The Baby Blues
I’m young, single and still partying…so why is my biological clock buzzing?
My body has been ready to have a baby since I was 12 (well, maybe not my entire body, but the part that plays the most active role). I’ve always been maternal; as a little girl, I would choose baby dolls over jump rope in a heartbeat, which is why I never learned how to do that whole double dutch thing (really, two ropes? Sorry, I think I hear my Kenya doll crying). I doted over the smaller kids in school and had play children wherever I went. My first teenage jobs were at day camps, where my youth relegated me to (happily) working with the wee little ones (including a young Malia Obama, who was a living doll).
I have at least 10 years of still being in the group which is considered ‘normal’ for first time motherhood. And I am very practical about the responsibility of starting a family. I intend to wait until I am married and class mobile. I am…not quite there yet. And beyond my desire to bring a child into a happy relationship and financially secure home, I also want to wait until I have lived a little more. I haven’t seen Paris yet! I haven’t spent an obscene amount of money on a pair of shoes (that’s not really my thing, but it seems like a New York girl requirement I should meet at some point!) I have enough miles left on my ‘Me Years’ and I need to burn them before I enter wife and mother mode. I’m not ready to live for two or three people. I gotta learn how to take care of Jamilah first.
Knowing all of that, the sight of a sweet little baby makes my ovaries wail like Mahalia Jackson. Oh. My. God. I want a baby so bad. I WANT A BABY. Not for real, but for real. I peek in every stroller I see, smile at wiggling little ones on the bus. I gush over copies of baby magazines in the gynecologist’s office (how dare you leave those out when I am here to keep from getting pregnant?!?) and baby clothes in Target. I’ve pictured myself all cute and preggers in overalls and pigtails. I’ve imagined carrying my precious little brown sugar, strapped to my chest in beautiful cloth like the ancestors did and the Park Slope pseudo-hippie moms do. I want a baby. I WANT A BABY.
Don’t let nobody tell you that whole thing about women and their hormones is a myth, because there is no way that my rational mind came up with all of this on it’s own. Not when I KNOW I’m not ready to be a mom, and yet I hear my biological clock ticking over my iPod. The baby blues have hit me like a ton of bricks and there isn’t much I can do about it.
I thought it was just me until recently, I was watching TV with a homegirl, when some insufferably adorable commercial came on featuring a chubby cheeked boy that got my ovaries all knotted up. I turned to her and said “I know you’re not as baby obsessed as I am, but isn’t he the most…”“I want a baby SO bad!” “Wait, you do?” “YES!” We spent the next 20 minutes lamenting our unused wombs and this burning mommy fire that totally contradicts all these plans and goals we have that need to be handled first.
I was in high school when I decided that my husband, kids and I would go to brunch in matching outfits (blue shirts, khaki bottoms) and the waiter would take our picture and everyone would be like “aww”. There was never any doubt that I was gonna want to be a mom. Yet, I’m still overwhelmed by how hard the maternal urge has hit me. I’m totally unwilling to bend on my readiness requirements (husband, child, in that order, no exceptions) and I won’t compromise the future I know I want to hush this baby lust. I guess in the meantime, I’ll be the girl pouring over Baby Monthly in line at Target, as she stocks up on condoms.
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Elle Michelle on
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I concur.
Amen @ Jen
How about we stop selling the Leave-to-Beaver ideal to little black children to whom it has never been and will never be a reality. Nor should it. We have unique community, with unique characteristics and needs that are deeply rooted in our history. Let’s work from that and not the White heteronormative paradigm that is the traditional nuclear family.
How about not telling our kids that their living arrangements are less than ideal because mainstream culture says so and instead, let them know how awesome it is to have however many parents that they have loving and supporting them. Of course kids will be sad if tell we them their family is “less than”…so, how about not doing that and instead reinforcing the fact that families look different and that’s okay. Just a thought.
I am a firm believer that two awesome parents are better than one. So, in that sense, I am all for the nuclear family. It is something I have dreamed of for myself and my children all of my life.
But one devoted mama and a reluctant daddy?
Not so much.
One tired mama and an abusive or lazy daddy?
Leave it.
One awesome mama and an extended family of comparably awesome grandparents, aunts, uncles and surrogate mothers is a hell of a lot better than what is likely at least a plurality of American nuclear families. And for that, I love the Black community.
