I Love Fat Boys
I love fat boys. Yes, you read me correctly. There is nothing like a husky, teddy-bear like brotha. I’m talking about Cedric “The Entertainer,” Ruben Studdard, Timberland, American Idol’s Big Mike and this gorgeous big winner who calmed me when I fell into his bulky arms watching the return of Freddie Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street. I like em’ tall, looks like he belongs on the 50 yard line, Krispy Kreme-eating, swoop me up like a leaf fat boy. You know, the kind of brotha that used to be cock diesel in high school and later put a lot weight on that muscle? And ladies, if he has dimples, a precise goatee, BK-esque swag and a job, it’s OVA. Remember Heavy D? Heavy repped tough for the plus-size brothas. LL Cool J wasn’t the only emcee rhyming about love. Heavy’s “Is It Good to You” and “Somebody for Me” demonstrated to women that it’s not about how much he weighs, it’s about how treats you. Heavy might have been the “Overweight Lover” but he was certainly light on his feet dancing with The Boyz.
In the midst of my fat boy jonsing, I’m thinking: why isn’t it the same for the plus-size sistas? When I overheard these chicks on the A train talking about how Rick Ross could get it (yes, they were serious), I wondered if I’d ever eavesdrop some fellas saying the same thing about Sherri Shepherd?
Why the double standard?
Yes, I know we live in a patriarchal society laden with monstrous male egos. Blah. Blah. Blah. But this one continually perplexes me. Funny thing is, most fat boys love skinny girls. Mid-puberty, I secretly wondered how my very overweight Pastor and his very gaunt wife got it in. I thought to myself, ummm…now is she always on top? Doggie style every night could get a little boring. Does his weight crush her? Does she get nervous before bed? Yeah, these thoughts weren’t Christ-like. But I was a curious 13. Service regularly ran over and I had to keep myself from getting in trouble for playing a 2nd round of SOS with my cousin in the youth balcony.
Isn’t it fascinating we never see those post-Jimmy Kimmel weight-loss infomercials catered to men? It’s consistently a focus on the latest get-skinny craze for women. There’s a Jenny Craig but there isn’t a James Craig. I swear if we saw as many weigh-loss ads for men as hair regrowth ads, the world would be a fairer place. Why aren’t men bothered with the burden of losing weight like women are?
In my quest for Mr Right and/or Mr. Right Now, there is no place on my list for size. Now, he can’t be one of those obese, excess skin stuck to the couch dudes from the Maury Povich show. If he’s a Big Mike-sized brotha, I’d go out with him. Heck, I’m a 130-pounder who just might fall in love with him. But we rarely see thin brothas checking for full figured sistas. If you see a thin man with a big girl, often times it’s because she gained weight and he’s just being loyal. At least that’s what we presume. Mo’Nique and her husband represents a sheer minority in this case. Pop culture is certainly not offering representations of this experience. Queen Latifah and Common are a revolutionary on-screen couple in new film Just Wright offering viewers a love story about a plus-size Black woman and a very attractive, thin and in shape star basketball player. The story line still managed to wiggle Paula Patton in the picture though. The cool thing is, Queen Latifah wins over Common. How uncommon is this?
Now I know loads of men will declare, “Hey, brothas are visual people. We can’t help what we like no matter what size we are.” Right! As if my big boned sistas go without dilating pupils for a sexy beast of a man. Try again.
It’s just me at my tech stump speech challenging one double standard at a time. Sound off.
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Elle Michelle on
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Clap, clap. Bravo. There is no need for us to criticism each other's body types.
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grateful on
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Elle Michelle on
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I’m gonna have to buy this shirt. While reading this article all I could do was smile. One because I have to admit that I love me a thick (fat) brotha too :), and two because I have always wondered the same thing about men being overweight and not caring as much as women tend to do…and if thin men are actually attracted to thick women at first site?? Oh the questions…
I’m an a thick young lady myself and I have always wondered what size my man would be, if I would always have to be on the bottom so I wouldn’t “hurt” him, and why in the world does this matter? lol!! I’m a visual person too and I think most people are no matter what the heck they say! Why men aren’t attracted to thick sistas..mmmm…Idk.
