Should Black Men Blame Jesus Too?
Society has developed a vast interest in passing judgment on the subject of why Black women are single. Before, it was the massive amount of men locked up in prison that served as the reason why women were single. Today’s suggestion is that the Black church is the cause. And somewhere in between these interludes rang the loud conjectures about the unbalanced ratio between educated women to uneducated men, and the preamble of the cunning, down-low brother. As a culture we’re constantly trying to figure out why we are experiencing a high rate of single Black women.
So is it safe for the Black men to blame Jesus as to why he finds himself single too?
Perhaps the reason for his being single stems from Jesus and his unyielding rage about Adam’s disobedience back in the Garden of Eden. Or maybe it’s his wrath about the amount of gold digging groupies chasing the next rapper, athlete, or flashing lights. Maybe it’s the reign of Smartphones or even the Twitter whale—I mean he represents a form of communism, or wait—is he an Islamic terrorist?
Religion is only a small contributing factor to as why women, or men, are single. According to recent posts done by CNN, traditional structures and dynamics of the Black church convey submissive attitudes towards women who are on their journey of being single. The CNN special, “Black in America,” looks at a range of issues faced by the Black church, and the church’s continued significance in the Black community—while examining if the church is keeping Black women single. It goes on to examine homosexuality and the church’s treatment of same-sex politics.
Can we use these inferences reached by the program to explain why Black women are single today? Not even. With the research gathered, there is no way the romantic lives of Black women can be summed up by statistics and misplaced syntax.
On Sunday morning we all put on our Sunday Best and prepare to receive the word. At church we’re all taught to be patient and let His will be done. Right. Being patient doesn’t simply imply sitting there with our hands and knees bound, waiting for God to send us our partner wrapped in swaddling clothing. What ever happened to being pro-active? God is absolutely not to blame here.
Black men are single too, believe it or not. No, we don’t have an abundant amount of uplifting “single men” anthems like women do, however—it doesn’t portend that men aren’t single too. Single Black Men are not an endangered species, they do exist.
After a few months of dating, women are quick to throw in the towel and pull out their faithful “all men are dogs” t-shirt, or even pop in the nearby Tyler “peddler of Christian soap operas” Perry movie for motivation—where the woman gets battered, finds Jesus, and then attains love—how ironic. From the debates, and even callous research studies, men are always being shown negatively. This makes it even harder for men to even want to arise to the challenge of dating. Men are quickly forgotten in the equation but somehow always figured in as the problem.
It’s no doubt, today finding a partner is even tougher than ever before. With our microwave generation and constant rejection of moral values, women are not the only ones single. Dating is not easy for anyone. You have to compete in the areas of social class, educational levels, and even with someone’s Blackberry or iPhone. We live in the budding age where we want everything at our fingertips—and, somehow, meeting the right one is just not happening fast enough when we push the handy ‘green’ send button.
Bottom line: there’s no scapegoat to blame for why we are experiencing a high rate of single men and women, especially not Jesus. “Singleness” is a global issue with no gender lines—it doesn’t discriminate. Society is always focused on the happiness of others—let them have that. We don’t need research to validate or highlight ambiguous information. There is no reason to be resentful or bent out of shape when faced with being single. It’s a pill we all have to swallow. I hate to use a cliché—but we have to spend time cultivating and loving ourselves. Being single should not evoke a mood of misery, nor warrant unneeded research. Black women are not the only ones experiencing this.
So if you could please put your Bibles aside for a second and just turn to your neighbor and say, “Neighbor, I’m single too.”
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Why are black women single? Because the white establishment CONVENIENTLY brought it to our attention. Now we can’t drop the topic. Seriously, the issues we need to solve in our community are of old…the prison industrial complex, poison rap music, poverty etc….not who is freaking who…because that is pretty much what it amounts to.
More tactics of the white Matrix to destroy blacks in America.
The more we dwell on this issue and are encouraged to abandon our race and community the dimmer the future looks for us….and now they wanna blame JESUS???? Should we pray to the Dali Lama as our new DateAWhiteGuy / Jesus-ain’t-ish strategy? What? What now? How can we make black women look dumber and more petty?
Why can’t we open our eyes and see what is going on? When will we stop falling prey to propaganda? When will Clutch become more ambitious in its subject matter instead of rummaging through Bossip’s editorial staff waste basket? When???
WAKE UP!
Great response janQUA. I would add however that ALL people are single because they CHOOSE TO BE. Whether by conscious effort or because of their actions (sometimes those actions are not realized, but the actions are taken nonetheless).
Club hopping, shopping sprees, loud talkin and name brands will get you noticed, but not by someone who is looking for a committed relationship.
As for blame it on the church – that’s just another excuse. The church, can be a stalwart blockade to relationships, but so can a job, the pursuit of an education, and the like.