And with this comment, I have to say: the only person avoiding reality is you. It is a sad day and age when we are encouraging ourselves and our children to settle for less than two loving parents to raise them because that’s ‘just the way things are today. Deal with it.’
If a person is ‘reluctant’, ‘abusive’, ‘tired’, or ‘lazy’ then GASP! how about you DONT HAVE KIDS WITH THEM. Because that baby didn’t ask to be here, and even if you are in that small percentage of women that conventional birth control methods failed and ‘shit happened’ to, an abortion could happen just as easily. Abortion is a form of birth control with a majorly high success rate.
I’m pretty sure the chants of ‘Wedding Before Womb’ are NOT statements that people simply want empty relationships so they can have a wedding and shoot babies out, and as intelligent as you seem, I’m pretty positive you realize that. You’re deliberately taking it the wrong way so you can continue ranting about the joys of extended families, the problems with ‘antiquated’ beliefs on nuclear families, blah blah blah.
While I’m not exactly pro-marriage (my mom and stepfather recently got married after 12 years of shacked-up bliss), wanting a strong, healthy relationship before children so you can raise them together is the way it should be done. Period. PERIOD. Because all of the extended family in the world is NOT going to lessen the sting your child feels when they come home from school crying because they were called a bastard or wondering why they don’t have two parents and little Jimmy does.
It’s not THEIR fault that the two of you laid down together yet only one of you is around. And your extended family also didn’t decide to have that baby, so its not ‘the Black community’s’ responsibility to raise it, either. It’s your responsibility and yours alone.
Take time to meet somebody, date, fall in love, build a happy, healthy relationship, and bring a child into the world together with equal love, support, and understanding. Teach your children to hold the person they have their children with to the same ideal. And if you never meet that person, but you have the MEANS and TIME to raise a child on your own, THEN consider other options. Don’t just go with the flow because that guy you been messing with since high school knocked you up. I don’t understand how this is a foreign concept.
What does a Black unemployment rate have to do with teaching your children self-respect for themselves, their bodies, and their ability to create? That sex and pleasure and excess are NOT all that is important in our PLEASURE DRIVEN society.
Yes, the OOW epidemic is just a symptom of a larger and more complex picture but railing against more traditional values doesn’t solve that problem. If anything, stronger families and more ‘nuclear’ family values would give the future generations a firmer backbone and the support to create social change, start more Black-owned businesses, work for ourselves and DO for ourselves. Cuz clearly having auntie and grandma watching you currently is NOT cutting it.
Children deserve the best, and the best is not a single mom juggling work, school, her own life and God knows what else to try and raise a kid by shuffling them around between relatives and giving them limited time and attention. Yeah, it can be done. So can driving a car with your feet, but that doesn’t make it a good fucking idea.
So, I’m guessing you skipped over the introduction of that post, wherein I specifically stated I support nuclear families with two involved parents at its core, so you could wrongly frame abortion as a form of birth control.
Kinda creepy.
The Black unemployment rate is directly related to the implosion of nuclear family units within the Black community. If that connection seems unlikely to you, then you are either very sheltered or a very superficial thinker.
Extended family and kinship/community based child rearing has been the ways thing have been done for thousands of years and in most civilizations. Parents have always, should, and will always take a primary role, but stating that children are the sole responsibility of the parents the birth them is problematic on many levels.
Children need loving parents that are central to loving networks of supportive people (grandparents, other extended family, friends, neighbors, church members, etc…) and we shouldn’t care what form these networks come in as long as the do their job (loving and supporting children).
When we get stuck on heterosexual marriage as the “right” form of child-rearing we are seriously selling ourselves and our kids short. As responsible, loving, imaginative people we have the capacity to create spaces to raise children outside of the norm and just as functional…let’s be sure to leave room in our minds and brains for that.
There is an interesting discussion related to this within the community of social services professionals. After building them up as a viable option, there is a kind of backlash against kinship foster placements in certain parts of the country right now–despite the fact that they are the most successful placements for abused and neglected children within minority (and especially Black) families. It’s another example of the dangers of normalizing whiteness within non-white communities.
Extended familial involvement may not be the norm of white families, but it is very much the norm within Black families–even Black families, such as mine, wherein nuclear families are typical. In this sense, community based child-rearing IS the Black community’s responsibility–our self-imposed responsibility. Suggesting otherwise, as serenissima has, is a detraction from our norms and represents the dilution of our very valuable culture. That dilution of culture presents a real danger to our children–a danger much greater than encouraging women to *actually consider all of their options* should they experience an unplanned pregnancy.
