If you caught the premiere of La La’s new VH1 reality show, “La La’s Full Court Wedding,” last night, well then you know guest star Tyrese had a lot to say about La La’s single friends. Tyrese’s advice? Stop hanging out with your single friends. Well damn! Why must married women ditch their friends just because they’re not married? Tyrese gave a few fascinating reasons. “They’re not in the same space that you’re in,” claims the R&B crooner, who appears to be in a committed relationship, but is currently unmarried himself. Tyrese continues, “You can’t be in the spirit of being married, hanging out with a bunch of single people.” Mr. Gibson says he’s not necessarily telling La La to lose her single friends, but that they not in the same place she’s in.
But what’s the real problem with a married woman hanging with single women? A man’s fear of seeing his wife around single women is likely an extension of his own insecurities and lack of trust for his spouse. When a husband loves his wife and believes that she will make smart decisions, what’s the concern with her hanging out with Karen and Brooke with no man from time to time? Don’t pull the “peer pressure” card. What are we in high school?
In La La’s case, dropping her single friends will leave her with, well, no friends. At least the friends she’s consistently spotted lunching and shopping with. One of those friends who happens to be single (at least publicly single) was not happy about Tyrese’s advice. Ciara had this to say via Twitter, “Tyrese is always preaching trying to tell someone what to do.” Ciara tweeted, “Tyrese new name should be Mr. Love Counselor. lol. Just because my friend is married doesn’t mean she can’t hang with the single ladies!” Ciara stated that it’s okay to hang with single ladies, when your friends are level-headed.
And we happen to agree. Here’s five more reasons why!
1. While it may be appropriate to create a balance between spending time with single and married friends, distancing yourselves from your single friends can be dangerous. These are the friends that were there for you before you had a ring. Leaving them hanging altogether can send the wrong message.
2. As long as your single friends create other social outlets besides the club and late night partying, they can be refreshing departures from the monotony of your married friends. They can be a lot fun with less weight on their shoulders.
3. Single friends generally have more free time on their hands. These are the friends who are actually available for that sporadic lunch you need to have to get some things off your chest. Single friends can baby-sit when you and the hubby want to take a weekender in the islands together.
4. Hanging with your single friends can be an excellent example to them. Women who want to be doctors hang with doctors, women who want to be Christians hang with Christians, and women who want to be married someday should hang with a few married women. Why not?
5. It’s true your single friends have no idea what it’s like to be married and to stay married. Major responsibilities like paying a mortgage, saving for your kids’ college education, and joint bank accounts are concepts that can likely fly above your single friends’ heads. But what about your other identities? Married women are more than just married women. They are professional women, spiritual women, and women who are daughters and sisters. It’s almost selfish and overly possessive of a man to expect his wife to give up her whole self. Single friends can remind a married woman, that’s she a woman first!