I am not a big girl(and only spent a brief period of time between sizes 8 and 10, a few years back, now i am now and forever a 2/4)however, i am aware of quite a few men, in general that like their “sistas” on the thicker side, some of them even have dating weight restrictions. i remember a point in time where this was the general consensus, don’t know how many times i was told i was too damn skinny by some boy. perhaps it was the region of the country in which i resided( i am originally a southern gurl), but this also occurred in Alaska, so maybe things have just changed!!!!
i have also dated a “fat” boy!!! about 6’4, and he was my pooh bear!!! i felt safe and secure when i was with him, at home, or out and about! but i think that is where the doubt standard comes in, men, are by nature, our protectors(the men in my life are at least), its okay and up to a point beneficial for them to be larger, whether its fat muscle, or both!!!
women are traditionally and stereotypically the weaker sex. you are “suppose” slight and easily “handled” by your man!! not saying this is how i feel, just grasping at straw to understand the phenomenon of men no longer digging thick ladies!!! or maybe it is simply that the cut off point between “thick” and obese has been lowered and some of ya’ll just didn’t get the memo about not making the cut!!! or it could be that since obesity has now reach epidemic proportions(pun totally intended), and attractive slim ladies are a rarity, it has cause a spike in their value!!! “look at my chick, man she stay in the gym!!”
i don’t know just another thought!!
I can relate to the first two paragraphs…but I think you’re grasping at straws with your analysis about men appreciating thicker ladies.
It sounds like you’re just projecting your weight issues on other women in a nasty sort of way. Congrats on your weightloss, I’ve also made a major physical change and can speak to how complicated and confusing it can feel. But don’t assume all men want slim women. Some men genuinely like thick women or big women or in between women. That’s their right. BTW-you say “always and forever a size 2/4″, but what happens if motherhood or health issues compromise that? You don’t want a man who only wanted you for that. You want the one who wants to see you happy and healthy.
didn’t think i was projecting my issues onto anyone!!! not sure how you came to the conclusion that i said all men want a slim woman, when i clearly stated that my being too damn skinny was not found attractive by the guys i encountered at that point in my life!! I THOUGHT MEN PREFERRED CURVY, THICK WOMEN!!!!!!! THE GRASPING AT STRAW BEGAN WHEN I TRIED TO RATIONALIZE WHY IT WOULD NOW SEEM AS IF THIS WAS NO LONGER THE CASE!!!
the major physical transformation for me was being a size 8/10. the 2/4 is still above normal for me, i have simply returned my body to it’s natural state, nothing confusing or complicated about that, i did however loathe being fat!!! my be that is what you are picking up on!!! As far as a man being concern, i did not gain or lose the weight because i was concerned with a man!!! i have been married for five years, to a man who loved me when i was a size 0 when we met, loved me when i gained weight, and still loves me now that i am thin again!!!
I’m not a big woman but I’m a tall woman….yet I love thick men. Perhaps it’s because they make me feel so secure. And because I’m a woman taller than most men, thicker tall men make me feel danty and petite. lol
Dainty…sorry.
Thicker men for the win. Bonus if their derrieres are large, as well. Pretty hot.
I like “Ice Cube” thickness. Not really Ruben Studdard ‘thickness’. That’s a health problem right there.
Ice Cube is a perfect example!
Mm…I love Ice Cube. :-)
I love LL Cool J from his In The House days (Marion) when he was chunky rather than muscular! I always thought I was the only one who liked thicker men, glad to see I’m not alone :)
Not true, I know men who loooovee big women or plu-sized women. I just think, in this day and age, when everybody is trying to get in shape and take better care of themselves, the love for bigger people in general has decreased. And there is a certain type of big were talking about here. Big but still healthy. No rolls or guts spilling all over the place. The former is what people want in terms of a bigger partner. The latter is however more of what you’ll find.
thank you!!!!
