The Super Ex-Boyfriend
Well, I’ve been a super boyfriend. Well now, a super ex-boyfriend.
Yes, a super ex-boyfriend.
Do women not love the super ex-boyfriend?
We’ve always been so quick to defame and castrate our exes. We’ve even adopted the “an ex is an ex for a reason” mantra in our culture to smooth over the internal struggle going on between our hearts and our sanity. After a breakup, we all know it’s important to make sure to allocate plenty of space. So after the Facebook photos are untagged or deleted (your preference), sentimental items are returned, and your inbox is emptied of his name—you know you’re finally ready to move on. At least, so you think.
Many times I catch myself willingly doing things for my ex. Sucker, I am not; forthright, yes. Not because I want to get back together and ride up to our gingerbread castle in the sky, but because I still care. The irony of the super ex-boyfriend situation sometimes baffles me. You tell me you don’t want to be with me because you can’t trust me, however, you trust me enough to call me if you need a ride home after getting wasted at the club, or conveniently want to grab something for lunch since you’re in the area. The convenience is always there and super ex-boyfriend will be there to come to your rescue.
Believe it or not, guys can be genuine. Well, let’s say some. I know some guys who would quickly hit the ignore button if their ex’s name was to come across the caller id. However, every guy is not like that. Just because a guy is there does not mean he has sinister motives to attack, or that he only wants to creep over for a late night—which is never a bad thing. He might, in actuality, just want to be there. Just because the relationship is over doesn’t mean the concern stops.
Depending on the breakup and situation, because I can’t speak for all, it’s a normal feeling to miss your ex. Why not? You’ve invested a lot of time, sweat, tears, and vitality in this guy. This is the same person you would spend day in and weekend out with. In society we shine such a punitive light on couples who still remain friends after the breakup. Not all non-platonic relationships will last forever.
If the relationship was authentic, you’ll find yourself still wanting to do things for that person because you genuinely care—no matter how hard we try to run away from this heartfelt fact. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with communicating with your ex. It’s very, very hard to find people you can trust and open up to. Not saying your ex should be your “BFF” and y’all should send friendly text messages back and forth all day, but at least he can be someone you keep in your support system. If you choose to call on your ex from time to time, doesn’t make you feeble. The fact that you were in a relationship together means you both know a lot about each other. You should keep in touch with your ex because who knows what you may need from him one day other than love.
Beware, every ex you have does not warrant a neo-platonic relationship afterwards. Emotionally, this can be hard at first. How could I still trust him to be there for me? So after you go through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone and comforted by the tunes on your iPod, to the entertaining nights out with the girlfriends, you have to find time to listen to yourself—not your girlfriends. Being able to listen to your foolish heart comes in handy here, only you know if the possibility of a friendship will exist.
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Alright, great article. I’m feeling this one. Good point to the ladies that not all ex-boyfriends are after more action or to rekindle the old flame… if there was one.
It’s nice to have a great boyfriend. But if it doesn’t work out it’s also nice to have a friend. Especially if you spent over a certain amount of time with them, I like to call the help ex boyfriends give, ex boyfriend support, because you never married them but you can still get some support afterward for the time you put into the relationship ;)
“Depending on the breakup and situation, because I can’t speak for all, it’s a normal feeling to miss your ex”
It is normal and confusing. Romantic relationships are the strangest of all relationships because the pattern is different from any other type. You meet someone; you eventually become a significant part of their lives, if not the most significant, in a relatively short amount of time. You love hard, share everything, do everything, are intimate in ways you aren’t in other relationships… then it’s bye bye, I never want to see you again if things go wrong. Like that Alanis Morissette line “you told me you’d hold me until you died… but you’re still alive.” It’s odd when you really think about it when juxtaposed against the connections you have with family and other platonic situations. I guess it works for healing and in making new romantic connections less complicated.
Having said that, I’m cool with being my ex’s friend depending on the factors of the break up and how long it’s been. You also have to be careful to not make the inevitable new person in your life uncomfortable. There’s a lot to consider, and each circumstance is different.
I personally don’t think relationships ever really end. You can’t undo knowing a person. They can be altered and/ or postponed until the next installment of the infinite relationship, even if it only involves running into each other occasionally at the mall… it’s still a new line in the book of you two. But don’t think you gon just drop me and I’ll be over at your house painting next weekend. GTFOH! LOL!
Though this is a great article and topic I do think this just the reason some lonely,confused or plain dumb girl need when “JoJo” calls and ask for a ride at 2am and the next morning you’re trying to figure out “what did he mean when he said thank you/ do he want me back?” I feel an ex is an ex for a reason one must move on however if on down the line you two run into each other again and all romantic feeling are gone yet you guys still get along great then yeah but don’t try to make friends after dude breaks up with you because nine times out of ten he isn’t calling to catch up b/c he miss your company.
The thing is, the super ex-boyfriend can quickly become a gray area friend because once there were feelings before, spending time together and being able to call on him for whatever reason could easily catalyze the germination of stale feelings. Now, depending on what the breakup was based on, things can become a tangled mess very very quickly. Also, having the ex around can fog up and narrow future opportunities. Other guys don’t happily embrace the “Oh I am hanging out with my Ex” explanation for an exciting day.
You should cut all ties with her and keep it moving. You are entering doormat territory.