Bottom Heavy

by Jamilah Lemieux

Recently, a young brother at a party informed me that “White girls are coming up in the world these days”. “You don’t say” I deadpanned, already knowing exactly what he was referring to. “Yeah, man. White girls got ass now.” I’ll table my feminist/race woman reaction to that for another time (How dare you reduce White women to that? Is a butt the only advantage Black women had over White ones in the first place? Is this all that women are to you?) and admit what upset me most about this comment:  it reminded me that I am a Black woman sans ass. And it sucks.

When Erykah Badu’s video for “Window Seat” premiered, my intellectual friends were all abuzz debating whether she was courageous or disrespectful or brilliant or a combination of the three for stripping down bare at the site of JFK’s 1963 assassination. People championed her agency and her willingness to bear this body that, in many spaces, is marginalized by beauty standards.  I wanted to be all smart and shit too, but all I could think of was her behind. Look. At. Her Ass. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful. It’s there.

I’m Black. I’m a woman. I have a body. Thus, it is a Black woman’s body. But I don’t have the frame that is associated with Black womanhood. But while I am aware enough of the absurdity of even our intra-culutal beauty standards, I cannot yet get past the fact that having a big butt is a ‘Black woman thing’ that I am not a part of. I feel left out and, yes, I will admit that I hate the idea that there is something that Black men have a special appreciation for and attraction to that I cannot bring to the table.

Irony: I am a vocal opponent of street harassment. I don’t mean because I write about it, I mean because on any given day you can actually hear me on the street telling some man where he can go and how he can get there. I hate the survey of my body that I am subjected to on a daily basis. But you know what else I hate? When I see a man checking me out from the front, waiting for me to pass so he can see what’s going on in the backyard. It’s like I’m failing a test I didn’t ask to take (and in many cases, would not even want to pass). How dare you make me feel inadequate when I didn’t ask for your approval in the first place?

I’m a light-complexioned woman with curly hair and, depending who you ask, either mixed looking (per my friends) or traditionally African (according to me, and yes, I mean the polyglot Kwanzaa/Swahili name/dashiki Africa we created in our heads) features. I have benefited on the side of the skewed Black beauty scale that no one wants to brag on. There’s no pride in being rewarded by the tainted- by-Europe standard, but full lips, a wide hips and a large behind? That’s Africa at work! That’s a real Black woman!

Le sigh.

Now, I’m getting grown and I’m at the point where I realize that I’m beautiful because I’m Jamilah, not because of how close I am to looking like a model from Cosmo or King. I don’t expect anyone to cry me a river because I don’t have a huge behind, because for all the other awful metrics people use to reduce a woman’s looks, I’ve faired well enough. But as much as I can intellectualize it and say that a woman’s body doesn’t matter as much as her mind, and that Blackness is not a fuction of hair texture or hip-to-waist ratio…I just wish I had a big ole’ butt.

  • Cali

    LMAO!! You’re not alone, girl. I’ve been waiting for my big hips/thighs/butt since I was a teenager! I got the boobs, but that’s about it. Its some seriously cold sh*t. I envy hourglass shaped women. I don’t want an enormous ass, but something back there to turn heads would be nice. Although I’m sure not having a donk has saved me some harassment, I still want it!

  • ~Co

    Too funny! and Too true! for not only you my sister… I have always said “when God was handing out the booty to all the little black girls, i must have been in the wrong line” lol…i honestly think i stood in the boob line twice! But, such is life…

  • Ashleigh Elle Aye

    I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably won’t get a donk. It aint gonna happen. (lol).
    I can totally understand where you’re coming from because comments like that make me wonder how valuable we actually are to Black men. Makes me wonder if women of other races started getting donks and a set of lips would we be left in the dust. Maybe I’m just looking into it too hard…

  • Ashleigh Elle Aye

    I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably won’t get a donk. It aint gonna happen. (lol).
    I can totally understand where you’re coming from because comments like that make me wonder how valuable we actually are to Black men. Makes me wonder if women of other races started getting donks and a set of lips would we be left in the dust. Maybe I’m just looking into it too hard…*Kanye Shrug*

  • Ashleigh Elle Aye

    Oops! Sorry for the duplicate!

  • ThePoshMiss.Com

    LOL, you know why they have them, because they work out. The butt is a muscle and they have exercises for me ;).

  • Beef Bacon


    Not so. I have had a ‘donk’ since I was in the 7th grade. Didn’t really begin working out until mid 20s. Working out keeps it tight of course.

  • Happiness

    Oh dear me…..LOL at the comments and the thread about bums on Clutch once again….This is obviously a hot topic nowadays.

