Who Has Our Back?

by Shahida Muhammad

In the 1960s, Mary Ruth Reed—a young Black woman who was eight months pregnant—was the victim of a rape, and subsequently beaten by a White man named Louis Medlin in Monroe, North Carolina. The incident was witnessed by many neighbors, and after Medlin was arrested, Robert Williams (an active member of the NAACP) counseled Mrs. Reed’s community; urging them to let the law handle it.  During the trial, Medlin brought his White wife to the courtroom and asked the jury to compare her to his victim, explaining he couldn’t possibly want to rape such an inferior woman.  Apparently the jury agreed and Louis Medlin was a free man.  Upset, Robert William’s stated to the media:

“I had told them [the black women] that in a civilized society the law is a deterrent against the strong who would take advantage of the weak, but the South is not a civilized society. . . . I said that in the future we would defend our women and children, our homes and ourselves with our arms.”

Robert Williams was characteristically peaceful man, who initially ascribed to the NAACP commitment to non-violence.  However, once he saw that the legal system let Louis Medlin go free, he could not accept it.  He was determined to do everything in his power to seek justice for Mary Ruth Reed and protect the women in his family and community.

Yet, historically and currently, this is not always the case.  For starters, Black women have had a complex and traumatic history in this country, to say the least.  Throughout slavery (and after) we were raped and abused at the hands of slave masters, and White men in general, without these viscous acts being considered a crime.  Throughout all of this, what position did this leave Black men in?  Did our systematic repression leave many of our men feeling defenseless?

It is clear on many levels just how much of an impact slavery continues to have on us as a people.  In regards to male-female relationships, I believe one of the many troubling results has been Black women losing a sense of security in our men.

What do I mean?  To me it has long been apparent in our community, society, popular culture, and even in the political realm—as illustrated in the recent unwarranted condemnation of Shirley Sherrod.  Not only did her situation bring race relations to the forefront of media attention again, but the subtle lack support for Mrs. Sherrod, and swift denunciation by Black political leaders, spoke volumes as well.

As reported, Mrs. Sherrod was immediately forced to resign from her position as as Georgia State Director of Rural Development for the United States Department of Agriculture after a conservative blogger took snippets of a lecture given by Mrs. Sherrod out of context, and used the excerpt to paint her as a racist.  The Obama administration immediately distanced themselves from Mrs. Sherrod.  And to make things worse, she was publicly condemned by the NAACP.  No one took the time out to investigate the bloggers claim and Mrs. Sherrod was left out to defend herself, alone.  Despite the unfounded accusations, it seemed no one (initially) had her back.

Just a few months ago, Jill Scott was left to defend herself against media attacks after writing piece on interracial relationships for Essence, that expressed a very real and honest perspective.  Entitled “The Wince” she writes:

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated . . . We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together.

After what we’ve been through together, as explained above, are Black women still left to feel like we’re on our own in the sense that often times we are not respected, defended, or even given the benefit of a doubt by many of our Black men, leaders, entertainers, and political figures?  In my opinion, yes.  It seems like somewhere along our sojourn in this country an indifferent attitude has unfortunately been taken on and accepted when it comes to the blatant disrespect and/or abuse of Black women.

Even in the infamous Kat Stacks beatdown(s), this is evident.  Once the video of her assault began circulating, many of our male entertainers found the incident comical.  Sadly, the main question raised was simply, “Who layed the smackdown?” rather than, “Why is a man putting his hands on this woman?”  Again, I find this trend of indifference, passiveness, and acceptance of such behavior very problematic and telling in light of our looming, troublesome male-female relations.

To be clear, this is not an attack on Black men.  However, in cultures throughout the world, most women never have to question whether their men will come to their defense, respect them, or hold them in the high regard that they should.  Yet for us as Black women there is a question mark.  Why?  The reasons are extensive and arguable.  But as a people, we have held it down side by side throughout history and, moreover, Black women have stood by our men through it all.  This sentiment is still echoed in our culture today.  Like when we hear Keri Hilson passionately proclaiming “I got your back boy “ in T.I.’s latest song.  Yet, taking into consideration the aforementioned issues, many Black women may be left to wonder, who has ours?

  • EmpressDivine

    Just wanted to say good post. Be back to comment fully later.

  • Michelle the Tired Nurse

    Black women and men have equal blame. Only if we can stop blaming each other and work together! (SIGH) Unfortunately, slave mentality continues to separate the sexes. Sexism within the black community is an unique extension of racism; that is, many Americans, including black men, have taken on an indifferent attitude towards black women (Muhammad, I agree). Our culture glamorizes the stereotypes that “massa” placed on black women; hypersexuality and aggresiveness are two to speak of. Sometimes I feel black men as a whole will never stand up to support the struggles of black women; where as, many black women have stood by black men for the longest. (Albeit black men feel the same way.) There are ladies who take this attitude to the extreme. They will say they do not need a man and look down on every brotha they meet due to a fear of the “lack of support.” This indifferent attitude toward black women in this country is creating monsters with low self-esteem in many sistas I meet.

  • Alexandra

    Great article, but we already know the answer to this. Black women have a completely different history in the world. Despite how time flew, the stigma is still there….

  • http://roslynhardyholcomb.com roslynholcomb

    The short answer to your question is that nobody has our back and haven’t in a long time. This isn’t the first time one of our so-called civil rights organizations have thrown a black woman under the bus. Google ‘Dunbar Village’ and see how they stood up for the perpetrators against a black woman and her child who were brutally gang-raped. The non-existent black community has made it clear that they couldn’t give two good goddamns about black women. Anyone who hasn’t realized that by now is either uninformed or chloroformed.

  • sloane


  • LMO85

    What is wrong with saying that it should be an attack on Black men? They have failed us tremendously—and I could give a good got dam about so called “good brothers” which is nothing more than a myth. If they exist, they need to come out en mass and hold each other accountable and responsible. Until that time, I am really good on hearing about how Black women share the blame, what they share is a burden of oppression, much of which has been fully internalized and left them to their own devices, a lot of which results in defense mechanisms of the ” I don’t need a man variety.” NO, what we don’t need is any kind of man, a piece of a man, or some semblance of a man that is nothing more than a big boy.
    I don’t want to hear from the males until they realize and verbalize their fault in this and step it the fuck up.

    Thank you for this post and co-sign Roslyn, you said it better than I could. Gee, I wonder how many enlightened comments this article will receive? Pshtt, I already know the answer. Black women-its high time to start taking care of ourselves and having each others backs and leave the rest of them alone.

  • Avisjay

    I think this is more personal than anything else. And. I ain’t heard of this “Kat Stacks” chick till now. What she went through can be expected once you see her youtube clips. That’s just the reality of the environment choose to be apart of (where ostentatious behavior is the norm).

    But really I can make the same argument against Black Women. Black Women (and men) that have had my back is a rarity. And I’m talking about Aunts & Uncles including mates and friends. So, it amounts to more of a rant than anything constructive.

    It’s not in our culture to have anybody’s back, but to “do for self” and chase famous & fortune. This issue is it’s a problem throughout the diaspora, not just on one side.

  • Avisjay

    excuse the typos :)

  • jai.E

    Clutch, this is the second time.

    You just used example of Jill Scott and Shirley Sherrod, two black woman who are accomplished and who both, most importantly, RESPECT THEMSELVES.

    Kat Stacks does not respect herself. She (and we, as well) should not expect others to respect her (especially the imbeciles in the industry she’s targeting). I’m not saying she deserves the disrespect and I don’t care if she was lying or telling the truth with the claims she was making. She is not a victim. She put herself in the situations she was in.

    Please, that foolish girl isn’t even worth mentioning.

  • jai.E

    *excuse my typos as well. (I meant “stop using…”)

  • http://pertheblog.blogspot.com Tracie

    Real Talk…

  • http://pertheblog.blogspot.com Tracie

    Jai E… U’re an IDIOT! I don’t care if she is a woman who does not know herself worth, she does not deserve to be beaten by anyone. And the guys who did it had nothing to do with what they were addressing her about. I don’t agree with Kat Stacks money making tactics, but at the end of the day she is still a woman, and young lady, a girl (whateva you want to call it) she doesn’t deserve that treatment.

