Three Things Everyone Knows About Black Men (That Totally Aren’t True)
I’m physically attracted to white women.
Wait, let me rephrase that. I’m physically and sexually attracted to women, and some of these women happen to be white. I’d totally flirt with Christina Hendricks if I took a ropes course and she happened to be the instructor. And, although she looks like she weighs about as much as one of Hendricks’ boobs, if Natalie Portman happened to be a barista at the coffee shop a block away from my building, I’d definitely memorize the days she usually worked.
I also think Mila Kunis is cute, Scarlett Johansson is stunning, and I’m not ashamed to admit Monica Bellucci is the only reason I own The Passion of The Christ.
Since this—I’m a black man not shy about admitting an attraction for women who happen to be white—is true, you can probably assume I’m currently dating a white chick, I’m really just not that into black women, and my ideal woman would be Kim Kardashian—apparently docile, apparently likes black men, and has the curves of a sista without the unnecessary black female baggage (ie: dark skin). And, you’d be right to make that assumption.
Except, you wouldn’t be. At all.
Despite what many seem to believe, a black man attracted to (or even dating) a white—or any other non-black—woman doesn’t automatically mean he’s not attracted to black women. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he prefers white women. Saying “I think Catherine Zeta-Jones is banging” doesn’t mean we don’t think Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan, Gabby Union, Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Nicole Beharie, Esther Baxter, Res, Sharon Leal, Tamron Hall, Swin Cash, Rissi Palmer, and Aisha Tyler are even banginger (I know that’s not a word, but bare with me).
“I think some white women are extremely attractive” and “I’m completely enamored and in love with black women” aren’t mutually exclusive concepts. In fact, they’re the complete opposite of mutually exclusive, they’re, ummm, whatever the complete opposite of “mutually exclusive” happens to be.
Anyway, this—a black man can’t possibly prefer to be with a black women if he thinks any white women are attractive—is definitely one of the three most prominent things everyone knows to be true about black men…that totally aren’t true at all.
Here’s two more.
2. Black Men Give Each Other “Guy” Props, Praise, and Points For Sleeping With As Many Women Possible
There’s a guy in my extended circle of friends who’s basically a black version of Mike The Situation from “Jersey Shore”. He goes clubbing four nights a week, has probably slept with (at least) 100 women, and literally sleeps in a different woman’s bed at least five nights a week.
We’ve (my friends and I) even given him a special nickname; a name accurately reflecting how we truly feel about his exploits. Try to guess what it is.
The Man? No. That Dude? Nah. American Idol? Try again.
Done guessing? How about “That Homeless Motherf*cker”
The days of men giving each other props for sleeping with as many women as humanly possible ends somewhere around the time we realize we’re not the only ones lying about how many women we’ve slept with. At that point, we start to realize the men who do whatever it takes to run up in anyone and anything indiscriminately ultimately do more harm than good. Their reputations of sheer slutasticness affect us by osmosis, making it even more difficult for “regular” guys to convince women they can be trusted.
The guys in the crew who perpetually sleep around get treated the same way your grandmother treated your 45 year old uncle’s new 18 year old stripper girlfriend at Thanksgiving dinner. Sure, you can eat with us, but you’re going to have to sit at the kiddie table and eat with a spork and a paper plate.
We do give each other praise for one thing though: The ability to consistently find and keep attractive and quality women. Trust me, one five year relationship with one Kerry Washington will get you many more intra-guy points than 120 five-to-fifteen minute relationships with 120 Montana Fishburnes.
3. Black Men Are Commitment-Phobic (Especially “Educated” Black Men)
It’s a bit ironic that we (black men) are often accused of being scared of commitment, when we’re the same group of people where many of us have had the same barber since O.J. was still doing Hertz commercials.
(Generally speaking) We’re not scared of commitment, or at least no more scared than any other demographic. In fact, most black men welcome commitment and anxiously look forward to it. We’re just scared of committing to the wrong person. Big difference.
Like choosing the wrong barber, we realize committing to the wrong woman can have devastating long-term consequences. The wrong woman can consistently ruin your life—your self-esteem, your confidence, your demeanor—and the wrong barber can consistently ruin your look—which will eventually ruin your self-esteem, your confidence, and your demeanor as well.
***If you think I’m being too flippant comparing a romantic relationship with our relationships with our barbers, you’ve obviously never seen a black man break up with his barber. Trust me, it’s easier (and less dangerous) to date and sleep with a set of twin sisters than it is to break up with your barber and chose another barber in the same shop***
I’m no fool. I’m aware circumstances (ie: the perception of an eligible man shortage) mentally equip many men with certain commitment-related allowances not afforded to many women. But, these acts aren’t rooted in a panoptic fear of “settling down”. We just want to make sure we make the right choice. Our indecision gets interpreted as apathy and aloofness when it’s really just a bit of sober thinking and relationship pragmaticism.