I am a heavyset woman, and most of the guys I have been with were thinner guys. This last boyfriend (even though we had a very bad break up but that’s another blog) was “thick” and I loved it!!!. I never thought I would be with let alone date a “thick” guy but it was the most wonderful thing!!! Like you mentioned in the beginnig of the article “a husky teddy bear type brotha”. Thats how it was. To really feel safe, secure etc etc. I absolutely loved it. Even though we are no longer together, I think my new preference is “husky teddy bear type brotha”- long as he not overweight and can’t breathe and sweaty then I am good. But yeah skinny guys do date big women- I can attest to that.
I have a chubby guy checking for me…a chubby checker if u will LOL only kiddin…but i am petite and short…the ratio when ontop just won’t do it for me!!!!!! and thats one thing i can not bend on…but whats a girl to do…
I love me a big guy!
“I love fat boys. … Cedric “The Entertainer,” Ruben Studdard, Timberland, Rick Ross…” – Geneva S. Thomas
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To each their own and more for you, playette!
I’ll stay with ripped, muscular, tight and big (as in a healthy 185-210 lbs.) and one point where I do agree is only dating men who were at least 6′.
I love em’ and they love me back. Bump what you heard. And I’m a plus-sized chick. And little chicks are just mad (aka Ms. Hehe). Cause if you weren’t, your “value” wouldn’t be based on your size. Get some goals, an education and class about yourself and a man can’t help but fall. That is all.
NEVER STATED THAT MY VALUE WAS BASED ON MY SIZE!! I SAID THE VALUE OF A FIT WOMAN HAS GONE UP SINCE EVERYONE IS FAT NOW!!!! AND TRUST I AM NOT MAD, I WAS THICKER AND WAS MAD ABOUT IT!! I AM ECSTATIC TO BE THIN AGAIN, IF YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOU SIZE, GREAT, BUT DON’T TELL ME I AM UN HAPPY WITH MINE IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER!!! I VALUE MY HEALTH, AND MY SIZE IS SIMPLY A SIDE EFFECT!!!! WATCHING MY GRANDMA GUZZLE FATTY FOODS AND SODA, AND THEN HAVE THREE STROKES IN A ROW SHORTLY THERE AFTER, WAS NOT CUTE!!! NOR WAS THE FACT THAT MY MOM HAD TO WATCH HER SLOWLY DIE. DROOLING, SHITTY ON HER SELF LIKE A DAMN BABY!!!! AND MY ABUELA WAS NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THAT, BUT SHE WAS SURELY FAT ENOUGH, THE MOST VALUABLE LESSON SHE EVER TAUGHT ME WAS TO VALUE MY HEALTH!!!
how did you determine i had no class, education, man or goals, because of my views on weight and men!!!! personally attacking someone because you disagree with their view definitly doesn’t display class or education!!!! AAAAANNNNDDD i have a husband, i have been married for five years now!!!! perhaps i should have explained that this point in time when i was rejected for being too thin was from the age of about 11 to 16, a man was the least of my concerns!!!
the
I didn’t say YOU had no goals and education, I said get some goals and an education and a man can’t help but fall. Don’t misread what I said and make it seem like I’m the bitter one, because you obviously have a chip on your shoulder. And all families have people going through something like that such as myself. Which is why I’m on my way to getting healthier, not skinnier. There’s a difference. But obviously you are hung up on size not me.
since you were responding directly to me, implying the need to acquire class and education would indicate a lack of said qualities, no??? i mean you even took the time to specifically add my screen name to you little comment!!! so, yea, normal human nature would be to take offense!!!!! seeing this happen to my grandma as a child (9 yrs old) would freak a child out, and give them body issues. the fact that all families go through it is a problem, don’t you get that??? strokes can be prevented!! so how is my being concerned for my own health, and yes size, any different then you now being concerned with getting healthy??? i thought you said you liked being “thick”!!!! skinny and healthy is not synonymous, but fat and unhealthy, for me certainly is!!!!
