lot less time consuming. Men are solution oriented, they find very little value in “talking” about stuff. We are not wired the same way, when we see a problem, we don’t talk it out, we look for solutions.

    Maybe he just does not want to hear all the latest bs from you about your girls and where you want to go shopping, what ya mama nem did and what dumb ass reality show you are currently involved in.

    Face it, most of ya’ll just ain’t that interesting.

    This is why TEXT RULES!

  • http://www.max-logic.com max

    100% co-sign this post. Text-only conversation is a dead giveaway of a girlfriend.

  • Sia

    It is not always a dead giveaway of a girlfriend…it could just mean that he is a player, in general. I can’t tell you how many times I would get a “How r u” or “What are you up to” or “hey gorgeous”. If he doesn’t specifically address it to you or put something in the text pertaining to you, you have just been the victim of a MASS TEXT that he sent to you and all the rest of his side pieces! If I give a guy my number and he says that he is gonna call me, I expect a call, not a text.

  • Brina

    If I’m really interested in the guy, I dead the texts immediately and I let them know what it is up front and if they aren’t down then they have my permission to erase my number….no harm, no foul but I refuse to be part of the “mass for ass” text msging.

    Another way to sift through the bullsh!t

  • Unique_one

    Thanks for this article. I met a guy online about a month ago and just now gave him my number a few days ago. Since then, we have been texting like crazy. I know he’s a texter and I’m both a texter and talker. I am going to do the “texting” thing for a week and then see if we can actually talk. If not, he gets the deuces. lol

  • Yes Really

    let’s be really real reallynow, guys put in the effort when they had to, the problem with texting is there is a lot of ambiguity involved with txts and the author of the article is right, you can do it from anywhere (I am super guilty of texting during work). So if I have given my number to a guy and he only texts me in the first couple of days and doesn’t make an effort to call me I just stop responding to the texts. No biggie right? You don’t want to hear my voice – cool, other fishies in the sea. Plus what happens when you are in her company you’re going to hear all that dumb sh*t anyway so… Obviously you just aren’t that into her and that was the point this article was making.

  • thinkpink

    All of my friends have had this problem but I’ve never had to deal with it. I don’t reply to text messages. Period. Men will eventually catch on. I believe I’m at least worthy of a phone call and if a man doesn’t agree he can move on to the next. Besides what great romances begin via text message?

  • Alexandra

    Great article!! Some girls just don’t get it. They make all sorts of excuses to why he hasn’t called.
    Point is: he’s just not that into you. When a guy really likes a girl, texting is not the only thing he’ll be doing.

    I agree 100%.

  • Lisa

    I like guys and girls but i met this dude i liked it was really just his looks but anyway i approached him first because for one he seem kind of shy and I can tell he was shy because a couple days later we out and the whole time he was blushing when i said something to him and he was too interested in his blackberry phone twitting, so me and my friend left, as soon as i left he texted me why you leave I told him i felt like he was not that interested in me so he text well how you know i’m not shy and from there on I knew for sure he is shy and kind of weird but I was cool with that because I’m also interested in women so it wasn’t like he was gettin all of attention and he contacts me first via text and the times we did talk on the phone there was always silence in less we were talking about a chick so he text me way more than he call and if he is a player that’s all on him because i never devote my time or energy in some dude…..oh yeah we had sex the third day of me even getting his phone number (my choice) and that was about 3 or 4 months ago and just this week i have not heard from him but that’s ok with me because out of this whole 4 months I may have contacted him first maybe twice via text and i never call him in less I’m on my way over his house or something. but when I do text him or tell him to call, he do contact me right back, but this time it’s been a week and he will not hear from!!!

  • Beautiful Me

    Lisa u seem very lost and confused. Try searching inward before you expect a real man to remotely entertain thoughts of wifing you.

