Abortion: It’s Not Just A Female Issue
Women undergoing abortion procedures can experience a range of emotions for years after, including spouts of depression and seas of “what ifs.” With the rate of abortions in the United States, the procedure must become both a discussion for the wider public and a continuous private conversation between couples. In 2008, 1.21 million women in the United States had an abortion, creating the likelihood of one-third of American women having an abortion by age 45. Biologically, women always will carry the physical load. However, the procedure is relatively quick; what lingers is the emotional burden and often, trauma of terminating a pregnancy.
As I watched Markai Durham’s journey to abortion on MTV’s “No Easy Decision” Special, I personally felt elated to see her experience shared on a mainstream platform. Why? Primarily, I enjoyed the conversations between she and her boyfriend, James. For one, I liked how they weighed their options and his emotional investment in the decision. He also played a strong supportive role in taking her to the clinic and catering to her physical recovery after the procedure. Although they already had one child, he recognized that simply writing a check and sending Markai to the clinic alone or with a girlfriend should not be an option. If it takes two to tango, men hold some responsibility in sharing the burden of the experience. A four hundred dollar check does not suffice for your presence in addition to physical and emotional support.
In simple terms, there are three main abortion procedures that women undergo.
The Abortion Pill – this medication causes the woman’s uterus to break down and empty. Women up to 9 weeks pregnant can use this method.
Vacuum Aspiration – this is an in-clinic procedure that involves a licensed abortion practitioner sticking a speculum into a woman’s vagina and then using a vacuum to empty the uterus. Women are offered medication for pain and sedation to help them relax. Vacuum aspiration is the most popular abortion procedure and women up to 16 weeks pregnant can choose it.
Dilation and Evacuation – this in-clinic procedure is similar to Vacuum Aspiration; however, it calls for more preparation of the womb prior to the actual procedure, including a possible abdomen shot to make sure there is a fetus demise before the procedure begins. After preparation, a licensed abortion practitioner uses medical instruments and a suction machine to empty the woman’s uterus. Women more than 16 weeks pregnant can choose this procedure.
Clearly, the descriptions of abortion procedures alone are enough to intimidate and scare many women. Now accompany that with the acute awareness that a potential child is growing inside of you. Then, imagine having to make the final decision of whether or not to terminate the pregnancy. I’ve watched friends go to clinics for abortion procedures without the men that “assisted” in getting them pregnant. Worse, I’ve witnessed friends go home after the procedure and not hear from these men for weeks. Often, men just write the check to cover the procedure and feel that “contribution” is adequate to cover their share in the emotional responsibility. Too many men adopt the attitude of “forgetting” and “letting go” of the experience while encouraging their female partners to do the same. It’s not that women want to recount and hold on to the experience, but the emotional impact isn’t easily erased for most.
To be fair, there also are women that undergo abortion procedures without consulting their male partners or truly weighing their desire for the outcome of the pregnancy. I do believe that the ultimate decision lies with the woman; however, abortion also can be emotionally stressful for men that perhaps want to have the child. Emotional support shouldn’t be one sided. Women also ought to be sensitive that men can be invested in early stage pregnancies. However, it is a woman’s right to choose and men ought to support their female partners unconditionally despite the final decision.
In the words of Markai, “No one ever wants to have an abortion. No one is pro-abortion…But you have to do what’s right.”
We can debate the “morality” of abortion all day but what’s right is couples supporting each other during the experience. Abortion isn’t just a female issue; it’s a shared issue between sexes. It’s about time that all men own up to their responsibility to support some of the difficult outcomes of their sexual actions. Women shouldn’t have to do it alone.
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My thoughts as well.