    LMAO @ “donk”

  • Michelle

    “Recently, a young brother at a party informed me that “White girls are coming up in the world these days”. “You don’t say” I deadpanned, already knowing exactly what he was referring to. “Yeah, man. White girls got ass now.”
    This is an example of a response from a jacka**…

    From my experience, having a big ole’ butt is not fun, especially when you are shopping for jeans.

  • Jamilah Lemieux

    I do the exercises. They’ve helped, but going from zero to sixty is no small task, lol.

  • sherealcool

    A fellow flat-bootied Black female friend of mine discuss this all the time. Some men of color on the street have harassed us for having no booty and/or disappointing them as we strode on by, which has done a number on our self esteem. Although I still want a Booty Pop for my half birthday and I intend to start doing squats, a group of men attempted to assault me in the club one night a few years ago. I walked by them on my way out, they pinned me against a wall and assuming that my generous chest implied a generous behind spun me around and saw to their GREAT consternation that I was deficient. They still had plans but after some harrowing minutes during which they argued amongst themselves as to whether I was worthy of assaulting or not as I remained pinned against the wall, they gave me free. At that point, it became clear to me that my body was exactly as it was intended to be, negro butt fetishists be damned.

  • Mel

    I greatly enjoy my big ole’ butt, and sometimes see it as a symbol of rebellion when proudly stomping through a crowd of flat-backed, melanin-challenged folk, but trust me (and I am being SO REAL right now) there are many…MANY occasions where it is annoying and/or detrimental.

    Just 1 example (and there are many): I find it VERY difficult to look professional in my work clothing. No matter the perfectly tailored fit, I always look a little “stank” from the back. I also feel I am not respected by my black, male co-workers merely because of all this wagon I’m draggin (call it women’s intuition -I see their smirks).

    Basically, it undermines my code-switching abilities. I may speak well using the king’s english, but this booty screams “GHETTO HOOD RAT” at all times. It’s fun during playtime & bedtime, but at work, a big ole’ booty is not where it’s at. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

    -Mel (@MelSpeaks)

  • Blaquestarr

    I look at black man’s appreciation for the black booty as a way to uplift a physical trait that was often used to put black women down when compared to the supposed superior beauty of a white women. The same way a black man would appreciate my curly or nappy or course or thick or braided or loc’d hair. The same way a black man would appreciate my full lips, broad nose, brown skin, dark eyes, sassy attitude, and/or ample breasts.
    We as women (and black women) are not cut from the same cloth. We don’t have the same skin tone or shades. We may not have the same degree of lips or width of noses. You have boobs, I have butt. If we could trade, I’m sure we both would (grass is always greener…). But in the end, you should never feel like you aren’t black enough as a black women because brothas hold one particular aspect of our bodies in high regard *sometimes.*
    And then again, guys (in general) say the most inappropriate things most times, not even meaning for it to be all that deep. lol.
    But funny post, nevertheless.

  • jay

    REALLY? This is the most pathetic article I’ve ever read. Let’s do better, sisters. We have bigger things to worry about. As a college educated. progressive sista, – I expect soo much more.

  • Mel

    @Jay Why is it pathetic? Educated, progressive Sistas can discuss any issue under the sun, including body issues. Obviously, steatopygia shouldn’t be our main focus everyday, but why do you feel we should never discuss it?

    -Mel (@MelSpeaks)

  • Torrie

    *Breathes a sigh of relief* I thought I was the only one that had big blessings up front and nothing in the back. It’s almost sad that I peep other Black women’s hind parts more than I should. It’s envy….plain and simple. I was teased in school and have been mocked in my adult years. But…such is life. As long as I know (or WE know) that we can do so much more than wobble wobble, and shake it shake it..we’ll be alright.

  • PassingThrough

    I had a conversation recently with the manager of a restaurant and he (white man) commented that had left the area for about 15 years and when he returned was shocked at how “white girls” (his term) had grown down there.

    I theorize it is partly the popularity of soccer in school and exercise (nothing builds glutes faster than sprinting and squats).

    As for the “young brother” who said “White girls are coming up in the world these days,” my only thought is why he felt compelled to say it to any woman, let alone a black one, except to shoot a poisonous barb. Hopefully you did not take the bait.

  • Beef Bacon

    I understand. Trust me I do. I have been cursed with big breast as well. I often tell people that I feel like a walking playboy no matter what I have on. Jokingly of course. I just stopped worrying. Because if someone always looking, they will look no matter what you have on. I am as professional as they come. I just had to call a meeting becasue of others coming to work with damn near booty shorts on. lol.

    Dresses. The very thing I thought concealed actually are viewed as even sexier. Go figure. I am not even speaking on tight dresses either. I have been ogled enough in my life to know that men will ogle not matter what you have on if you got a big booty.

    An onion bootie survivor.

