I’m not a stickler for too many things—even though I’m a writer and grammar geek, I don’t even flinch when people say “conversate” instead of “converse”—but it irks my ever-lovin’ last merciful nerve when folks toss bad manners out into the world for everybody else to deal with. Sometimes it’s an unconscious, just-didn’t-know-any-better faux pas. And those kind of little social slips I can let slide with a raise of my eyebrow and a fleeting mental tsk tsk tsk. But more and more frequently, I’m bumping into this rampant breakdown of all things good and decent and courteous, behavior that’s a real eff you to the home training checklist that most of our parents and kindergarten teachers used to teach us.

It’s not that I’m vying to be the diva of refined social decorum. It comes from being raised in a household where rudeness—especially from a kid—was not only unacceptable, it was dangerous. Breeze past an adult in the house or at church without saying “hello” loud and clear enough to for them hear and see if you didn’t get yanked up by the back of your collar. Even when I brought friends home from college, they joked about my family being the most please and thank you-ing bunch they ever met. So coming from that immersion in super politeness, it could be just me. But I wonder if my fellow Clutchettes have noticed that manners have taken a massive, long-term sabbatical while bad behavior—like the following examples compiled with the help of my Facebook family—kicks all hell loose on the streets?

1. Not covering coughs and sneezes. It just can’t get any more basic than this but it happens all of the time. How hard is it to raise your hand or crook of your arm to keep personal germs… personal? Somebody launching a spray of nasty, funky snot and spit into the air from their uncovered nose or mouth is setting themselves up to get cursed out after they send everyone around them running for the nearest bottles of Lysol and hand sanitizer. Gross.

2. Loud cell conversations. For some reason, folks’ filters are put in the wind when it comes to talking on the phone in public. They give play by plays of the wild jungle sex they had last night, strategize the child support case they’re waging against their no-good baby father, speculate about the weird bumps they found around their happy place when they were getting out of the shower—all while they’re in the 15 items or less line or in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. A personal conversation need not ever become public knowledge but for some reason, folks get real caught up in conversations that put their business on blast.

3. Standing too close at the cash register. Unless you’re planning on chipping in on the bill when that total rings up, there’s no reason for anybody to be standing in the back pockets of someone paying for their items at the store. Put that stuff on the belt if there’s space and then make like Onyx and back the heck up. No one wants anybody breathing down their neck at the ATM so the same goes when they’re punching in their pin on the little card device at the Shop & Save.

4. Letting it all hang out. Ill-fitting clothing is 1) a slap in the face of fashion and 2) an awkward insult to the people who have to lay eyes on it. I don’t care what nobody says: a woman with her 38 DDDs hogging all of the available oxygen in the room in a shirt that is vacuum-suction tight and five inches too low is just as rude as a little dude with his pants sagging mid-thigh and his booty flapping in the breeze. It’s an abomination to all good thoughts to look up and realize that the only thing separating you from some random guy’s wide open butt is a paper-thin pair of dingy cotton boxers.

5. Failure to launch (out of your seat). This one grinds my nerves down to the root: not standing up for elderly people, pregnant women and (for men) women in general on public transportation is fodder for a whole other article in and of itself. But it’s a sad, sad state of affairs when an 80-year-old man with a cane or an about-to-bust lady with child struggles onto the train or up the steps of the bus only to be left standing by a whole row of folks sitting defiant and not willing to do the right thing. At least offer.

6. Acting like you’re at the carry-out. You didn’t bring so much as a bowl of Chex Mix or a six-pack of sodas to your boyfriend’s family function but you have three Tupperware containers stashed in your purse for your own personal after party. You were wrong for coming empty-handed but, unless you were invited to do it, you’re super duper dead wrong for ripping off a piece of foil to take something home.

7. Letting your kids run wild. Nobody but you thinks it’s cute that Little Earl almost knocked down five innocent shoppers while he was playing a solo game of hide ‘n seek in the racks at TJ Maxx. If you didn’t look like you could whoop my behind up one side and down the next, I’d snatch him and shake some sense into him myself, but I’m forced to ask you to do it instead.

8. Facebook and Twitter etiquette. Some people don’t know how to act in real life, so that certainly translates to their presence in the big, wide world of social media. Posting naughty pictures of your ex’s man parts and tagging his new girlfriend or worse, his mother? Wrong. Making smart alecky, disparaging, just plain heffa-like comments on walls and status updates? Stop. Uploading unflattering pictures of your girlfriends just because you happen to look good in them? Rude. Your online activity is still a reflection of you so be ladylike, even in cyberspace.

9. Not speaking. Walking into someone’s house, parking your tail in somebody’s car, going to a function and hanging on the fringes without so much as a ‘hey, how you doin’?’” will surely make you the hot topic of conversation after you leave—and it won’t be about how cute your shoes were, either.

10. Smacking while eating. We’re all very glad that you’re enjoying your food. But c’mon now. It can’t possibly be your first and it’s pretty safe to say not your last meal—and even if it was, that would be all the more reason not to share it with the rest of us. Eat quieter and keep your mouth closed.

11. Driving with unedited music blaring. The beauty of riding around in warm weather is being able to feel the breeze through open windows but you ruin it for everybody else when you pull up to a red light blaring 50 Cent’s finest—especially when there are senior citizens or worse, kids in the backseat of the next car exposed to his every F bomb or B word. Multiply that ig’nance times ten if you’re piping porn through the TVs in your console/visors/headrests.

