Sexual Fetishes: Dominatrix, Lesbian Porn, and Group Sex
When I enter new relationships, I make it a priority to discuss sexual curiosities and fetishes. As sexual compatibility remains a “make it or break it” factor for numerous relationships, it’s important for couples to confer what individually turns them on.
What is a sexual fetish? It’s an interest or obsession that typically goes outside of the “norm” for standard sexual contact or practices between two people.
While I personally believe that everyone should be open to discussing sexual practices outside of their comfort zone, I recognize that there is extreme discomfort for women, in particular, when conveying their sexual fetishes and fantasies. In fear of judgment, many of our sexual fetishes remain secrets, hidden behind our “images” in relationships. Thus, we need to work on communicating our sexual interests, even if they may be outside of the “norm.”
Sadomasochism, more commonly recognized as dominatrix, remains a taboo topic for many women to bring into their relationships. If all you’ve been having is “vanilla” intercourse, also known as Plain-Jane humping, how do you tell your partner that you enjoy whips, heels, pleasure, and pain, when you’re having sex? Do you risk losing a good man or woman by letting your fetish secret out the bag? I’d say go for it. Introduce the discussion hypothetically, saying that the practice catches your interest, and take note of their reaction. They might be open to exploring it more in a class, or one-time try. If not, you have a decision to make about whether or not that partner will fulfill you sexually. Maybe this fetish will have to be something you continue to explore on your own.
Additionally, there are sexual fetishes that involve no physical contact. I know plenty of self-identified straight women that have a fetish for watching lesbian porn. Often, the oral sex component turns them on and, perhaps, they’d like their male partner to take some notes. In this circumstance, I’d argue that most men enjoy watching two women on screen, so it shouldn’t be an issue if you just popped a lesbian porn flick on your flat screen. However, there may be ideological or religious differences that may prohibit some men from being comfortable with female homosexuality. Thus, this conversation can be delicate, depending on the partner. Again, I advocate that there should always be space for discussion about sexuality in relationships. Therefore, if you know that your partner doesn’t “believe” in your fetish, perhaps you need to decide whether or not it’s worth being suppressed or hidden.
Lastly, there are numerous women who have a fetish for swinging and engaging in group sex. If you’ve met a partner who moves outside of this lifestyle, bringing him or her into the practice may be difficult. Again, I would test out the possibility abstractly, discussing threesomes, group orgies, etc., to see their reaction. Some partners will be uncomfortable with non-monogamous sexual practices, and you’ll have to make a decision regarding whether or not you’re okay with that. If you know that you’re not interested in pure monogamy, or, perhaps you’re polyamorous, this is an aspect of yourself that you ought to convey to your partner. While I know couples where one person openly engages in the lifestyle and the other does not, it can be very difficult to work out a medium when your partner doesn’t share your sexual interests.
In all, sexual relationships require constant communication. As women, we should be open to sharing our sexual fetishes with our partners and listening to those that they may share with us. While no one is obligated to participate in anything, one-time tries typically never hurt. Sexual fetishes can be a gateway for couples to explore new practices, but everyone has their limits. If you are invested beyond sex in a relationship, it’s important to weigh if a bad reaction is worth keeping your sexual fetish an individual activity. Regardless, there’s no reason to be ashamed or afraid of initiating the conversation. After all, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know!
I dont have any experience dating black men, but there are a lot of cultural ideas in my family and in the black community in general that I think might lean more black men to a more conservative view of sex within a serious relationship. I think a sexually liberated woman (both physically and mentally) should never settle for less. This is less. You can find someone who isn’t threatened by your sexuality, I would think. Maybe its different depending on who you’re trying to date, where you live, religious values, etc.
I think this should be a huge part of the relationship at a certain point before things get too serious. Open communication, even light hearted at first, to open the door to talking about sexual values. Personally, being bisexual, I definitely couldn’t (and wouldn’t) try to hide that part of me from a guy if I was in a heterosexual relationship. I’m really into the lgbt community and what not so when someone tells me that they are “disgusted” by two women kissing or being together, that is a sign of deeper issues and definitely my cue to leave.
Other than that…I think you should feel comfortable enough to share this with your partner. However, even the most supportive partners who are willing to listen may not be willing to participate in EVERYthing. The point is that they at least try something and find ways to make you more satisfied. If things get serious, you will be trapped in an unfulfilling sexual relationship. There are different alternative ways to deal with this like open relationships, swinging, etc. If you are in a polyamorous relationship, clearly you have more opportunities or chances that one of your significant partners will be open to the kind of sex you are interested in. However, if you are a fan of that monogamous model of relationship and not open to sex elsewhere, and your partner is idk some church going, vanilla plain, traditionalist…You might have an issue there. You have to decide if you can cope with that. I don’t think you should have to (if you don’t want to), but I know not everyone gets open minded men who actually care about your sexual desires. And herein comes the reason why I have to cut off a deal where a guy wouldn’t be open to trying new things – his refusal to try what makes me happy is an expression to me that he doesn’t mind putting his sexual needs before me, that I, as a woman, come secondary in terms of what I need from sex. I cant accept that. If he wont even make compromises with sex to make his woman even just a bit more satisfied, I would hate to see what kind of refusals he would make on a deeper level, emotionally and mentally, in the relationship. I’ll pass.
Nothing is new under the Sun. All of the above comments were committed during biblical times. Two sisters (in the bible) got their father drunk and had sex with him, women were with women before a man! White males were beating their women in the caves of Eu(rope). Some men and women like to get tied up and beat down. We all know that homosexuality began with the Romans; another biblical group of people! Look at Rome today…nothing has changed. They don’t even consider homosexuality a bad thang! Does the catholic priest ring a bell?
Also, let’s not forget who introduced rope tying; the white cowboys. Remember, they always tied up their victims behind their backs and feet! Last but no least; the almighty dildo. This also came from freaky whites who cut the balls and penis off the Black man while he was hanging from a tree. The women would freeze the penis and used it for her sexual pleasure. Tree hanging began with the khazars and Romans.
Acts 10:39, And we are witnesses of all things which he did both in the land of the Jews, and in Jerusalem; whom they slew and hanged on a tree:
NOTHING IS NEW UNDER THE SUN!!!
Wow. Not only are your insights into bondage and sex toys factually wrong, your finger-pointing at Europeans and people of European descent as if they’re the only people to practice kink is a little unsettling, and your bible verses out of context.
And do you have an argument that doesn’t rely on hysteria or some kind of religious twaddle?
@Jencendiary: Prove me wrong! Everything I stated is factual. Sometimes you must learn how to think for yourself; not what has been written and said with european his-story.
The first jails were introduced by europeans; they called them dungeons. The first prostitutes were european women, the first murderers and enslavers were europeans…get the point? To this day, a group of elites (europeans) worship the devil. The very people that run this country are satanists. Just sit back and observe. Knowledge is learned, but wisdom is observing.
Because of integration, other cultures (cults) have followed these wicked people’s paths to kinkiness. This is why I always say: integration and religion has messed up the minds of Black people.
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THE TRUTH…and you are one of them!
I don’t have to prove you wrong. A simple survey course of the history of sexuality would prove you wrong. And I don’t have time to teach 101 level classes in the comments of a blog.
Also, you’re tedious. Moving on.