    Violence against women is not cool.

  • ShamWow

    She is a victim. She was raped and beaten (from what I read) for a looooooong time before she even became THE Kat Stacks we see today.

    She is a victim in every sense of the word.

    Furthermore, I am 100% certain that she has some serious mental issues and she is constantly being taken advantage of.

  • ShamWow

    Thank you! This “blame the victim” mentality is a large issue.

  • http://www.falliblesage.com FallibleSage.com

    Great article, but the comment section is about to be filled with a lot of venom shortly I’m sure. How can a black man have the back of a black woman if he’s not taught to do so and vice versa? There’s so much bashing of each other that happens in these posts, surely you don’t think you’re the facilitators of lessons in holding each other down. What are you telling your children about each other… better yet, what are you modeling?

    I sometimes wonder about the negatives that came along with the benefits of desegregation. This country is very individualistic as a whole, but as a disenfranchised people we had to find strength in each other. When we were forced to deal with all of us, the upwardly mobile and the poor, living and working together… we were connected and taught to support each other in an environment that was overt in its hostility…. we had to be. Same attitudes, and desire to hold each other down extended to relationships even when powerless to do so (when not identifying with the aggressor that is, which still happens today btw). Now we’re fractured and assimilating in a still oppressive environment, however covert. Don’t get me wrong, no issue with assimilation, unless it leaves you unable to relate to or care about others who look like you, still unable to do so.

    Maybe as a result of all we’ve gained, we’ve felt it less urgent to have each other’s back, and it’s a lesson we’ve forgotten how to teach. If you’re not promoting it then you shouldn’t expect it.

  • D_Nice


  • D_Nice

    Are you kidding me? Kat Stacks is not a victim because she had sex with rappers? If she was a virgin, would that make it better for you? GTFOH!

  • bob

    wo of al the people dont even try to defend cat stacks that thing is vile sucking every body dick for fame and money and then exploiting them for fame. She needs to get her act together but, still no man should hit a woman even if its kat stacks ewwwwww that dick sucking thing eewwwwwwwwwwwwww still that thing should not have to endure a beat down at the hands of a male as long as she dont do nothing like spit on him or really violate and even then you shouldnt hit her if your a man you just should shake the shit out of her till she has brain damage

  • bob

    she is a female not a lady or a women big difference in my book

  • bob

    man people just cant take responsibility for their actions always looking for somebody to blame everyone is to blame because nobody can take advantage of you or make you feel inferior unless u allow them to

  • bob

    whoever thinks catstacks is a victim are whats wrong with this society that chick steals and is exploiting people and really hurting people and you think she going to be able to do all that stupid shit without being punished a man should not hit a woman but a woman a true woman should not be sleeping with all these rappers and exploiting them for fame they all wrong

  • Clnmike

    Good article, but despite the fact that Kat Stacks did not deserve her treatment by those knuckleheads, given her past it would have been better if she was left out of this article just to keep it focused. The atmosphere between black men and women has been slowly poisoned for awhile now with finger pointing and blaming each other for everything with ample support from those who profit it. Hell just look at some of the comments, who the hell wants to defend that? But to make a point Jill Scott and Ms. Sherrod were defended and in the case of Sherrod after the evidence came out. If she did what she was accused of doing it would be undefendable given her postion.

  • dcblackdoll

    Great post! I so love Clutch for publishing the REAL story each and every week that goes far beyond the apathetic, politically correct crap I read on most of these so-called progressive blogs.

    My thoughts are we either deliberately ignore, don’t know, nor do we teach our children or younger generations about our history. An extremely thought-provoking book I just read called “We Ain’t What We Ought to Be” (http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674036260) details how a gang of white men stripped, beat and hung a black pregnant woman in 1918. They also sliced open her womb and let the fetus fall out while white women and children cheered.

    How do you know this has happened to black women on a widespread level in this country less than a 100 years ago, but still feel no need to protect, uplift or comfort each other in our community? You don’t, you just don’t know the truth. Which is where most of our problems now stem from- we are too busy listening to and watching destructive music, tv and films. There are not enough of us “talented tenth” standing up and preserving the dignity of the history of being black in America.

    Educated and enlightened black people should feel so ashamed of listening to Rick Ross while our children and teens are degrading, raping, and murdering each other on a daily basis. Turn that mess off and open up some credible books that detail who we are and how far we have come! Then, and only then, will we be unified in the reality of our situation and come up with some real-time solutions.

  • http://www.beautyhealthzoneblog.com/ Happiness

    @ jai.E

    I completely agree with you.

    I am totally against the fact that those guys hit or slapped Kat Stacks, but when we are reading an article of so called quality, please do not include Kat Stacks in it. As they say, “if you lay down with dogs, you will catch fleas.”

    Please Clutch, let’s keep the article on topic and balanced….Of all the people in the world to add to the article?

    The fact of the matter is that black people as a whole need to start fostering a better community spirit, everyone has their part to play and their role to fulfill.

    I also agree that we need to stop watching rubbish on TV and start building our own communities and sticking together. Also, none of this African versus West Indian vs African American or Light skinned versus dark skinned. We are all one and the same and it’s about time we started helping, supporting and encouraging each other.

    If we aren’t going to stick together and help and encourage each other, who will? Charity begins at home.

    I am so tired of the black on black, pointless conflicts and people trying to get one over on each other. Let’s look at other races and faces and learn a thing or two, those people stick together and love each other.

    Oh, and I am so sick and tired of seeing some black people play freaking uncle Tom and kissing ass, come on people, that stuff is getting old and tired, have some self-respect. Please stop with this “yes sir, yes sir, three bags full rubbish”. We are meant to be equals with everyone else, not subordinates!

  • Lauren

    Why focus on Kat Stacks and not the message of the piece!? People like the ones above me – are the ones who cry and complain instead reading the piece and getting it!

    Please ban these ladies off the site. Clearly they take a article – look for one thing and take the the attention off of the purpose off this site.

  • Lauren

    @ Happiness – “Please Clutch, let’s keep the article on topic and balanced….Of all the people in the world to add to the article?”

    REALLY!? You need to take your own advice. PLEASE stay on topic and don’t let a young lady – yes a YOUNG LADY who is clearly lost – stop people from getting the point of this article. You all should be ashamed for talking about and promoting violence against this young lady. And yes you are promoting it by standing against her.

  • http://www.beautyhealthzoneblog.com/ Happiness

    @ Lauren,

    What the hell are you talking about?

    If you don’t like my opinion, don’t read it…..Got that?

  • http://www.beautyhealthzoneblog.com/ Happiness

    @ Lauren

    “I am totally against the fact that those guys hit or slapped Kat Stacks,”

    You obviously can’t read, otherwise you would have seen the paart where I said the above. Some people see only what they want to see, how convenient.

    And who are you to determine who gets banned and who doesn’t?…Silly.

  • Lala

    Great article! I’ve felt for a very long time that black men don’t have our back. When the news came out about Shirley Sherrod being thrown under the bus, I was livid. It brought me back to the time of the Don Imus situation and how black men were no where to be found when it came to defending us. I sent out an e-mail about the incident, and a black guy I knew replied all, basically calling black women petty for dwelling on that subject. I ripped him a new one ( of course with a replied all), but I was truly hurt. Even as of recently, to read the clutch article about what white men really think about dating black women and to see that black men were talking junk about us to even them–wtf? I’ve completely given up hope on black men having our back.

  • I love love an Asian Man

    Jill Scott … facts:

    Her ex-husband left her for a White women.
    Her ex-fiance have an open heart … used to dated a White woman, left her for Latino woman.

    She went on tour with Sting ( a legendary white rock artist ) and embrace her white fans, by saying ” love knows no color … we all are one”, and performed with Seal — who is married to a(n) European woman. So I strongly believe, she is speaking hurt and pain form the heart.