12. Pointing out to someone that they’ve gained weight. This one is not only dumb, it’s dangerous. You think said guy or girl doesn’t stare at the fruit of their love affair with Five Guys and chicken cheesesteaks each and every day? You ain’t shedding light on nothing they don’t already know. Ask about their family, their job, their neighborhood—heck, their watch or their earrings if you’ve got nothing else to chat about—and let that 75 pound weight gain be the pink elephant in the room that no one wants to touch. They know it, you know it, but sho nuff don’t nobody need to mention it.

13. Soliciting for charity. It’s one thing when homeless folks roll up asking for dough from cars stuck captive at the red light or sitting at the gas pump. But when employees working the register put you on the spot to donate a dollar to something like Children’s Miracle Network—loud and proud so you can feel real miserly if you’re forced to say ‘no’—it’s the equivalent of the cashier leaning over to announce to the line of people behind you that this loser is too much of a tightwad to care about the kids. In reality, you may be spending your very last $10 with nothing to spare and need a little fundraising your damn self.

14. Failing to control your umbrella. It’s bad enough that we’re on the out and about in the rain. But what makes it even worse is when you tilt your umbrella just so, so that the water goes splashing down on the person beside or behind you. Same goes for letting your wet albeit folded umbrella bump up against folks on the bus or train, or shaking it off when you get inside (why oh why did you wait until you were in the lobby on the nice, slippery floor to do that?)

15. Not acknowledging a gift received. There’s no reason why someone who takes the time to think of a friend, a loved one or a co-worker should have to wonder and theorize about whether you got the thing they sent to you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pack of fresh gym socks or a book of diabetic recipes. Thanks are still in order for their thoughtfulness.

16. Public cussing. There’s a time and a place for everything and though peppering your conversation with four letter-riddled witticisms might be the norm at home, when you get outside of your pad you’ve got to be mindful that others might be offended by such unrefined word choices. There are kids, older folks and just a wide range of people who aren’t interested in hearing how many times you can cram the eff word into one Guinness record-setting sentence.

17. Blocking the aisle with your cart (or yourself). There’s no need to leave your basket sitting smack dab in the middle of the same path everybody has got to use to get to the bread and bottled water. It’s got wheels. Whatever you forgot and turned around to go get—take your cart with you.

18. Failure to communicate. Texting, Twitter and Facebook have made it so convenient to shoot your friends and family a little “howdy, just thinkin’ about ya” holler or random little thoughts you’d like to share with them, but when it comes to something major—the death of a relative, the breakup of a marriage or serious relationship, foreclosure on a home—you just can’t sum up the proper amount of concern in 140 characters or less. A message saying “Sry abt ur grandma. She was a gr8 lady” just doesn’t smack of sincerity.

19. Not holding the door. No one wants a door crashing in their face as they prance into their destination. Don’t be a hero and stand in wait for someone strolling clear across the parking lot. But for another person walking ten steps behind, it’s common courtesy to give them a few seconds to get to the entrance instead of letting them hustle up to eat your dust and kiss the glass door.

20. Taking too long to cash checks. You know how we do. We’ll post date it, we’ll give it to you and ask you to hold on to it until we get paid on Friday, we’ll write a reminder date in the memo line. There’s a whole set of time sensitivity rules when it comes to writing checks in the Black community. So if you don’t just go on ahead and take your butt to the bank so Aunt Ruby or Sister Jenkins can stop recalculating her checking account everyday, you run the risk of falling smack into the rude category.

  • http://www.straightnochase.com Josie

    this here is the TRUTH.
    Especially 2,3,9,10,18,19,20 lol

    josie
    xx

  • EmpressDivine

    LMAO!! I know you’re from the south with this list. I agree with most of it except for #9 Not speaking. Even though I’m from the South as well I believe I have more of an East Coast personality when it comes to speaking. I’m forever being called rude, stand-offish, or mean because of it. I just never grasped the concept of talking just to be talking. This is especially true if I don’t know or just plain don’t like the person. Chit chat and small talk always seemed so forced and fake to me. I grumble hello so I won’t look like a complete asshole but I still despise “speaking.”

  • lei

    3. Standing too close at the cash register.

    hate this with a passion. I work at a bookstore and we have a line set up with a sign that says “Wait Here”, which translates wait until you are called over. It boggles my mind how people will leave that sign and stand behind a customer at my register. I love asking the person in front of me if the person is with them, knowing good and well they aren’t. I also hate waiting in a CVS/Walgreens,etc line and having a person right on the back of me.

    19. Not holding the door
    Another pet peeve. Another one when the door is held for a person and they walk on thru without a Thank You like it is the person’s job to hold the door for you. I will yell at a person “YOU ARE WELCOME” in a minute.

  • http://AirInDanYell.tumblr.com Erin

    I can’t stand when I go out of my way to acknowledge somebody’s presence by merely saying, “Hello” and they don’t respond at all but they know I spoke. Unnecessarily rude people irk me so much.

  • Tonia

    Whooo boy you listed some of my all time pet peeves!!!! 1(drives me crazy!!!!!),2,4,5,6( gets under my craw.,..just went through this at our family Christmas dinner),7(I’m a teacher and I hate see kids act a fool in public,but, I’m supposed to control them in school.),9,11,16(Recently I had to leave a steakhouse resturant ealier than planned becuase a group thought that they were at a cookout in their backyard. There were f-bombs and n-words being discussed loudly and it was embarrassing!) and 19. Excellent post!!!!!!!

  • Tiffany W.

    Being cordial has nothing to do with being fake. If you walk into someone’s house, sucking up their air, warming your buns with their heat, eating/drinking their goods, say hello, lol. Leave your pettiness at home.

    Not sure if I can agree with 13; it’s their job. They’re trying to make you feel bad is only your self-conscious talking.