The only thing worse than being stuck with a terrible shape-up for two weeks is being trapped in a terrible relationship for two years (and that’s debatable).
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BLACK MEN ARE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL… THEY DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBLE FOR SHIT NOT EVEN FOR THEIR OWN LIVES NOR THE CHILDREN THEY HAVE WITH MULTI-PARNTERS.(that is a fact). ALOT OF THEM DON’T FINISH SCHOOL DROPPING OUT IN SIX GRADE WERE TALKING. (not all but ALOT OF THEM). YOU BLACK WOMAN MUST WAKE UP!! HAVING CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT MAN IS SICK!! ESPECIALLY WHEN NOT ONE OF THE FATHER’S ARE AROUND. PRETTY SAD!
THE BLACK CULTURE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IF IT HAS NOT DESTORYED IT’S SELF YET!
Black men R weak… Their poor woman take care of them and it is a cycle. In and out of jail. Living a secret lifestyle(GAY) BRING DISEASES TO THEIR COMMUINTIES. THEY DON’T RESPECT THEIR WOMAN AT ALL!! BLACK MAN ALWAYS PUT BLACK WOMAN DOWN… Their moms boys and live with their mom forever because their LAZY. Out of the other race of men, black man are the worst!! if you think not, Y are the so many father least children whether with black women or other! Always in jail for a CRIME. NO EDUCATION(not all BUT! ALOT OF THEM!! I am aware the topic was about sterotypes that aren’t ture! BUT I AM SORRY THEY ARE ALL TRUE… To a certain degree.
OF COURSE YOU BLACK WOMAN WON’T AGREE BECAUSE YOU PPL ARE ALL IDIOTS!! AND PROBABLY HAVE CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT MAN YOUR SLEEVES!!! STILL WAITING FOR YOUR BLACK KNIGHT??? SORRY BUT HE IS NOT COMING FOR YOU HONEY! STILL SINGLE, STRONG BLACK WOMAN! ;-)
@Viva…you probably are a pretty nice person but your comments are just….yeeeah! I don’t know any many that would want a relationship with you black, white or whatever. You have some major issues dear…God help you!
you tragic mulatto
Sorry, but I’m not buying what this post is trying to sell! NO WAY!!!
Wow Viva Lola, you seem totally bigoted against your own race. How are things ever going to change in your community if you make sweeping generalisations that everyone is the same?
I’m sorry but what you say does not ring true as you place so much emphasis on education but yet your replies are littered with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. As a single white mother myself, I take great offence when you say a boy cannot become a man without the influence of a father. Again another sweeping generalisation…most single mothers do not choose to become so. Yes some men leave, or women make mistakes and accidentally get pregnant but also some men are abusive or a negative influence for a child. Do you still think women should stay in those relationships just so kids can have a two-parent family? Life is hard and shit happens, its how the deal with it, move on and become role models (guiding them morally to make the right choices and work hard) for their kids that’s important.
@Maurice has debated you well and shown you for the fool you are. He strikes me as mature, educated and yummy black man so (if I am allowed to say so as a white lady) so therefore he’s debunked your whole stupid theory on the spot.
I like your comment Sarah, you go girl!!! I’m a young black male, and I agree totally with what you said, don’t let anyone else try to punk you out on here :)!!!
@Sarah…you don’t need anyone’s permission to express yourself and thanks for the yummy comment…that’s a first lol!
Maurice ;-)
@ Sarah wood total NOT againsts being black, I love being black never had a problem AT ALL… Love playing devils advocate, stirring the pot and have ppl like you and the rest up in arms. ;-0. It’s a easy job, ppl are very sensitive when it sounds like their story is being told. ooops…
I am pretty certain I STATED not all black men. Black men do not makeup the entire black race. A boy needs a male figure in their lives. I don’t believe I told ANYone to stay in a abusive relationship… I think your telling your personal story about being in a abusive relationship! sorry to hear that hun… hope you got out of that situation! ;-)
Of course you should have your son around positive ppl. A male figure can be an uncle, bother, granddad and so on. A girl has her mom to come to, with personal issues (SOME NOT ALL).
If you think my comments are generalizing… OK, that’s your thought on it. Do I care?? NOPE… lol! trust me.