    Who Has our Back? … or My Back? Anybody God send into your life. I will tell a simple, short , but true story about why my head title proclaim, “I love love an Asian”.

    Several years ago, I nostalgically move to California to start a fresh life.

    One late even, I made a run to the local convenience store. As I enter my car key, two men approached me. One on my left side — takes my purse and key(s), and quickly moves into my car. While the other one [right side] grabs, choke and slam me onto the car and aggressively scream “Bitch get into the back of the car, or I will cut your eyes out and slice your throat”. I replied back and said, “Why do Black men hurt they own kind … I”, Before I could have finish, a hard hit came to the my face and he said, he didn’t wanted to hear that sh$#%. I must also mention, while I were yelling for help … some people walk by like that was the norm. Others call 911, and cried help for me.

    My future husband physically intervened, defended me and took a bodily shot by a third man. I went to the hospital with him for support, and visited until his discharge, and nursed his wound. On court day, (we both were present), my chest seep into anxiety and tears started to cascade from my eyes after listing to all three perks prior felonies. They arrange from: [one] rape of his mother and sibling,rape, murdered, burglary, robbery, grand theft, drugs, weapon [guns], and gang affiliations. All three men possessed long history of violent.

    Do I look at Black men differently — absolutely NO!!! Not because I was raise by a strong, loving, caring black man – my biological father. Or even because I come from a family that breeds Black men of substance (great-grand father, grand-father uncles , brothers, etc ..). Because I am wise enough to know that … ‘People are People’. I will never, never have hated toward black men nor belittle them. Even if I did not have those men incorporated into my life.

    But one thing did change about me … who can love me. I always assumed that only a Black man can fulfill my life (sensual love-making [my husband have mad, mad skills, definitely not lacking,and also sexy -- a bi-Rain twin ], protection, devotion to marriage, raising a family together [we have two children], and etc …). We evolved from concerns, pain, friendships, dating, to marriage … 12 years going.

    What is dishearten, that the women of slavery and the civil rights movement are ours 2010 … sad. I know some will argue, that I shouldn’t juxtapose slavery with modern time(s) … but facts are facts!!!

  • Isis

    I totally agree and have been saying this for years. Many black women are still content with making excuses for why black men are not there for us but I am NOT. I think its so sad that we are the only race of women that can’t count on our men.

  • Isis

    Kat Stacks isn’t black why are we using her as an example??

  • binky

    So great points and solutions were brought up!

    This is a great article, very well written and powerful. And I agree with a few others, Kat Stacks is not a stellar example to use in trying to raise this point, yes Kat Stacks was a victim and what she went through was wrong but people get distracted and is focusing on what she do and how she portrays her own self instead of viewing her like a victim, and like someone said she is not black so how is this fitting in this article…blank stares…. but aside from that glitch I think we need to stop trying to find fault on either parties and openly talked to each other and see why there is such a disparity among black men and women because the gate swings both ways. Because sadly, I do see this and it boggles my mind every time especially among the younger generational males and females in their 20s! Honestly, I see more black women today (not all but most) defend a black man, whether they maybe right or wrong in certain cases, than I see black men (not all but some) defend a black woman. When the times comes some black men are quiet than a church mouse for whatever reasons and even might side with the opposing party and I would like to know why. It may have something to do with the gender roles switch of black women, how we are viewed as the tough, overly independent and fighters as oppose to being equally venerable, codependent on our other half, and in need of assistances occasionally and what we as women put up with from men by having their backs when we are getting the short end of the stick in certain cases. Secondly, look how we are portrayed in the media, music/videos and the ongoing stereotypical perceptions with the abstinence and lack of respect for black women still there.

    But we just need to get back to family structure, installing values that was lost along the way, and teaching and showing respect and solidarity in our communities but the short term solutions is we as black women need to have each others back as well.

  • Vicki

    I’ve heard some pretty frightening things here. Alot of what reasoning I have heard are the same that I’ve heard professional killers and psychopaths use. When you can reduce a fellow human being to an object that is unlike you, it’s easier to kill the object (since you’re not killing a person). Dehumanization is essential to genocide. This is why serial killers can kill ruthlessly yet be members of a loving family. I think alot of black men have been socialized to dehumanize women. The fact that it’s on Youtube, the fact that people (mostly men) were watching and laughing and the fact that excuses were made like: she’s a female not a woman, you lay down with dogs, you get fleas are all very telling lapses in morality. I don’t have a solution to this but I will continue to watch this disturbing trend not out of interest but of survival. I am sure there are small collectives of black men that would protect a woman (even if he has no ties to her) just because it’s the right thing to to. This internal reward is something not fostered in many men today.

  • I love love an Asian Man

    The Judges for those three men could have rehabilitate them on they first convictions. But instead, they juvenile and incubated them for prison and the penitentiary.

    My father along with other men in my family, volunteer massively for youth prevention’s.

  • bob

    well if your going to use the right thing to do as your reasoning why men should protect women like kat stacks then we should protect every human being that can not defend themselves because it is the right thing to do no matter what they did because there human he/ she could be a killer but because their human lets not beat the shit out of them or punish them. That reasoning will only enable dumb behavior. Their have been men who have tried to help women like that when their being abused by thier boyfriends only to have the women turn on them because they are hurting their wife beater boyfriends most the time these women are the equivilent of the dumb dudes they with or around so let them be or you end up dead call me a coward but why help somebody that does not what to be helped. I seen many times when many men try to help women who are getting abused get cursed out by the abused women or attacked so excuse me for thinking my health and life is more important then some ho, dont believe me look at this story man tries to be a hero

    this is a link to a video of a man who is about to lose his eye cause he tried to help an abused woman and got stabed with a high hell shoe horrible its not about being a coward its about being a wise man and knowing who you can help


  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michelle-Jamison/100000997297252 Michelle Jamison

    This comment is really addressed to bob and not to vicky.

    I agree with you about not interfering, because of not wanting to be harmed by the attacker and/or by the victim.
    But, (I believe) if you see a man physically attacking a woman, or, a woman physically attacking a man, I think you should at least call the police.
    And if the woman/man ends up reconciling with her/his abuser, then you shouldn’t worry or get angry about that person’s decision.

  • bob

    @ Michelle Im with you girl 100% put our tax dollars to work call the police

  • Orange Star Happy Hunting

    very nice article and sadly I been lost a sense of security in black men, don’t know for real if I ever felt one.

  • sloane

    jai. e- so if she’s not a perfect, virginal woman, then she placed herself in the situation where she gets beat up by two men without anyone intervening? WHO THE HELL CARES IF SHE RESPECTS HERSELF OR IF SHE IS A GROUPIE? SHE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE PHYSICALLY ATTACKED BY ANYONE. EVER. this is one of the most ridiculous examples of victim blaming i’ve ever seen, because believe me she WAS victimized and what makes it even worse is people like you in the black community refusing to hold the men accountable for their actions and blaming her for what they chose to do. no matter what kat stacks has done or said before there was no justification for two grown men to gang up on her and attack her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michelle-Jamison/100000997297252 Michelle Jamison

    I understand the point that Ms. Muhammed has made with her commentary, but I do find myself feeling a bit of a disconnect with it.
    Growing up, I was surrounded by women, who were strong and knew how to handle their business. Besides having the women taking care of me, I also was raised around men who always made me feel secure and protected, so I never felt like a “black man has never had my back”.
    I will admit, my first feeling of like I was on my lonesome, is when the trend of “black women ain’t sh*t” in the media had reached its peak (the “peak” for me was the “conference” that was shown on Dateline; the one with Sherri Shepperd, Steve Harvey and others). By then, I felt like a group of white supremecists could physically attack a black woman, in a public setting, and if there were any black men present, they wouldn’t come to that women’s aid (even if it came in the form of a phone call to the police)

  • robbie

    We only have ourselves to blame period, you see black women with white guys and their mix race kids, you can almost hear the sister saying look at me am better than you and I would encourage my kids to marry a white person to erase the blackness same goes for black guys it is as if they had won the lottery personally I always feel sorry for these guys.

