Bottom Heavy
Recently, a young brother at a party informed me that “White girls are coming up in the world these days”. “You don’t say” I deadpanned, already knowing exactly what he was referring to. “Yeah, man. White girls got ass now.” I’ll table my feminist/race woman reaction to that for another time (How dare you reduce White women to that? Is a butt the only advantage Black women had over White ones in the first place? Is this all that women are to you?) and admit what upset me most about this comment: it reminded me that I am a Black woman sans ass. And it sucks.
When Erykah Badu’s video for “Window Seat” premiered, my intellectual friends were all abuzz debating whether she was courageous or disrespectful or brilliant or a combination of the three for stripping down bare at the site of JFK’s 1963 assassination. People championed her agency and her willingness to bear this body that, in many spaces, is marginalized by beauty standards. I wanted to be all smart and shit too, but all I could think of was her behind. Look. At. Her Ass. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful. It’s there.
I’m Black. I’m a woman. I have a body. Thus, it is a Black woman’s body. But I don’t have the frame that is associated with Black womanhood. But while I am aware enough of the absurdity of even our intra-culutal beauty standards, I cannot yet get past the fact that having a big butt is a ‘Black woman thing’ that I am not a part of. I feel left out and, yes, I will admit that I hate the idea that there is something that Black men have a special appreciation for and attraction to that I cannot bring to the table.
Irony: I am a vocal opponent of street harassment. I don’t mean because I write about it, I mean because on any given day you can actually hear me on the street telling some man where he can go and how he can get there. I hate the survey of my body that I am subjected to on a daily basis. But you know what else I hate? When I see a man checking me out from the front, waiting for me to pass so he can see what’s going on in the backyard. It’s like I’m failing a test I didn’t ask to take (and in many cases, would not even want to pass). How dare you make me feel inadequate when I didn’t ask for your approval in the first place?
I’m a light-complexioned woman with curly hair and, depending who you ask, either mixed looking (per my friends) or traditionally African (according to me, and yes, I mean the polyglot Kwanzaa/Swahili name/dashiki Africa we created in our heads) features. I have benefited on the side of the skewed Black beauty scale that no one wants to brag on. There’s no pride in being rewarded by the tainted- by-Europe standard, but full lips, a wide hips and a large behind? That’s Africa at work! That’s a real Black woman!
Le sigh.
Now, I’m getting grown and I’m at the point where I realize that I’m beautiful because I’m Jamilah, not because of how close I am to looking like a model from Cosmo or King. I don’t expect anyone to cry me a river because I don’t have a huge behind, because for all the other awful metrics people use to reduce a woman’s looks, I’ve faired well enough. But as much as I can intellectualize it and say that a woman’s body doesn’t matter as much as her mind, and that Blackness is not a fuction of hair texture or hip-to-waist ratio…I just wish I had a big ole’ butt.
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As a black guy I have to admit I really love to watch a black woman’s behind I have actually missed appointments and nearly got run over just checking out black women’s behind. But when I was in a relationship anytime my girlfriend walks to the kitchen of goes to get something I always check out her behind and I say to myself god am blessed and then I went I left her cos of some silly nagging. Now am always appreciative of black girls I always go out of my way to help carry shopping bags etc as a way of saying boy thank you lord for the blessing. I helped a black girl once at the airport recently cos she missed her flight and needed a new ticket I got so engrossed in her that it was when she said I got a sick child at home I need to return to, that woke me up to reality but dem that girl was niiice I was virtually making love to her. The white ticket attendant got really jealous and refused to help her until when I offered to pay extra for this black girl but am glad I did not see her again because trust me I would be bankrupt, pretty face nice behind and money aint not object.
I do love a nice butt (big and nice aren’t always the same though, important to remember). But I’m also a smile, breast, thigh, feet, arm, freckle, stretch mark, skin tone, back nape, the way she wears her hair… kinda brother. I’m a fan of the female body in its entirety (from tha roota to tha toota). I usually focus on whatever it is the woman of my affections is working with that works for me.
I think it’s…interesting that you and other male commenters would think that this was a space to discuss your personal preferences in a woman’s anatomy. Perhaps it’s the feminist in me, but I don’t see anything about this post that said “So, like, hey guys…what kind of body parts do YOU like?” It was about feeling disconnected or somehow shortchanged by something considered to be a “Black woman thing”. I think it’s great that men feel empowered to comment in this space, I just sort of would prefer some level of respect paid to the spirit of conversation. I, like most of the posterior-challenged sisters here, am very aware that men like butts as well as other body parts. I’ve dated many men and been persued by many more. I guess what I’m trying to say is….objection: relevance.