You want to be in a relationship? You want to be successful? You want to lose weight? Choose to be then put forth the actions to make it so.
I wanted to be an author. I now have two books under me (MooreNovels.com) and a third one on the way. But I couldn’t get these books published if I didn’t make writing a priority commit to pursuing my goals.
Hope you don’t mind my rambling.
Elevate!
MooreNovels.com
Bossip waste basket, really? I think the editors do a great job of selecting content. Does everyone always agree on the same issues? No. But I think that’s what makes this site 20x better than a Bossip. I wouldn’t discredit Clutch like that.
What exactly are we opening our eyes up to? Like this article, I think the articles on here come from different point of views. Not necessarily yours but someone’s. If everything was the same tone we’d definitely be in trouble as women.
Everything you read, you won’t like or even care to hear. There’s plenty articles to chose from, plenty other great articles.
Hope the book is doing well too. Back to the topic ladies-
“Bottom line: there’s no scapegoat to blame for why we are experiencing a high rate of single men and women, especially not Jesus. “Singleness” is a global issue with no gender lines—it doesn’t discriminate”
- ummm this doesn’t seem true . Singleness or “unmarriedness” seems gendered and racialized soooo yea!
It’s not Jesus, it’s the patriarchal construction of Christianity that ppl are upset over…
oh goodness! Here we go again..
ROFL!! You dont even have to say anything. I know how you feel
“Why are black women single? Because the white establishment CONVENIENTLY brought it to our attention.”
LOL! That’s basically what it is, even though I somewhat disagree.
The media brings something to mainstreams attention and they eat it up like pigs and run for miles with it.
I have to agree. We let the media bring it to our attention so much we buy into it. I hope we the women here haven’t bought this theory. But sad to say I think we have.
All I can say is after reading, it’s a different point of view. Good job Drew-Shane. There is nothing wrong with being single. Hell I know a ton of guy friends who are single like women but we don’t talk or even question their story. We get so engulfed in our personal journey to find a man. We allow the media to penetrate so much into our paradigms.
um..I would rather focus on the JOBLESSNESS in America as oppose to ppl being single…who cares?!..What happened to the old adage of letting love find you..? ..as a recent grad, I could honestly give two shits about finding a man..at least until I find a job first..haha
I genuinely want to help all the single women of America, I am just a little bit away in Europe , some one must do a proper poll of the reason why women are single.
Yes church is effiminised , as a makerting strategy and does not attract men as it should.
Plus the prosperity gospel is not helping at all . Juwst because athese ladies are sitting there looking for a blessed man, well timing is running out.
Nooooo not another one. lol
of course this one won’t be featured on CNN. seems like we ignore what’s going on with our black men. it’s all about women this and women that. we only want to read about what’s going on with us and not the underlying factors.
this issue isn’t going to go anywhere, no time soon. once we have a discussion, we can figure out the solution. at least it’s another angle we haven’t discussed
I agree with you Jada. They never get to the underlying cause of the black woman’s singleness they just highlight that we are. blah. If they really cared they would focus on the reasons why its so hard for black women to find suitable mates.
Yes men and women are single. We’re always reminded of what Blacks are lacking. We just need to get together if both are so single!
I agree with secretaddy
the church represents a strong male patriarchy that permeates our community. go to any church and the leadership does NOT reflect the membership just like Congress/Senate, corporations, etc.
I don’t know who we can blame. I never even thought of the black men. I agree w the author. What are they to do? I know it’s some good sisters out there.
lol at the last paragraph. You know the black church
“Being single should not evoke a mood of misery, nor warrant unneeded research. Black women are not the only ones experiencing this.”
*************************
Thank you! I was trying to figure out when did being single have the same stigma as a leper. Being single isn’t a bad thing unless you think it is personally. Geez…plus I would love to see these so called statistics and what they consider single or if they add other factors in this research. Personally, I don’t see this so called crisis as a “blame” game more of what you are doing personally in your life to find love and obtain it but blaming this, that and the other is useless.
As a member what would be considered a black mega church in New York, I simply can not co-sign on the traditional patriachal pardigm that many of my fellow “Clutchettes” are talking about. The church that I am a member of just doesn’t fit that description, however I am not naive enough to say, like Santa Claus….it doesn’t exist at all in other houses of worship for I have seen it action there. The God that I serve is a God of movement and if while the Word says that a good wife is to be found, that certainly doesn’t mean sit on your rump and wait for your soul mate to find you. Get out and be seen. I have seen single people of both sexes literally “hiding” in church by way of joining every single ministry that the chuch has to offer, never really having a life outside of the house of worship. Perhaps your soul mate is not in that church or you won’t meet him or her at a church function. Bishop Millicent Hunter, who is a prominent pastor in Philadelphia, Pa, met her doctor husband at a creative writing class……hmmmmmm! Needless to say, I am so sick and tired of other people dissecting the so called plight of black women as if we are some sort of social dysfunction, and as much as I respect Soledad O’Brien for her refusal to call her self “other”……when she obviously could, but chose not to, enough is enough. We need to just live our best lives and be our best selves and get up, get out and get something!