    What I see is people who lack confidence in themselves and their race guess what I got to know a mix race girl at my the Uni. she told me white people call her the n word and she always feel used by black people because the brothers just use her for sex and black girls are either jealous of her beauty or isolate her so she feels she does not belong anywhere the end result this girl just eats and eats put weight on and keeps herself to herself cos she feels she does not belong anywhere. Her advise to me was never to go out with a white girl cos the kids are secrectly confused because they feel they do not belong anywhere.

    It is such a shame after all we have been through and survived the jews complain but no one I repeat no one race has suffered more than the black race and still suffer sly discrimination here and there but guess what we are stronger than people give us credit for we just roll with the punches and by the grace of god we shall over come. I will never go out with anyone outside my race why should i face dirty looks at work, on public transport and get bypass for promotion cos I have not suck up to the boss which does not gurantee anything and then come home and make love to the same race.Instead I will come to my nubian queen take a birth get change and take her out to a restaurant with kids and be proud that hey I took crap at work but it was worth it to take my family out and hopfully my kids would grow up proud of their parents. My parents went through hell and took a lot of bull and yet they did not sell out.

  • robbie

    If am around and a someone attacks a black girl, I can assure you there will be blood because that black girl could be my sister or mother. Once I establish they are not in a relationship I think the person attacking the black girl would stop period all they have to do is look in my eyes and am sure it would be a mixture of Iron Mike Tyson with the face of Mohammmed Ali. I think the black girl would feel sorry for the person attacking herby the time am finished.

  • Keebo

    Wondering where all the hostility between black men and women are coming from. Sometimes, It feels like some of us hate each other these days.Yes the obvious fact is that we both feel that we’re not getting support from each other but damn can’t we just frinking get along as a community? Please don’t tell me why women/men are the problem and slavery this/that(get over it!!!) but what you are doing to make the situation better. This has nothing to do with being a negro martyr/mule for another individual’s problems/drama but how you handle yourself around each other and what are you saying around young black people? Also I don’t care if Kat Stacks was the original snake who helped get Adam and Eve kicked out of Eden, Satan’s evil ex wife or if she was birthed & trained to make all black entertainers/players’ lives a living hell – A Man who beats down on a woman is a coward. More so when he tries to defend his brutal actions(are you kidding me?. There is no honor or code in being an ass wipe.) Sorry for the passionate rant -_- , one of my pet peeves are seeing POC tear each other down.

  • kelly1920

    Great response. I totally agree about disegration having good and bad points.

  • http://www.beautyhealthzoneblog.com/ Happiness

    Hmmmm, some of the comments on this thread are quite funny and not in an amusing way.

    A great example of who has our backs? Go on youtube and see French police officers dragging pregnant women across the floor as well as women with babies on their backs being dragged because the French police are trying to evict them from where they were staying, apparently illegally.

    Watch as a heavily pregnant woman is dragged and collapses….

    In the meantime, black people are in this thread crying over Kat Stacks. Will you give me a break over here.

    Where is the anguish and the outcry for those innocent and unborn black children?

    Some people seriously need to get their priorities in good order.

    I guess I have said pretty much all I need to say on THIS thread. What a joke.

  • sloane

    oh my god, are you for real? so no one is capable of being concerned about more then one thing at a time? i’m sorry but i can care about what happened with kat stacks as well as these women being dragged out of their homes by the french police because they’re indicative of the same thing, a general disrespect in society for the bodies women of color, including disrespect from black men. it’s PATHETIC that you think that because of kat stacks history she is not worthy of being mentioned in an article like this. if she’s not the perfect completely innocent victim, she’s is somehow culpable for what happened to her because she “laid down with fleas”. oh please. if you’re mad that people are offended by the bullsh*t you’re espousing, OH WELL, you shouldn’t have wrote it.

  • http://www.beautyhealthzoneblog.com/ Happiness

    @ sloane

    No, I’m a mirage.

    Personally, I would rather NOT read about Kat Stacks in an article about who has our backs. I hope that is pretty clear. There are more important and worthy things happening in the world than her. I do not condon ehte fact that she was hit, slapped or dragged, but I am certainly not her biggest fan, so get over it.

    If Kat Stacks is your role model, no wonder black men have no respect for black women. Just ridiculous.

    By the way, I am not mad, angry or anything similar. Let’s be clear on that.

    end of story….

  • bob

    @ sloane

    you want me to risk my life over kat stacks really you want me to risk being shot or stabbed over kat stacks a women that does nothing but exploit and disrespect men i’m supposed to die over or take a hit for her. No thank you so my parents can have to bury me while she goes on to continue her ho activities. I think women like you are the problem who want men to risk their lives for a kat stacks not going to happen. The fact of the manner is call me a jerk for saying this but who wants to fight or die over a ho just because she has a vagina im supposed to risk my life for her ? Now a days you cant be jumping into fights you dont know the situation the full story so just call the cops.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashleigh-Elle-Aye/507714421 Ashleigh Elle Aye

    I think FallibleSage said it the best. They aren’t taught to defend women or have their backs. And we aren’t taught much better. Women are being taught that men aren’t good for nothin’ and men are being coddled by their mothers and placed on a pedestal like they are the best thing since sliced bread. Community isn’t being taught, so what do you expect? We aren’t being taught to love ourselves and each other.

  • Blackberryblue

    Maybe I’m the odd ball here, but I don’t personally feel any man (regardless of race) owes me anything or should be obligated to have my back (outside of those men in my family). A man’s ONLY obligation is to those in his family. The same is true for women.

    Humanity (due to sexism) is most often viewed as the humanity of MEN…not women. This is what I think should change. The black community like every other community is no different in this way-perhaps its even a little worse off than others because of race/racism and sexism.

    Whenever something happens to a black man we have been trained to jump up and scream racism-even when no racism exist. The same is not true when the situation involves a black woman. It for this reason why I can’t understand why black women continue to have black men’s back when it comes to their oppression. If a black woman insist on having a black man’s back outside of her family she needs to make damn sure he returns the favor. That would mean dropping organizations like the NAACP and many others because honestly they could care less about black women. Stop supporting them financially and stop watching their image awards.

    Also, black men (as with other races of men) are incapable of seeing themselves as oppressors (due to sexism and their male privilege) and see humanity only in terms of men. Not all black men are this way, but if this were not a problem there would be no need for articles like this. Black men put themselves and their needs first. I suggest black women adopt an attitude similar to this and start putting themselves first and foremost. This would require black women to do the following:

    1). Stop looking at black men as “our” men. If you didn’t give birth to them they don’t belong to you nor are they obligated to you.
    2). Stop jumping up every time a black man screams racism or oppression. Remember you are also oppressed by sexism and oppression…however, your cries tend to go unheard. This means staying home when there is another Jena six.
    3). Respect yourselves and other black women. Black women need to stop undermining each other and defending nonsense from black men. In other words start putting YOUR humanity as BLACK WOMEN first. When this starts to happen I promise you will accept black men’s inability to protect/provide (they haven’t been able to successfully stand up for themselves can’t imagine why anyone would expect them to do this for black women) stop looking to them for any of the above.

    One thing I believe needs to be asked here about this post: Can anyone here honestly say Mr. Robert Williams was outraged because a black woman was assaulted/raped or was he outraged that she was assaulted/raped by a WHITE man? Or in other words, would he have had these same feelings if her attacker had been a BLACK man? We all have heard stories of the black community serving it’s own justice against BLACK offenders during this time, but I hardly think this was the done often (Cleaver was raping free and clear in the black community). Seems to me black men (of yesterday and today) are only OFFENDED when a black woman is assaulted by a WHITE man, when in reality black women are being raped, beaten, etc by black men every day. Where is the outrage from black men when it comes to this injustice?

    The crime doesn’t change with the race of the man.

  • hypnotic

    Just to reply (very late) I think more importantly is the question “where are their husbands?” Who leaves women and children to defend their homes? That was mind boggling to me. Also putting your children on the front line is child abuse.