  • binky

    well damn…I have the opposite problem. I developed fast as a kid as always had the big boobs and big butt, thick thighs and small waist and I hated it all the way up until freshman year of college because it seem that was what men always seem to focus on even now, especially as a teen when grown men would stare me down and one fool stupid enough to ask me, do you want to loose your virginity to me. It was very safe to say I called my dad on him. But I always viewed my body in a positive light and a negative light because as Mel mention above their are downside of having a backside as well I just to be envious of my bff who was slender and tall. But this goes to show that we need to be open and show ALL the diversity and beauties of black women not just one. We all don’t look the same and that is the great thing about black people, we range with our eyes, skin, hair texture, bodies be it slender, curvy, or muscular, heights, etc. We should promote more beauty of black women instead of the stereotypical curvy black woman. But like the article states we can either benefit on a beauty scale depending on where you fall because I know I get mad when someone discount being light skin as not really being black…grrr but I say let’s burn the scale of how others define our beauty but how we define each of ourselves as beautiful

  • bob

    I love big buts and I can not deny

  • Brina

    I used to feel this way about my flat booty esp when my big bootied friends and the blk males made it known to me but then I grew up and realized that I don’t need a “wagon”. Dudes holla anyway regardless of my “lack of back” and if having a donk is THAT important to a dude rather than my personality/talent/looks then he’s doing me a favor of moving on…

  • Devin

    I love this article and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. As a black female who has been blessed in back, I spent so much of my life wishing I didn’t have an ass. Mostly because I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and also went to a PWI for college. Most of my life (until 3-4 years ago) was spent trying to cover my ass up in heavy sweatpants or non-flattering dresses. But now I’m at a point, thank God, where I’ve learned to embrace it–and love it. But also realize that, I’m more than just what’s on my backside–”Now, I’m getting grown and I’m at the point where I realize that I’m beautiful because I’m Jamilah, not because of how close I am to looking like a model from Cosmo or King.”—I agree with this 110%.

    Thanks for writing!

  • Jennae

    This made me crack up, because I can totally relate. I’m FINALLY at a point where I’ve learned to accept my lack of booty, but I’ve heard every joke in the book about my flat behind. I can remember wishing as a teenager that someone would invent booty implants and pads. And now that someone has, it seems so ridiculous that anyone would actually want to use them. Age has definitely delivered wisdom, but I’d be a liar if I said there weren’t moments when I feel a little envy over black women with the round butt everyone seems to expect. Oh well….at least I’ve got boobs…lol

  • robbie

    As a black guy I have to admit I really love to watch a black woman’s behind I have actually missed appointments and nearly got run over just checking out black women’s behind. But when I was in a relationship anytime my girlfriend walks to the kitchen of goes to get something I always check out her behind and I say to myself god am blessed and then I went I left her cos of some silly nagging. Now am always appreciative of black girls I always go out of my way to help carry shopping bags etc as a way of saying boy thank you lord for the blessing. I helped a black girl once at the airport recently cos she missed her flight and needed a new ticket I got so engrossed in her that it was when she said I got a sick child at home I need to return to, that woke me up to reality but dem that girl was niiice I was virtually making love to her. The white ticket attendant got really jealous and refused to help her until when I offered to pay extra for this black girl but am glad I did not see her again because trust me I would be bankrupt, pretty face nice behind and money aint not object.

  • ??

    WTF? you were almost assaulted in a club, and the only reason you escaped is because your butt was too small??? Something about this story seems off….way off. I can’t put my finger on it, but if that had happend to me, fuck having a small butt, i’d be pissed that I LET someone PIN me against a wall.

  • Fallible Sage

    I do love a nice butt (big and nice aren’t always the same though, important to remember). But I’m also a smile, breast, thigh, feet, arm, freckle, stretch mark, skin tone, back nape, the way she wears her hair… kinda brother. I’m a fan of the female body in its entirety (from tha roota to tha toota). I usually focus on whatever it is the woman of my affections is working with that works for me.

  • Cali

    With all the jealousy I’ve felt over the years, I do wonder how many of us are TRULY stacked (blessed w/ big boobs & a big butt), b/c it often seems like folks get one or the other (implants don’t count, lol). Now THOSE are the women I’m truly jealous of!

  • astephead

    I feel ya boo! I feel ya! I love this article

  • P

    lol @cali. I totally agree

  • Amber

    *Sigh* I too, lack a booty.

    I’ve got boobs, thick thighs and hips but for some reason my butt just never decided to make an appearance! But over time I’ve learned to accept the little curve of booty that God gave me.

    p.s. my (Black) man loves my “Itty Bitty Booty”, as he likes to call it.