This article was very interesting for me. My boyfriend and I chose to terminate a pregnancy at 9 weeks in July because at 20 and 22, we were not financially or emotionally in a place to raise a child. I was an emotional wreck and struggled in the days leading to the abortion as well as the months afterwards. I have found that the feelings do not go away as fast as the procedure is over. Though my boyfriend accompanied me to have the procedure performed, our relationship has never been the same. There are some days when I see that though he understands we chose to abort a child, he does not feel the regret and sorrow I feel. It is often a constant battle because I desire for him to feel what I feel, yet he does not- or chooses not to share. He has said that he sees the hurt in me and therefore would not elect for an abortion if I were to become pregnant again, but what’s done is now done. Within our relationship, the abortion has worked in two totally separate ways. On one hand, it’s brought us closer than ever with that loss of our first children together, but on the other hand, it has caused a severe rift and distance between us as we do not look at one another with clean and kind hearts, but instead with hearts of blame and guilt for the abortion
im really sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend had to make that decision and that its causing you pain, but i dont think its fair to expect and desire that he feel what you feel. he didnt carry the child or have his body emptied; as much pain as he may feel over the loss of the child, he will NEVER feel what you feel. thats just a fact. and you kind of have to accept that and move on or end the relationship… and hearing that you dont ‘look at one another with clean and kind hearts, but instead with hearts of blame and guilt for the abortion,’ it honestly sounds like you didnt really think it through and consider all the options and outcomes (emotionally and physically) before going through with terminating your pregnancy. but it also sounds like you have a guy thats trying to be there for you but you cant see it through your personal pain and misery. maybe you should think about getting some counseling… no judgement, just saying.
A great article, not enough attention is given to the impact an abortion has on men who are involved but I think this line sums up why, “However, it is a woman’s right to choose and men ought to support their female partners unconditionally despite the final decision.”, really? A man who wants a child, who doesn’t agree with the decision is supposed to bottle up his feelings and throw it all away to support her emotional needs. That is a lose, lose investment. Unless it is a mutual agreement I don’t believe any man is obligated to take on the emotional burden of a decision he did not make.
And this line right here irked me, “No one ever wants to have an abortion. No one is pro-abortion…But you have to do what’s right.”, what was right was not putting your self in that position, blatantly irresponsible, too many different ways out there to prevent pregnancy. Now people are to muster up some type of sympathy or understanding, I don’t think so.
PREACH! i feel like there should be a better system in place for men who do want a child. just like a woman can opt to have a child without a mans consent then take an unwilling guy to court to pay for it, a man that wants that child should be able to take his female counterpart through some kind of legal system as well. (as strange as it may sound, if the woman insists on not carrying the child they could implement some kind of surrogacy program, etc). it isnt a man’s responsibility to unconditionally support one decision when it took two to make the child
I understand what u are saying but lets be serious….How many men actually want to have 100% custody of a child. How many men are thrilled to find out their girlfriend, fwb, or whatever is pregnant? Not too many. Some men say they want their girlfriend to have the baby..then when the child gets here, it is a whole nother reality. I know women who were pregnant and the guys said they want to have the child and then all of a sudden couldnt handle the pressure. IMO, the abortion decision should always be a decision made by the woman unless she is possibly married. Because if she goes through the pregnancy and gives birth and he decides to ‘check out’ (which happens a lot) she will be left alone to take care of it all.
No, the man that wants the child isn’t “supposed to bottle up his feelings and throw it all away to support her emotional needs.” He’s supposed to recognize that ultimately it’s her body and her life (pregnancy & childbirth still ruin physical health and kill women everyday not to mention finances and emotions), so he should deal with her opposing decision and his resulting feelings a healthy way if he wants to be with her. The other option is to drop her because clearly they want different things in life/the relationship at the moment. If more people discussed these things before they got it in, there wouldn’t a problem. No contraceptive method is 100%.
TELL EM! @ serenissima !!!!!! please i have been wondering this for ages. i just LOVE how women suddenly wanna pull the ” it takes two to make a baby” card whenever they poke a hole in a condom and try to “trap” a man into having a baby with them. if the guy doesnt want the baby then they can take him to court and make him pay child support.
yet if the man wants the woman to keep the baby and she wants an abortion then suddenly things change and the story is ” its my body. you dont have a say in it” BULLSHIT! i’m sorry for cursing but its true. YES women carry the baby but its still the man’s baby too and its unfair for men who are willing to be there for the women and actually want to take responsibility. there definitely be some sort of legal thing for men since the woman is murdering his child without his consent.