  • http://www.youtube.com/arr1216 TrendySocialite

    It’s a sad commentary…but we are expendable. To black men, white men and in the eyes of most society. Look at the people (Slim Thug, Ochocinco, etc.) recently featured on Clutch who literally “talk out of the side of their neck” regarding black women. There is little to no regard for our health, safety, well-being or feelings. IMO, it’s time for us as black women to “circle the wagons” clean up our ills and issues and refocus our energies. A huge part of this disrespect is that as a whole we do not command (notice I didn’t say demand) respect from others. When we have standards and consequences for not adhering to those standards, we are taken seriously and for the most part respected (which is not synonymous with liked). But we can support Nikki Minaj and expect to be taken seriously….just saying. You can’t have it both ways…

  • Alexandra

    I agree with everything you just said. That sick false sense of entitlement a lot (%) of black women have is why they will never go forward. Always ready to jump and defend black men with this “our” and “my” BS! When the reverse happens, nothing is said. Worry about yourselves.
    It’s time black women start worrying about themselves and hop off the nuts of black men….

  • Alexandra


  • carmen tulula




  • Karma

    Sistah, I’m glad you are okay and all is well with you. May God continue to bless you and yours.

  • sloane

    aww, i thought you were done with the thread? i guess you wanted to come back and see the kind of responses your temper tantrum about REAL human beings, (as opposed to whatever someone of kat stacks stature is as person) generated.

    anyway wow, so you’ve said some more ridiculous things…so the lack of respect for black women by black men is the fault of black women for doing WHATEVER it is WE do to diminish their respect, it’s not the responsibility of men whatsoever? oh please, look at shirley sherrod. she’s an accomplished, and what people would call a respectable woman, and when it came down to the wire, did that earn her respect from the black men who turned on her? NOPE. anyway, kat stacks is not my role model, but at least i have the decency to know that whatever she did preceeding that incident or afterwards she didn’t deserve an unwarranted physical attack from two men and she certainly doesn’t deserve to have the attack belittled by people LIKE YOU. the reason she was brought up is because she is great example of how black men don’t respect women of color and our bodies, especially if we are not virginal. none of the black men in the area tried to intervene to stop the attack nor did any bother to call the police. many black men later on tried to characterize it as a justifiable attack because of kat stacks previous behavior. my point is that i don’t give a damn if you’re a fan of hers or not, it’s never okay to victim-blame and it’s not okay to say that because of a woman’s character or actions she’s not worthy of mention in an article that describes exactly what happened to her: numerous black men did not have the back of a woman of color. this is like saying a prostitute can’t get raped. who cares who they are or what they are doing, wrong is wrong.

  • sloane

    bob you are an ass. just be clear about your asinine message : kat stacks is not worth intervening over because she’s a ho. and in your previous commentary you said she deserved what happened to her. so stop trying to act like you would be scared of being physically attacked yourself. be for real, you just don’t think a woman like her is “ladylike” enough to warrant any protection. that makes you more then cowardly. it makes you a judgemental, piece of sh*t, no account man. if you watched what happened to her she said “stop” numerous times and she said she didn’t even try to defend herself out of fear that the physical attack would escalate. she was terrorized. from what you’ve said i don’t even think your no account ass would even call the police, so don’t even try it.

    don’t try to act like your dumbass wasn’t trying to justify the attack in the first place:

    whoever thinks catstacks is a victim are whats wrong with this society that chick steals and is exploiting people and really hurting people and you think she going to be able to do all that stupid shit without being punished a man should not hit a woman but a woman a true woman should not be sleeping with all these rappers and exploiting them for fame they all wrong

  • http://www.twitter.com/ebonylolita Ebonylolita

    I grew up in an adopted h/h with a mother and father who loved/honored/respect each other. To this day they are married, 30+ years later. My father showed me the same love and protective nature that he has for my mother. Yes they are both BLACK as am I. So…. it’s not a myth. Black Love Exists :)

    However, as an adult I have found it hard to find a man w/the same type of protective qualities. I’m not saying these men don’t exist, but I find that the concept is “lost” on most brothas. Love of God/Self/Family/Commitment.

    I’m in law enforcement and have direct impact on providing social commentary & public speaking on how men need to turn towards their family & protect the household. I further instruct them how their lives will improve if they do so. I’m often met w/blank stares or “She don’t know wtf she’s talking about.”

    Now, I’m a single woman w/no children & refuse to have children outside of a loving marriage. Most of these young/old men came from single parent hh where the males were 1/2way out the door. So…… I feel that we as women need to STOP procreating w/men who will NOT commit to us with a Marriage that includes Love/Honor/Respect. It’s causing a cycle that puts our young girls/boys at a disadvantage. They call it a BROKEN household for a reason. *Emotionally/FInancially/Spiritually*

    I direct this towards us as WOMEN b/c we are the bearers of LIFE & need to be responsible for how we allow MEN to come into our lives and treat us. If he’s not making any attempts to be a good HUSBAND to us, why do we have children with men like this? In order to break a cycle you have to STOP. Now, this might mean that I never have children, but as an aunt to over 10 children, w/only two sisters at 31 *UmmHmmm* I know that I can have more influence over more children then God allows me to physically have.

    Long Story Short….. I am tired that Black Men don’t come to the aide of their women like other races. BM often find excuses to NOT stick up for their own. Even w/the KatStacks mention ppl feel that since she’s “permiscuous” it’s OK for her to be physically abused b/c she doesn’t respect herself. IT’S NOT!!!! Just b/c somebody isn’t in love with themselves doesn’t give ANYBODY the RIGHT to take advantage of you.
    Be the change you seek by holding out for Greatness. I still believe in BlackLove where I can stand sidebyside with my mate and he will protect me while I support him.
    EbonyLolita :)

  • bob

    @ sloane

    yo I was not justifying kat stacks getting hit I was just saying if you go around hurting and exploiting people karma is going to catch up with your ass what goes around comes around. 2 you make it sound like intervening is so easy and we all can be super man or captain save a ho, but now a days people crazy getting physically involved in an altercation can be the end of your life or land you in the hospital and unless I know the women getting attacked im not getting in the middle of it . im going to just call the police get mad at me all you want but I dont owe kat stacks anything. Really ima have my parents bury me so she can go on to continue her ho activities. I am just going to call the police, contact the owner of the establishment if it happens in doors but thats about it. Call me a Coward im just thinking things through but, really tho who wants to die over a ho, not I. But if I can stop it and its only one dude and I can calm him down im going to do it but if its like 5 of them on one girl im calling the cops.

    if anybody has any better ways to handle the situation without the possibility of ending up dead im open to your suggestions.

  • http://writingwhileblack.com writtenbyBene

    I felt your comment until this: “Educated and enlightened black people should feel so ashamed of listening to Rick Ross while our children and teens are degrading, raping, and murdering each other on a daily basis. Turn that mess off and open up some credible books that detail who we are and how far we have come!”

    So because I listen to Rick Ross it means I don’t read books such as the Miseducation of the Negro, Brainwashed: Challenging Black Male Inferiority, The Invisible Man, or whatever other book you deem “credible?” Your logic is baffling. Television and hip-hop is not the root of the problem and I wish some us would stop acting as if it was. Furthermore, why do we pretend as if previous generations didn’t engage in their fair share of tomfoolery? Let’s be real people. The inception of our societal ills as a community didn’t begin with hip-hop. And an “educated and enlightened” person listening to hip-hop need not be ashamed because of their music selection. SMDH.

  • Sigh

    More BS about insignificant topics, that lead black women to agree with shoddy generalizations blindly.

    Well-written yet irrelevant article.

  • dcblackdoll

    “So because I listen to Rick Ross it means I don’t read books such as the Miseducation of the Negro, Brainwashed: Challenging Black Male Inferiority, The Invisible Man, or whatever other book you deem “credible?” Your logic is baffling. Television and hip-hop is not the root of the problem and I wish some us would stop acting as if it was. Furthermore, why do we pretend as if previous generations didn’t engage in their fair share of tomfoolery? Let’s be real people. The inception of our societal ills as a community didn’t begin with hip-hop. And an “educated and enlightened” person listening to hip-hop need not be ashamed because of their music selection. SMDH.”

