The beauty of a good relationship is being able to act and live freely without ever facing scrutiny—well, maybe in a fairytale.

Unless you’re in the midst of a heightened argument, it might be easier to complain behind your man’s back than it is to tell him to his face what you can’t stand about him most.

It’s no secret. Certain things he does continue to bother you. Matter of fact, those issues ride under your skin like a pulsating artery; how he sucks his thumb at night like a child, the annoying way he mispronounces certain words, or those ashy and calloused hands that he allows to live another day without lotion or hand cream—the same crusty hands that he uses to rub you down every night, that just about peel the skin off of your back every time he touches you.

Ouch! But you get the point.

As small as these issues may seem, they’re simple fixes that can be addressed in passing, yet many of us continue to stay mum. Our silence is the exchange for keeping our honeymoon brewing, and the white flag waving in our relationships. But why fear speaking the truth? No one wants to be the recipient of someone else’s critical eye, but being open and honest is far better than forcing yourself to deal with something that continues to annoy you.

If no other woman will be the bearer of bad news . . .

Here’s a few things women wish they could say to men, but are too afraid to.

  • Unless you’re a tweener, basketball shorts don’t belong under your jeans! Boxers or Briefs are the wears of grown men.
  • If you have a comb over, a front fade that starts towards the middle of your head, or a “peekaboo patch” in the center of the bush, need I say it? You’re balding. Just cut your hair!
  • You can tell a lot about a man’s extracurricular activities by looking at the grime under his nails. Scratch much? Please clean them.
  • Warning: Your love-making isn’t as good as you think it is. Sometimes I wonder why you even smile after we make love, because I’m the only one experiencing the punch-line.
  • God made Listerine so morning kisses wouldn’t cause premature deaths. Use some.
  • Your relaxed fits are starting to look like skinny jeans. Either buy new clothes, or lets both get a membership at the gym.
  • Every time you take off your shoes, I experience smoke signals, yet no one comes to rescue me. A little foot powder goes a long way, my funky friend.
  • There are way too many skincare lines for you to have shave bumps as an adult.
  • Some of your gestures during sex are a bit feminine and can be a turn off.
  • I’ve had better conversations with a television. Can you act more interested when we talk, or make a conscious effort to be more interesting?
  • As if you haven’t heard this before . . . Your mom is pretty mean.
  • Genetics are everything. I’m afraid to have children with you because I’m afraid they’ll turn out looking like your family. I’m sorry.
  • I’m just not that attracted to you anymore.

I know I can’t be the only one with complaints. So, Clutchettes and Gents, what are some of the things you’ve been wanting to tell your mate that you’re too scared to?

  • EmpressDivine

    LMAO!! This was too d*mn funny! I’ll be back with my list.

  • Alexandra

    So shallow, but so funny lol!

  • Shay

    How bout, “I keep dodging your kisses because they are too wet. What the heck you doing gathering all the spit in your mouth on your lips??”

  • sweet pinky

    that one about genetics…yeah, that’s me.

  • Kema

    “I’ve had better conversations with a television. Can you act more interested when we talk, or make a conscious effort to be more interesting? ”

    So true!!!

  • jamesfrmphilly

    anyone who is still in a relationship where they have this level of discontent is crazy.

  • Amanda

    @Jamesfrmphilly.
    I agree, BUT whats messed up is that so many folks are in that relationship.

    LOL. I’d like to add to the list.

    1) i hate how you leave your toenail clippings on the floor by our bed. Thats just stanky.
    2) Your guy crushes, or your hero worship sometimes comes off as gay to me. How am I supposed to be turned on after watchin u get excited over Will Smith?

  • Clnmike

    Lol, this was good.

    But remember its not what you say its how you say it.

  • chillchic

    Some of these weren’t so bad but some are things that you have to take to the grave. It’s a shame that I know several people who can relate to number 14. If a woman doesn’t want to have your baby, that might be what she is trying to say.

  • Amanda

    TRUE shame. I have a friend who broke up with a man because his kids by his previous girlfriend weren’t cute to her, and she felt that if she had them with him her kids would turn out ugly. SMH.
    SMDH!

  • http://www.chillinwithnomakeup.com JoannaGenius

    why are you with this person again?

    I mean – if youre so damn annoyed and you obviously DONT TALK to this person- what are you doing really?

    There are ways to tell a person anything. I once told my boo his uh… ejaculate was starting to taste weird.
    We in turn looked at his diet together and saw what he was doing differently.

    If you cant talk to him, evaluate why you’re with him.

  • james

    Ok I get this is saod in jest but if people are really in this boat then I can say this is what happens when you move too fast and expect greenlights and blues skies.

    There is no human without flaws. Good breath, grooms himself to a T-but he may work looong hours, sex is great but he may work teh night shift and you work the day (so no after work sex for you)

    The grass maybe greener but there will always be something to pick at-thats just us humans.

    All I say is be clean, organized and progressive…as to not wanting his kids because of his family’s looks. How do you even get involved and get THAT far and blow hings off for such a vain reason..I mean I got pics of the fam on my living room wall so t some early point in the relationship shorty is gonna get a glimpse of my fam.

    Last I think this is part of our generations “nit-pick-we aint never satisfied with it”- attitude, and we date hedging our bets and stating “disclaimers” we always think theres an “opt out”.

    After all you choose this man or woman so it only reflects on your taste in people.

  • Miss Jae

    LMAO @ “God made Listerine so morning kisses wouldn’t cause premature deaths. Use some.”

