Calling Yourself a Feminist Isn’t the Same as Being One
As a feminist, there are days when I question whether my actions fall in line with the basic principles of feminism. And I have to wonder if other feminists do the same.
Years ago, while an undergraduate, one of the greatest compliments was when someone, particularly a man, would say, “You’re such a feminist,” and expect me to be offended. There were those women who cringed at the thought of being associated with feminism, or didn’t understand what feminism was, so they avoided it all together. I embraced it with open arms and dared someone to question me.
There are no prerequisites, classes taught, or certificates awarded for becoming a feminist. It would be even harder to define what a feminist is, or embodies, because of the myriad of theories created by renowned feminists. First wave feminists and third wave feminists would most likely have different philosophies in regards to the equality of women because of the generation gap. In her book, Feminism is for Everybody, bell hooks defines feminism as:
Simply put, feminism is a movement to end sexism exploitation and oppression. Practically, it is a definition, which implies that all sexist thinking and action is the problem, whether those who perpetuate it are female or male, child or adult. It is also broad enough to include an understanding of systemic institutionalized sexism. As a definition it is open-ended. To understand feminism it implies one has to necessarily understand sexism.
Most importantly she wrote:
Feminists are made, not born. One does not become an advocate of feminist politics simply by having the privilege of having been born female. Like all political positions one becomes a believer in feminist politics through choice and action.
Hooks’ words, “through choice and action” hit home for me. At its core I believe in everything feminism stands for, and try to act accordingly. But as an imperfect woman conditioned in a patriarchal and sexist society, I slip up.
In past weeks I have noticed the vitriol that some women hurl at other women. I don’t believe the stereotype that women are all catty and like crabs in a barrel. Sure it happens, but I don’t believe it is the standard. I pay close attention to the actions and words of those who yell from the rooftop that they are feminists, write numerous blog posts on the topic, and battle any man who dares threaten their movement to liberate women from male oppression.
How can an outsider be expected to take feminism seriously when this is how a self-proclaimed feminist is behaving toward another woman?
I know readers of CLUTCH hate when Kat Stacks is brought into the equation. We are all so perfect and believe her to be the lowest of the low, undeserving of respect because she doesn’t respect herself. Personally, I disagree. Kat Stacks is not molded to fit our idealistic definition of a woman so she is deserving of the disgust people have for her? Yet Lauryn Hill is revered because she’s a deep soul sister, despite the several children she’s had with a married man.
But any time Kat Stacks is mentioned, women rush at the chance to tear her down. And, again, it’s when I see the degrading, hateful, and ridiculous comments of the feminists that I shake my head.
If we, as women and “feminists,” participate in the degradation of other women, how can we then condemn systematic oppression by men?
This is where we, as women, fail. We’re all about women empowerment until there’s a woman who doesn’t fit our mode of what a woman should be. Feminism is already laughed at, misunderstood, and criticized by most. So when those of us who claim to be feminists do the very things we decry, we are doing feminism a huge disservice.
It’s not that as women we cannot constructively criticize or disagree with one another openly. It’s the manner in which our disagreements are displayed that makes the difference. Simply calling a woman a bitch doesn’t make one any less of a feminist. However, continuously contributing to the belittling of women should cause a sense of self-reflection. Something as important as feminism cannot only be worn during the season when it benefits you most and placed in the closet whenever the title isn’t convenient for your stance.
I’m not standing on a pulpit preaching to the congregation. I have many days when a “stupid bitch” rolls off my tongue when I see a woman I don’t care for do something that is, well . . . stupid.
So, for now, I’m going to retire the proud title of feminist and focus more on what feminism stands for—ensuring my actions represent those goals. Calling yourself a feminist is one thing, but actually being one is another.
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I completely agree with this article. Sometimes self-identified feminists may act in a contradictory manner. Sometimes some feminists can act in a hypocritical manner, but I think we shld take their heightened emotional state into account.
In the heat of a moment some people may spew out hateful ideas that the society they live in may have exposed to them without necessarily agreeing with such ideas.