I read your post in it’s entirety. And your supposed ‘support’ for nuclear families is very clearly undermined by the rest of your asinine post, which states that there are better options than a home with ‘bad’ parents but doesn’t want to admit the best solution: not have the kids in the first place. You instead attempt to place the blame on any other number of influencing elements in Black society. Have a stable relationship. Then have kids. Anything else is just excuses.
Oh, and abortion IS a form of birth control. The definition of ‘birth control,’ as implied by it’s name, is the ability to control of the number of children born. I’m pretty sure abortion does that. That’s Sex Ed 101, so clearly any other comment you have to make from then on is pretty much null and void.
serenissima, I’m sorry, but I do not subscribe to the belief that abortion is a form of birth control. My reasons are the obvious ones (please differentiate the physical, emotional and social experiences of a woman who has had multiple abortions over the years with those of a woman who has regularly and successfully used condoms, a diaphragm, the pill or any other form of actual birth control for some extended period of time).
I really don’t care to have this discussion with you. I can see your type from a mile away. You’re a pro-abortionist woman who likely hides in pro-choice clothing. In other words, you’re an extremist. And you are, like most extremists, dangerous, irrational and not worth talking to.
*control the number of children born
Stupid iPad
@Kassandra What do I have against Black Men? I’ll tell you. TOO DAMN MANY OF THEM ARE LEAVING THEIR BABIES TO BE RAISED ALONE BY ONE PARENT. Do other races make babies and leave? Of course they do. Hispanics are pretty bad at this too, but black folks head the pack. Not a great stat to be the leader of, is it? :)
so you bash all black men for what some do? You call out Hispanic men….. but you leave out white men? i think you have a SERIOUS color issue! Your are just as bad as black men who bash black women and say thats there reason for dating out!
& you didn’t answer my question… Why assume everyone wants to get married?
And if your comment was towards me, Capricious… I’m not pushing heterosexual marriage at all… I’m pushing a UNION as the right form of child-rearing. I used ‘it took two people to lay down’ as a general term. Two mommies, two daddies, a mom and a dad, whatever… I just think the partnership makes for the best upbringing, for the child as well as the parents.
I honestly don’t believe in the whole ‘it takes a village’ philosophy. Yes, the village helps, but too often people use that as a way to shirk their responsibilities towards their children. ‘I know Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Mentor, etc is going to be their so I’m just going to do the minimal and keep on moving.’ Of course outside influences are going to be major in your child’s life, but at the end of the day it is YOUR responsibility.
And I also believe that the Black extended family as opposed to the White extended family is WAY overgeneralizing it… I know far, FAR more Black kids that have NO family, extended or otherwise. That’s why they turn to the streets. ‘Soul Food’ was just a movie, in my experiences. (That was towards Jen as well.)
@Jen: Your response was not null and void, I just meant that one comment about abortion not being birth control. I actually value your opinion, even if I don’t agree with it.
The article’s author, Jamilah, commented earlier that her “pro-choice” stance means respecting others’ choices in regards to when, if, how, they have kids – in a union or outside of one. I concur.
@serenissma
I’m sure very few parents shirk of child-rearing responsibilities to family unless there is an actual need. In addition, no one or two or three or four people were meant to bare the brunt of raising kids on there own – parents will always need the support of their families and their communities. If indeed you know tons of kids with out that support, it’s our community that’s failing, not just the parents. We ALL need to do better. Your position here makes me think that you either have never had children or have had them and have failed to recognize (and give credit to) your own support network.
‘@Capricious: I’m sure very few parents shirk of child-rearing responsibilities to family unless there is an actual need. In addition, no one or two or three or four people were meant to bare the brunt of raising kids on there own – parents will always need the support of their families and their communities. If indeed you know tons of kids with out that support, it’s our community that’s failing, not just the parents. We ALL need to do better. Your position here makes me think that you either have never had children or have had them and have failed to recognize (and give credit to) your own support network.’
I feel like I could say the same about you. Because I have seen way more parents shirk their responsibilities to family members for no other reason than that they could, than parents step up to the plate and handle their children without help. And I’m not even talking girls, I’m talking 25-year-olds with jobs, cars, and enough money to go out every night but they still at home because they have a live-in babysitter.