  • Jamilah Lemieux

    I think it’s…interesting that you and other male commenters would think that this was a space to discuss your personal preferences in a woman’s anatomy. Perhaps it’s the feminist in me, but I don’t see anything about this post that said “So, like, hey guys…what kind of body parts do YOU like?” It was about feeling disconnected or somehow shortchanged by something considered to be a “Black woman thing”. I think it’s great that men feel empowered to comment in this space, I just sort of would prefer some level of respect paid to the spirit of conversation. I, like most of the posterior-challenged sisters here, am very aware that men like butts as well as other body parts. I’ve dated many men and been persued by many more. I guess what I’m trying to say is….objection: relevance.

  • Fallible Sage

    No disrespect intended. My intent was to convey that men can appreciate women no matter your physical gifts or perceived “deficits”… butts not being the end all and be all.

  • http://Clutch Rashell

    As a women with DDs and booty it’s not all what is cracked up to be. I can never find jeans that fit and I hate taking my son to the barbershop. LOL

  • dvine

    who u telling.. they won’t come completely up n i’ll be damned if i be having my assss crack out.. i buy my jeans from Macys and they come all the way and the butt looks great in them..

  • dvine

    i’m not sure how big yours is but mine is pretty generous.. i almost felt like you did.. i didn’t want 2 wear my pants 2 fitted but because i was concerned about who would be looking and what they would be saying.. but hell, what can i do.. it’s there.. i’m really self-conscious about the bottoms that i wear.. if they show 2 much i don’t wear them.. but i do look good in my pants.. i would like to get a butt reductions if they have one.. lol..

  • MissTasha

    I promise you can either eat potatos and grits or move to Houston and you will see a difference ASAP!

  • dcblackdoll

    Exactly why I love Joe’s Jeans (curvy style)! I could NEVER wear most of these over-priced, “designer” jeans even if I was dumb enough to pay $200!!! LOL

  • Lisa

    ??, I really hope you’re not stupid enough to think that sherealcool ‘let’ someone hold her against a wall. She was assaulted.

  • Lala

    Well I know both sides, because I have a Houdini booty,lol. My mother’s side has big breasts and nooooo booty at all ( they constantly ask me how I got mine, like there is some logical answer) so I guess my daddy’s genes hooked me up. The problem is that it fluctuates with my size, so the bigger I am the bigger the booty gets, but once I lose weight it deflates as well. It’s a catch 22 because I feel like I can only lose but so much weight before it leaves me all together. I will say that the harassment that comes with having all these “assets” is sometimes not worth it, so don’t think the grass is always greener.

  • Bianca Belonga

    I can truly relate to this article! LOL I don’t have the ASSet so many brothers drool over, but I am still fly! Thank God my man doesn’t care about it.

  • Unique_one

    Great article Clutch! I too am a sista in the flat booty club. It is very discouraging but I’m embracing it. FLAT AZZEZ UNITE!!! lol

  • Luvs

    I would have to disagree completely. Being educated does not mean an automatic “cure” for certain insecurity. The more we ignore our feelings, the less likely we are going to feel better. By having a discussion on how we feel about that topic, it is quite therapeutic. Especially to know that you are not the only one going through that situation!

  • Lish

    You made me crack up! lol.

  • sloane

    @jamilah- thank you! and i think i’m in love with you. ;-)

  • sloane

    i’ve actually never had much of butt but i don’t mind because i never bought into the idea that as a black woman i should have a large posterior. honestly, i wouldn’t mind losing some of my breasts in exchange for more of a butt and hips for a more hourglass-like figure, but in general i’m fine with not having a big butt.

  • Fuchsia

    there’s always plastic …just saying lmaoo

  • Roman

    Toooooo funny! I’ve been told I have a nice ass, but it ain’t a sistah-girl-baby-got-back-dayummmm ass. That’s the first thing I look at on my body as if somehow I will wake-up one day to find it sitting up higher and sticking out wider, not to mention firmer. It is certainly the first thing I look at on other women and I have to stop myself from looking at other women’s asses. It’s almost obsessive. I’m mindful because I don’t want any woman thinking I’m checking her out that way, but sometimes even I’m like, “Dayummmm!” lol A girl can only dream (and do a 1001 lunges and squats…)

  • Jean-Annee

    This article was very relevant especially given the mainstream “butt worship” of every white and “exotic looking” (ethnic) woman with a big ol’ butt EXCEPT a black woman!!

    I grew up in SC and I remember white guys and girls snickering at the black girls with the big butts. They ridiculed those girls and acted as if they were animals from the jungles of Africa!! Some of the white guys would even make animal noises when a girl walked by and would make comments like “look at that enormous, hippopotamus or donkey butt.”