For example;
I know a self-identified feminist on twitter who in a heated discussion with someone categorized “being messy” as a “female characteristic”. Thereby reinforcing the very sexist idea that women somehow have inherent character traits or that socially unacceptable attitudes can be gendered! Upon calling her out on it, she acted in a very pissy and seemingly immature fashion, (after all most feminists aren’t afraid to be challenged).
Yet that isn’t to say that these women mentioned above aren’t “real” feminists or are more hypocritical than the average person. Human beings MESS UP and act in ways that contradict their personal philosophies, and I think it is the duty of other self-identified feminsts to challenge them as a way of “making them better” if you will.
Although I respect a person’s decision to hang up the title of “feminist” it doesn’t seem constructive , but rather allowing the actions of another person to dirty, misconstrue and thus rob an important factor in one’s identity…
OH PS. I have and LOVE that shirt :)
Right on Secretdaddy. I’m not a feminist and would never consider myself one even if I agreed with them on some issues. I’ve encountered and witnessed a lot of feminist who are mean and nasty as hell with women who don’t agree with their views. One woman, I got into it with her on her blog. She’s a feminist and I like her work but if you are a woman and don’t agree with her she and her supporters will beat you down and call you all kinds of names. ughh its such a turn off. I though the whole idea behind feminism was to uplift and unite women, but to me I see many of them using it as a crutch to justify their nasty attitudes. No thanks! I believe in supporting and uniting my fellow women but I will NEVER label myself as a feminist. I dont believe that nasty attitudes equal strength.
Well, I learned a long time ago that people are just people. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don’t understand why people always want to “identify” as something or other. For what? For whom? What is the need for labels? Why proclaim your a feminist? Especially when most feminist don’t seem to be able to agree on the defintion of feminism. I’m all for advocating, but I think it’s important to first know what your fighting for and against.
okay so feminists at least have what we are fighting for : Gender Equality
Against: Patriarchy
While I do agree that resting on a title with out action is pointless, I don’t think I quite understand. While on one hand you are saying that the label “feminist” is about stomping out sexism and empowering women, on the other hand you are using a public forum to tear down another female blogger for having an opinion that is different from yours. The construct of feminist is, to me, exactly as spelled out by bell hooks. However, the great thing about it is that it also means that I (as a femnist and a woman) have the opportunity to express my feminism in the way that makes the most sense to me. I do have to say here that this does not include supporting Kat Stacks or Lauren Hill in their life choices, although I do respect there freedom to make those choices.
I agree with Latoya… But I reeeeaaally hope you aren’t referring to a specific blogger. that is a no no. Among us, we will definitely disagree, however airing out another feminist in an online magazine is destructive.
Ahh, the age old debate about who is a feminist and who is not. I agree that simply being born a woman does not a feminist make. I also agree that there are too many contradictions that are being displayed by self-proclaimed feminists which I believe to be an unfortunate yet almost unavoidable result of living in the hyper patriarchal “smog”-in other words, when there are hypermasculine, male dominated images/practices/norms/etc thrown at you all day every day, it’s inevitable that it will affect you in some way.
Where I respectfully differ is on the topic of Kat Stacks. I don’t want to spark a debate about an off topic issue, but I hardly think she is deserving of respect. I don’t think that people simply dislike her because she doesn’t fit the mold of what a woman should be, I think people dislike her because she’s, well, crazy! Male or female, she’s a sad, desperate person, who may or may not be in need of psychological help. She thrives off of appealing to our most base desires. No that doesn’t give another woman, especially a feminist, the right to call her everything but a child of God, and I’ll concede that if she were a man perhaps the reaction against her wouldn’t be as strong, but I don’t think we need to go around and excuse that type of behavior from either of the sexes.
When I started reading your article, I nearly immediately new who and what you are talking about. When I read further along the references it confirmed my assumptions of who and what this was about. I actually was on Twitter and saw the whole situation spew out of of control but if you saw both parties started going at it with each other.