  • http://www.georgiamae.com/ javacia

    Great article! My favorite is #12. I’ve gained weight over the past two years and people who haven’t seen me in a while always feel obligated to point out the pounds. “Are you pregnant? You’ve gained so much weight!” they say. “No I’m just fat!” is how I like to reply so that they feel as uncomfortable as I do.

  • African Mami

    #7!

  • CAF

    Oh my goodness, the door-in-the-face thing irks me soooo much! I’m glad someone else has that same peeve. Also, taking too long to cash checks: I HATE that! By the time they finally cash it, I’ve usually forgotten that it was outstanding or what I wrote it for in the first place.

    Oh yeah, and the cussing in public one is dead-on too. It’s just tacky.

  • http://birdiztheword.blogspot.com Bird

    All these things are on my list! It really seems like people have thrown “being courteous” straight out the window. What really bothers me more than people that do these things are the people that look at you like you’re crazy when you do the opposite! Since when is saying “Please & Thank You” acting stuck up?! o_O

  • Linda

    NYer all my life and I agree with every single rule list. Sending this to everyone on my email distribution list now..lol

  • Linda

    Smokers are rude too. That should have been added. You can go ahead and smoke your cancer sticks but if you’re in the presence of a non-smoker blow the smoke to another side not in their face.

  • Lynn

    #12 makes me insane. My bullsh** tolerance meter is set on zero when it comes to people commenting on weight or any other aspect of one’s body. And I don’t care who you are––family, friend, stranger, elder, peer or young’un––you will get regulated EVERY TIME until you get a clue: my body is none of your business (even though, of course, being overweight is the Last Great Sin). If you don’t want me to ask you about whether your ovaries are capable of producing a child or whether your penis can handle your new, young girlfriend, leave my fat out of the conversation.

    Also, I think this list deserves a #21: When did we stop covering our mouths when we yawn? I’m so tired of looking at folks tonsils at every turn. It’s so unattractive. Stop it.

  • Le Sigh

    This whole list is on point especially phone conversations.

    Number 3…I got into it with a woman because she decided to stand next to be while I was at a register. I asked her for the $$ and she looked at me funny. I said “well I thought you were going to pay since you are standing like 3 inches away from my” She backed up and started cursing but you know what people need to learn.

  • http://alishawritinglife.wordpress.com Alisha

    Great list! I sat behind a mother with a toddler on her lap at church. That child sneezed the most horrible sneezes all morning. How annoying. She was definitely old enough to cover her mouth.

  • OSHH

    Yes the key difference here is entering someone’s home, or vehicle etc.
    A simple hello how are you will suffice.

    This is not about not speaking to any and eveyone you come in contact with wherever.

  • Damali

    #3 Part 2: People who stand at the register, getting rung up, staring into space. No money at the ready, not even with the wallet handy …..and don’t let them have to write a check!!!! Dig for the check book, find/ask for a pen, ask the date, who do I make it out to, what’s the total again…………….THEN they have to completley fill in the check register while still standing there. Grrrrr.

  • OSHH

    This was on time chile, I caught a nasty head cold because folk in this agency think its cute to come to work sick, not only that but hacking, coughing, sneezing into the air spreading their germs, and I USE much lysol up in this piece.
    Some of these people should be kept outdoors, this one guy is like a pig, he was actually spitting into a can all day at his desk, charming.
    Backwoods, nasty, no home training, ill mannered, inconsiderate, discourteous etc etc etc.

    As far as the general list, its almost as if all these advancements in technology has had a reverse effect on things like etiquette and manners. These are the things that never play out or get old.

  • The Taker

    Love the list and good God if #1 aint IIITTT!! Nothing makes me want to cuss out a ninja when they dont cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. And its even worse when the cough sound all wet and contagious. Not the “the tickle/itch in my throat” cough but like three seconds aways from being influenza type cough. Ughhhh.

  • Mrenee

    Along with #10, how about gum popping! Ugh! That is my biggest pet peeve! No one wants to hear that in their ear especially on the train. To me that’s like fingernails on the chalkboard.

    #7, especially at the hair and nail salon. I am there to relax each weekend after a hard week at work. I understand you have to bring the kids with you sometimes, but give them a book or one of those Nintendo games.

  • http://theinfamoustronise.blogspot.com T Ronise

    #2, 3 & 10 are my pet peeves. I especially hate seeing children engaging in #13. I understand you want to raise money for your organization, but just standing around begging for it is extremely lazy.

  • Leah

    @lei. I can sympathize. I worked at a Barnes & Noble several years ago and it always irked me when customers would jump the “wait here” sign and be right on top of the customer before them. I got to the point where I would ask the “oh-so-eager” customer to go back and wait at the sign until they were called.

    That behavior still irks me in my everyday life and I was just complaining about it to my mother and telling her that one of these days I’m gonna take a step back and purposely/accidentally step on someone’s foot just to make a point.

  • Leah

    Can’t quite co-sign on #13 as when I used to work in retail (Barnes & Noble) we were forced to ask questions that were dictated by corporate and by store management or risk discipline. Believe me, most of those retail workers would rather not spend their time begging and badgering people for more money, but their hands are essentially tied.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Sykes/1065177536 Ashley Sykes

    OH MY GOD ERIN YOU DID IT! i was just gonna make a comment about this. i HATE when people do that!

    at my job we always have to greet customers and i hate doing it cause i just wanna smack people when i say ” hello how are you” and they look at me like i just called their mama out of their name. i’m not asking for a conversation but damn if i say hello and you know you hear me why would you just stare at me like i did something wrong??

    then they have the nerve to snatch stuff out my hand too. jerks.

    let me make note… i live in california…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Sykes/1065177536 Ashley Sykes