    Fast forward and with the advent of the J-Lo zeitgeist after she starred in “Selena”, hung out with Puffy and parlayed her big posterior into mainstream movies, “wet dreams” and fashion royalty, and now white women are parading around on the red carpet and, otherwise, arching their bodies and sticking out their rears for all to see.

    They lament openly about the curse of the pancake bottom and do not seem ashamed in the least to get butt implants and posterior enhancements.

    It is absolutely incredulous how mainstream culture dissects and carefully selects certain aspects of traditional black beauty traits like tan skin (“looks healthier”), full lips (“looks sexier”) and now the big butt (“looks hot and sexy”) and they never want to play homage or admit that they admire or covet this generalized aspect of black beauty. But, they openly admire and worship the Kim Kardashians, J-Los and Angelina Jolies as beauty icons worthy of imitation.

    Like everything else, they lay claim to it and act as if these traits were (generally) always examples of mainstream beauty. Even store mannequins have evolved from the flat “ironing board” prototype to the more rounded, full derrierre type. (lol)

    Intellectually I know that big butts are not universally or exclusively “owned” by black women. I just get a little peeved when some people like the black guy referenced in the article seem to think that big butts are more special or worthy of comment when showcased on a white or nonblack woman.

    In an ideal world, all colors, shapes and sizes would be equal. However, in the real world, others’ perceptions of us can sometimes hurt and affect our self esteem. We just have to learn to love and appreciate the body that the good lord provided us with.

    And here’s a $64,000 question: If you were in dire need of food, water or shelter or needed someone to save your life or the life of a loved one, would it matter what kind of ass was attached to the person that came to your rescue?!!!

    Just a thought…

    Perhaps, a Hurricane Katrina or an earthquake survivor in Haiti may have the answer.

  • Roman

    I like!

  • Boozone

    First of all, I am neither racist nor prejudiced, but f&*k if ain’t sick of damn white women!!!! NO WOMAN and I mean NOOO WOOMAN has an ass like us black women: naturally round, tight like BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White girls coming up? Negro please! Sure if you like an ass that’s fat, wide as all hell laced with cellulite!! I don’t have a big booty. I am tall. slim with a ” sprinters ass”: tight, round, and powerful with dimples in the side! Ya’ll folks who spent some time on the track know what I’m talking about:) I get no love from the brothas because my booty is not like Ms. Minaj (or whatever the hell her no-talent-having name is!). Guess what? I LOVE MY TIGHT ASS and the my man loves it too!!!!!!!!! Yep he’s white and can appreciate a sista’s ass! Furthermore, I am so sick and tired of black men coming at us like, “ya’ll betta step sistas! White girls are getting thicker and giving black women competition!” Let no man (black, white or whatever) validate your beauty!! Revel in your beauty, sistas!! If a black men want to go get themselves a white girl, more power to them! We need to stop sitting around being pissed off at the “Chads” and “Reggies” of the world who prefer white women. There are men out there who appreciate our beauty (which is second to none in my book) and love us for us, big ass, little ass and all!

  • ~sHaDe~N~sUmMeR~

    HILLARIOUS!!! omdAmN… this article and every comment is funny as hell. I am a BBW and in btwn having a (sponge bob and a donk), just think to Big Booty Judy in ATL… LMAO!!! everyone has there own issues with what they see inthe mirror. some of us just don’t speak out loud about them. whatz real is that it doesn’t matter what a brother thinks, exspecially if you’re ok with yourself. and if you are not ok, then there are plenty of things that can be done to change and/or enhance what you’re working with. plus, if one man does not like it, you’re guaranteed that a few more will. so don’t stress. LUV UR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ~sHaDe~N~sUmMeR~

    please excuse the previous typos, my bad


    @ Beef I am speaking of people that do not naturally have behinds. Some people are born with them especially in black culture, but for those who don’t have them naturally there are certain foods (increase in hormones) and exercises that can give you a shape.

  • Beef Bacon

    I concur. More to work out and more to conceal. And it only gets worse as I get older and sexier. (I know, woo is me right).

  • Melissa

    “But you know what else I hate? When I see a man checking me out from the front, waiting for me to pass so he can see what’s going on in the backyard. It’s like I’m failing a test I didn’t ask to take”

    This is so real right now! I don’t have a badonkadonk, but I definitely have a bum and I absolutely hate it when the Ol G’s on my block see my thickness walking by and they have a look of anticipation to see how much it jiggles when I pass, sometimes I pass “the test” and sometimes I don’t regardless its not fair. Its not like we can do the same to men, we would have to literally be in the privacy of our room and just wait until the drawers get dropped. Sometimes our mouth water and sometimes we give the reaction as a man would if he saw a flat bum.
    But on a side note, Jami you’re gorgeous. I find that God plays tricks on us sometimes, I find that many societal deemed ugly girls have huge asses, and alot of pretty girls are top heavy, incredibly thin or fat, etc am I the only one who has noticed this? OF COURSE this isn’t the case for everyone. Great article, although this topic seems amiss for others it is incredibly relevant especially when you have our white counterparts like Kim K getting worshipped by black men on these blog sites like global grind,etc (I dont care what Armenian is, she is white) what they need to also share is about women dying, and getting sick off of butt implants from Brazil. Tyra actually covered this topic botched butt implants:

  • gogo

    hahaha! I was right behind you in that boob line! I shed a single tear for not getting in that butt line when the gettin was good! But we are more than this body!!!!!

