If you caught the premiere of La La’s new VH1 reality show, “La La’s Full Court Wedding,” last night, well then you know guest star Tyrese had a lot to say about La La’s single friends. Tyrese’s advice? Stop hanging out with your single friends. Well damn! Why must married women ditch their friends just because they’re not married? Tyrese gave a few fascinating reasons. “They’re not in the same space that you’re in,” claims the R&B crooner, who appears to be in a committed relationship, but is currently unmarried himself. Tyrese continues, “You can’t be in the spirit of being married, hanging out with a bunch of single people.” Mr. Gibson says he’s not necessarily telling La La to lose her single friends, but that they not in the same place she’s in.

But what’s the real problem with a married woman hanging with single women? A man’s fear of seeing his wife around single women is likely an extension of his own insecurities and lack of trust for his spouse. When a husband loves his wife and believes that she will make smart decisions, what’s the concern with her hanging out with Karen and Brooke with no man from time to time? Don’t pull the “peer pressure” card. What are we in high school?

In La La’s case, dropping her single friends will leave her with, well, no friends. At least the friends she’s consistently spotted lunching and shopping with. One of those friends who happens to be single (at least publicly single) was not happy about Tyrese’s advice. Ciara had this to say via Twitter, “Tyrese is always preaching trying to tell someone what to do.” Ciara tweeted, “Tyrese new name should be Mr. Love Counselor. lol. Just because my friend is married doesn’t mean she can’t hang with the single ladies!” Ciara stated that it’s okay to hang with single ladies, when your friends are level-headed.

And we happen to agree. Here’s five more reasons why!

1. While it may be appropriate to create a balance between spending time with single and married friends, distancing yourselves from your single friends can be dangerous. These are the friends that were there for you before you had a ring. Leaving them hanging altogether can send the wrong message.

2. As long as your single friends create other social outlets besides the club and late night partying, they can be refreshing departures from the monotony of your married friends. They can be a lot fun with less weight on their shoulders.

3. Single friends generally have more free time on their hands. These are the friends who are actually available for that sporadic lunch you need to have to get some things off your chest. Single friends can baby-sit when you and the hubby want to take a weekender in the islands together.

4. Hanging with your single friends can be an excellent example to them. Women who want to be doctors hang with doctors, women who want to be Christians hang with Christians, and women who want to be married someday should hang with a few married women. Why not?

5. It’s true your single friends have no idea what it’s like to be married and to stay married. Major responsibilities like paying a mortgage, saving for your kids’ college education, and joint bank accounts are concepts that can likely fly above your single friends’ heads. But what about your other identities? Married women are more than just married women. They are professional women, spiritual women, and women who are daughters and sisters. It’s almost selfish and overly possessive of a man to expect his wife to give up her whole self. Single friends can remind a married woman, that’s she a woman first!

  • Kasandra

    Tyrese had a valid point, he wast saying get rid of your single friends, but gain some married ones.

  • Sia

    I think he was trying to say something more along the lines of married women shouldn’t ask for relationship advice from single women. Single women can’t possibly know how a relationship dynamic changes once you are married so you shouldn’t be trying to get their advice on things like that.

  • http://AirInDanYell.tumblr.com Erin

    I just wrote about this on my blog! Anywho, I don’t think Tyrese was saying that La La should ditch all of her single friends and never talk/see/hang out with them ever again, but that she should find friends that are in a similar situation as herself, which is in a long-term, married, and committed relationship… Having nothing but single friends when you’re married can be toxic to your relationship, so one should definitely distance themselves from particular ones once they get married, especially from the friend that is always talking about men, marriage, relationships negatively, or the one that is constantly trying to get you to continue to be their wing-woman following your nuptials.

  • http://trendysocialiteblog.blogspot.com/ TrendySocialite

    I don’t think relationship status dictates who you whould keep as friends when you get married.

    I believe in the concept of having “friends of the marriage.” These are people who support you as a couple. And they can be married or they can be single. While single, at least two of my friends called me a “friend” to their marriage. One would ask me places to go for romantic weekends and such. If either one confided in me, I didn’t take sides. Mostly listened and asked questions.

    Quite frankly married people are some of the most unhappy and negative people about the institution of marriage I’ve met. There are some married people I wouldn’t hang out with to save my life because they will just taint my relationship with their negativity.

    You can categorically say single friends are bad and married friends are good. I think you have to determine who as a person is healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life (from Susan L. Taylor formerly of Essence).

  • http://trendysocialiteblog.blogspot.com/ TrendySocialite

    That is *can’t categorically say…..

  • http://trendysocialiteblog.blogspot.com/ TrendySocialite

    I think that is really short sighted viewpoint. Being married doesn’t make one an expert on anything other than their own marriage. So would you stop seeking advice, counsel or solace from your BFF if she was single? I highly doubt it…that’s your BFF, you may add some other people to counsel, but to say single people shouldn’t dispense advice is insulting.

  • http://trendysocialiteblog.blogspot.com/ TrendySocialite

    Having toxic people in your life can be toxic to your relationship….regardless of their relationship status.

    With my married friends, I don’t do parties and such. They are mostly the dinner and house party crowd.

    I respect their relationships and marriages and they never shunned me like a lepor because I was single (I’m in a relationship now).

    Man some of ya’ll sure are fair-weather friends. You get your man and ride off into the sunset. Glad my friends aren’t like that.