    LOL @ i use so much lysol up in this place. aha

    i work at a place with a lot of kids and its ridiculous how these kids cough out of control and the parents dont say anything. then this lady is gonna cough all on her hand and then give me something in that same hand EWWWW.

    let me just say the day after all that happened….. i was sick as a doggg -_-

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Sykes/1065177536 Ashley Sykes

    my best friend gets on my nerves when we’re around other people’s families,old people, little kids hanging out and she feels the need to say things like ” omg what the fuck? i paid for this shit and this fucking machine wont take my damn card” OUT LOUD.

    also i think something that should be added is when people say something about somebody else LOUD AS HELL. she does that too

    “omg look that lady’s underwear is showing. eww” and the lady is RIGHT THERE…. this hooker doesnt know how/when to be quiet -_-

  • bb

    You also need to add those who don’t say “Thank You” to a person holding the door for them. I often hold the door for others and it bothers me when people (especially white people) just pass on through without saying anything as though I was supposed to hold the door for them smdh.

    To enter my dorm-room I have to pass two doors, one to main hall and the other to the dorm rooms (which has a security lock). When someone doesn’t say thank you to me for holding the door for them the first time, I’m sorry but I let the second door slam in their face. Its pretty funny, because then they have to look for their id card in able to enter LOL

  • http://thesunk.blogspot.com TheSUNK/TheHallway

    I agree with most of these things accept NUMBER 5. Standing up for the elderly or the mothers of our future children is a must. But because I am a man standing for any random woman I do not agree with, standing for a woman and other such acts are beyond courteous, but are acts of chivalry. Chivalrous acts are romantic endeavors or investments that set the tone for the beginning of a flourishing relationship. Things you do when you have an interest in a woman.

    But if women, I especially assume those at Clutch are promoting an egalitarian society I would assume that you wouldn’t promote such ideals and put my gender in a parenthesis(an amplifying or explanatory word/digression) to advocate that we be sexist to you. Small acts such as these create attitudes for a whole gender and a whole society. So do not wonder why our society is misogynistic when you advocate for these practices or customs.

  • Nellie

    lool funny thing happen to me aswell, but when they dont say thank you…i say sarcastically your welcome jerks! they look back like wtf lol and I give them a great big grin and walk passed.

  • Random Ass Chick

    Number 11 & 16 are a bit extreme. If I pay the note on my car I’m bumping whatever the hell I want at all kinds of stupid loud volumes. Especially when I pull up next to a white person. I might just be playing “My president is black/my lambo’s blue…”

    It’s one thing to be courteous by not cursing in front of your friend’s family members. It’s another though to be worried about what you’re going to say walking down Michigan Ave. in Chicago because people might be listening. FOH. If you’re not telling people to not to make out in public then cursing has to be ok too. Well in my world it is.

  • http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

    Good comment. I feel the same way particularly in NYC. No way I’m just randomly getting up from the seat I was scoping for 3 long stops just because an able-bodied and completely healthy woman moseyed over in my direction. That’s backwards to me.

    Overall, good read. The most comprehensive list I’ve read this year.lol

  • Ama

    Ms. Harris,

    You’ve have written one of the best articles on this topic that I have read in a long time. I often lament about the lack of civility/manners in our current culture. I was raised down south and respect for your fellow human beings, particularly the elderly, was ingrained in me from the time I could form a coherent thought or sentence.

    I can’t believe that in a generation or so, our society has declined so much that people think that it is perfectly okay to walk around showing body parts as if it is some kind of rite of passage. I was standing behind a young lady and her male friend at a Wendy’s restaurant and when she bent over (why???) to place her order, I and other customers behind her could see her thong lodged in the crack of her large posterior which was covered with various tatoo designs!!

    I wanted to say something and debated with a man and a woman standing in line with me, but, to avoid a potential “curse or beat down”, we decided to stay mum and diverted our eyes. When does freedom of expression begin to obliterate basic decency and civility? We have a real problem in this country because people take this “keeping it real/reality show” mentality to the extreme. There is no longer a collective moral code of behavior and even the FCC (albeit via law suits and the courts) is forced to abrogate its responsibility to maintain decency over our air waves.

    I concur with all of your top 20, but I agree vehemently with numbers 1-4, 7, 11, and 16-19. They are my absolute pet peeves when engaging in “civil” discourse.

    Thanks for the great reminders and take care.

  • ALIG83

    3. Standing too close at the cash register.

    I seem to encounter this problem a lot with men. They seem to be less aware of personal space. I’ve had men stand so close behind me and put their items down on the counter that the cashier will grab their items and I’ve had to tell them that their items aren’t mine.

  • ALIG83

    Me too!

  • http://www.gettogethablog.com Get Togetha

    Number 2 is real talk. Jesus be a muzzle.

  • miss.cece

    I loved this article. Another one to add to the list…people who do not let you get off the train, bus, elevator, etc before they just push their way in. Ugh this irks me. Please wait your turn!

  • Clnmike

    1. Amen, I used to work in the health profession they trained you to be paranoid about this type of stuff.
    2. Not so much, unless the conversation is just TMI.
    3. I don’t play with this one, I will ask you to back up.
    4. Yup
    5. No longer sure about this one, just prefer to stand when I know its going to be crowded just so I don’t have to get up. But from what I have seen I think times have just changed. Its actually odd for a man to get up for a woman now adays if he doesn’t know her, and I don’t think women are expecting it any more.
    6. *Sheepishly grins.
    7.Unacceptable.
    8. Block them.
    9. Yeah.
    10. Come on now.
    11. Iffy.
    12. Iffy.
    13. No. Close mouths don’t get fed as they say. If you don’t have it than say no, and move as they will. Only people who do have it and won’t give it feel a certain kind of way.
    14. Not that serious how about you just get the hell out the way.
    15. Yeah.
    16. Definitely.
    17. Man this grinds my gears.
    18. This peeve I believe is now tag old school, forget about it.
    19. Yes as long as this does not fall into allowing the other person in first door opening.
    20. Not that serious.

