Should We Be Concerned? Mom Gives Three-Year Old Weave
TLC reality show ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ is sort of a JonBenét Ramsey story meets ‘America’s Next Top Model’– taking viewers behind-the-scenes of some of the country’s most diva beauty queens just out of dampers. ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ will have you laughing one second, and concerned the next. Like this video of a three-year-old beauty queen in the making getting prepped for a pageant. Her look, not simply glitter and innocent smiley faces, but a full sew-in weave, and makeup. Certainty not uncommon for child pageantry– loads of parents of all racial backgrounds have been spotted on the show placing clip-ins and faux ponytails on their girls. But a full-weave for a baby? Should we be concerned?
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I concur.
So, what I got from the clip is that the young girl is being taught that she’s not good enough as is, so she needs false hair and makeup to be beautiful.
The worst part of this whole thing is, she’ll never be able to remember a time where she thought her natural self was beautiful…she’ll only have pictures of herself in this eurocentric costume.
Shanae I’m truly sorry you feel the way you do. When I read your statement I wonder why you read so much into this clip than what is really going on. I think you are projecting your insecurity on the mother and daughter. I’ve never heard a white person say, we are not happy with ourselves or our race because we sit out for hours trying to obtain darker skin.
@TheFashionistaChic
It’s not about Shanae feeling insecure. Putting a weave into a young child’s hair is unnecessary and dangerous on her young scalp. She didn’t say she was pretty until after the weave. Black culture as well as others get extensions, but getting it to “cover up” is wrong. You should get it because it compliments you not to hide and our culture does that a lot. I see it everyday. Why couldn’t she have a weave that matches her hairtype? Why a silky straight european/asian look?
Well spoken Shanae, well spoken. (Though I don’t always think a weave means that a woman wants to buy into Eurocentric standards of beauty, but that’s another story)
this show is insane. just moms living out their dreams through their more adorable kids. there are age appropriate beauty pageants for natural looking little girls-why can’t the kids do those?
Too often we give too much of our attention, energy, and resources to the importance of “beauty” (and sexuality) in girls and women, and not enough to the importance of all the other things that, when combined, form the totality of our humanness. This phenomenon can fragment our individual spirits as well as that of those communities which include us.
honestly the parents who put their children through this stuff are crazy and living out dreams through their children, wish they would get their OWN hobby.
her hairline shouldn’t be put through that type of stress ever, let alone as a lil girl.
What’s the difference between phony ponies, a few tracks and a full weave? Obviously if a black child doesn’t have the texture of hair (naturally) that allows for a few tracks and a shitload of hairspray to get the Barbie look, extra steps need to be taken to look just like, or better than, the other little girls.
I think all of it is foolish. I don`t see the point in beauty competitions period – where people are awarded not on merit or intelligence or contributions, but enhanced features that were given to them by genetics and no work of their own. I especially don`t see the point in damaging a young child by making them compete for self esteem, money and fulfillment. Its all ridiculous.
You can argue that intelligence is based mostly on genetics as well. #justsaying
I really get freaked out by these kiddie pageants. Children aren’t supposed to be sexy. The parents insist that the girls want to participate, but how would a 3 or 4 year old really know anything about these things unless their parents have told them about it. Parents claim these pageants help young girls with confidence and self esteem, but all it really does is teach them that their natural selves will never be good enough. We need to focus more on teaching our children about loving themselves, being intelligent, having morals, and having real goals. These things only promote competition and foster future self esteem issues. And that whole weave thing…smh. We got to do better!
I don’t KNOW whether or not she [the little girl] thinks she’s pretty and worthy w/o the extensions & make-up but at the end of the video, when she said, “My hair is longer. I look pretty.” It was so sad because it seems like she may not feel she’s pretty unless she has the longer, straighter hair (& make-up) when in actuality… she’s absolutely adorable with her natural hair and non made-up face. :-\ *heartbreaks*
I wonder if she’s ever told that she’s smart or how important intelligence and character is over anything else(??).
*sigh*
“I’m not a Diva, I’m Kayleigh.”
Right now the little girl knows who she is. I fear the day her grandmother’s words of “diva-in-training” and “vain” overpower this adorable little glrl’s true personality.
I will never understand how the adults can’t see how much they’re warping these children with these pageants.