No disrespect intended. My intent was to convey that men can appreciate women no matter your physical gifts or perceived “deficits”… butts not being the end all and be all.
You made me crack up! lol.
@jamilah- thank you! and i think i’m in love with you. ;-)
I think it’s interesting that no other guys dare comment on this article since my… um… reprimand. :)
This was a great read by the way.
With all the jealousy I’ve felt over the years, I do wonder how many of us are TRULY stacked (blessed w/ big boobs & a big butt), b/c it often seems like folks get one or the other (implants don’t count, lol). Now THOSE are the women I’m truly jealous of!
I feel ya boo! I feel ya! I love this article
lol @cali. I totally agree
*Sigh* I too, lack a booty.
I’ve got boobs, thick thighs and hips but for some reason my butt just never decided to make an appearance! But over time I’ve learned to accept the little curve of booty that God gave me.
p.s. my (Black) man loves my “Itty Bitty Booty”, as he likes to call it.
As a women with DDs and booty it’s not all what is cracked up to be. I can never find jeans that fit and I hate taking my son to the barbershop. LOL
I concur. More to work out and more to conceal. And it only gets worse as I get older and sexier. (I know, woo is me right).
I promise you can either eat potatos and grits or move to Houston and you will see a difference ASAP!
Well I know both sides, because I have a Houdini booty,lol. My mother’s side has big breasts and nooooo booty at all ( they constantly ask me how I got mine, like there is some logical answer) so I guess my daddy’s genes hooked me up. The problem is that it fluctuates with my size, so the bigger I am the bigger the booty gets, but once I lose weight it deflates as well. It’s a catch 22 because I feel like I can only lose but so much weight before it leaves me all together. I will say that the harassment that comes with having all these “assets” is sometimes not worth it, so don’t think the grass is always greener.
I can truly relate to this article! LOL I don’t have the ASSet so many brothers drool over, but I am still fly! Thank God my man doesn’t care about it.
Great article Clutch! I too am a sista in the flat booty club. It is very discouraging but I’m embracing it. FLAT AZZEZ UNITE!!! lol
i’ve actually never had much of butt but i don’t mind because i never bought into the idea that as a black woman i should have a large posterior. honestly, i wouldn’t mind losing some of my breasts in exchange for more of a butt and hips for a more hourglass-like figure, but in general i’m fine with not having a big butt.
there’s always plastic …just saying lmaoo
Toooooo funny! I’ve been told I have a nice ass, but it ain’t a sistah-girl-baby-got-back-dayummmm ass. That’s the first thing I look at on my body as if somehow I will wake-up one day to find it sitting up higher and sticking out wider, not to mention firmer. It is certainly the first thing I look at on other women and I have to stop myself from looking at other women’s asses. It’s almost obsessive. I’m mindful because I don’t want any woman thinking I’m checking her out that way, but sometimes even I’m like, “Dayummmm!” lol A girl can only dream (and do a 1001 lunges and squats…)
This article was very relevant especially given the mainstream “butt worship” of every white and “exotic looking” (ethnic) woman with a big ol’ butt EXCEPT a black woman!!
I grew up in SC and I remember white guys and girls snickering at the black girls with the big butts. They ridiculed those girls and acted as if they were animals from the jungles of Africa!! Some of the white guys would even make animal noises when a girl walked by and would make comments like “look at that enormous, hippopotamus or donkey butt.”
Fast forward and with the advent of the J-Lo zeitgeist after she starred in “Selena”, hung out with Puffy and parlayed her big posterior into mainstream movies, “wet dreams” and fashion royalty, and now white women are parading around on the red carpet and, otherwise, arching their bodies and sticking out their rears for all to see.
They lament openly about the curse of the pancake bottom and do not seem ashamed in the least to get butt implants and posterior enhancements.
It is absolutely incredulous how mainstream culture dissects and carefully selects certain aspects of traditional black beauty traits like tan skin (“looks healthier”), full lips (“looks sexier”) and now the big butt (“looks hot and sexy”) and they never want to play homage or admit that they admire or covet this generalized aspect of black beauty. But, they openly admire and worship the Kim Kardashians, J-Los and Angelina Jolies as beauty icons worthy of imitation.
Like everything else, they lay claim to it and act as if these traits were (generally) always examples of mainstream beauty. Even store mannequins have evolved from the flat “ironing board” prototype to the more rounded, full derrierre type. (lol)
Intellectually I know that big butts are not universally or exclusively “owned” by black women. I just get a little peeved when some people like the black guy referenced in the article seem to think that big butts are more special or worthy of comment when showcased on a white or nonblack woman.