  • Pingback: Annoying things people do. So on point | Uptown Socialite World

  • MommieDearest

    OMG! I’m right with you on #10.

    Noisy eating gets. on. my. NERVES

    I also can’t stand when people suck their teeth or smack their lips every time they open their mouths to talk.

  • Birgit

    All these pet peeves are vallid. Being from the South I especially agree with #’s 5,6 &9. I was always taught to speak to people esp. if when entering a room. I was always taught to bring some type of gift for your guest, even if they’re family. If I see that no one will stand for a person who obviously needs the seat, I will gladly offer mine. It’s just the right thing to do.
    Oh yeah, also, if I have a buggy-full of groceries and I see the person behind me only has 1 or 2 items I will let them go ahead of me. They’re usually very grateful and it doesn’t cost anything to be kind.

  • Kema

    #10 YES!!!

    I hate it! Please just close your mouth when chewing. Can I add gum popping?

  • binks

    I love this article, I agree so much with it. Ill manners is just a big pet peeve for me, lack of common courtesy just drives me nuts especially if you are practicing good manners on someone and they fail to do it in return. Being from the south a lot of these are ingrain in my head

  • Robbie

    Janelle,

    You are my girl. You and I can hangout anytime. I so agree with you. I hate when people cough or sneeze without covering their nasty mouth. Those that use their hands, enjoy giving others hand shakes or wipe their dirty hands on their clothes or all over the car seats, doors on the train. Disgusting! When you tell them that you do not give handshakes, they are the first ones offended. How many times I hold a door open for someone and don’t even get a thank you! Stop talking loud on the train, I do not care about your life, stay away from me at the cash register, at the bank, atm, cash checks etc…

    People are way too direspectful!

  • Miss Jae

    Great article Janelle! Numbers 2, 11, & 16 work my nerves…Folks love to blare their cursing music, cursing loud on their cell phones, while pumping gas…I hate it!!!

  • oknow

    chivalry does not have to be a romantic gesture.. it’s disgusting to see how men will close their eyes or keep reading their paper and won’t offer their seat.. or the men who bum rush the train knocking women down to get a seat..

    i don’t mind standing, i prefer it but what irks my nerves is when a well able bodied man doesn’t offer his seat to someone elderly, someone disabled or pregnant..

    excuses, excuses, excuses

  • dvine

    i agree w/every last gripe on this list.. what’s funny is that ppl who do this can’t stand when other ppl do it..

  • phatlips

    Can we please add a #22 and #23?

    22. When you’re sitting between two people who know each other and they decide to LEAN ACROSS you and have a conversation. It makes me want to take both of their heads and bang them together.

    23. I think this might be a Southern thing, but asking “how much did you pay for that?” or “how much did that cost?”( car, clothes, house) is incredibly rude. It makes me think you’re more interested in my bank than in me. And it’s just plain nosy!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Danielle-Reid/1725315305 Danielle Reid

    I hate when people open doors and say ” you’re excused” like wtf I did not ask you to hold the door for me in the first place!! If you want a thank you, do something worth thanking. I can see why you maybe are annoyed by people not thanking you but I am more annoyed by people thinking they should be praised for common activities.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Danielle-Reid/1725315305 Danielle Reid

    I hate how people dont know that the escalator has two sides: the right is for those who wish to stand and the left is for those who want to run along the escalator. Seriously it is sad that common sense and American customs are not so American anymore. When I lived in a small town everyone knew the norms and mannerisms but in bigger cities anything and everything( ignorance and rudeness) go. THAT IS ANNOYING!!!

    by the way this was a really funny article.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Danielle-Reid/1725315305 Danielle Reid

    Ok last annoyance: When you buy something and the cashier is MUTE like hello I am giving you money! Where is my hello, how are you? Or more annoying when you walk into a store and the ghetto sales associates are like we are closing in five minutes… I am like fine if you dont want a paycheck ill leave!!

  • Tiffany W.

    It is actually incredibly rude and ghetto to walk into an establishment 5 minutes before it closes expecting a full on shopping experience too. It is inconsiderate of the people working, because they cannot leave until you do. Everyone’s time is valuable, this includes service people too.

    And they do not get paid out of the register, so they’ll get their paycheck regardless.

  • http://www.sundayglamour.blogspot.com Nicky

    Something happen last week that made me think about the very same thing, I was on the bus and this girl was getting on and her phone rang, and everyone can hear her ringtone, buzzing “That D!ck good huh?” repeating over and over! Im like people today with their annoying, vulgar taste in ringtones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Timia-Bennett/14233667 Timia Bennett

    #15 irks me to no end! Probably because it happened to me recently.

    I sent someone a Christmas gift but I lost the tracking number. After a couple of weeks (I knew they were out of town for the holiday) I had to ask if they received it. They said they got the mail notice that a package was at USPS but hadn’t been to pick anything up. That was a week & a half ago. Needless to say they will never get anything else from me EVER!

    Even if you don’t like the gift acknowledge the sentiment!

  • Clnmike

    And that right there is why no one opens doors and gets out of seats. Can’t say a freaking thank you? That’s just as ill mannered as everything on this list. You get what you give out. This reminds me of a video posted on Clutch were these women claimed to be street harrassed by a man who they bumped into on a train and he acted a fool and they could for the life of them figure out why. I’ll tell you why its because yall some rude ass dust bunnies who didn’t bother to say excuse me and casually dismissed the dude. No one should have to put up with that type of stank attitude.