  • Melissa

    The bottom line is texting creates and keeps distance. And if you’re a woman who knows how to handle her business you have to wonder “Why won’t this guy pick up the phone and call??”, and call him (so to speak) on it. It’s not only a sign that he could have a girlfriend, it’s a sign of how he feels (or doesn’t feel) about you. If a guy is really into you HE WILL bother to call. If you’re an after thought then he’ll stick with texting. I personally find it aggravatingly rude to only text and I don’t stand for it. I’ve dealt with this recently. I had to tell him he needed to make actual phone calls like a grown up or don’t bother. Nothing beats old-school communication.

  • jubilee

    I think the guy is rude if all he does is text you. If a guy really liked you, he would go out of his way to talk to you since you BOTH have cellphones. and you couldn’t get away from him if you tried…..I think the guy either has a girlfriend or is married

  • Crystal

    I agree with post, men who only text is taken. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. I met a guy once at a grocery store, he provided his number, called him later that night and got his voicemail, left message. Ok, no biggie. The next morning he texted to say good morning and kept texting until about 7pm. Now, I’m not a big texter, so I tried calling him about 8pm, no answer, got voicemail again. No more texts until the next morning. Ok, now I’m curious, what the hell is going on! He won’t call period, he only text, BUT only at certain times of the day….oh yeah, he LIVING with someone, lol. Never answer his texts after that. Of course, he kept texting me for about 2 weeks, telling me how much he wanted to get to know me. Finally, he got the picture. Women who fall for this text only crap, are silly. Look at all the little clues, listen to your inner voice, and trust, you will avoid a lot of senseless crap.

  • binky

    I don’t agree with the article. Because I’ am a rare woman who hates to talk on the phone only if it is for emergencies. I prefer to text too. Yeah their are occassions where I will carry a conversation but usually I’ am a texter and the guys I have dated don’t have a problem with it or we met in the middle of talking and texting or just being around each other. Let’s face it, people who talk on the phone trys to fill the silence, or think of something fun and insightful to say, or don’t want to be look as stupid if the wrong thing comes out, texting is direct and simple, no fuss! And if I do want to have a conversation I prefer talking to you in person.

    Yeah some guys could have an agenda and a girlfriend when he only texts you and some guys don’t. But let’s be honest, if a guy call you constantly, he could have a girlfriend too! so…you really can’t tell.

    Just like most things in life people’s phone habits and communication skills is subjective, what one person might do another doesn’t

  • DCist

    I agree with Binky. I’m an adult female and I have a very busy and demanding career. The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is carry on a long conversation about nothing or use up any additional brain power. I just want relax, so I often ignore calls and respond via text. This doesn’t much interfere with my quite time as it only takes a few moments to respond. And if the conversation is good it may even brighten up my evening.

    Side note: If I were in a relationship or really feeling the man, I would then expect a call. And I would be excited to talk (verbally).

  • http://melleau.com Melle

    I am SO happy I found this blog. I needed to read the truth. I have been talking to this guy for about a year and a half now and we used to talk on the phone every single day and then we stopped because he called too much and I was busy. Now he never calls and only texts me. I like him a lot and we talked last week for the first time in some months but he never calls me. I have an awful suspicion he might have a girlfriend.

    On the other hand, I keep thinking that maybe he is shy or hurt about when I snapped at him for calling me too much. I am a pre-medicine student and I rarely have the time to think to myself let alone talk and now I am exhausted and I just want to study or sleep (or read great blogs like “clutch”). Still…it would be nice if a guy could call a girl once in a while.

  • TruthHurtsButDenialsWorse

    Sorry, to the ladies directly above Melle, but you are the exception (you, not necessarily him) but not the rule. We ladies have this way of , like Geneva said, making too many excuses for men, and trust me they are well aware of most of them. It’s not such a bad thing to make excuses for people, actually it should be put into more use because people generally jump to conclusions about things and people. HOWEVER, when it comes to gender relations, hellllz yeaa there are conclusions and they are tried, tested, and true (unfortunately by most women who have experienced it one way or another, regardless of the technology being used). This texting * phenomenon* is just a symptom of the ‘he’s just not that into you’ bug popularized but not discovered by Greg Behrent. Just like you’ve heard a million times before, if a man WANTS you, he will SHOW you. Yes, you may both have extremely busy lives, and yes you may not be a phone person, but you know that little feeling in your gut that somethings off, TRUST IT. It will never fail you, and a man will never treat you with more than you expect. If you expect texts, and get superexcited about them, and respond, then hours later that high from talking to him goes away and yet again wonder why he ain’t call or take you out, that’s YOUR fault. If you’re not getting what you need, then why are you giving him what he needs when he needs it? We need to upgrade our expectations, cuz if not you’re. only wasting your own time not his, cus he’s getting what he needs from that text. your ATTENTION.