    @ writtenbyBene

    The truth hurts…but it truly can set you free if you simply allow it to. Your logic (or lack of) is even more baffling because nowhere did I say BECAUSE you listen to Rick Ross, you haven’t or don’t ever read any stimulating or prolific Black American novels and non-fiction. My point, which you obviously missed, is if WE as a community focus more on educating ourselves and future generations on who we really are- beyond all of the ignorant, one-dimensional, stereotypical buffoonery pressed upon us by so-called artists like Rick Ross and Lil Wayne that some of you voraciously ingest on a minute by minute basis- then maybe we will have some answers to all of these issues. So enjoy that ridiculous mess called “music”, and don’t even degrade hip hop by calling it that, but can you just, at least, umm turn it down for an hour or two to engage your mind beyond glamorizing Big Meech?

    Shaking MY damn head at how gullible some of us really are!!!! Do you really think kids and teens nowadays have any idea who George Washington Carver or Ben Carson are but they know who an infamous druglord is? Why don’t you think television and music directly influence and affect our communities?

  • Akai*.

    Jill Scott came off pathetic as heck and received exactly what she asked for. If an individual chooses to make public statements (or write opinion pieces) about other people’s relationships, they should stand by for opinions of those who read the comments. But, anyway, I found it ‘interesting’ that this article began with recounting a vile and vicious attack on a BW by a WM that occurred 50 years ago (to get people all ‘racially’ riled up and angry, maybe?).

    There are various, and more current, incidents (including the disgusting indictments and angry words hurled by females against Rihanna after she was beaten by Brown) that would have made a more realistic point but, anyway, over 90% of all violent crimes in America (rape, murder, assault, domestic violence etc.) are committed by males and intraracial, not interracial! So, obviously, whitey is not the main or more urgent threat to women of color in this country. Regardless, I kept an open mind and read to the end to, unfortunately, find this piece another usual mix of #1) positioning one’s group as the most maligned and abused victims of all time and #2) Save a Brother At All Costs Pt. 9,987. That was because of the caveat of “this is not an attack…” then:

    Article: “…in cultures throughout the world, most women never have to question whether their men will come to their defense, respect them or hold them in the high regard that they should. Yet for us…”

    I find the above statement extremely selfish, self-centered and uninformed. I don’t know what type of comfort, vindication or value anyone could possibly find in being awarded some Most Mistreated Group In The World trophy, but this displayed an obvious disregard and extreme lack of knowledge regarding the plight of women of other cultures throughout the world.

    Seen many news reports about the 600 or so young women aged 12-25 that have been sexually assaulted, tortured then murdered/serial killed in Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua (near El Paso, Texas) beginning in the mid 90′s? Ever heard of bride burning? That’s where a wife is doused with a flammable liquid, set on fire and burned to death in places like India or Bangladesh if her mother-in-law dislikes her or husband wants to take another wife. What about an acid attack? No? This is where an @sshole in someplace like Afghanistan throws acid on a female to hurt and disfigure simply because she refused his advances or doesn’t want to go out with him. Ever heard about all those children and young girls trafficked throughout the former Eastern bloc i.e. Ukraine, Romania, Albania, Moldova etc. for sex and abuse? What about Kyrgyzstan where some females are kidnapped and forced to marry men they neither love nor want? Places like Pakistan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia etc. were ‘honor killing’ is practiced and females that are raped, attempt to leave or divorce an abusive spouse or refuse to enter an arranged marriage are killed? All those little girls sold into prostitution in Cambodia, Thailand and other countries throughout Asia? No concern for the 5,000 or so women in India that are murdered each year over dowries?

    At least here in the United States these things are not accepted, there are consequences and perpetrators are arrested and jailed, and victims have some type of legal recourse in the criminal justice system. In many of the above places, it’s patriarchal as hell and men are rarely arrested let alone prosecuted or sentenced to jail so maybe travel the world, see some thangs and walk in others’ shoes before reaching for that trophy!

    Regarding Shirley Sherrod? No doubt people reacted and jumped without knowing the full story and that is inexcusable, however, in a matter of days when it was clear Sherrod’s words were taken out of context, steps were immediately taken to rectify the situation and apologies came from both the President and Tom Vilsack.

    I think the administration has wasted too much energy trying to neutralize and head off the ridiculousness, lies and stank that is FOX News, teatards, birthers, wingnuts et al and dropped the ball regarding Sherrod, but do people require blood? The only thing to do is take this as a learning experience/teachable moment, so what is enough? If nothing was done to quickly rectify the situation, I could understand people still being outraged, angry and holding a grudge but what more can/could have been done?

    p.s. Andrea Herrera aka Kat Stacks is neither African American or black and she was born in Venezuela.

  • http://thewanderlustgrl.blogspot.com thewanderlustgrl

    sadly, i agree :(

    i hate to be negative about the black community (specifically those who identify as african american) but it is really sad. we don’t stand together, no one defends the honor of black women (in fact, many of our own are quick to be the ones initiating attacks on us) and it’s just sad. i do my best to speak positively and try not to generalize, but the truth is the truth. and it a sad reality to face.

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  • http://thewanderlustgrl.blogspot.com thewanderlustgrl

    i agree

  • Real Talk

    I shortened this considerably, but here it is, REAL TALK – from Halima Anderson’s wonderful website. I’m didn’t write this, but I know truth when I read it.


    Any army that doesn’t know who its enemy is, is about to get wiped out. It is high time black women recognise who their enemies are, by examining from where the ‘offensive’ against them is coming. By their fruits (not their color), you shall know them.


    Consider this: If black nationhood was a priority for black men, do you think 70% of black children would be born outside wedlock with the attendant poverty, and lack of safety these children are more likely to experience? I can assure you that men who know the central position black children have in the future of their race do everything in their power to be with their kid. By their fruits (not propaganda), you shall know them.

    Now there is a thing called ‘entry level requirement’ for any endevour; for instance in order to study Engineering you must at least know basic math, that is the entry level requirement for studying Engineering.

    Now how possible is it to have a strong black community without strong black families. The basic or entry level requirement for black men who are really linked into the black nation building agenda would be a keen interest in marrying and setting up home with black women. Yet black men are not even coming in at that ‘entry level’!


    What we rush to label ‘self hate’ in black men is actually ‘black female hate‘. And when black women ‘mis-define’ issues (as they are often encouraged to do), they end up with the wrong solutions. I have said this before and say it again, that unless black women accurately identify and pin down what ails them and their issues they will never be able to marshal an effective defence against the attacks that are raining down from every angle.


    Speaking to black women still holding out for some race revival: The sentiment that best describes black woman’s mind frame I believe is ‘Lets do what we can in the meantime, as black men get warmed up/wake up to their responsibilities etc etc’.

    So black women did what they thought could tide things over because of the hope and faith that black men would ‘come online’ soon (single parenthood, championing the races agenda in the absense of men). But no one put a time limit on this ‘helping out the situation in the meantime’ protocol. This means that what started out as a temporary measure has become an entrenched procedure.

    Now that it has however become clear what the end result of this approach is, black women have to decided once and for all if ‘black nation building’ is a partnership project that needs to be carried out with equal efforts of black men and black women and efforts applied at the same time.

    They then have to decide, if black men are really in the partnership with them.


    One key reason why many black women are in utter confusion at this point; not knowing what to believe and what to do, is because they have made a practice of overriding internal honesty and an honest appraisal of the situation in their attempt to cover/protect black men and be of service to them.


    Black women have ‘learnt’ how to be unsupportive of other black women over the years particularly in service of black men.


    Let’s face it, black women are complaining about mistreatment at the hands of black men. They talk about being victimized, and discriminated against, or of being the ‘target’ of black men’s anger etc. Thus for any black woman to want to hang onto her regard, unconditional love, support and faith in black men, outbursts and fall outs with other ’sistas’ is a given, as the presence of these women complaining about black men, will not allow them to keep up the pretence of saintly brotherhood any longer.