I am sure it is hard being a single mom… wish you the BEST. ;-)
Hi Viva I’m Julian, a young black high school student. I’m not trying to start anything mam, but I can’t help but notice how you said you didn’t generalize “ALL BLACK MEN” in your previous comments. If you look a few spaces upwards on this page, you’ll see that in your very fiery and accusatory comment, you said, “black men are the bottom of the barrel…, black men r weak, black man are the worst.” Now I happen to currently have a 3.95 GPA, I’m taking 4 a.p. & honors classes and if I do what I’m supposed to, my GPA should be about 4.2 – 4.35 by the end of this year. I’m a junior and I plan to become a doctor, I’m hard working, don’t have commitaphobia, and I’m most certainly not one of those “weak” black men you so vehemently described! Just thought you should know mam, it’s all out of respect, but I did take your comments quite personal. I’m a good brotha, remember that. :)
@Viva…you still don’t want to answer my questions? Perfectly fine! I know you like mess…mess abounds all around you…it gets you high! I can see the synergy you have with mess. As brotha from anotha motha let me help a sista out in regards to your comments with @Sarah.
Here’s what you wrote to refresh your memory! Not me, @Sarah, @Julian or anyone else!
“I am pretty certain I STATED not all black men. Black men do not makeup the entire black race.”
However, you did state vigorously in your previous comments your following thoughts below:
1. BLACK MEN ARE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL
THE BLACK CULTURE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IF IT HAS NOT DESTORYED IT’S SELF YET!
2. Black men R weak
3. BLACK MEN HAVE NOT HELP THE CAUSE THEY ARE THE CANCER OF THE CULTURE!!!
4. BLACK MEN DON’T VAULE FAMILY OR EDUCATION. THEY GLORIFY FAST MONEY, FAST WOMAN, CLOTHES AND SNEAKERS! low buget! THAT’S WHY I THINK BLACK MEN ARE WEAK! THEY DON’T WANT TO WORK… NO BOOK SMARTS JUST STREET SMARTS. FOREVER GOING TO JAIL FOR HARSH CRIMES! DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN JUST A BASTARD. black guys don’t even call themsleeves MEN! they’ll call themsleeves the N word.
5. BLACK MEN WILL FOREVER HAVE THE BAD LUCK THEY HAVE BECAUSE THEY DON’T VALUE FAMILY!!!
6.IT’S EMBARRASSING TO THE CULTURE!!! WHICH BLACK MEN HAVE DESTORYED!!!! WEAKNESS… SELFISHNESS… IGNORANCE…
Soo…is it all black men, some black men, or only the black men in your family @Viva? I just need some clarification which black men are you referring to? If you’re implying the black men who are just no good and don’t care…then we are on the same team. Even some of them brothas can change their lives around if they choose.
Use your education that you supposedly earned to explain yourself articulately…please spellcheck and don’t yell…just inhale then breathe…that way you actually sound educated as you stated.
Well said, @Julian!
@ Maurice My comments are my comments would I change it… NOPE! sorry not at all. It’s a stab in the heart with a twist… it hurts some ppl. Some ppl believe there are no problems in the black community some ppl are aware there are major problems. whether you feel hurt by my comments or what have you. It is what it is and YES, I said it… and STAND by it.
YES. I would say I am a very nice person whether you care are not. My comments stung many ppl… it worked. If you thought what I said was BS with NO facts. I don’t believe you are anyone else would have made a comment towards it. So it was a BIG blow to the gut FOR YOU GUYs!! hope you come up for air yet!!
@Viva…A guiding nudge from me to you—>Counseling. It can heal the brokenness inside and put you on a path to being whole. Just imagine the powerful positive force you can be to others in our black community as well as in other communities. There are people only you will be able to reach. I encourage you to take that journey.
In all sincerity,
Maurice
@ Julian I hope your feelings aren’t hurt by my comments… and I am certain I said (not all). But of course that’s not what ppl see. BUT I STILL STAND BY MY COMMENTs 100%. whether you like it are not. If it doesn’t apply to you than LET IT FLY. I see my comments caught your attn. And that’s what I wanted. Thank for your comment. I am sure you’ll keep it coming and I welcome it. ;-)
@ Maurice I’m sorry what is your question??
@ Maurice I still STAND BY MY COMMENTS. No matter how much you are hurt… and it looks like I got into your skin. lol. I am sorry maurice lol again. Keep the comments coming…
@Viva…come on it takes plenty to get under my skin let alone you my sista but its a nice attempt. At the end of the day, the seeds you sow from your mouth will be harvested….you might not like what grows out of that but it’s your choice.
God Bless You @Viva!
@ Viva, so you mean to tell me all this time your statement was only a little devils advocate play? I’m sorry but it sounds to me like it was way to personal, one thing I don’t understand mam, you previously stated a while ago how no black man had done anything to hurt you, etc. Yet, you throw these radical statements around as if almost every black guy in the world marred you some way, or another. I know black men who are the exact opposite of what you’ve displayed, plenty of them. I’ve taken debate and speech myself, and I’m sure you’re grinning ear to ear because of all this commentary, I’m not trying to play into it, but one other question. What is it about black men that disgust you most? You apparently have a lot of opinion on this subject matter, and I’m just interested to hear what else you have to say. Besides everything you’ve already stated, lack of commitment, fast money, etc, what else drives you mad? The interracial dating maybe?