The fact that I’ve seen this post on a few urban sites is concerning to me. What makes us uncomfortable about this clip? I can go deep into the subject but why should I? Why are we always questions ourselves as a people.
In short, there is a lot of history behind this which involved us being taken up from Africa on the basis that we were, and some still believe, inferior in intellect and in appearance. Too many of us still possess these views in our and other races psyche, however the latter view is more prevalent than the former.
Your comment about white people getting tans does not compare. White people (not all want a tan and not all have the same motive I am about to suggest) do not want tans to look black, their aim is to look as if they were olive skinned like white Italians, Greeks or Spaniards. Also, before you decide to throw in the arguments that big backsides and the desire to have fuller lips as another example tell me this, how many times have you heard people breaking their nose to make it flatter, more ‘blacker’ in appearance? Yes, fuller butts and lips are considered to be typical black features but it appears to be done to give people an exotic appearance, not to look black. For whites sheer vanity (who have rarely been discriminated about the colour of their skin or hair), for other ‘races’ the desire to appear exotic is a result of vanity and vicious cycle of self hatred for some…
I’m not saying women who wear wigs or weaves hate themselves- I have not worn either but I am open to doing so in a straight, curly or kinky style. I just think we should ask ourselves why so many women of colour choose to use dangerous chemicals such as bleach or to straighten out their hair. Also, in the black community (I am Black British African-Caribbean) why do I hear all to often terms such as ‘she’s got good/pretty hair’ or comments about how ‘nice and light’ someone is? Food for thought.
As a women I understand that we are ALL under-pressure to conform to an beauty ideal. If anything this video shows we are indoctrinated not born with these ideals from a young age- notice how the girl says ‘I’m not a Diva, I am Kayleigh’, she doesn’t understand and her mother is putting words into her mouth. Beauty pageants are the extremes of this case, I know, but what is truly sad is we learn these ideas from other women and most importantly our MOTHERS. Unfortunately, the beauty ideal appears to be a white one or an exotic one at best.
Xx
@ Ohmystars
Well said!
Poor Poor child
Stupid, stupid mother
How sad to hear her say “I look pretty” when he had perfectly lovely hair beforehand. .
@OhMyStars!!!!
I don’t need to add a thing to that but *Bravo* and *Sigh* for the clip
For ppl that do not understand why this clip is disheartening please pick up the book
BRAINWASHED: CHALLENGING THE MYTH OF BLACK INFERIORITY BY
TOM BURRELL
She is a pretty girl, she doesn’t need all that extra stuff to define her self worth especially at this age she should be worrying about dolls and cartoons not superficial appearance, I think major hair changes she be made when the child is of age to understand. I don’t think her grandmother is bad or unfit, but I think she should be employing the idea that she is beautiful and intelligent without the judging from others or no matter what he hair looks like but Kayleigh is beautiful no matter what she looks like weather her hair is short, long, curly, straight or if she is tall, short, in a dress or in a jumper. I do think she is way to young for weaves but I’ am more worried about these young girls growth, mindsets, and development.
However, I think we shouldn’t be JUST concern about the black grandmother putting weave in the child’s hair but the whole idea of Beauty Pageants in GENERAL with the lessons and teaching they are giving young girls and how basically they are being pimp out so if your going to put this lady on blast PUT THEM ALL ON BLAST
This is ridiculous. I always thought that that there was/is somewthing wrong with these women who parade their young children at beauty pageants. Their motivation is money as usual, pimping out their kids so that thdey can make money.
Additionally, this young child is so sweet and cute with her lovely hair without having to put the weave on.
She is in pain as her mother is preparing her hair for the weave, even as she is complaining that it hurts, the mother just carries on regardless.
Also, wearing make-up at that young age? Sexuallizing young girls.
What is wrong with some people?
Just let a child be a child. There is plenty of time when they get older to play or be a beauty queen.
Just ridiculous.
I don’t think that we as black women should be concerned I think that women in general should be. The whole pageant thing makes women of all races second-guess their natural beauty at a young age. Obviously this little queen is well aware of who she is now, but that is subject to change if her elders are telling her that in order for her to be considered pretty to others she must wear globs of makeup and she must wear weave. Pageantry is an issue period. A child should NOT be getting judged like that at the age of three… GTFOH that’s ridiculous and that’s sad.