    They are indeed turning the channel away from the preferred picture of black men and each day the evidence that they are not upstanding and saintly men other black women pin their dreams to, mounts. Thus the tensions and frictions with the ones who are forcing a reassessment of this sacred perspective of the wonderful black male also mounts.


    I want to point out that all this pessimism and disbelief has a lot to do with the fact that for years we have sacrificed our self-esteem and anything that could have improved our self-esteem, on the altar of service to black men. Along the way, black women embraced a self-denying service to their idol black men and the results are with us now.

    We decided that an eroded self-esteem for black women would serve to shore up the masculinity of black men. We decided that we would sacrifice any suggestion of our wider appeal to other men, for the sake of inflating the black male ego, which we deemed as suffering under racism. Well guess what, we have been massively successful; their egos are now grotesquely inflated and out of control. Now some of you can say nothing to black men that they will ‘hear’. Each day brings new demands for catering, coddling and more sacrifices and adoration.

    Indeed, black women refused to allow themselves to acknowledge their ‘wider appeal’ for the sake of making black men less threatened and utterly sure of their superior masculinity (which held ‘their’ women utterly captive). We joined in spreading lies and fables about how black masculinity is superiority to that of all other men.


    Harsh? Intolerable? For some maybe, but this is a simple, practical and realistic assessment of the situation.

    Black unity will remain a failed concept because the critical ingredients to bring it to pass have not been obtained and they remain out of reach. Women running around trying to keep the idea alive and singlehandedly so, will not bring it about. All the fervent and heartfelt desire to see it happen will not do it.

    At the most basic level of commitment and interest that these men can be involved, which is caring for and resourcing their families, you cant even get them. This tells you everything you need to know.

    Black Male Bashing is defined to prevent black women really coming to grips with what black men are up to. Apparently pointing out the activities of black men which negatively impact black women is the new definition of ‘bashing’.


    Yes it remains important for these folks that black women continue operating in the belief that they have to scramble for black men. These folks that are loudly lamenting about how whites are denying them opportunities and vital information are the same ones, only too happy to set limits on the minds of their fellow black people. How they can live with the sheer hypocrisy is shocking to me.


    Over the years, black men have begun to view black women as their rivals for the affection, attention and other atonement overtures of white people.

    Notice how black men talk about how ‘white society props up black women at the expense of black men’

    Notice how they come with a catalogue of their own complaints anytime black women raise the issue of their trials in wider society, to take the focus off black women and block black women from the possibility redress.

    They are also ‘measuring shoulders’ with black women over IR because for them, it is about ‘more white people have to like us than like you,’ and ‘our profile and universal appeal must be higher than your’. Any wonder then that many are fighting tooth and nail against black women opening up their options, all the while with a blonde on their arm.


    Black women must give up living their whole existence around the notion of black community. It is the whole obsession of black community; of ‘living for’ black community, ‘surviving’ the black community, ‘looking out’ for black community, ‘uplifting’ the black community, ‘protecting’ black community, ‘fixing’ the black community, working for the benefit of black community, ‘fitting in’ with black community, ‘residing’ in black community, ‘seeking her needs’ within black community, agitating for black community, ‘resourcing’ black community,…………….. that has mired the black woman in her present hardship and misery and struggle.

    It is black womens’ refusal to stop playing community engineer or even god with the power to create without the necessary ingredients and raw materials in place, that causes black women to be burdened, stressed, struggling, denied, ill, drained, confused and depressed.

    Black women must stop ordering their lives around, even putting themselves on hold for some coming great ‘revival of black people.’ They must go out and get their needs met NOW and from what is obtained and obtainable in the here and now.


    There has been a massive campaign to extinguish self –concern in black women/girls in the last three decades, and the campaign has been largely successfully. I see it everyday, mindless, selfless drones of black women all worked up over and rushing around the cares of everyone else, with very little awareness that they have loads and loads of critical concerns that need to be addressed urgently. It’s really very shocking to me when I have to point out to black women, obvious issues that black women should attend to yet are busy turning over rocks to find issues that they can get stuck in to on behalf of others.


    It is of key importance within the general black thought system, that black women remain firmly located (locked) and localized only within the black construct/setting and unavailable to any other.

    This might seem like an issue of black moral pride, even an issue of protecting black women but in reality by being so positioned, black women and their resources, be they material or otherwise, become held exclusively for the use of those within the black group and within ready access to be drawn on by those in the black category.


    Black women spend an inordinate amount of time waiting to be given permission, even permission to do what they want and know they should be doing. They want their community to give them a go-ahead, a green light or a pat on the back and say, ‘Yes we have weighed it up now and think that it is ok now for you to proceed’. Very sad to see all these black women who wont move on with their lives, but are just milling around waiting for a ‘thumbs up’ to get on with life, it is sad because they will never get one. They are the only willing horse now re the so called ‘black agenda’ and their lot is to be worked to death!


    I must add here that I don’t believe that black men can be fair-minded in this respect. I believe that most are self-serving, and out for themselves. I believe that they have been so spoilt and catered to within the black movement that now, the average black man continues to view issues in terms of all he can get out of it, and is unfit for considering anything beyond himself, particularly anything as far removed from his immediate gratification as that pesky thing denoted ‘black uplift’.


    While 42 percent of Black men were now married, just 31 percent of Black women were married when Census 2000 was taken. The LOWEST PROPORTION FOR WOMEN OF ANY RACE or origin groups. The 10 percentage-point difference in the percentage of Black men and Black women who were now married was the largest difference between men and women in any of the groups.

    (source: http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/c2kbr-30.pdf)


    I believe that the spirit required for black women now, is the spirit of courage.

    Courage is required to admit hard things, heartbreaking things, things that quake the spirit and knock the knees. Courage to morn and cry yet get on with the task at hand, the task of forging a new path and indeed starting over.

    For more REAL TALK, go to: http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/

  • http://kmichelpress.blogspot.com/ K. Michel

    @Lala: There was a HUGE uproar, including from Black men of course, toward Don Imus. The entire community jumped down NBC’s throat. Don’t let a couple of message boards and comedians fool you. Don’t forget that Rev. Al Sharpton (for as much flack as he seems to get) and his network was on the situation as well.

    The fact that Imus was removed from NBC as quickly as he was is a testament that Black women are not completely unprotected by Black men and the entire Black community. Is everything perfect? No, it isn’t and an immense amount of work needs to be done so that our women and children can FEEL that they are protected.

    But rest assured, it’s not like anybody can come in an do as they like to the Black women and girls in our communities either.

  • secret ninja

    thank you! this was THE MOST intelligent response to this article i have read.

  • Isis

    Totally agrees with this part:


    I must add here that I don’t believe that black men can be fair-minded in this respect. I believe that most are self-serving, and out for themselves. I believe that they have been so spoilt and catered to within the black movement that now, the average black man continues to view issues in terms of all he can get out of it, and is unfit for considering anything beyond himself, particularly anything as far removed from his immediate gratification as that pesky thing denoted ‘black uplift’. ”

    This has and will always be a problem because of how black men are raised. The standards for black men are in the toilet so the ones who go beyond the standard basically think they are Gods. its really really sad and I don’t see things changing until black boys are raised with tough love and raised to be men. But first we need to thoroughly understand what it means to be a man. A real man that loves, protects and provides for his family and community. More importantly, he has self-love and pride something that is sorely lacking in many of black men. It breaks my heart cuz black women can’t do this thing alone nor should we have to

  • April

    I think it is problematic to use Kat Stacks as an example in pieces like this because, as Isis pointed out, she is NOT black. Bringing her up in this discussion only serves to conflate “urban” or “groupie” with black.

  • April


    Regarding “save a brother at all costs”: I do think some black-women centered posts do end up becoming shrill rants against black men. But the half-hearted pulling of punches here was indeed wack.

  • bob

    Best response on this post

  • Akai*.

    Happiness wrote: “…see French police officers dragging pregnant women across the floor as well as women with babies on their backs being dragged because the French police are trying to evict them from where they were staying…”

    I caught a report about this on the French satellite channel and it disturbed me deeply. I hate when people put children in the middle of their mess and I started crying when I saw the baby on it’s back on the ground and hoped like heck he/she was unharmed.