@Julian…don’t overwork yourself lil’ brotha with @Viva…get some rest!
Maurice :-)
@ Maurice, haha thanks I think I’ll take your advice. :)
@ Julian NEVER had a problem with a black man nor do I hate blk men. I am truly disgusted by the fact a large majority don’t take care of their children/families. ( NOT ALL blk man). But a large MAJORITY. I think that is sick… to not be there for your children! I don’t get it.
I am big on family I grew up with a mother and a father, sister and brothers.
Whether your parents are together or not… a father should and must be in their children/s lives. That is one of the majority burdens in the black community. I’ve met ppl. whom never met their fathers before. Just crazy!
Interracial dating is perfectly fine. My dad is white. I have no problem with interracial dating!!
@ Maurice you should actually take your own advise… You’ve make numerous comments and that’s ok. I am certain you’ll keep them coming. I welcome your comments… lol! you seem like the type that always fall in the trap.
Talk to you soon. LOL again…
@Viva…it’s called advice not advise!
Definitely a controversial topic to stir debate…
@ Viva, I whole heatedly agree with your statement, I have the same views. Its very coward like for a man to run out on his family, and I’m in no favor of the men who just get a woman, sleep with them, and then break their heart. This is great, a comment I can actually agree on, but honestly Viva, why did you come out so strong earlier? I know that a nice number of black men aren’t doing the right thing, but mam also know all black women aren’t on the straight & narrow either.There’s faults on both sides, black men have to step up and do better, but black women are in a slightly similar position (lots of respect to them though). I may be young but I can keep up, bring the heat I can go at it too ;)!
I am cracking up over here. Some people are so sensitive. I know plenty of white and black people. In each of their families there are the losers, the do-gooders, and the black sheep. Some of US get so wrapped up in racism and defending our race, that we forget this.
The reason why we forget this can be summed up in one word: the media. Think about what you actually see irl every day and compare that to what you see in music, movies, and television.
Stop playing yourself. You can not complain too much about no good negroes if you stop giving them the best part of you and creating their likeness. Maybe if you look at your own flaws, you could attract a more desirable mate.
I find some white males attractive: Chad Michael Murray, John Stamos, Jeremy Piven, just to name a few. However, I love black men and haven’t dated outside of my race. Seeing a black man with a white woman doesn’t ruin my day-especially since I see far more black couples together compared to that one interracial couple. I mean the instance of interracial couples is a lot less than the std rate. I bet you encounter far more of those people on a daily basis and don’t even know it. Now THAT is worth considering.
I have to say….this was pretty patronizing
I used to be the type of black woman who was only down for the brothers. A few years ago I decided to start dating non-black men (mostly men from europe and other countries) and I have not looked back yet. The only thing I regret is not doing so sooner.
I was recently having a discussion with a group of my black girlfriends (we are all very sweet, smart and beautiful girls who dress classy and turn heads). These are women I’ve known for years who have always dated black men. Every single last one of my girlfriends stated that they will only date non-black men from now on. I went to another outing with a group of women all but one stated that they either have, are or would date non-black men.
I was pretty amazed, because I haven’t gotten to the point where I’ll say “not again” to black men. Every black female I know now with the exception of one is now either engaged to or seriously dating a non-black man.
I am now hoping that young black women (teens and twenties) start to have this mentality (to date whoever treats you right regardless of race) at young ages. This is a positive trend for the black female community.
Articles like this one expose the arrogance of black men (namely the professional ones) who think that all women, especially black women, are falling all over them. In truth, we have mentally, emotionally and physically moved on. No need to write these types of articles anymore fellas. Date and lust after whoever you’d like, but on the same topic don’t be angry when you pass a beautiful black chick on the street and she looks right through you as if you’re made of glass. It is what it is.
interesting comments. i liked the article – funny and poignant.
im a single mom. was left by my childs father -who happens to be black -as soon as the baby came out. he was already in the arms of another woman while i was bleeding away. it was pretty darn cold hearted. left me without a dime or a care. but blessings abound and i am ok. for a while i hated and hated. hated his family, him – you name it. but hate is heavy. and my spirit is light. my kid is ok. he has tried to come back and be there. i am allowing it for the sake of my kid, but sometimes feel like a schyzo. i think black society in this country needs a heavy dose of fathering and mothering. some love. some medicine. some love medicine maybe. still love the brothers. probably won’t be with one again though. just too hard of a pill to swallow. and in case your wondering – i guess if you looked at me you’d say i’m white. but i’m not from here. and i never cared about color one way or the other. i do feel though there are some huge cultural differences. and i was never hurt so bad in my life by anyone. we all have to make peace with ourselves and those around us. loveandpeace!