How is it self-hate? White children wear falls, pieces, false teeth, eye lashes and more. It’s the nature of this twisted business. The children are supposed to look like “dolls”. It has nothing to do with black beauty or loving your natural self lol. It ain’t that deep. I think the broader issue is raising little girls who equate their worth to their looks is dangerous. I also think having grown people judge the “beauty” of children is beyond warped.
It seems a lot of black women have self-love issues and force these projections of self-hate onto others. Every black women that dyes her hair, wears a weave is no trying to be white. Nor do they hate being black lol. Stop projecting your issues onto other people ! Black women who have afros, twists, braids or locks do not “love” themselves more than women with weaves lol. I’ve been natural my entire life, but some women are so beyond ridiculous with this topic.
If you are referring to what I said about self hatred I was actually answering the person I was responding to about why some of us get worked about race, colourism and hair texture in relation to black people. I was not saying that wearing weaves, wigs, make-up and other things of this nature is a sign of self hatred and low self-esteem. I was just saying there is nothing wrong with looking deeper into things- I am a Sociology student, after all. For me, the the way relaxers are popularly seen as more natural than keeping one’s own hair texture is intriguing. I want to know why this is so and that intrigue only produces many reasons for why this is so (from the practicality argument to ‘self-loathing’ one). I don’t want to throw a proverbial book at anyone.
Also, I believe what is on the surface does not necessarily represent what is underneath. I don’t look at someone with relaxer and presume they actively seeking to be more European in appearance and do not love themselves. And when I see a natural person I don’t expect them to be afrocentric, fist waving, preachy individual. As far I am concerned everyone should have freedom to dress and style themselves in their own way- and dear I say it, children, too. Do what you’ve got to do to be happy.
I totally agree about the video being a general warped issue of over-sexualisation of children. I also pointed out originally that as women (of all colours) we are all under pressure to live up to the beauty ideal from a young age- fortunately for most us not at that level. That was the core issue for me, initially. But I got carried away with some of the comments on race and why it is such an issue. LOL, it’s been on my mind for a time.
Xx
And the cycle continues…at least she didn’t put relaxer in. Ugh…
But it is the pagent world and people should realize that it’s not just little black girls getting painful hair extensions and makeup.
Am I the only one who doesn’t see the point of these pagents. I’d rather see these little girls playing in some mud at a park.
Oops *dare*. lol, it’s 2 in the morning here and I am tired as h*** from all the assignments I have to complete. :D If there are any other grammatical errors please forgive me.
Lover of the beautiful and developing inner self, mine and others, OhMySweetStars.
Xx
Child pageants are child abuse.Faded women trying to live a fantasy through their daughters.They should be illegal.
The mothers on the child pageants will do anything. I think it’s torturing to the child. I cant even watch these pageants. I thought they were about young girls playing dress up & showing off, but its mothers forcing their daughters to compete at an early age for money?!
They’ll do what they gotta do. I think they should’ve just got her a wig.
Kiddy Pageants are disgusting. It is rare that you have a child who fully understands what is going on. Sure they think I get to dress up and I get a trophy but do they really understand why mommy is screaming at me, why is mommy and daddy so upset when I don’t win, why do I have to do all these crazy things when I don’t feel like it?
There have been some shows that have featured older girls in pageants, teenage girls, and the pressures get worse. You’ve got this overwhelming push to be perfect. Always dieting, always searching for the perfectness within you, pressure from your parents and coaches…. I would not want to put my children through torture nor would I want to be any of those children. Whenever I see the mothers being interviewed I want to shake my head and I do because it feels like they are simply living through their children. Well why can’t they put on some makeup and fake hair and go buy themselves a trophy and call it a day?
As for the particular issue of this little girl having to put fake hair in I do want to point out almost every girl in the pageant puts in false hair, makeup and fake teeth but this is the first time I have seen it highlighted that someone put a full on weave in their child’s head. Growing up, all the girls in my extended family would be allowed to wear a tiny little pony piece for very special occasions, weddings, funerals, etc. But I could never fathom putting a weave in.
I think all the extraness, the makeup and fake hair, being introduced to these girls no matter what their race is disturbing and women all over should be alarmed.