“And this line right here irked me, “No one ever wants to have an abortion. No one is pro-abortion…But you have to do what’s right.”, what was right was not putting your self in that position, blatantly irresponsible, too many different ways out there to prevent pregnancy. Now people are to muster up some type of sympathy or understanding, I don’t think so.”
The same can be said of the men in the situation. You said it’s unfair that a woman gets to make the choice b/c the man might want a baby. How the hell can you “want” a baby with no planning? You get someone pregnant without discussion and just expect a child to materalize? This is just some Men’s Rights foolishness. These irresponsible sperm donors don’t want to donate so much as a dime to their child’s support, let alone having full time custody. The bottom line is both parties needed to behave better or prepare for consequences. If you can’t handle the possible fallout, don’t lie down, MEN and WOMEN.
And I’m sick of hearing “oh she trapped him”. Unless she stole his sperm and had herself inseminated he was an equal participant. Where’s your condom? I don’t care if a woman is on the pill, patch, and w/e else, what about STDs? And if you’re in an relationship, how are you unprepared for that eventuality? You never discussed the “what ifs?”. No method of birth control is 100% except abstinence, so every time you get in bed you are taking the risk. The fact is these are adult matters. If someone is not ready to assume adult responsibilites let them sit down somewhere.
@au napptural
” You said it’s unfair that a woman gets to make the choice b/c the man might want a baby. How the hell can you “want” a baby with no planning?”
I said no such thing, I said that is unrealistic to expect a man who wants a baby to support a woman emotionally who decided she is going to get an abortion. Yeah its her right as it is his to say he wants no part of her.
” You get someone pregnant without discussion and just expect a child to materalize? This is just some Men’s Rights foolishness.”
You think a man is going to intentionally get a woman pregnant just to argue to stop her from getting an abortion? And of course she has no responsibility in getting pregnant?
And I’m not talking about irresponsible sperm donors, I’m talking about responsible men who want to raise their children. That was pretty clear in my post.
I actually know of quite a few men who would prefer to cut their lying, cheating, scheming, possibly insane and straight up evil baby mama (NOT wife, since you mentioned the decision should only be joint if theyre married) out of the picture and raise their child(ren) on their own… at least three come to mind immediately, my stepdad being one of them.
How many women without the emotional or financial support go against what their man says and have a baby anyway, only to find themselves in waaayyy over their head and asking him for help? how is that fair?
I agree with you Chrissy, at the end of the day, it is more than likely that the woman will be the primary care-taker of the child and it should be the woman’s decision to carry on with the pregnancy or not.
“A man who wants a child, who doesn’t agree with the decision is supposed to bottle up his feelings and throw it all away to support her emotional needs. That is a lose, lose investment.” Um… no, if he wanted a child, he should have done it the proper way…..like discussing it before the child is conceived?
I can understand if you are speaking about a married couple who have already discussed their child preferences, but if there is no ring on the finger, it is up for the woman to decide, because you are asking her to put a lot of “trust” into someone that knocked her up by mistake (I understand it takes two). There are not a lot of men that will give up everything to care for a child 100%.
While I have never dealt with my own pregnancy before (thank you birth control), I have friends that have; and let me tell you it is not an easy decision. It is easy to sit there and judge, but at the end of the day, I am pretty sure they would not be where they are today if they didn’t make their decisions.
Would my friend have gotten her master’s degree at a ivy league university, if she had kept the pregnancy freshman year in college? Maybe not. Maybe. Would her boyfriend have stayed otherwise? Probably not since they are not together anymore. Would she have been able to tell that he would have gotten another girl pregnant while still in their relationship? Probably not. But let’s give the guy a decision???? Yea, sike. If she had listened to what he said she would have had to give up her hopes and dreams, or struggle like hell to complete them.
I am not going to lie, if I were to get pregnant, I would keep it because that would be my choice, but I would NEVER keep a pregnancy I did not want to because the man said so. Please! Do you know how many of my friends are single mothers who thought the man would be present in their lives?
true, but where is your friends portion of the responsibility for putting her trust (and her unprotected punanny) in a man that clearly was no good? ‘Yea, sike’ as a judge of his character is right on the money… and a judge of your friends character, too. Involving herself with a guy like that shows that BOTH of them probably werent ready to have a child, so what makes her decision weightier than his? (Hope that made sense.)