    I knew I loved my boyfriend the moment I kissed him (multiple times) without hesitation the next morning & enjoyed it…

  • Nune

    looool this article is a great day to start the morning!!!:)

  • Terri

    That his sex game is wack and that you need to step your game up. If I’m giving you 150% and an orgasm in the bedroom I expect one too. Shit!

    That everything they say is not right. Their arrogance is annoying. The list could go on.

  • secret ninja

    seriously? i know we are all adults here, but damn! some things are private for a reason! i am not going to retype you wrote, but i am sure that someone will know what i am talking about when i say that that was nasty as hell! nobody needs to know that! damn!

  • chillchic

    @ secret ninja,

    LMAOOOO!!!!!!

  • http://pertheblog.blogspot.com Tracie

    Listerine goes a long way PERIOD…after breakfast, lunch or dinner, hell just brush your damn teeth.

    Who cares if you took a shower this morning, as of right now my clock says its evening, you know P.M. take your dirty behind in the shower…RIT NAH!

    Your snoring sounds like a piece of John Deer equipment!

  • http://deephoneydc.blogspot.com deep.honey

    Hilarious and on point! I actually have a top ten list:
    http://deephoneydc.blogspot.com/2010/10/top-ten-things-that-black-women-hate.html

  • sweet pinky

    for what it’s worth, it’s not exactly a secret either. he even said he’d be interested in genetic testing/counseling given HIS family’s history. sometimes facts are just facts people.

  • Jane

    Stop doing 4 push ups, get up to flex in the mirror, do 2 more and then tell me what i need to do to get in better shape dough boy!

  • EmpressDivine

    @ secret ninja

    LMFAO!!! That was TM(gatdamn)I. I was reading like WTF o__O.

  • http://nappyheadedblackgirl.com/2010/11/do-you-trust-relaxer-rhonda/ nappy headed black girl

    “Your a#$ is not Kobe. You are not that great of a baller. Please stop forcing me to attend your games and pretend to be enthralled by your skills.”

  • Lee

    You are way too old to be wearing conrows. No man over 25 should, unless his name is Allen Iverson

    You are too cheap. I am not saying I am a gold digger but watching HBO on your couch is not my idea of an exciting Saturday night.

  • bqny

    LMAOO!!! point #13 is definitely me! I had to break up with him b/c I couldn’t imagine my kids turning out like his family or being around them. The horror stories he told me and the confirmation when i met them took the blinders off my eyes and i was out.

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  • ok

    “Some of your gestures during sex are a bit feminine and can be a turn off.”

    this happened to me. to this day. I still don’t know what to make of it. I thought .. it was just me. bless you real good. #validation

  • http://brklynbabylon.wordpress.com MW

    “You’re nowhere near as sexy as you think you are.”

    An overly-inflated ego is just dangerous!

  • Marie

    Most of these are just shallow and stupid, but you make a legit case with a few.

  • tdub

    yes. i’ve seen bigger! (not im not gonna tell you that) :)

  • http://www.alishawritinglife.wordpress.com Alisha

    Loved this! Cosign on the basketball shorts, unless you’ve actually been playing.

  • S.

    “I once told my boo his uh… ejaculate was starting to taste weird”

    Oh My Gawd.

    #facepalm

  • LetsBeReal

    You wonder why black women are always single. Because you don’t say this and then lash out at us for no random reason. Because “YOU SHOULD KNOW” or “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID”. SAY IT.

  • Clnmike

    You must not have gotten the memo, black men have the ability to read minds.

  • Amanda

    SMDH! Girl you need to gargle and stop talking for a while! this was plain crazy. (add that to the list. HAHA!)

  • Tamara

    girl, i had that experience once and he couldn’t understand until finally i had to tell him- i was like you have caused me to have chaffing around my mouth because of all the enzymes from your saliva..please just kiss me with a closed mouth

  • Ripley Morant

    yes, most of these i can do without and can be shallow (like using foot powder, hell just put it in his shoes veore he leaves out), however would like to have seen things that bother us about our man that needs to be seriously discussed like…God, adoption, giving back to our our communities, extracurricular activites (other than watching ESPN) and speaking correct English..to me that’s way more important than wether or not he uses foot powder or sucking his thumb…and frankly any grown man who is sucking his thumb at night is GROSSSSSSS!

  • Dee

    Yes, I care about a man that has a good heart, respects his mother, works hard and believes in God but that does not mean other things don’t matter. I am not going to deal with morning breath just because a man is nice and kind. It is not being petty but is shows respect. If I get up and take care of grooming issues in the morning, why can’t you. There is no excuse such as it ruins the mood. What ruins the mood is bad breath and please don’t just get up and do a few swishes with mouthwash because there is nothing worse mouthwash over morning breath. Brush your teeth and tongue!! I also have to say that many men need to address dental care issues in general. It seems some men over a certain age have issues with bad breath because of lack of dental care, even those with perfect smile. If you have a cavity, a certain point there is the odor from dental decay.

  • Aureal

    Stop farting in the bed. It smells and it’s not cute!

  • Ashly

    I personally over the years have had to learn how to curb back my bluntness with some of the above comments, because trust, not everyone is has to love me or stay with me through it all. However, I feel that I have a relationship where if any of those statements were in any way shape or form connected to my man, I will be able to let him know straight up. I
    It isn’t at all trying to crush my man’s ego or to bring him down, because I truly have brought him up from his past relationships, but it is the fact that he can trust me to be real with him on all levels and I ensure him that no one, especially me is not perfect and as long as we can accept, understand and love our imperfections, hell, we can say PRACTICALLY whatever.

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