I’m not denying that our community is failing to meet the needs of up-and-coming generations. I’m just saying the responsibility starts at home, NOT with the community. Family and community are separate entities in my eyes.
@Jen: ‘serenissima, I’m sorry, but I do not subscribe to the belief that abortion is a form of birth control. My reasons are the obvious ones (please differentiate the physical, emotional and social experiences of a woman who has had multiple abortions over the years with those of a woman who has regularly and successfully used condoms, a diaphragm, the pill or any other form of actual birth control for some extended period of time).
I really don’t care to have this discussion with you. I can see your type from a mile away. You’re a pro-abortionist woman who likely hides in pro-choice clothing. In other words, you’re an extremist. And you are, like most extremists, dangerous, irrational and not worth talking to.’
Well, there you go. You can also refuse to ‘subscribe’ to the belief that the sky is (essentially) blue, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Abortion as birth control is a FACT. And people that refuse to believe cold, hard facts in deference to their personal beliefs are usually the most ‘extreme,’ ‘dangerous,’ ‘not worth talking to,’ and ‘irrational’ sorts- because they refuse to see reason or at the very least listen to others opinions.
Nice talking to you, Jen.
Both the dictionary and common definitions of birth control refer to “contraception.”
Framing abortion as birth control is 100% ideologically-driven and is no way based in reality.
@serenissima
I think your definition of parental responsibility is a little odd and not quite based in reality.
…and family and community are absolutely and inextricably connected. One does not exist/function/thrive without the other.
Via Websters
Main Entry: birth controlFunction: nounDate: 19141 : control of the number of children born especially by preventing or lessening the frequency of conception
Especially. Not exclusively, and nowhere does it mention contraception. Nice talking to you, Jen. Again.
@Capricious: My ideals are FIRMLY based in reality. I honestly feel like your opinion is based of a 90′s sitcom and not real life in 2010 (and I mean no disrespect, just saying). I wish I could say that community pitches in and extended family is the business and it takes a village, but in my experiences and those of the people I know, you can’t depend on anybody but yourself. ESPECIALLY when you have a baby.
Agree to disagree.
Is this a damn joke?
From Merriam-Webster:
birth control
Function: noun
Date: 1914
1 : control of the number of children born especially by preventing or lessening the frequency of conception : contraception
2 : contraceptive devices or preparations
From Oxford:
birth control (birth con·trol)
Syllabification:OnOff
noun
the practice of preventing unwanted pregnancies, typically by use of contraception
From Random House:
birth control
–noun
regulation of the number of children born through the deliberate control or prevention of conception. Compare family planning ( def. 1 ) .
Origin:
1914, Americanism
Word to Random House, methinks the phrase you’re looking for is “family planning,” not “birth control.” As in, “While abortion is not a form of birth control, it is a viable means of family planning for many women.”
Corrections:
@Capricious: *off of a 90s sitcom
@Jen: Nowhere does it mention contraception, and if we’re talking strictly contraception, then abstinence is also NOT a form of birth control. You’re ridiculous.
Direct your frustrations at the English language, sister.
You know, Christelyn, I never took your “No Wedding, No Womb” as a simplistic one-size-fits-all solution to every problem and can’t imagine anyone being that simple to have done so. I got the spirit in which it was stated, saw it as a cute quip – but only a point from which to start and reconsider babies by dudes that finds a chick suitable to f*ck and impregnate but not marry – and certainly not an encouragement to marry any ol’ guy that walked up and asked. Like more and more people, I’m disgusted by the Sha’Queesha-esque name-calling, bitterness, attitude and typical inability to STFU and consider other POVs and don’t engage it – so, remember, ignore!
I’ve an older cousin that mentors a TLW (True Love Waits) group for several young girls (all of color). I don’t have as much time as I once had, but I still put in time with her. I joined one at 13 and my parents bought me a diamond and gold bracelet that I passed on to my next youngest sister when she made a commitment – and she’ll pass it on to our baby sister if/when she makes her choice.