The thing that makes her decision weigh more is she is putting more on the line. Physically is the first thing. She could have complications. She will have to put school on hold and he wont. She will bascially have to reconstruct her whole life and he wont. Like I said earlier it is usally the men who check out not the women. Also if u watch teen mom many of the girls cannot finish on time or they cant graduate with the class, while the men kept doing what they were doing. And of course you have men who do what they are supposed to. But The women always complained that it seemed the men would not grow up and they werent as invested. This still holds true for older women. Also at any time a man can say im done, and walk away, and send a check….if that. It would be nice to stay the decision is 50/50. But people who are honest know it’s not.
hmmm… i say yes and no. where is it written in stone that she HAS to put school on hold? ive seen plenty of pregnant girls finish both high school and college while expecting… the only way i could see her putting school on hold is if her due date would come before school ended, and even then, you can always go back to school. it can and is done every day. in what case is a person physically hindered to the point where they ‘cannot’ finish? the girls on teen mom are lazy and usually dumb as a bag of rocks.
‘also at any time a man can say im done, and walk away, and send a check….if that. It would be nice to stay the decision is 50/50. But people who are honest know it’s not.’
as can a woman. as can ANYONE. if youre choosing to walk away from that child, youre gone.
yes, a lot of men are not about their responsibility, and, yes, a lot of women out there are playing Super Single Mother. but that doesnt account for EVERYONE, and i just think that the law (or something, our own mindsets, at least) should take that into account.
case in point: a good friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant at 16. not only did she opt to have the kid without his consent, she initially told him the baby wasnt his. baby mama drama ensued once they found out it was his: she wouldnt let him see his daughter, basically used his daughter as ransom to keep him from going away to school (saying if he left the state on his full track scholarship she would disappear and he would never see the child again), went all out, batshit crazy. she ended up in a shelter with the kid and he had to fight to get custody. how is that fair? he was trying to do everything right… just because he’s the minority, his opinion shouldnt matter? damn, thats cold.
and i see JUST AS MANY deadbeat mothers who leave their children at home with auntie/grandma so they can go out to the club as deadbeat dads who walk away. a deadbeat is a deadbeat is a deadbeat, if you ask me, it really doesnt matter if the kid came out of you or not if youre not raising it. society just likes to think that its the men who are doing all the screwing up.
p.s. loving this conversation, Chrissy, thanks for not sinking into the mudslinging that can so often occur in these kinds of debates
Sorry I forgot to add that she had been with this guy for 5 years at this point (they broke up at the 8 year mark). So maybe that’s why she didn’t feel the need to use a condom? Who is to say, I wasn’t there.
“I say yes and no. where is it written in stone that she HAS to put school on hold? I’ve seen plenty of pregnant girls finish both high school and college while expecting… the only way I could see her putting school on hold is if her due date would come before school ended, and even then, you can always go back to school. it can and is done every day. in what case is a person physically hindered to the point where they ‘cannot’ finish? The girls on teen mom are lazy and usually dumb as a bag of rocks.”
You also know what is done every day? People getting into Harvard, people going to medical school or law school, is it easy— No. Is the percentage high? No.
Do you know how many people say “you can always go back to school” but how many actually do after they have been out of it for a year or 2? I have a couple of friends that say they will go back to school one day…. 6 years later, I’m not holding my breath.
For every pregnant girl that you have seen complete both high school and college, there have probably been 5 more that wish to do it, but can’t figure out the means to do it. Whether it’s paying for child day care (because the father disappeared), or not having the finances or the time, etc. Don’t take this the wrong way, it happens I know this, but don’t act like it’s easy and breezy studying for your finals, writing a thesis while having a baby crying in the background and working full time….but it’s not as easy as doing it when you only have yourself to worry about. The girls on teen mom are lazy….but they do not represent the entire young mother population.