Hmmm. I’m not initially attracted to thin men, not necessarily attracted to thicker men, I just like a good, decent, intelligent, funny, honest, mature man. He’s got to be attractive to me and turn me on, and chew his food with his mouth closed (yes, that’s a DEAL BREAKER RIGHT THERE), clean and neatly-dressed, but that’s pretty much it as far as the packaging goes.
Funny thing is, I’m a heavier woman who has lost some weight but, due to the way I’m built (very curvy and topheavy) will always be heavier than the height-weight charts say I should be, and I get attention from all shapes and sizes of men. The crazy cut men in the gym and the big and soft teddy bears outside of it. Sure, some men aren’t attracted to me because I’m heavier. Or shorter. Or darker. O whatever reason they may have. Whatever the reason, I don’t worry about them.
Taking the time to concern myself with people who aren’t into me for whatever reason would take away from the time and the energey I could and should be spending on the people who are. As many as there are who won’t give me a second look, there are plenty who can’t look away. And like I said, they come in all kinds of packages. Yay diversity!
Its sad when you limit your type to a specific weight range. How do you know he is bet 185 & 210? Anyway I have a “Thick” boyfriend and I’ve been loving every part of him for going on 6 yrs. =0)
I guess folks walk around with BMI charts while choosing mates.
I can look at healthy-sized dudes and pretty much guess their weight within 10-15 pounds and, no, nobody needs to walk around with a daggone BMI chart!
It’s a damn shame that some people can’t simply state their own opinion about an article/subject at hand w/o getting a stick up they ass and talking sh*t over another’s preferences or POV. Just as the author has the right to have a preference for fat guys, for damn sure others have an equal right to their preferences.
I never smoked so, therefore, never dated dudes that were addicted to nicotine or all over that dro’; I love to travel so, therefore, it would have been dumb for me to marry a homebody with no interest in the world and other cultures; I never believed in “friends with benefits,” sleeping around or giving it up to every male I encountered so, therefore, I dated dudes who respected that and/or held similar beliefs; I don’t eat processed junk, fast food, nasty swine etc. so, therefore, always dated guys who were also flexitarian and didn’t consume pig so there were never disagreements about which restaurant to frequent; I’m Catholic and refuse to fight over faith beliefs so, therefore, always dated Catholic males. I keep it tight and ripped, so, therefore, always dated men who were also fit, muscular and healthy; I work out regularly, rock climb, bike, play sports, wind surf, ski, run, surf, snorkel etc. so, therefore, always dated dudes who shared/participated in similar activities.
If somebody dates individuals they’re not physically attracted to, they’re the only one that has to do the time and it’s no one else’s business. But *for me* the idea of having to lift a sack of blubber to ‘find and ride’ is repulsive and I never found overweight dudes physically attractive. We could build a wonderful friendship but, as far as dating or a relationship, it was never happening since it wasn’t incompatible with my interests/lifestyle and IMO speaks to laziness, a lack of discipline, sloth and not honoring the body God gave by taking care of it. Those are not characteristics I admired in a mate so damn right I unapologetically had a height and “weight range” (neither extremely thin or overweight) as well as other preferences. Everyone has them and compatibility, similar beliefs, interests or goals and mutual physical attraction are important ingredients for successful relationships.
I’m a woman but visually a man when it comes to this…I’m sorry but I can’t do fat…I’m not fat and I’m trying to tone my body and there ain’t nothing sexier than a toned man period. I could try an Ice Cube but that’s a limit. Medium-Small is how I like em…I like adventure when I’m physical and don’t want him passing out or sweat raining all on me.
You can’t knock it until you’ve tried it!! I am not one to hate on a brotha with a real body – a few extra pounds with the sexy ‘one pack’ as I like to call it……a man that is toned and cut is nice to look at, but when I want to cuddle, I don’t want to cuddle up against stiff muscles….I get crazy looks from people when i’m out with my men – I can imagine their comments, “what is she doing with him?”, or “how did her get a chick like her?”…….Haters!!