  • Brandy

    I didn’t realize for some people it’s hard to be appreciative and muster up a simple thank-you for someone who is being thoughful enough to do a “simple activity” such as opening a door for another person. Wow…what a self-absorbed world.

  • EAC

    My rudeness pet peeve–failure to recognize that networking is a two way street. I had a friend get all excited when I told him that my brother-in-law has a high ranking position at a major corporation and he asked me to put him in touch with my BIL.

    Said friend is currently working at a company that I’m interested in, and when I asked if he could forward my resume to someone in the company, his response was, “You can go on the company website and apply for the positions that you are interested in”. Say what?!!! Needless to say, my BIL will not be contacting him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Sykes/1065177536 Ashley Sykes

    oh lordy i have a whole slew of pet peeves now that this article brought it up.lol

    #1 this kinda has to do with not speaking but, when i ask someone a question and their only answer to me is then shrugging their shoulders and walking away. um, you cant respond to me with words? or tell me SOMETHING? i especially hate it when i go to a store and th employees do this. wth?

    #2 i work at a movie theatre as a part time job and people act like me and my coworkers are so beneath them. people make a huge mess with popcorn and drinks on purpose and then say to their spouse with a scowl ” well thats what they get paid for”

    #3 i notice that whenever there is an interracial couple at my job thats a black man and non black woman then they go OUT OF THEIR WAY to be rude to me and other black women and i dont even know why. they snatch things from me/us, say “yeah whatever” when i wish them a nice evening, not even give eye contact when they talk, they always look insulted when i say hello. there are very few that are actually polite. on a daily basis i see about 20 black men and 18 are with non black women and i catch the asshole attitude with about 16 people.

    #4 another rude thing is when people are on their cellphones in the drive thru of a fast food place, or at a cash register. and when the cashier is obviously trying to do business with them then they yell and get pissed off when somebody says something. GET OFF THE PHONE JERK!

    ok i’m done .,lol

  • http://www.coffeerhetoric.com Coffey0072

    Co-sign. Someone not acknowledging that I was considerate enough to hold the door for them is DEFINITELY at the top of my list of ill-mannered infractions. I usually let it slam in their face too. hee hee.

  • http://www.coffeerhetoric.com Coffey0072

    I respectfully disagree that holding the door for someone is a “common activity.” No one is required to hold the door for the person walking at a clip right behind them. But I sure appreciate it when someone does. No one can deny the fact that it’s startling when you’re walking directly behind someone and just as you’re also making your way inside, they rudely let the door slam in your face or the elevator close on you… sometimes literally.

    It’s a matter of convenience… i.e. when I’m lugging something rather heavy… or when the elements are particularly bad outside and you’re struggling with an umbrella. When someone, particularly a stranger, is considerate enough to recognize that I may need their help, I an extremely appreciative of that act of kindness and will *thank* them for taking those few seconds to do that.

    Someone stomping by you, without so much as a nod, after you’ve held the door open for them is a self-entitled so & so and quite possibly a narcissist.

  • lei

    ha ha ha Lynn. I agree with you on the yawning as well. I was brought up that anything that came out of your mouth be it a yawn, cough, burp, sneeze should be covered.

  • lei

    I agree with you Tiffany W. At the bookstore we will have people still walking around browsing 5min after we are closed. We close at 10pm. I have sometimes due to my schedule had to run into a store when they are about to close, but I literally run. I will only do it if I know exactly where the item is. I don’t come walking in casually taking my time and “shop”. It is rude. Some people think as long as they are inside the doors when the store closes they are safe. A store closed is just that-closed.

  • Sparkle

    May I also add riders of public transportation who assume the whole bus/train wants to hear their music blaring from their cell phones. This irks me to no end! SMH

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Sykes/1065177536 Ashley Sykes

    oh my goodness! my best friend told me a story that pissed me off so much!

    her and her boyfriend were on a bus that was really full and they had seats. the bus was full of teenagers and college students and when people got off the bus everybody ran to get a seat if they were standing. this frail 90 year old woman who could hardly walk got on the bus and everybody just stared at her and she looked up and down the aisle for a seat and there werent anymore. so she just sat on the floor near the steps and she fell over cause of the harsh movements of the bus. and people laughed at her.

    boyfriend saved the day though! he got up and helped the old lady stand up and took her to his seat. it is such a shame that instead of helping that 90 year old woman everybody laughed at her. that shows how fcked up this generation is.. SMH

  • Girl Charlie

    COSIGN!!!! ugh, sooooo irritating…

  • Char

    I hate it when I say “thank you” to someone, and they ignore it. I mean, I don’t expect a huge “Oh, your so welcome! You made my day by thanking me and made me feel so worthy”, but can I get a small acknowledgement (a half-smile, a nod, a ‘yup’,a ‘no problem’, or SOMETHING), for being mannerable and not just taking your service/existence for granted? I always say thanks to people, even the baggers at Walmart and the shopping cart-fetchers at Target. Yes I know they probably only get paid minimum wage and probably no insurance, but can they at least pretend like they care that I was trying to be pleasant?

    My husband was good for ignoring my “Thank yous” until I told him how much it irked me.

  • Char

    I hate when children stand around the store entrances to ask for donations for their basketball team trips. I care about other people’s children, but I care about mine even more, so no, I cannot donate 5 dollars (for a candy bar) out of my $20 when I came to the grocery store to spend money on dinner for my own children. What ever happened to fundraisers–selling cookie dough, pizza and coupon books?