Though nothing is 100% for everyone, I’ve seen this work/produce uber-positive outcomes and it’s way past time to talk honestly and frankly with young AA and Latinas about sex, their bodies, STDs, health (eating right, exercise), feelings, that sex and sexual arousal is normal, how to remove themselves from situations that could potentially lead to sex, pregnancy, recognizing how a young girl will have sex with a guy when she really wants a hug whereas a boy will hug a girl to get the sex, the tricks older men say to get at them (it’s a fact a lot of teenaged AA girls are impregnated by adult males) etc. More than anything they need to be heard, supported and feel they’ve a group of like-minded peers to encourage and support. Since the church is supposed to be a place of support in the African American community, what is so wrong with starting one group like this in a church in addition to implementing other plans? Yes, some children are going to have sex regardless but I know for a fact that the seeds will be planted and there will be those who make different/more responsible decisions.
60% of females with HIV/AIDS are AA, AA females have a 48% rate of infection for herpes, 70% of black babies are born out of wedlock, AA teenagers are more likely to have sex with those in an older age group, AA teenagers are only 13% of the teenaged population yet constitute 70% of all new HIV/AIDS cases among teenagers…yet there is no need for discussions about sex and families? Insanity!
I’ve several ideas and ‘waiting’ was not the only thing put on the table; there was also home-schooling and same-sex schools (for very specific reasons) but you’ll note those were not even touched as if the only thing advocated was “traditional families.” Studies around the country have shown that same-sex schools are extremely beneficial for AA boys and particularly those that came from poverty and challenging backgrounds. Academically they do exponentially better, they’ve healthier self-esteems, believe in themselves more, benefit from being around peers that look like them with similar goals, and placed on a path to higher-education — as opposed to jail, unemployed etc. Same-sex schools seem to work better for these kids for various reasons i.e. more personalized attention, they are EXPECTED to succeed, male teachers (for boys) imparts values on respect/responsibility etc., uniforms remove the pressure of SES or having the latest kicks, same-sex removes the distraction of girls/boys etc.
All the useless bullsh!t whining about the term “baby mama”, neck-rolling over the mere suggestion of reducing the number of babies born outside of marriage, rants about abortion as if anyone encouraged it as the solution, excuses basically insinuating AA females were too damn dumb to properly use birth control (failure), nitpicking over a statement about which men do/don’t wear condoms, and blah blah blickety about looking for “multifaceted” reasons to relieve people of personal responsibility and avoid calling a spade a spade…were the true “smokescreens.”
For those types it’s always a never-ending screed about what can’t be done, protesting and complaining with NO VIABLE SOLUTIONS OFFERED and, listening to some of them, those who don’t know any better would think every inner city neighborhood, project and public housing complex full of OOW children and unmarried mothers are well-functioning, supportive, crime-free, stable environments with friends and grandmothers there to baby-sit and provide backup. There is no dependence on the government and they’re turning out hordes of positive, educated, non-criminal citizens who will go on to live productive lives and/or give back to society. Yeeeeah!
I can certainly understand others growing tired of bank-rolling the consequences of people’s bad personal choices, but I’m concerned because there is a growing wave of hateful tea- party-ish rhetoric i.e. “Rope them off and let them shoot and infect each other till they kill each other off!” going around. People are done and don’t care anymore, so it’s way past time for self-empowerment.
*stands up*
*applauds*
*exits thread*
Home schooling is clearly not an option for most American families.
I support same-sex schooling and am a product of a women’s college.
That said, you realize *your* screed perpetuates stereotypes about Black women and you sound like a raving lunatic, right?
I’m not arguing semantics with you. Clearly you’re the one with such a limited understanding of the English language that you feel you can pick and choose what definition you want to give a term. You said yourself that you don’t ‘subscribe’ to the belief of abortion as birth control. And that’s cool, but the fact of the matter is, birth control is the ability to control the birth of children. Abortion is birth control. Abstinence is birth control. Oral contraceptives, intrauterine devices, condoms, the pull out method… All are a form of BIRTH CONTROL. Now if you want to argue about the EFFECTIVENESS of each, or the moral, social, and psychological ramifications, be my guest. But we both already decided we were no longer having this conversation.
And here is a link to the definition I posted: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/birth+control
Happy Hump Day
Do you not see the colon next to the definition you presented and the word “contraception” printed next to that in bolded hyperlinked text as big and wide as all outdoors? Are you unfamiliar with the purpose of the colon?
I am genuinely concerned.
Did you not see the term ESPECIALLY? Do you need ANOTHER definition?
I’m out of here, speaking to you is redundant and is actually giving me a headache, ESPECIALLY when you already said you refuse to subscribe to beliefs that don’t match yours. Akai said all that needed to be said.