Hmmm, I tend to prefer fit guys. I have dated one guy who was a big teddy bear dude (former NFL defensive lineman), but I am most physically attracted to lean muscular types (swimmers, track stars, etc).
However, if I met a guy that was more teddy bear, he would have to be proportional. No bear gut, not jiggly butt, no having bigger breasts than me. Unfortunately, since I am a slimmer woman, I tend to get a LOT of attention from bigger dudes.
And, just as a side comment; it is okay for a woman; regardless of size; to aspire to, love, appreciate, and be proud; of her size. Even if she is skinny. Curvy, or top heavy, or thick, or fat, or rotund, or [insert self-preferred adjective] women should not be the only ones allowed body positivity. It detracts from the message of affirmation that we are trying to build around women’s bodies and self acceptantance if we limit that freedom to only those bigger than a size 8.
I agree with the last part of your statement…I am over all of the fat attacking. Everyone is different ..GET OVER IT! if your slim then be proud if you are heavier be proud. Disease does not discriminate.
@Just A Thought
Co-sign on your whole comment!!! You’re so right. I don’t really have a type but I usually prefer my men bigger and taller than me *I’ am not a dainty flower since I’ am fairly curvy and tall myself* but I wouldn’t say I prefer fat men flat out. I like my guys usually tall, muscular but not overly and fit and healthy. The only thick/teddy bear guys I like are football players that are wide and massive but not really fat.
Now that I think about it, I`ve never been approached by a thick guy. That`s interesting. Hm.
Nice write up, Geneva.
Nope, can’t do it!!!!!!
As an ex “A” train rider I can imagine how that conversation went – lol
But seriously, this is a great and truthful article!
I can look at healthy-sized dudes and pretty much guess their weight within 10-15 pounds and, no, nobody needs to walk around with a daggone BMI chart. But it’s a damn shame that some people can’t simply state their own opinion about an article/subject at hand w/o getting a stick up they ass and talking sh*t over another’s preferences or POV. Just as the author has the right to have a preference for fat guys, for damn sure others have an equal right to their preferences.
I never smoked so, therefore, never dated dudes that were addicted to nicotine or all over that dro’; I love to travel so, therefore, it would have been dumb for me to marry a homebody with no interest in the world and other cultures; I never believed in “friends with benefits,” sleeping around or giving it up to every male I encountered so, therefore, I dated dudes who respected that and/or held similar beliefs; I don’t eat processed junk, fast foods, nasty swine etc. so, therefore, I always dated guys who were also flexitarian and didn’t consume pig so there were never disagreements about which restaurant to frequent; I’m Catholic and refuse to fight over faith beliefs so, therefore, always dated Catholic males. I keep it tight and ripped, so, therefore, always dated men who were also fit, muscular and healthy; I work out regularly, rock climb, bike, play sports, wind surf, ski, run, surf, snorkel etc. so, therefore, always dated dudes who shared/participated in similar activities.
If somebody dates individuals they’re not physically attracted to, they’re the only one who has to do the time and it’s no one else’s business. But *for me* the idea of having to lift a sack of blubber to ‘find and ride’ is repulsive and I never found overweight dudes physically attractive. We could build a wonderful friendship but, as far as dating or a relationship, it was never happening since it wasn’t incompatible with my interests/lifestyle and IMO speaks to laziness, a lack of discipline, sloth and not honoring the body God gave by taking care of it. Those are not characteristics I admired in a mate so damn right I unapologetically had a “weight range” (neither extremely thin or overweight) as well as other preferences. Everyone has them and compatibility, similar beliefs, interests or goals and mutual physical attraction are important ingredients for successful relationships.
Correction: “We could build a wonderful friendship but, as far as dating or a relationship, it was never happening since it was incompatible with my interests/lifestyle…”