I think when women are passionate about something and feel like their cub is threatened that they might resort to name-calling and the like. I’m not excusing both their behavior. I think this was simply an argument that got out of hand because it happened on an open forum like Twitter. To me being a feminist means fighting against chauvinistic ideals that sadly are still an undercurrent in this society. What is the most tragic is that women now perpetuate patriarchal ideals themselves. This is the heart of the feminist debate. Now women having a catty fight…mweh..not so much. I think these things are nearly tertiary to the main issue.
First we fight against the demons of oppression and misogyny against women. Then we deal with women themselves who perpetrate these toxic ideals. Then we can deal with women being sisters to each other. I honestly don’t think being a feminist is us all singing kumbayah together. Please..we are people…arguments will happen. I think the best thing is for us to realize that maybe it could’ve been done better but in no way did it perpetrate misogyny towards women.
Why is Clutch so fascinated with Kat Stacks anyway? I wouldn’t even know who the hell this girl is if Clutch didn’t keep bringing her up. I not disgusted by her, I do feel bad for her, but I’m not sure why she even bought up so many times.
I usually give myself any labels: feminist, fat-accepting, etc. because there is so much in-fighting within these groups about who really is or isn’t one, that the discussion becomes tiring and pointless. I say as long as you actively work against antiwoman, antigay, and antiracist polices and work on fighting these things on a personal level then your a feminist, even if your not comfortable with saying so.
Also as far as women of color are concerned, many do not and are rightly justified with not labeling themselves as feminist because the earlier feminist movement did not address issues facing woc, that’s why a second and third wave of feminism was conceived to at least shed light on issues facing woc.
Back to Kat Stacks, it’s not what she does that bothers me so much as why she does it. Of course I’m not sure what her mental state is, but she does not seem to be doing what she does in an emotionally healthy state of frame. It seems like it comes from a place of deeper emotional issues and past traumas, and I’m not comfortable with her being brought up whenever the issue of “defending a woman’s choice is concerned”.
Same thing with Montana Fisherburne. I don’t personally care what she does with herself, but your not gonna get “famous” doing porn. At least not the kind of fame she’s thinking about. Many actors in the porn industry have worked decades to even get a taste of mainstream fame. Look at Ron Jeremy, Jenna Jameson, Mr. Marcus, Traci Lords, Sinnamon Love, how long did it take these people to actually get well known? A long damn time. So when she said she wanted to do porn to be famous like K.K. that’s not coming from mind who understands what she’s getting into and I will not support that.
There is a growing movement within more internet based feminist groups of the recognition of sex-workers rights and under that I support the right of women like Kat Stacks and Montana to be able to work in spaces free of violence and humiliation.
-That was long, sorry.
Yeah I agree with you…Kat Stacks is putting her in situations that endanger the lives of herself and her child. She needs therapy, not an audience nor people condoning her actions.
“There is a growing movement within more internet based feminist groups of the recognition of sex-workers rights and under that I support the right of women like Kat Stacks and Montana to be able to work in spaces free of violence and humiliation”
wait a minute, wth? i thought that was basically the point of being a feminist ,so your female sisters ARENT being abused,exploited,treated like an object. why the hell would you support sex workers? that makes absolutely no sense at all. have you seen porn? its nothing but violence and humiliation,men punching,smacking,calling women bitches and nasty slutty skank in porn movies? are you kidding me?
“sex workers” are looked down upon for a reason. its nasty.you are letting any and everybody in your precious temple of a body and they dont care about you. they only want their pleasure and they pay you. that is NOT respectable. i dont respect people who make stupid decisions and agree to be used. most women in the “sex industry” are miserable as hell and trying to get out anyways. why not help them with escaping and finding something better instead of supporting them being exploited and treated like a sex toy?
Oh, man! I made a mistake. I usually *don’t* give myself any labels. I hate when I mess-up a message!