  • Akai*

    PassingThrough wrote: “…it is partly the popularity of soccer in school and exercise (nothing builds glutes faster than sprinting and squats).”


    Exercise certainly helps to keep things tight but a lot of it is hereditary and I don’t think there is an exercise on the planet that can unflatten a flat butt!

    I was never fat but had a round and full behind (with chicken legs) by the time I was 8-9 years old and had never done a squat in my life. I’m now size 4-6 and have the long curvy legs and thighs to go with the culo but I’ve never had big boobies and, since most athletes and dancers didn’t/don’t, I’ve always been totally fine with that and dug my body.

    My husband is not a boob guy (legs, face) and I love being able to wear outfits that accent my firm perkies and round butt i.e. Bey, Keys etc.

    Anyway, the guy that made the statement about other women “coming up in the world” was just ignorant. Obviously he’s spent his entire life stateside as one has only to take a trip over to someplace like Armenia, certain villages in Ireland and places in the Middle East (hidden under the coverings of Muslim women) to see that donks and round full asses are not in shortage or limited to certain places, ethnicities or ‘races’.

  • DayDreamer

    Two words: Booty Pop:

    My bff sent me this as a joke bc I’m always going on about how jeal I am of her donk. But would I really wear such nonsense? ….Chile please! I’ll leave this to the Beckys. I just do the best I can with what I gots. ;-) But I do pray every night that when I’m blessed with child, he or she reaps me all I’ve been sowing in the booty dept. Please child give Mama the booty she wants! Lol. :-)

  • Elley

    LMAO! I can relate so well. Great post, Jamilah! I really like your style and always enjoy your articles! You INSPIRE me to write more 8^)

  • Lee

    I wish I had one too! EVERYTHING, and I mean, everything you said I relate to and fully agree with. When going out into public, it’s like taking the butt test! And making matters worse is the fact that many media sources have made butts ‘the thing’ of 2010, if not the entire decade. I do squats and ab workouts but I think my booty just doesn’t want to work with me. Now it’s the white girls showing me up? I even had a brotha ask me, while cuddling mind you, “where are the traces of the black female body” on me! I felt like slapping him! Me, so dark and lovely, but he said I should go into modeling because my shape made me perfect for it~ angular, straight, sans curves. But I raise above all the haters and thank God for his grace, I’m more than my skin, my hair, my body type. I am a divine being that is capable of great things!

  • Lee

    I wish I had one too! EVERYTHING, and I mean, everything you said I relate to and fully agree with. When going out into public, it’s like taking the butt test! And making matters worse is the fact that many media sources have made butts ‘the thing’ of 2010, if not the entire decade. I do squats and ab workouts but I think my booty just doesn’t want to work with me. Now it’s the white girls showing me up? I even had a brotha ask me, while cuddling mind you, “where are the traces of the black female body” on me! I felt like slapping him! Me, so dark and lovely, but he said I should go into modeling because my shape made me perfect for it~ angular, straight, sans curves. But I raise above all the haters and thank God for his grace, I’m more than my skin, my hair, my body type. I am a divine being that is capable of great things!~

  • April

    Love your comment. I co-sign 100%.

  • TheCapriciousDevotee

    I feel you. Being made to feel like less than the Black women you know you are sucks.

    …and makes dancing to “Let me see that booty” or “she gotta donk” kinda awkward…

    But hey, we gotta work with what we’ve got :-)

  • Fallible Sage

    I think it’s interesting that no other guys dare comment on this article since my… um… reprimand. :)
    This was a great read by the way.

  • Iguehi

    I’m a member of the itty-bitty titty committee and the president of the tiny-booty club but I am at an age now where I love it! I used to envy my cousin because she was so thick in all the right places but now I admire my body just as much. I don’t have to worry about working out my butt to make it extra tight because its pretty firm, I’m proportioned so my body looks great in dresses and jeans AND I don’t have to worry about a booty sag after kids lol
    My mom was as small as me when she was young and 4 kids later, she has the same curves as me with a little more in the front and the back so i’m pretty sure I’ll be blessed the same way

  • Sweetilocks

    I mean, as much as we MIGHT like to, we can’t all be Bonita Applebum! Embrace you babe!