    I looked closely and saw that several police officers would carry a female away and there was no beating, dragging or overt physical abusive, and I’m calling these women out on their selfish bullsh!t and refuse to make victims out of them.

    F*cking with the cops is hardly ever a wise decision and, when they order you to move, best move and not risk brutality or some rogue getting stupidly trigger-happy — especially with all those children around.

    Thank God no one was seriously hurt or killed, but to have strapped their babies on their backs and bodies like that was a manipulative and selfish ploy putting their own children at risk and using them as pawns…apparently thinking the police would not touch them or enforce the law.

    These were immigrants from Côte d’Ivoire (many illegal with no papers) squatting illegally on property in Paris they did not own and a housing project scheduled for demolition.

    I don’t know any land or business owner who’d stand for people illegally occupying their space, trashing it and paying nothing, but these immigrants were offered temporary housing in hotels. However, they had the nerve to demand longer accommodations and a promise from the authorities to re-house them, yet they chose not to take the offer until after this stupid move. I don’t know how they figure they’re entitled to financial support and accommodation when many are not even French citizens but, being real about it, the people of France don’t owe them anything. These protesters had known for quite a while that they’d have to vacate those premises and had plenty of time to find other places to live, and if they don’t like how things are run and that laws are enforced in Europe and other places, nobody is stopping them from returning to their own country.

  • http://twitter.com/supaflynfuchsia Fuchsia

    “…in cultures throughout the world, most women never have to question whether their men will come to their defense, respect them or hold them in the high regard that they should.”

    Article was great except for the piece I quoted above. Let us not forget that the struggle for equality, protection, and respect as women of color is a universal issue. There are many many cultures that actually have it worse than we do here in America. Not to say that we don’t have issues because we are Black Women in America but we need to remember that the struggle is not just ours to alone. Also what we go through does effect Black Men as well directly and indirectly, whether to come to our aid or not we are the ones raising their children.

    I feel that there is and has been a problem with the way women are objectified for a very long time. We need to focus on educating to empower not to break one another down, point fingers, and blame problems on people who “don’t get it” and never will. We study History, and live History in hopes of not repeating pass mistakes, atrocities and horrors of the past.

    And thank you for sharing that article Real Talk

  • Akai*.

    April wrote: “I do think some black-women centered posts do end up becoming shrill rants…”

    I totally get what you’re saying, April.

    I’ve also noticed that there are those quick to label simply stating the truth as “bashing” which, to me, is nothing but another silly ploy to control, shift the blame etc. I don’t think there’s a thin line between the two and it’s pretty easy to distinguish one from the other but, at the end of the day, no problems can be solved or issues resolved without first starting with and stating the truth.

    There appeared to be a lot of anger fueling the posted response written by Halima, yet I looked past that and glimpsed echoes of truth. The author of this article wrote “often times [BW] are not respected, defended or even given the benefit of a doubt,” but I would edit that statement a bit and offer that there appears to be times (particularly in high-profile cases) when respect, defense and even the benefit of the doubt are given…that is when the alleged perpetrator(s) is/are white!

    SUPPORT – Tawanna Brawley claims to have been raped and beaten and there was Al Sharpton and many others standing by her side; several Duke lacrosse players are accused of rape and hordes of men i.e. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the New Black Panther Party were out in droves supporting the alleged victim from jump etc.

    LACK OF SUPPORT – Mike Tyson is accused of rape (then convicted and imprisoned) and, during that time, there was Louis Farrakhan of the NOI standing in support of him and basically insinuating Desiree Washington asked for it; R. Kelly is given awards by BET, the NAACP etc. and fans kept putting money in his pockets buying his CDs and attending concerts, called his child victims various names, and celebrated in the streets when he was acquitted; a son is victimized and mother gang-raped by several vile thugs in Dunbar Village (Florida) and, again, there was Al Sharpton and the NAACP advocating for the rapists; Chris Brown beats the hell out of Rihanna and I don’t even need to recount all the “Leave Chris alone!” and “Rihanna hit him first so good he hit her back!” type bullsh!t that went around.

    Due to their past antics I was hardly surprised at how boldly and publicly the NAACP looked right over the threats of sexual assault and violence Mel Gibson leveled at his baby’s mother to denounce and primarily reduce the issue to his being an “out of control racist,” and often it’s a no-brainer whose defense the NAACP will usually come to (BM). Another example of this is when Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight a “f@ggot” back in 2006 since, a few weeks after the incident, they gave Washington an Image Award. The NAACP applauded CBS and MSNBC for dropping Imus from their networks (over the “nappy-headed hoes” comment) yet when ABC fired Washington after he uttered the same slur a 2nd time, NAACP Executive Director (Vic Bullock) didn’t feel the “punishment fit the crime.”

    It’s challenging enough to tolerate disgusting females that slammed and down-talked Tyson, Kelly and Brown’s victims as hard as any male, but it’s mind-boggling to witness gullible females easily and continuously snookered into believing they’re being ‘loved, supported and shown loyalty’ when – looking closer – what is truly being offered is the exact opposite.

    It all leads back to substantiating the point about how certain incidences are selfishly high-jacked by males then slickly twisted/redefined as an act of ‘racism’ for their own benefit. Everyone lines up to address their needs and, in the end, females’ concerns and needs are again disregarded or relegated to the back of the deck.

  • Hitz

    I have struggled with this for atleast 4 years now. My father died when I was 4 years old and I was blessed to have women around me strong but diverse. It was one of these women who showed me father like men within pages of books. At fourteen my mannerisms and attitude were defiant and proud like Tommy Smith and John Carlos upon the podium in 1968. I read and re-read W.E.B DuBois “Talented Tenth”, and believed that I was!
    I am now 36 years old and ponder how much of the injustice I can continue to observe before acting. I seek guidance but the men I turn to have no answers. I am unsure at times afraid. I do not know, I feel like I have failed my black women and community, yet I have armed myself for the country as a whole and fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, this further complicates and confuse things. The fact that I accidentally came across this site and article is infuriating because this is my first attempt at speaking of this.
    I am not yet sure what to do but i hate to read that our sisters believe they are at it alone. if I figure this out this year its all or nothing..I have been trained and understand wholly how this battle will play out.

  • Hitz

    @Akai..400 + years should not be diminished by your attempt to show regards to others suffering..keep in mind that it is only 50 + years since “Jim Crow” like life eneded here. I would be the first to say how far Blacks have come yet fallen, except i have travelled to over 91 countries and witnessed first hand the atrocities you speak of..all related in some form to colonialism…Fact!!

  • Akai*.

    Hitz wrote: “400 + years should not be diminished by your attempt to show regards to others suffering.

    Oh please.

    Don’t turn in my direction crying about something being “diminished” when you looked right over the author’s statement that, for sure, diminished and disregarded the suffering and plight of women “in cultures throughout the world” to claim some ‘Biggest Victim Ever’ title.

    Hitz wrote: “i have travelled to over 91 countries and witnessed first hand the atrocities you speak of..all related in some form to colonialism…Fact!!”


    Save the blame whitey finger-pointing too since I’m sure you’ve heard the line about prostitution being the oldest profession in the world. Honor killings have been going on in what is now modern-day Iraq, Iran, Syria etc. since before Christ — and I’m pretty sure anything dated BC preceded “colonialism.” *side eye* Bride burnings are a form of domestic violence and it certainly didn’t take whitey coming along or “colonialism” to ‘teach’ men in various countries/cultures how to abuse and terrorize their mates. Geeez.

  • http://www.twitter.com/joannagenius Jo Genius

    Alright Akai!!!

    Yeah – this article has prettty much been debunked.


    Not because of how she carries herself- but uh- the simple fact is the article is about black women.


    How can you base your argument for black people on someone from a different culture?

    And why the hell are you people doing arguing over whether to defend her?

    Urban does not equal black, fools.


  • janQUA

    Akai is apparently a Latina…I’m not sure how that makes her an expert on Black womens’ issues…

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