Someone please remind me again why being single is seen as a death sentence. And after that explain to me how being a sinle woman looking for marriage is the same as a single man who isn’t looking for marriage.
Honestly. It is better to be single and happy. Then miserable, and dating.
I completely agree. Sometimes women are praying “Oh Lord! Send me a man!” and they forget to be more specific and request things like kindness, compassion, and fidelity.
You will be happier alone, than with someone who makes you suffer everyday or makes you feel _lonely_
Perhaps there is no one reason, this could be evolutionary. The author did state that single status is on the rise globally. I know its hard to contemplate, but marriage may just be wearing out its usefulness for humanity.
Marriage (and to a lesser extent, monogamy) basically began as a social contract between men and women for reproductive purposes. She had babies exclusively for him so that his lineage would continue (the goal of every species). He provided the food and shelter so she could be free to nurse and raise the children.
All of that may be of diminishing significance at this point in human history. Women in economically developed societies have far fewer babies today. Combine the increased time between children and the greater access to jobs and financial resources, mothers can (and do) provide much of the food and shelter for children themselves. It’s not easy for them by any means, but it is being done.
It’s a gross oversimplification of human history, I know. But, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
I agree. People aren’t even staying in relationships long anymore. Our generation is so 2-minute rice ready w/ everything. Women are not dependent on men anymore like before. So I agree with you on the marriage graph too.
Single is nothing new for people to be crying over, well investigating.
And yet, these “single black men” always have a lot of children, here there, and everywhere…. I think they define single differently from their baby mommas.
“‘Singleness’ is a global issue” Really?! being single is an issue?
Personally, I’m an TIRED of this debate.
I think the author dropped the ball on this. Yes this is a hyped story of the Black community, but honestly I think the fact that many of us are unmarried will haunt our children for generations to come. How? Marriage is an institution that allows 2 people to generate wealth in America. A 2 person household/ homeowner is a powerful force. Other groups have used these alliances in groups to form communities and gain power. When you invest in another person, you are investing in the environment to sustain them. I believe we in the Black community need to have this discussion more so than just finding a man. As a 20 something single woman I feel like my continual failings in my relationships with Black men is a disappointment our ancestors really. We used to be a people of Love…
[...] Should Black Men Blame Jesus Too? (clutchmagonline.com) [...]
As a young career woman of mixed race (I’m a successful violinist and up and coming arts administrator), I was excited to discover Clutch for its provocative articles, intelligent feedback and contemporary takes on the things that should indeed be considered important.
The more I read through this online magazine, the more intrigued I became. Until I came across this little jewel of an article, that once again, assumes the position that all of its readers are church folk, and therefore interested in Jesus and Western Christianity. As an agnostic, I was revolted. Being a non believer of anything other science and the arts does not make me any less black than my fellow ‘sisters’ and I have yet to find an online journal directed toward young black women that acknowledges this. And before anyone gets all hot and bothered, I was raised as a Christian. I have read and re read, discussed and prayed over, studied and meditated on, The Good Book and its teachings, so I’m not (to your disappointment, I know) simply a ‘lost sheep.’
Where are the articles about this? Where are the extensive studies on black atheism and agnosticism in America. This magazine made great leaps and strides with the article about lesbianism in the Black community; this is the very piece that made me continue reading Clutch. But until Black America wakes up and realizes that not everybody loves Jesus, we are going to continue to become limited.
And to janQUA: Wake up, honey. Everything is NOT controlled by the White matrix…’the white establishment’? Bossip? Seriously??
I hope and hate the underlying theme of religion from ONE article would turn you off from an ENTIRE site. Hopefully, you’ll grow into an advocate reader still. The good part is you can relate to going to church, as many Black people can. Not everyone supports the same religion, I understand – got it. However, the religion you opted for yourself is an alternative; most Blacks are under the Christian faith, as you were growing up. You decided to change to a path that better fits your needs. The references to church and religion helped guide the reader through the story. The basis of the story was there is no blame for people being single; we all just need to get over it and men experience this as well, women you aren’t alone.
Being an author/artist I know everyone isn’t going to like my work or even give a ‘hoot’ about what I have to say. We can’t go around thinking in box where we are solely catered to- not going to happen. The media is generalized and somewhat mainstreamed with their targeted demographics. There’s not one site, magazine, news station or even TV network that will cater to every individual’s needs. If that’s the case, can’t wait for you to put your pen to the pad or even start your own network. I’m sure that’s how this site came about – vision.