I respectfully disagree with this article. I think you can call yourself a feminist and act like one without necessary agreeing with other women’s action and choices and voicing your dislike. Just because you label yourself as a feminist doesn’t mean you are not human, imperfect or have your own value system. I feel to believe that you can rep hard for women, empower them, praise them and try to uplift woman-kind as a whole even if you don’t agree with someone like Kat Stacks and blast her (respectfully of course). Besides, isn’t it the same thing like being “pro black”? I rep hard for black people as a whole in my community, try to uplift and empower but hell if a black person did something stupid or crazy, trust I will have a something to say no if, and, or but about it and that wouldn’t make me any less “pro black” just like voicing your dislike of another woman shouldn’t make you less of a feminist. So just because you identify someone as a feminist that doesn’t mean that these women have to give a pass to all women and say what they are really feeling. Personally, this is why I hate labeling yourself as something because other people who label themselves as such try to mold you into their own perception of what it should be and isn’t when it all comes down to your own philosophy
that’s what I tried to say , but I think you said it better ! Being a feminist doesn’t mean u don’t get into arguments with women or that you give women preferential treatment.
I agree with your assessment.
I’m not a feminist and don’t play one on tv or online but you made the most sense to me. Most of this discussion sounds like pseudo religion than practical politics.
I disagree; I think part of being a feminist (or pro anything for that matter) means being able to agree to disagree. To be a feminist simply means that you stand for gender equality. We can all agree on the ends; the goal of feminism is simply to put women on an equal playing field as men. However HOW we go about it and the theories, actions, and policies we support is where we will always differ. Feminist aren’t always going to agree, but should be able to respectfully express their views without degrading another perspective. We’ll always disagree on the means of reaching equality. For instance there are feminist movements that support women in pornography and view it was sexual liberation and it’s HER choice as to how women choose to express themselves. Women CHOOSING to be in pornography could be viewed as the gateway to women choosing to express themselves by having a voice in the sexual arena. Then there are others who view women in pornography as the objectification of the female body or even women getting forced into pornography when there don’t seem to be any other viable career options. Just because you disagree w/ someone’s take on feminism doesn’t make them (or you) any less of a feminist. However, once you start to demean other woman for their choices, you’re already promoting the misogynistic and patriarchal ideals that serve to oppress women. (I think) feminism does not answer the questions of “what is a woman?” or even “how should a woman conduct herself?”…it simply promotes the idea that women should have options and be considered equal to their male counterparts.
@Ludmilla Paul
I get what your saying and see your point but again I disagree. I think you can be a feminist and not necessary agree with other women’s demeanor, behaviors, and values that doesn’t reflect your own while still trying to promote equality and equal footing with women. Yes, with pro anything you have to agree to disagree on the issue. True, a self proclaim feminist shouldn’t true to willingly and intentionally degrade another woman but if I’ am angry and another woman seriously p*ss me off then I’am not holding back, now I might not be a feminist in the heat of the moment but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with the message and movement. Just because you are a feminist doesn’t mean you going to or will handle all women in the future perfectly and in a feminist “manner” that is just foolish because we are all human and make mistake. finally, one of the main reasons I hate labeling yourself feminist is due to the fact that your own personal values and beliefs take a back seat. I’am all for trying to gain equal footing as men and fight against the oppression of a patriarchy society, letting women to live and let live with their actions, etc. etc. etc. but if I dislike your course of action or personally don’t agree with it then i have the right to voice my dislike point blank….shrugs… but to agree to disagree I guess
Is there a feminist response for being angry at someone? I am not sure what one has to do with the other, now there is a politically correct way of being angry?
When you say “basic principles of feminism”, are you referring to the excerpt by bell hooks? You started off the piece in such a manner that one would think you keep a checklist or manual that shows you “how to be a feminist”. In any event, I think I know what you mean with respect to “acting accordingly”… I agree, feminists are molded & our growth as feminists and gender rights advocates will be stunted severely if we don’t continue to grow our understanding of sexism. You are right there, sis!
Now here is where I take issue with your post… You jump from a very specific story of a feminist you take issue with – to citing the supposed attitude that no one respects Kat Stacks. Are you saying these are one & the same person? You are writing as if you are either (a) referring to one person you don’t get along with, or (b) complaining about a chasm with no frame of reference for the reader. If you are writing about one specific person and the issues you take with them, I’ll caution you to tread carefully. When you point out specific behavior you don’t agree with, out of respect, you should flat out name who you’re talking about. The sentiment of “we beefin” is practically slapping me in my face here. If you’re going to write about one person, may as well tell them so you can give them a fair opportunity to respond & engage. But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder why you’re dedicating a blog post in Clutch magazine no less to one person. I hope that is not the case. I would expect you to reach out to this person privately.
