My Hair, My Decision: Why I Straighten
The buzzword is definitely natural hair as of late. From the weekly #NaturalHair Day on Twitter to actress and comedian, Kim Coles, unveiling her transition to natural hair on Afrobella, “going natural” is all the rage, so much so that it’s referred to as the “new black.”
During #NaturalHair Day, I viewed countless tweets and pictures of women celebrating themselves and their hair. It was beautiful, but after a while, I became annoyed. I couldn’t decide if the trending topic was a celebration or a finger-pointing party, though I hoped for the former. I understood when a fellow writer tweeted, “I can’t participate with the (natural hair) hashtag like I deserve to be on a pedestal just because I’m a natural. I still think it’s very divisive.”
The trending topic reminded me of a Twitter debate I participated in just days earlier about straightening natural hair. Some women are saying it’s the number one “don’t” per a follower’s Twitter rant:
“I’m having a very annoying conversation with a woman who has natural hair. It turns out that I’m not ‘helping out’ the natural hair lifestyle by occasionally blowing out my SUPER thick hair and straightening it. Here’s what she said: ‘If you are going to wear your hair natural that means no blow drying or straightening it to look straight.’”
Give me a break.
Before you give me the side-eye, I, too, am transitioning. I have been relaxer-free for just over a year now. It started as a challenge of how long I could go without a relaxer. I didn’t do it so much for self-discovery or to see how dependent I am on my hair. Thankfully, I’ve never suffered from thin hair, breakage or chemical damage. I did it to see what my hair looks like without a relaxer. And get this: I straighten it…often! *gasp*
I will not be told what to do with my hair by anyone.
After nearly 17 years of relaxing my hair, I’ve almost completely grown out my relaxer, and it took patience and discipline. After accomplishing that, which I consider to be a milestone, I will not have anyone tell me that I have to wear my hair in its natural state. My hair, my decision.
I often hear the phrase, “It’s just hair” thrown around in discussions to promote various schools of thought regarding hair. If it’s, indeed, “just hair,” why shouldn’t I have the freedom to do with it whatever I choose—be it to relax, coil or weave it?
Yes, it’s true that hair is a MAJOR issue for African-American women. To quote interior designer Shelia Bridges, who was featured in Chris Rock’s controversial documentary, Good Hair, “The reason hair is so important is because our self-esteem is wrapped up in it.” If this is so—if hair is such a big part of us, is it really appropriate to treat our hair choices and textures as members-only clubs?
I am in no way suggesting that we shouldn’t celebrate our hair and its versatility. More so, I’m suggesting that no other person has the right to dictate what we do with our own hair, natural or otherwise. The beauty about being a woman is we have an array of options, and that is what we should embrace.
My personal goal is to grow longer hair. Eventually, I’ll wear it “out” or in twist-outs, but when I choose. All of the parts of our bodies, even the hair that grows from our heads should cause us to feel loved, not guilty or judged.
So to the women, like my dear friend, who can rock a ‘fro and twist-out like no other, the women who flat irons her natural hair every two weeks, the ones who let the relaxer sit until it begins to fizzle on her scalp, and the ones who think the longer the Remy, the better, only you know makes you shine. Whether I agree with your methods or not, it’s your hair, not mine. If what we’re really practicing and advocating for is freedom from whatever is entrapping us through our hair, let’s act as such. Live and let live.
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My thoughts as well.
As someone who has been natural since 2002, I say do you. I am not sure these trending topics are intending to be anything more than celebrating the decision to go natural. I can remember when being natural was not a cause for celebration, especially when people were advising me to straighten my hair for job interviews and such. I always viewed such comments as more a reflection of the person making them, not some reflection on myself and my decisions about my hair. I would suggest you do the same as life is simply too short to worry about what others think about your hair.
I wonder if all these people who just *know* that the only reason people wear weaves or straighten their hair is because they want to look white ever take into consideration that:
(a) some people look less attractive with natural hair and more attractive with straight hair. just like within the natural community some people look better with short hair, some with long, some with locs, etc.
(b) some people have dermatological issues that would result in them walking around looking like George Jefferson if they were to go natural.
Natural is great, but it’s not for everyone.
Wow. As far as natural not looking attractive on everyone, beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and if that “eye” is biased with social conditioning, then of course they will always prefer straight and “good” hair. As for your George Jefferson comment, please stop because you are just showcasing your ignorance and I truly feel that I have sacrificed some brain cells just reading such garbage. Natural hair is for everyone, every person is born with it. Don’t make childish commentary simply because you are personally not ready to embrace your own.