  • Koko

    LOL!! Love it!! I thought I was the only one who felt that way! And as a sister that is part African, I felt like I was missing part of my inheritance (a donk). And I am with your friend. I happen to work with a white woman that has the perfect donk, and she hates it!(SMH). I wish we could trade.

  • Nancyregan

    Well some men of all races are dumb period if all they can only appreciate a woman for her buns buns than he’s not worth the time. I have a brain, a smile, attraction that some men adore. I’am not my butt I’am me. How would men like it if most of us only appreciate them for their wallets and poker lmaooo ok dont answer too quickly(tiger woods hoes rushing in)

  • Beef Bacon

    @ Nancyregan

    I dunno, I think if I was really honest the poker is high on my list of things to appreciate LOL. Yes, I appreciate it, I mean him a lot. LOL.

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  • Big Behind

    I wish I had this “problem.” Honestly, less-big (read big-butt) girls can find clothes to fit them, especially jeans that fit the hips AND the waist, Plus (I’m sorry) a bigger behind is somewhat less elegant and graceful (and feminine? – ooh, don’t go there) Preparing to be crucified by fellow big-butters: I remain, faithfully yours, Big Behind.

  • Big Behind

    Sorry. I meant to say “big” and not “less big.”

  • ChellBellz

    its only a black woman thing because we embraced it, there are PLENTY of white woman with normal bodies with big butts, not the kind of body that you think of like a video vixen but a body of a real woman. I know tons of white woman who hve big butts. They may not embrace is as much as we do but having a big but by no means is just a black woman thing. there are tons of “cultures” or whites (i don’t know if thats the right term) but i mean like German, or Irish. Some have really thick bodies, and it’s genetics.

  • Shiva_Amina

    Why any self respecting woman would ever care about her physical appearance over what she has to offer mentally or socially boggles my mind. As women so often there are complaints about how men spend their time focusing on superficial things like skin color, hair length, breast size, or even butt size. I’m simply offended that any woman would take the time to waste precious moments of their day to talk about their rear ends. Now if your butt is of great interest to you because it is an aspiration that you’ve had solely for yourself…then power to you. But as for those women who are in pursuit of the big rump because they want more men to notice you…think about this: if he only glanced at you or made move to talk to you because of the size of your could you ever honestly say that he had ‘real’ interest in you?

    Ladies have some self respect and some pride and stop worrying about what your body shape looks like. You were made the way you are for a reason. Learn to love your shape. Real men love women in all shapes sizes and colors, and if you have to alter or add on to your body in order to garner the attention of a man…he probably isn’t worth your time anyway. Love yourself…geeze!

  • Sasa

    Great article! To be honest, Just shows you that there is no “This is what a black woman looks like” that we can go to…. we are all different.

    I remember the first time I realised I had a big “donk” (sorry, I love that word). I was 12 years old, it was really hot outside (for London anyway) and I wore some pink shorts while walking with my mother. I vaguely noticed some looks but sure as hell noticed the three cars that slowed down while I walked by the kerb and the looks of the men’s faces inside the cars. It freaked me out and I demanded that we went home. I’ve learnt to love it, because as you say, it is desirable in the black community and I’ve never cursed it…. but I guess I would have chosen to wait in the “boob line”.

    And I agree with the comments about looking professional. I’ve been temping this summer as an assistant in an office… and every pencil skirt and buisness dress looked presentable…. until I turned to the side. *sigh* Guess everyone has their body issues.

  • Cali

    Okay THIS makes me laugh b/c I also have a White friend who has a big a**, & she hates it & we always joke about trading bodies, LOLOL! Sometimes I think she hates it b/c it gets her too much attention from Black men, but that’s a whole ‘notha conversation…

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  • smallblackbutt

    LOL. The days of worrying about not having a “black” arse are well and truly over. The current sentiment is that any man, regardless of his colour, can kiss it! :D

  • Susan

    Oh, my love, your post made me laugh so hard! And you will laugh when I tell you that I am a white woman with a “big ol’ butt”. And yes, I spent my youth being made to feel ugly, ugly, *ugly* for my fat ass. I hated it so much, I even had fantasies where I cut it off my body. Then all of a sudden in my mid-thirties Jennifer Lopez makes butts “the new black”, and suddenly men are complimenting my butt, and women are saying they wish it was theirs! I would be flattered if I weren’t so damn frustrated! The REAL frustration? It was only at that point that I started allowing myself to feel good about my butt. I felt a little self-betrayed that I couldn’t have been on my own side before then. Maybe I should just shut up and be grateful for the lucky social-sanction therapy.