  • Alexandra

    These responses are funny lol! Nice list
    One thing tha really pisses me off, is when passengers, especially men, are on the train & they feel the need to spread their legs wide open, taking up space. Now I just hate sitting next to people on public transportation, I rather stand until I reach my stop. Just to avoid possible drama.

    I greet cashiers & security guards all the time. Like a “Hello/Good Morning” & sometimes I get no response, not even a head nod as an acknowledgment. lol! I laugh to myself sometimes about that. I still greet when I can though.

    But I hope some people dont get angry out of a false sense of entitlement. Dont think you are “owed” anything, because you did something for someone. You did it out of kindness, and if you aren’t acknowledged thats ok. Someone will return the favor….one day.

  • Tina

    GREAT LIST!!! #1, 3, & 17 irks me the most. Oh and #1, that’s just nasty!

  • Melissa

    Agreed!!! I also hate it when people DON’T say thank you after you’ve gone out of your way to do something nice for them. That makes me SO mad!!

  • adorable

    7, 11, 13, 14 are ridiculous. . . this sounds like a list of a person who needs to mind their business and relax.

  • Nubianpolitics

    I hate it when people to rsvp in a timely matter. And then the day before or night of they say “I’ll be there.”. Along those lines, if someone sends you an evite and you send to the person (host) a txt msg or fb msg saying you’ll be there,its not the same. Just sayin.

  • whykendra

    i would replace not cussing in public (because i cuss in public) to not looking at someone when they speak to you.

    when you ask someone a question and they dont even tilt their head in your direction when/ if they answer. rude!!!!!! i hate it so much. when someone is speaking to you look at them!

    those are the things that make me cuss.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyra-Morris/520890694 Kyra Morris

    A lot of this sounds personal. not ettiquette at all. Personally, caring texts make me smile, and if you’re a good friend, then I’ll expect you to do what’s appropriate to *me* and our relationship, as far as communication goes. There is no rulebook, here. But if you’re MY best friend, and I’m dealing with an out of town funeral, don’t F***ing call me in the middle of the day, expecting me to answer. You better just make sure I got there ok, express your sympathy and let me know you’re ready when I am. You should know that with umpteen relatives in my face, the LAST thing I need to worry about is letting YOU know how I feel, too. A text is perfectly appropriate until you know I’m free. and waiting until I contact YOU in return is just fine. But that’s me. And “not speaking”? See the above. If it’s a public affair and not *my* party, then I won’t be mad unless we’re friends coming to see each other and I know you snubbed me on purpose and without a reason (and the japanese are like this too). Being in the same space with someone doesn’t give anybody the right to require someone else’s attention.

  • http://www.thebestreddress.com/ Janna

    Ahhhh The voice of sanity.

    Lack of manners is why I only make friends with certain people. People can come knocking, but if you can’t handle yourself as an adult, there’s no need for me to let you in.

  • Dee

    I agree with loud cell phone conversations. What ever happened to keeping your business to yourself? How come some people are so self-absorbed they are not aware their conversation is loud. You are invading my personal air space. Why can’t I go out in public without being assaulted by your conversation at the top of your lungs. Why are you using the cell phone in the library and why is that even allowed?
    Another case of bad manners are people that talk at the movies. Why is it that people cannot watch a movie without talking. If everyone talked, can you imagine how noisy the movie theater would be? I just do not understand why people cannot sit still and shut the you know what up for 90 minutes. I have looked at people that have talked and I have gotten the evil eye, my seat kicked and then laughed at when I changed my seat. As an African American women, I was subjected to that treament by other African American women and men. I now select when and where I go to movies.
    People that allow babies and young children to cry in public because they are not having any of that. There is a time and place for everything. It appears most of the babies\children need comforting and all you have to do is pick the baby\child up to comfort them. Yes, we know you are in charge but my goodness just pick your baby up and hold them. Is it really that hard?

  • http://www.twitter.com/mshillaryskye Hillary

    A lot of these are personal preferences, not universal standards of behavior. Examples:

    I don’t think men should have to give up their seat for a young, healthy woman. She is no more delicate or fragile than he is. This idea that women are so delicate that they deserve special privileges baffles me. As a woman, I give up my seat for the elderly and disabled, or pregnant women. But if I’m standing and a man offers his seat, I politely decline. I have 2 good legs just like he does.

    I don’t care what other people are wearing, unless they are nude. If you are morbidly obese and choose to wear spandex over your whole body, then that’s you and it doesn’t bother me in the least.

    I don’t mind cashiers soliciting for charity at the register. For a lot of people, this is the only way that they proactively contribute to charity (because there’s no work involved). If you can’t spare a lousy dollar, then chances are you don’t need to be buying what you’re buying, anyway. What bothers me is when the cashier tries to get you to buy something on top of all the other stuff you are buying.

    As far as public cussing/loud music goes, I feel that if you take your child out into the world, then you have to accept that he/she will encounter negative elements not found at school/at home. When I was a kid, I saw the police slam this dude onto the ground and forcefully handcuff him, and that was more disturbing to me than some woman muttering f*** at the grocery store because she forgot her wallet.

  • http://www.eclecticflavor.blogspot.com EclecticFlavor

    #3 and #7 made me laugh
    extremely hard…those are my
    peeves also..lol

  • christina

    She was talking about pregnant women…who, while probably healthy…are carrying a human inside that is squashing their innards and impeding blood flow. You can ignore the pregnant woman…but when she faints on your lap…don’t complain.