Especially, not exclusively. You see what I did there? Peace
@Jen: You are truly an e-bully, and a perfect example of the types of enablers that are destroying our communities with endless excuses for irresponsible behavior. But I welcome your comments because you keep putting the size of your brain on display for the world to see.
Hate to break it to you, but you’ve lost the argument. Common sense prevails.
Check, and mate. Anything else you say at this in response to this point will make you sound hysterical.
Heaven forbid I should respect Standard American English or make allusions to social or cultural norms or statistical fact in a discussion about anything. This clearly makes me an e-bully. :-/
But, seriously. Didn’t you, Akai* and serenissima solemnly swear to stop engaging me some time ago?
It’s your insults (raving lunatic, simpleton, dangerous extremist), goading of other commenters (didn’t you solemnly swear to stop engaging me) and refusal to see anybody else’s opinion that makes you an e-bully. Let the validity of your arguments stand on their own without the keyboard thuggery, and if you’re incapable of that, then maybe message boards aren’t for you (and, for the record, you were the one that initially told me I wasn’t worth speaking to because I was a dangerous, irrational extremist. I merely replied in kind and said ‘Nice talking to you’).
Now I am no longer taking your bait and LOGGING OFF, DAMMIT lol
The world is full of zealous advocates (and some folks may find us a little abrasive). If you’re not prepared to deal with us, then controversial discourse is not for you. ;-)
Love your fashion blog, though.
Serenissima: I was already giggling at Christelyn then you took me out with the “keyboard thuggery” comment and I almost rolled off the sofa laughing. Me? I sit back and laugh at that type in between pitying them for being incapable of having a conversation without that kind of immature mierda! It’s a shame really because I enjoy learning from women of other cultures/ethnicities, even if I disagree at times, but that isht is a universal turn-off!
I’m personally pro-life and (outside of life-threatening medical considerations) this is not a choice I could ever see myself making. However, my husband and I have used birth control for family planning (against the edicts of the Catholic church since neither the Vatican, a priest or Pope Benedict were given invitations into our freaky bedroom), and I’m politically pro-choice because I feel every female has the right to make a choice as I’ve done.
Regardless of anyone’s self-serving and convenient semantics, I agree with you: abortion is also a form of birth control (controlling the number of children born)
(Disclaimer: hurried post) Wow! Why is this an “argument” and not a discussion about a topic that affects us all? Everyone has contributed a point, idea, or call to action that would go a long way towards addressing this, yes Akai, complicated issue. I wish jeweled promise bracelets and a supportive family unit were feasible for every young black girl. I do not doubt that what ur suggesting could go a long way. I also mentor young black children and families, I have for years. Working both with large groups & individuals as a professional and volunteer. I applaud your ACTIONS also, that’s what we all should be doing. That would change things.
I don’t see Jen as e bullying at all, I see her offering and defending her perspective just like we all have. If anyone is being ganged up on at this point, it would be her in fact. But she seems more than capable of handling herself anyway… Reflected by the fact reinforcements have obviously been called in. :)
Serenissima wrote: “…I also believe that the Black extended family as opposed to the White extended family is WAY overgeneralizing it.”
******************************************************************************************************************
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to even remotely attempt to state what is within the “norm of white families” if one has lived their whole life in a black family and community, and I tend to agree with you that the statements about the “black extended family” are an overgeneralization and, frankly IMO, a bit of a romanticized notion.
It brought up a question for me because, if this is supposedly the “norm,” why is it that there are 550,000 children in America’s foster care system with the overwhelming majority of these children (39% or 215,000) being AA? At 39%, these numbers are ridiculously disproportionate at 3 times African American’s 13% population percentage and an apparent serious lack of “extended family” members stepping in to take up the slack.
So, yeah, erm….yay for “extended families” as the solution!
“I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to even remotely attempt to state what is within the “norm of white families” if one has lived their whole life in a black family and community”
Well, I, like most Black people of a certain class, have been socializing, building friendships with, working alongside and going to school with white people for most of my life. I also have white family members and am academically versed in sociological norms across cultures. So believe me when I say there are major differences in extended family relationships norms and standards in white, as compared to Black, communities.
“why is it that there are 550,000 children in America’s foster care system with the overwhelming majority of these children (39% or 215,000) being AA?”
You understand that a substantial number of these Black children are placed in the homes of relatives, right?