In an ideal world, all colors, shapes and sizes would be equal. However, in the real world, others’ perceptions of us can sometimes hurt and affect our self esteem. We just have to learn to love and appreciate the body that the good lord provided us with.
And here’s a $64,000 question: If you were in dire need of food, water or shelter or needed someone to save your life or the life of a loved one, would it matter what kind of ass was attached to the person that came to your rescue?!!!
Just a thought…
Perhaps, a Hurricane Katrina or an earthquake survivor in Haiti may have the answer.
Love your comment. I co-sign 100%.
First of all, I am neither racist nor prejudiced, but f&*k if ain’t sick of damn white women!!!! NO WOMAN and I mean NOOO WOOMAN has an ass like us black women: naturally round, tight like BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White girls coming up? Negro please! Sure if you like an ass that’s fat, wide as all hell laced with cellulite!! I don’t have a big booty. I am tall. slim with a ” sprinters ass”: tight, round, and powerful with dimples in the side! Ya’ll folks who spent some time on the track know what I’m talking about:) I get no love from the brothas because my booty is not like Ms. Minaj (or whatever the hell her no-talent-having name is!). Guess what? I LOVE MY TIGHT ASS and the my man loves it too!!!!!!!!! Yep he’s white and can appreciate a sista’s ass! Furthermore, I am so sick and tired of black men coming at us like, “ya’ll betta step sistas! White girls are getting thicker and giving black women competition!” Let no man (black, white or whatever) validate your beauty!! Revel in your beauty, sistas!! If a black men want to go get themselves a white girl, more power to them! We need to stop sitting around being pissed off at the “Chads” and “Reggies” of the world who prefer white women. There are men out there who appreciate our beauty (which is second to none in my book) and love us for us, big ass, little ass and all!
HILLARIOUS!!! omdAmN… this article and every comment is funny as hell. I am a BBW and in btwn having a (sponge bob and a donk), just think to Big Booty Judy in ATL… LMAO!!! everyone has there own issues with what they see inthe mirror. some of us just don’t speak out loud about them. whatz real is that it doesn’t matter what a brother thinks, exspecially if you’re ok with yourself. and if you are not ok, then there are plenty of things that can be done to change and/or enhance what you’re working with. plus, if one man does not like it, you’re guaranteed that a few more will. so don’t stress. LUV UR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please excuse the previous typos, my bad
“But you know what else I hate? When I see a man checking me out from the front, waiting for me to pass so he can see what’s going on in the backyard. It’s like I’m failing a test I didn’t ask to take”
This is so real right now! I don’t have a badonkadonk, but I definitely have a bum and I absolutely hate it when the Ol G’s on my block see my thickness walking by and they have a look of anticipation to see how much it jiggles when I pass, sometimes I pass “the test” and sometimes I don’t regardless its not fair. Its not like we can do the same to men, we would have to literally be in the privacy of our room and just wait until the drawers get dropped. Sometimes our mouth water and sometimes we give the reaction as a man would if he saw a flat bum.
But on a side note, Jami you’re gorgeous. I find that God plays tricks on us sometimes, I find that many societal deemed ugly girls have huge asses, and alot of pretty girls are top heavy, incredibly thin or fat, etc am I the only one who has noticed this? OF COURSE this isn’t the case for everyone. Great article, although this topic seems amiss for others it is incredibly relevant especially when you have our white counterparts like Kim K getting worshipped by black men on these blog sites like global grind,etc (I dont care what Armenian is, she is white) what they need to also share is about women dying, and getting sick off of butt implants from Brazil. Tyra actually covered this topic botched butt implants:
omg melissa! you have nooo idea how badly i wish there was a way that men could wear some sort of skintight pants as fashion so that we could finally treat them the way they treat us. if men’s penises were visible somehow and we were able to judge them based ONLY off of their penis size i’m sure they would be as insecure as women are and invent some type of “penis pops” (instead of booty pops lol).
i guess for now we can only talk about male swimmers,UFC fighters, and wrestlers. ahhaa
Two words: Booty Pop: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703394204575367460682040670.html
My bff sent me this as a joke bc I’m always going on about how jeal I am of her donk. But would I really wear such nonsense? ….Chile please! I’ll leave this to the Beckys. I just do the best I can with what I gots. ;-) But I do pray every night that when I’m blessed with child, he or she reaps me all I’ve been sowing in the booty dept. Please child give Mama the booty she wants! Lol. :-)