  • casey

    I smoke, but only in my car, at my friends (who smoke) house, and at my own home. I do not smoke in public places, (not even at a BAR!) I feel like people are giving me the stink eye…how about the respect of freedom…why should i be “shunned” by you, for choosing to light one up…Is it fair to be snarled at when you are in a “designated smoking area” that looks like a animal corral? I choose not to smoke in public, because people like you, are rude. “you can go ahead and blow your nose, but don’t think about shaking my hand…”

  • Cigs are Gross

    Shut up Casey. If ciggies did not kill other people than fine. I could care less if you drink yourself to death. But, dont you DARE poison the air we ALL breathe. I DO NOT. I don’t even drive a car which pollutes. So, back off.

  • Jane M.

    99% of these are mostly done by black people. Sorry, but it is the truth. I am black myself but I have the balls to admit it. Yes, everyone can be rude but when you see a trend all over the flipping country, you cannot help but admit it. Go ahead and respond and get all offended. Im not shocked at all by that either but we as black people on the whole need to get it together. Most of us are HORRIFICALLY uncivilized.

  • Manners Go a Long Way

    How about not being a prick Danielle and simply saying thank you? You are part of the problem you ungrateful troll.

  • Alec

    Maybe many of us men are sick and tired of entitled brats like Danielle Ried who think its too much friggin work to say thank you, so they stop holding doors open. Ive held doors open for many women and the majority of the ungrateful ones are black women so I say screw them. I open the door for myself only now. Who’s to blame? Women, not men.

  • .

    Another ghetto black slut with an attitude problem.

  • Not Ghetto

    Hillary is a fool. Guaranteed you are under 25, black, and single.

  • Spencer

    5. Failure to launch (out of your seat). This one grinds my nerves down to the root: not standing up for elderly people, pregnant women and (for men) women in general on public transportation.

    Not standing up for elderly people, and pregnant women is a given. But for a man to give up his seat for an able bodied woman? Now that’s sexist.

  • http://google leoni

    Gee ur soo right about the kids run wild and the conversation thing i broke my arm cos a child about a yr older than me pushed me off the top of an esulator and my skingot traped in the belt i tracked down that kidand told my m she didnt half give him a mouthful

  • Liz

    Failing to get up for an elderly person or a pregnant woman isn’t nice, but it also isn’t rude. A person is not under any obligation to give up their seat to another passenger, however nice it would be. If one of those people were to request that someone give up their seat, that would not be rude. If the person being asked said that they did not want to give it up, that would not be rude either. Then, if the person asking for the seat launched into a tirade…THEN someone would be the rude one, and it wouldn’t be the person in the seat! “Nice” and “polite” aren’t the same thing.

  • Alicia

    20, 16, and 11 are not rude whatsoever. Listening to unedited music in your own car not bothering anybody? Saying a couple of curse words when you’ve had the worst day ever? Cashing your check in when you have the time? These things aren’t rude at all!

  • shemy

    Number 20 is rude because the person receiving the check has no regard for the time sensitivity of the check. Most people like myself have a budget, therefore I account for my money daily. If you pay a debt you just want it to go away. This is why I don’t use checks unless I have too because people take too long to cash them and this throws off my books. For example, I wrote a check to Target about 5 years ago; and they took about 6 months to cash the check. I was always out of balance by 293.00. I had to write a note to myself to remember not to deduct 293.00 from my balance.

    Number 16 is rude

    Rather you cuss intentionally or unintentionally it’s rude. What this says is your word choice is limited and you have no respect for others. Most people don’t regard cussing as conversational instead they regard it as rude. When cussing publicly as mentioned in the article you have to be mindful of children, elders, and others.

    Number 11 is rude

    Listening to music with profanity is a subtle way of cussing. It is very annoying and rude. I understand that it is your car, however you shouldn’t subject people to cuss music because most people are offended by this. Saying it’s your car you can do what you want to do any doesn’t cut it. This is like saying it’s my house so I can be rude to you. This is not good!

  • Bill

    I’m not a fucking door man. I’m not obligated to hold a door for you.

  • https://www.facebook.com/sal.king.9 Sal King

    Something tells me you are single too.

  • dieudonneMC

    In general it seems manners are lacking for a lot of people these days. I found this article to be spot on for the most part!

  • Scotty

    Call me an old fart, but #3, #5 and #19 are spot on. The rest are very near my marks.

    #3 – I’ll enter my PIN without you taking it in, thank you.

    #5 – I lived in NYC for better than ten years. The reputation the City has in large parts of the country is undeserved, in fact doesn’t make sense. The only way that that many people could converge and interact in such a small space is if they are, in fact. remarkable civil in their conduct. I conceded my seat, and saw others doing do, far more often in New York than I have anywhere else.

    #19 – Seems a no-brainer. Works out best if the other says, “Thank you, and you acknowledge the thanks with a “You’re welcome.” The only exception to this I’ve indulged in was upon noticing a young woman juggling an unwieldy stack of boxes toward the same entrance I planned. In ordinary circumstances, I’ve had held both the inner and outer doors for her, perhaps even offered to take part of her load.

    Problem? The woman in question was stuck in a generation or two back. Bulky sweater of rough-spun wool, calico skirt, heavy wool sock over the feet stuck in Birkenstocks. She allowed as how she would “allow” me to hold the door for her.

    Sensing that she assumed I would extend her a courtesy, but perceive it as a chauvanistic assumption of some weakness in her, I allowed as how, “Oops, wrong door!” and went on my way to another side of the building.

    I share your impatience with those who are thoughtless, but I’m not terribly patient with those who don’t acknowledge a simple courtesy.

  • http://cestlavie.wordpress.com Cats and Tea

    I disagree with 13. I’ve worked retail and we are required to ask about donating to charity. If we don’t, then we can get in huge trouble with our bosses. They practically breathe down our necks so cut us retail workers some slack.

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