    I am very with you on street harassment – I have been shouted at in the street by men all my life(did it affect me prejudicially because most of them were black…?) , and nowadays I make it very clear that I don’t welcome it. My pet peeve is men who shout “Hey! Are you married?!” I shout back, “Why no! Let’s have sex *right now*!” and walk off.

    This is just a tragedy isn’t it? We can spend our whole lives feeling ugly, even if we’re beautiful, and then what good does beauty do us? It seems like such a big waste of time. Maybe we should just stop waiting for diets and running and makeup and clothes and girdles to give us permission, and see what happens when we just start out feeling beautiful from the beginning.

  • Frosted Flake

    Le Sigh. It is irony. And I’m sure you know, sure that almost all women know that men are not attempting disrespect when they notice an attractive Lady. Absent hooting and such, of course. I suppose also it is not a mystery that attractive comes in many forms and in many shades and that feelings about this can be unrealistic and even unfortunate. When we wish we had something we don’t, very often we overlook that we are taking for granted something we do have. Something fully as worthwhile as what we wish for in vain. We must be careful what we think of ourselves, for this is not without power.

    If I May?

    You are what you think. Not what you think you are, just, what you think. That miraculous spark behind your eyes is very much more you than the whole of your body.

    Sit. Close your eyes. Breathe. Observe.

    If nothing you truly see then watch for a while. Try to imagine nothing watching you, but don’t try hard. Is there an end to it? Look to the edge of nothing. Look around.

    This is where you are. You are the only one here. Look around long enough and you will learn to see what it is you are looking around … with.

    Amazing. To me. That each could be as I see myself, if I see clearly. But, then, the way I see it is just the way I see it, See?

    So. What do you see?

  • tai tai

    It’s interesting: you are concerned about not reaching this black-sanctioned beauty standard, whereas I often am measuring myself up to the white standard–a skin physique, slim lips, and a high nose. Anyhow, interesting perspective.

  • Beef Bacon


    Life is not meant to be THAT serious ALL THE TIME. We are simply talking how we would if were having a cocktail chilling with the women. Intelligent conversations cover all aspects of life. Including ones, you rarely hear about. This is not about men really, just about a topic that is COMMON among brothers but yet unspoken among black women.

    We are wise enough to know that we do not want a man to WANT us for our bodies…geez! Just talking and relating…that’s all.

  • e-real

    well my dear, i think im speaking for all the brothers on this planet, we do love a woman who has a nice butt, it will get more attention and yes its a party starter. As for brains…….well you will have to work that one out for yourself

  • Simone

    This was pretty awesome! :-)

  • Rachel

    I’m a white girl of Irish descent. My mother, while she was in the Army had to have her dress jacket let out in the hips/butt area…her and one other girl, who happened to be black. I’ve got my mother’s butt. I’ve *heard* (through 3rd parties, no proof) it’s a common shape for Irish women and even referred to as the “Irish Pear” :o)

    Like Susan, high school was AWFUL. All my girlfriends were so skinny…now those same girls wish they had my butt! (And my mother says the same. Butts are the new boobs these days!) However, for *me* the most frustrating part is finding clothes that fit! I’ve embraced the a-line skirt, b/c I can buy it in a size that fits my waist and there’s plenty of room for my hips/butt, but I’d LOVE to buy other styles, not have a gap in the waist of my pants, or buy a dress that fits my boobs AND my butt at the same time instead of just one or the other!!! Actually, that’s how I found this blog….googling keywords like “bottom heavy, skirt” etc (I don’t remember the exact terms I used, sorry!) trying to find out if I could possibly pull off a pencil skirt!

  • Beef Bacon

    @ Rachel

    Yes, try a pencil, but try several lengths, because it depends on your height what lenthg will go with your body type. Pencil skirts look great on us. I personally was never a skirt/dress girl. I am trying though because I am also not a short person either.

  • Rachel

    @Beef Bacon Thanks! I’ll keep trying. In my head, I keep seeing the likes of Marilyn Monroe who looked great! So in theory, it can be done! But when *I* try them on….lol I’m thinking I might need to buy something too large for my waist and have it tailored. Or learn to sew :o)

  • fraulein17

    omg melissa! you have nooo idea how badly i wish there was a way that men could wear some sort of skintight pants as fashion so that we could finally treat them the way they treat us. if men’s penises were visible somehow and we were able to judge them based ONLY off of their penis size i’m sure they would be as insecure as women are and invent some type of “penis pops” (instead of booty pops lol).

    i guess for now we can only talk about male swimmers,UFC fighters, and wrestlers. ahhaa

  • http://[email protected] ross

    you wanna know the secret to having a big butt .. eat a lot chicken thighs for a whole year and you will see the transformation… promise

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