  • binks

    I also agree that the relationship status of your friends should have nothing to do anything. It all depends on the quality, demeanor and behavior of your friends you associate yourself around, it is good to have a mix bag of friend anyway from all walks of life. And just because you hang out with married people doesn’t mean that they will give sound or good advice just because they are married like you, people are different so marriage are different. If you hang out with people who don’t care about your marriage, do things to jeopardize it or the relationship with your partner then of course you need to toss them but if your girls are classy, happy for you and respect your position as a wife, mother, etc. then it shouldn’t be a problem. It is sort of the same as having friends who are working hard vs. the ones that are still in colleges

  • http://twitter.com/supaflynfuchsia Fuchsia

    Tyrese said what he said and I don’t think anyone can say for sure what he “meant”. I think if you have real friends beyond the superficial there isn’t a problem with remaining friends after marriage. But it may be necessary to evaluate what context your friendship is in when you’re married and your friends are single. For instance, If you and you’re homegirls used to prowl the club looking for men, or bash men when relationships went wrong then maybe since marriage you’re in a different space and should find friends that share t he same relationship status.

  • jay

    I agree with the first comment. She doesn’t need to drop her friends, but acquire a married one or at least one who is a mother. NONE OF HER GIRLS ARE MOTHERS.
    I think it is important to have balance in both relationships.
    Tyrese made a great point !

    I don’t think Tyrese was encouraging her to diss her crew at all

    This is a tough subject – most women act brand new for their boyfriend which IS UNFORTUNATE. They didn’t even put a ring on it & they diss their longtime friends. But a diss is subjective.. not going to the club because u have a man or child is different from never hearing from your homegirl.. when she use to blow your phone up everyday..or not making an attempt to ever chill with her. we definitely need an article on that! because chicks are out here doing it left & right :(

  • ChgoSista

    PLEASE STOP IT! Quit thinking/saying/believing that single women “generally have more free time on their hands.” STOP IT!! People KILL me with this thinking, that just because a woman is single/without a man, family, etc., that she’s just sitting around twiddling her thumbs! If ANY reason, that’s exactly WHY she’s not JUST SITTING AROUND TWIDDLING HER THUMBS!!!

  • http://twitter.com/sunshyne84 Baby D

    Totally agree! Especially with 2-4. You shouldn’t wait til you get married to evaluate your friendships. That should be a constant. Anytime someone doesn’t bring anything to your life, isn’t that great of a friend or what have you then you cut them off. Not because your relationship status has changed. And I would think once you get serious with someone you wouldn’t be club hopping and chasing men anyway. I just think what he said didn’t even need to be said, it just happens naturally. Or at least it should. *shrugs*

  • Teneice

    As a married woman, I believe Tyrese had such a valid point/suggestion for LaLa. Issues, worries, concerns, etc change when you become married. Many of those, your single friends simply can’t relate to.

  • Terri

    I approve this article. Saying that single friends are not good to hang out with is ridiculous. These are the same people that were rooting for you when you met him and helped his case with you when you had doubts. It insults these women intellect and character. It’s like saying I don’t have my friends best interest at heart.

  • ohreally

    How bout Tyrese need to sat down.. My BF is married and what? We are still friends. She doesn’t treat me any different and vice versa.. When some ppl get married they get the big head that because they got this and my friend doesn’t she may be jealous and men will be the 1st when they are acting out to claim that your friend is jealous of us.. so puhlease.. enough w/the hoopla.. if you value your friendship w/whomever then keep them around..

  • King Jason

    Tyrese was on point with his advice. A married woman especially newly so needs some married friends. You need some people dealing with the same situations you are. Same with dudes, when you settle down you need to cut loose some of your boys. If all we had was strip clubs then me and dude can’t run no more.

  • http://jcroomzuri.blogspot.com/ j.j.

    He didn’t say to get rid of her single friends at all. That wasn’t the point. He was suggesting that she have married friends IN ADDITION to her current friends. It would be horrible to completely get rid of the people who have been there for her. But as a newly married woman, I understand the importance of having women in your life that are going through the same things that you are. So have both. You don’t have to decide either or.

  • http://thebdss.blogspot.com/ Si

    I watched the show and rolled my eyes when Tyrese said that! Lol
    I don’t agree that because you are married you must hang with only married people or even ditch your single friends because you are married. The only reason you should ditch a friend (married or single!) is if they are not pulling there weight as a friend!
    Other than that I think counsel from both married and single friends can be useful when requested.

  • Tomisin

    Well usually when people get married, they tend to have a change in priorities especially as they have children. They may not be able to be as spontaneous as their single friends or hit the club as often as usual. But Lala and Carmelo have been co habiting and even have a child, I don’t think much is going to change now that they’ve legalized their union so honestly whatever.

    Married people shouldn’t dump their old single friends, but should instead gain new married friends that you can do boring coupley things with. lol

  • Joe Clyde

    Women really should stop hanging out with their single friends if they are married. The number one reason is jealousy. If a married woman is hanging out with her friends. Seeing them hookup with random men. Then they go home to the same guy every night. They are going to start to feel as if they are missing something. Then will get amnesia about every dog they dated in the past.

    Then she will feel resentful for coming home at a respectable time. Her friends will lie about how great their life is. It is a complete mess.

  • Pingback: What About Your (Single) Friends…Well, what about ‘em? « mEthOdiCal MAdneSS

  • Vee

    If you have to suddenly axe your single friends when you say “I do” then I think the real issue is the type of people you chose to surround yourself with while you were unmarried.

    If your single friends respect the institution of marriage; then they can be an asset to you in your married life.

    If you’ve surrounded yourself with loose folk who can’t commit to anything; then you’re going to have problems whether you keep them as friends or not.

    Cause birds of a feather do what? So if your friends are trife, you might be as well and a wedding ring isn’t going to change that.

  • Angel

    Most times you find out that those your single friends avoid you once you’re married. Friendship is good to keep but marriage is the ultimate, i believe it!

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