I apologize if you think I am targeting you, I am not. It’s just that I come from a city where you are more likely to become pregnant than to finish high school. I only have 1 friend from home that does not have a child and I have 0 friends (from home) that have completed college. They always look at me and say “damn you are so lucky for x,y and z” when in reality I was in the same situation as them, I just chose not to have sex (at 14) and become pregnant, and honestly my parents would have beaten the non-sense out of me. And I can truthfully say, when you look at their mothers they are a spitting image of themselves. And where are the fathers? I dunno, you tell me.
And I can tell you I also have male friends that have ‘children’ and I have yet to see them with their so called kids because they push the responsibilities on the mother.
Now abortion is obviously not be a solution to everything, you should not be careless in the first place and it’s not a decision to tread lightly, but I can understand why some feel the need to do it. I said previously if I got pregnant now, I would keep the baby (because I know now even thought I am not where I want to be I can raise the child), but who is to say my feelings wouldn’t have been different my freshman year in college or high school?
I am not saying that getting pregnant is one person’s fault over another, but at the end of a day a woman’s body is hers, and she should be able to make her own decision regarding it.
‘You also know what is done every day? People getting into Harvard, people going to medical school or law school, is it easy— No. Is the percentage high? No.
Do you know how many people say “you can always go back to school” but how many actually do after they have been out of it for a year or 2? I have a couple of friends that say they will go back to school one day…. 6 years later, I’m not holding my breath.’
and thats a choice that they must live with, just like having unprotected sex was the choice a woman contemplating an abortion must live with (for the most part). im not saying its not hard or difficult, at all… im just saying where there is a will, theres a way, and blaming men or cutting the man that got you into this situation and wants to help/give you his opinion out of it just makes no sense to me.
you said it yourself, you chose not to have sex at 14, you chose to pursue your education, etc, and those were all actions that affected you directly and you alone. but once you did decided to have sex, unprotected or not, you chose to acknowledge that you MAY become pregnant (after all, thats what sex is for). and at that stage, i feel like youre leaving behind that ‘me, me, me’ phase of thinking. because if you DO get pregnant, its not just you that you have to think about anymore: its you, a baby, and that childs father. if you decided to go through with your pregnancy, i would hope that one of the major factors behind that would be the abillity to deal with this man, your childs father, for the rest of your life. and it baffles my mind that the same consideration isnt given to the male who contributed one half of his DNA to the being growing inside of you.
i want to make it clear that im NOT talking about deadbeat dads here. im talking about men that a clear and vocal opinion on their girlfriend/wifey/wife/jumpoff/WHATEVER’s pregnancy and/or abortion. im stating that if they have that opinion, it should be heard. the first thing women want to say when a man aint acting right is ‘i didnt climb on top of myself and get myself pregnant,’ yet when it comes to the childs LIVING or DYING/being aborted they have no say? so getting money from them is a better responsibility than getting their opinion on whether or not their child should live? o_O
and no worries, i dont feel targeted :)
And while I do believe in pro-choice, I believe more in pro-thinking. Wear a condom, use birth control or be abstinent. There are too many orphans without homes to be a firm believer in pro-life. And when women are denied healthy control of their bodies that’s when you hear crazy things about infants being thrown in dumpsters or self-done abortions.
“(as strange as it may sound, if the woman insists on not carrying the child they could implement some kind of surrogacy program, etc).”
Hellooooo, Biology 101, here. Once a woman becomes pregnant, the egg has been fertilized and becomes a zygote. The zygote has attached itself to her uterine wall and grows into a fetus. By the time a woman finds out she is pregnant, surrogacy isn’t an option. They’d have to cut the fetus out of her to do that, which isn’t possible without, well, aborting it.
thank you for the biology lesson. i actually had very little clue how surrogacy worked, i just suggested it because i know that people use it as an option to grow their own child outside of their womb. if it would result in an abortion anyway, then, yeah, thats probably not the best option. but i DO still feel that men should have some kind of say in the well-being of a child once it’s conceived *shrugs*
I think men are always forgotten in the equation when it comes to anything that has to do with birth. Seems like men are only good for – I hate to be frank but – the sperm. After that the woman primarily takes control over the entire birth process. I can see where the power comes from. Hell, you have to carry the baby around; not me. However, it should be a mutual agreement on what goes on with the child. Nobody wants to debate if it’s right or wrong and I’ll save that opinion if you pen a post on that subject.