Now, if you aren’t referring to one specific person, I apologize for the earlier paragraph in my comment. However, the manner in which this piece is written is nevertheless still problematic. Your post is saying that there are feminists who decry that Kat Stacks is undeserving of respect but give Lauryn Hill a pass – then you go on and point out why Lauryn doesn’t deserve a pass because of the children she has with a married man. Aren’t you doing the same thing in that allegory? And I can’t help but wonder… Does such a group of feminists really exist? That’s a bold assertion to be making without citing the context of why-where-how you came to learn this. Through people’s tweets? a conversation on facebook? Your colleagues? Your friends from school? where is this group of feminists saying this? I personally am disappointed with the things Kat Stacks has done, and worry she may be mentally ill. Call me naive, but I’d say most of us women – whether feminists or not, want Kat Stacks (and plenty of other women) to get some help.
I wrote this because I admire you, your writing, and I want you do continue to do well.
@Aisha: Allow me the #latepass on responding to this post. No there is no “checklist or manual” one can use to determine if someone is a feminist or not. Further in the post I explain that. By acting accordingly I simply meant that in my everyday life I uphold the basic values of feminism, which I think most feminist would agree on what those are.
The second paragraph of your “critique” I can’t really address. But I will simply clarify your assumptions are off. The “we beefin” model is not what the article was about. Therefore the second paragraph is irrelevant and null and void.
Where did I say Lauryn Hill doesn’t deserve a pass? I didn’t. I used Lauryn Hill allegory as an example of the contradictory thoughts of many feminists. While LH is praised for whatever reasons, Kat Stacks is detested. I’m not saying LH doesn’t deserve the praise, but she is human and has made mistakes just like the other women we vilify. As I’ve already stated, what I see occurring time and time again is feminists are all for the empowerment of women until a woman doesn’t fit into their mode of what a woman should be. There are several examples of this in everyday life as well. To me, that is not representative of what a feminist is. Lastly, you ask, “Does such a group of feminists really exist?” I don’t know I fully understand what you’re referring to. I’m not quite sure why you would question if those feminists exist as if I’ve somehow concocted some false tale. Yes, I’ve seen this on Twitter, in articles by self-proclaimed feminists, feminists I know in real life, etc. Either way, I think you take issue with this article not because it’s problematic. But because you’ve assumed it was a personal attack on someone else. And that’s where you’re mistaken.
Bourgeois Feminism be it: conservative, liberal or reform is no threat to white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. It seeks only to be equal with white men. Bell Hooks made this assertion a few years ago. She is correct. Feminism is for everybody, but, everybody has to carry their weight to create a better world.
I’m not a feminist and would never be one though I’ve great respect and admiration for, and respect the wisdom of, many acquaintance that identify as womanists and feminists
I agree calling one’s self a feminist isn’t the same as being one — as I also believe insisting another is not a feminist doesn’t mean they’re not (i.e. when Bey insisted she was a feminist “in a way”). As the author pointed out, there is no one consensus and diverse definitions regarding the term to call things one way or the other.
I don’t know why, but I really don’t expect to ever hear a chick (that identifies as a feminist) call another female a b!tch or any other name. And I have to say that – whether it’s a self-proclaimed feminist, member of the LGBT community etc. – my open-mindedness and willingness to listen/learn is immediately rescinded when their conversation/responses are full of nastiness, anger, hypocrisy, name-calling etc.; it’s a turn-off!
There’s no one way to act like a feminist but there are many ways we can put our feminism into action. Whether one chooses to call herself a feminist or not, we can all think about things we can do individually and collectively to eradicate oppression of and violence against women. Loving the dialogue.
Wait he’s married to someone else… WHAAAAAAAT