  • Fiorena

    I had absolutely no idea people were in the same situation as me! It feels good to know i am not the only one! When he texts you does your heart stop beating? You tell yourself you won’t talk to him anymore, but when his name appears on your screen you melt- if this is true for anyone, please let me know. My texter began last year in high school. He wouldn’t talk to me at school, or over the phone. Almost a year has gone by and he continues to text me everyday, but has never called, even though he almost finished his first year in college now. He has only been home for a one week since he left and he managed not to see me. I know he sounds like a jerk, and I sound pathetic for continuing this messed up relationship, but I fell for him over a year ago and now I can’t seem to let him go. I know the truth of what I should do (ditch him like a hot rock), but it would be great to here your views.. please!

  • donna

    yes i agree only texting is frustrating , but i believe that there is something more behind a person,that uses text messages. It shows lack of intimatacy,. I would call him once and thats it. If he fails to call me , Then its OVER.

  • Keebo

    Hmmm sounds like you’re an “on the self” girl, placed on reserve, being groomed to be a side piece or he’s a foreign spy. The article speaks volumes – he’s screening you and created a vacuum where he has control of the communication. When you continue to text back, you are telling him that it’s okay to treat you this way.

    Why expect people to change if they don’t have to? I say rip the hook out and throw this dinky fish back into the sea.

  • so_true

    i so agree with most of the posts on here and wish i came across this early on. i have just gone through the same thing with a man and i have finally stopped replying to his messages! we were dating for about a month and all he did was text with about 3 calls in between! i light heartedly mentioned it at the beginning but i should have been more firm about it as he obviously didnt take it seriously and the texts carried on. The biggest mistake was the one i made and that is to respond back to his texts = give him the attention! Ladies – follow your gut instincts early on and do not waste your time on a man that can’t even take a few minutes out of his day to call you and ask how you are OVER THE PHONE.

  • Tia

    i feel like texting is the easy lazy way to do things. and i notice alot of men are relying on this as a way of communication, im in my early 30s and i see guys my age doing it.
    now its ok if you have had some dates or phone calls and he wants to text y ou during the day or whatever, ,but as a main form of communication its unacceptable. It requires 0 effort on his part, it makes me feel like im someone on the backburner he is contemplating until one of his other girls on the sides calls him or something. I have had quite a few men give me their numbers or ask and then ONLY text, i will give him a few days and if he is still texting, i just don’t respond. unfortunately in this society like so many other things its becoming increasingly ok to do things like this and not really have to deal with/ interact with others.

  • noor

    i am 26, i joined university to do my masters last Sept. i met a guy there and we selected all our classes together, we really clicked, and spent a lot of time as friends together, things started to change but we never became couple although so many times we were a lot more than just friends! he had bad relations before, so he says he is not ready yet feels safe with me..the reason i am sharing the details is because he never calls! we only communicate through text and of course when we meet..

    i am really confused! i believe he is not ready, i believe he is a good guy, yet something ain’t right :(

  • http://google AF

    Some men have been spoiled by new technology and they have made it a crutch. The guy that I’m writing this comment about is someone that I take a class with. In class he is a charming, sweet, interesting guy, but since we started “talking” things have changed. I do understand that he has had a rocky past, and starting something new is intimidating, but his approach is that of a teenaged boy. We have only spoken on the phone once and all other communication has been by text. I have even gave strong hits in my text about meeting outside of class, but all he says is ” yea we should do that”. Either this dude has NO BALLS or he is playing games, either way I have no time for it. Can’t stand an immature so called man (36)…….very big turn off !!!!

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