Great post Arielle! Love how you challenge and keep the balance–
birth control anyone?
Your statement confirms that women are more emotionally, physically, and financially invested in contraception, and consequently, pregnancy.
Birth control isn’t free or cheap for those of us that work and have health insurance (go figure). Yeah, we have to shoulder that burden if we want to be sexually active, but like others have said, it takes two to tango. How about men helping to pay for oral contraception so that both parties are fully involved in prevention? Better yet, it would be awesome if the medical community spent more time and money developing male oral contraception, instead of worrying about making it possible for them to maintain an erection at 90 years old…
Devan you hit the nail on the head. Why haven’t scientist found a method for male oral contraception? As the mother of two teenage boys it drives me crazy that my only means from protecting them is abstinence and condoms. Really? This is the only way to prevent my 16 year old from becoming a father? You also can’t trust these young ladies are on top of their game and taking their pills as prescribed. Some even want to be teen moms because they need someone to love them…I always tell my sons the only way to prevent a pregnancy is to not have sex. The reality is they may be having sex and I can only pray they are being responsible. I really hope oral contraception for men is coming down the pipeline and soon. I bet that will reduce the occurrence of dead beat dads. Things will change when they can no longer point their fingers at a woman who says she forgot her pills, etc. It will also put and end to the timeless notion of “trapping” a man…because that has worked so well for so many women (total sarcasm here).
@LNicole my younger cousin is in the EXACT situation that you’re trying to keep your sons out of. He was with a girl for 5 years (he’s 22 now) and found out she’d been cheating for the last year. He finally decided to kick her to the curb and surprise, surprise, she’s pregnant and is SURE it’s his. His 19-year old sister is at the University of Illinois, and they have an 8 year old younger brother. NOW his mom has to add his possibly having a child to college tuition and the rest of her expenses, because the girls mom wants nothing to do with the situation (she’s white, and was never thrilled about her daughter dating inter-racially).
If there was male oral contraception available, I’m convinced that teen pregnancy rates would drop like a stone. If young men had the option to control pregnancy prevention, they’d be all over it. Teenage boys (or men in a lot of occasions) aren’t necessarily operating from an emotional standpoint when it comes to sex. They want to get in and get out, and if all they had to do to keep from being “trapped” was pop a pill everyday, it’d be on like hot buttered popcorn.
For all of you talking about male contraception you should consider the fact that it is more fool-proof to prevent the fertilization of one egg than it is to deaden millions of sperm cells. Scientists have, for decades, attempted male contraception pills, gels, etc. and the result is either a method that is highly prone to error or possibly irreversible. How much faith would have have in a male birth control pill that works as high as 75% of the time in the best case?
and has anybody thought that maybe our (as women) reluctance to acknowledge a mans place is another determining factor in him splitting? if the first thing you say to guy that gets you pregnant is ‘im having this baby with or without you,’ or ‘im getting an abortion and i dont care what you think’ what gives him the incentive to even want to stay around? if i were a man, i might think ‘aight, she got this’ and bounce, too, especially if i grew up in a single parent household with an absentee father and watching my mother handle ish my entire life. we all need to take a little more responisbility here instead of laying blame on the man or woman.
now, this is NOT me condoning men abandoning women in any way or trying to blame women, just playing Devil’s Advocate and offering another way of thinking…
“and has anybody thought that maybe our (as women) reluctance to acknowledge a mans place is another determining factor in him splitting?”
@serenissima
I understand the perspective you’re offering, but at the end of the day, it’s a cop out. Now you may not be condoning men abandoning women and the children they father, but you are making excuses for men abandoning women and the children they father.
“Acknowledging a man’s place” will have no bearing on whether or not he chooses to split, should a woman carry an unexpected pregnancy to term. Sure, as a woman, you can discuss your options with the man who impregnated you, but if he doesn’t approve of your giving birth, then having discussed your pregnancy beforehand isn’t going to motivate him to stay. Telling him, “I’m having this baby with or without you” is merely telling him the truth. If you choose to abort, and he leaves, then oh well.
you bring up a really good point! actually most of what you’ve written in this post has been great points!
@serenissima
In a fair world yeah.
@Chrissy
There more men than you think who are willing to take on the responsibility of rasing a child but they don’t get that choice, and they can’t have it why expect them to be supportive. If a woman doesn’t feel she can trust him than the necessary steps to prevent pregnacy should be taken.
@MP
That’s what I am saying he has the option to drop her guilt free, not obligated to support her emotionally.
in a fair world men would be able to get pregnant to
yeah it sucks but what sucks more is all of this is going to happen to the woman’s body and all too often its women that are left with the children to raise alone. some don’t abort even when they can’t afford to have a child or the father may not want a child but when an organism is growing inside of her and its not an easy thing to do considering that. either choice, even with support isn’t easy and it won’t be easy for the men either but its not their body this is happening to.
most women don’t have multiple abortions with gay abandon and i don’t why some let the this tiny group occupy abortion debates.facts even show most women who have abortions don’t do this
serious, debilitating complications can happen in abortions, pregnancy and birth, so why should someone have agency over your body to force you to have a serious operation (abortion) ; go through with an unwanted pregnancy that consumes 9 months of your life with the chance they guy may leave;with the emotional and physical stresses on the body and mind and chance or death in both scenarios, how would it be fair to allow this? how is it even sane to consider giving someone else the power to do this to another person’s body?
all sex is consensual or it rape BOTH the woman and the man CHOOSE to have unprotected sex and are having an unwanted pregnancy
*men have the choice not to have unprotected sex
*they can choose not to sleep with women they wouldn’t want any attachments with
*men have choice and control of who they have sex with and need to exercise it the same people expect women to.
the whole point of this article was more support, especially emotional support. with proper communication and support both parties will be involved and the burden shared and if she makes a choice he disagrees with, ultimately its not happening to and inside his body; he won’t be the one with the physical signs or have the stress and pain of pregnancy and labour.i don’t expect the guy to be unaffected (we are all human) but even if they don’t stay together with good communication it can help with the stress, avoid conflict and maybe bring closure to a hard time and avoid the Maury show.
fact is many men don’t involve them selves with pregnancy enough or at all whether or not the mother is or isn’t communicating with them. often when i do hear women say “i’m doing this by my self” (abortion or carrying out pregnancy) it more because they don’t have support and or the relationship with the dad is bad and with both situations it some what understandable why they may not want the dad in their life.
more men are making strides in changing this and are increasingly more involved with pregnancy, birth and child raising as it should be.
“it would be awesome if the medical community spent more time and money developing male oral contraception, instead of worrying about making it possible for them to maintain an erection at 90 years old…”
i agree so much. i wonder why its taking so long.
This is true. Markai’s boyfriend clearly cared about the outcome, whether they had decided against it or not.
That’s the best example of partner support I have ever seen on TV.
I like the overall gist of the article, Abortion is definitely a shared issue,
Wello I agree with so many of your points! :)
I feel like if the woman is truly honest with herself she knows wether she is ready to be a mother and if her boyfriend, man, or husband is ready to or even can be a good father. (Lets Be honest, don’t lie to ourselves about these men. Lets get out of fantasyworld :) ). So ULTIMATELY it is the woman’s responsibility (not hers alone, but in the end it is hers) to take precautions that ensure she does not get pregnant, or that her possible baby daddy is responsible. It is her body that develops and carries the baby and to be honest, a majority of the weight falls on the mother.
I also feel like a “responsible” man honestly knows wether he is ready for children and if his girl is ready to or even can be a good mother. He also needs to do what he can to protect himself. If you are hung up on the fact that a condom is only %99 effective, consider the seriousness of possibly producing a child and choose a better sex partner or don’t have sex at all.
I lot of us don’t consider just how serious the situation is. One night stands and sexual encounters that occur after only knowing a person for a short time makes it harder to seriously weigh the pros and cons and make a conscious decision about the possible outcome.