How does someone look unattractive wearing their hair the way it grows out of their damn scalp?
Lol.
That’s like saying some people just don’t look attractive with their natural eye color – they need color contacts.
That’s just a horrible case of low self-esteem. And it’s pretty sad.
um, wow..”natural is great but it’s not for everyone” : um, huh?….wow. “some people look less attractive with natural hair”….oh my…..just wow. sigh.
I can kinda see where Shauna is coming from even though I don’t agree with everything she said.
I know people who look better with their hair black than blonde and blonde is their natural color.
I think with natural hair though it’s not so much that natural hair doesn’t look good on everyone as much as it is about the length of the hair.
Some women don’t look good after they do the big chop because it doesn’t compliment their face.I have also seen women with a ton of big curly hair and a very small head and it just looks weird.
Wow….not attractive?
That is like saying that dark skin is not attractive on everyone and therefore is okay to bleach your skin.
How is something that you are naturally born with “not for everyone?”
Is funny to me because black people look down on other blacks who bleach their skin.
Let’s be honest here.
The most common reason I’lve heard women not go natural is NOT that they actually believe they look better that way; it’s that they are scared to know what they would look like, what they really look like.
Most black women haven’t worn natural hair since they were small children and their body has changed a lot since then. They honestly DO NO KNOW what they would look like as a grown woman with natural hair. I won’t say going natural is a sign of maturity, but it can be seen as a sign of courage. Some of us had no clue what we were going to look like, but we did it anyway and now we look FIERCE!
Analogy: If you wore a mask your whole life, wouldn’t you be afraid to take it off? Especially if everyone you knew wore a mask and said it was wrong to take it off? Wouldn’t you just assume that the people who didn’t wear masks had something in them that you didn’t?
Sorry about the grammar errors because there are a lot of them…
okay once again which natural hair are you ladies talking about? like i mentioned before “natural hair” seems to automatically become synonymous to afros,locks,and bantu knots maybe THATS what she is saying a lot of women find dont look good on them. lets not forget that natural can also mean straight yet chemical-free to some women.
how about stopping to ASK her what she meant instead of attacking her and accusing her of having low self esteem.
i feel that my hair looks better when its in braids, down (straightened or in a wash n go) but my hair doesnt look right when its in an afro it just doesnt… nice on other people who can rock it though. does that mean i have self hate?
So predictable. *sigh*
Take that beauty is in the eye of the beholder noise somewhere else. Most “natural” people don’t wear their hair the way it grows out of their head, they twist it, they put products in it, they braid it, etc. Why do they do that? Because they have a preference about how they look. So I guess they’re self-hating because they think their natural hair looks better in braids than wash-and-go?
I knew i’d get negative responses, but I was kind of surprised at the the people who responded with such vitriol. I’m sure MOST women who wear their naturally don’t give a flying f*ck how I wear mine. Why are you select few so invested in someone else’s hair? Maybe you don’t love yourself as much as you think, eh?
And I see no one addressed point b, which is the category I fall into. I guess that wouldn’t fit into your convenient characterization of me as a self-hating black woman, now would it?
Anyway, I’m off to whip my hair (14 inch relaxed straight) in happiness that I have better things to do than tear people down for their hair choices. Toodles!
“Anyway, I’m off to whip my hair (14 inch relaxed straight) in happiness that I have better things to do than tear people down for their hair choices.”
Whip it real good!
AMEN!!! Everyone just do you! Not rocking natural doesn’t make you a slave or white-washed, it just means you like what you like. I personally love natural hairstyles on OTHER people…just not on me. And that’s my choice..just like u have yours. Good read!
I would just LOVE it if people would stop spending so much time concerned with what is on top of someone else’s head. I understand the hair type/skin color issues that black women have inherited, but damn, let’s break the cycle. You know what’s really beautiful – options! Natural, pressed, relaxed, long, medium, short, demi-color, semi-color, permanent color, weave, wig, braids – I’ve done ‘em all and it’s been great. As long as the style you opt for complements you, go for it! Hair is an accessory, not a political statement.
Breaking the cycle necessitates the conscious action of no longer holding on so ferociously to the by-product of our ancestors oppression. While calling on others to Right the Wrongs our race or group still sustain. Our ancestors were forced to hate and hide their natural hair. Their natural hair and skin became a burden to them.
And today we are continuing that non-appreciation of ourselves by not even allowing our dead to be laid out in a coffin with their natural hair.
And while we subject our scalp to serious damages, those we turn over so much of our monies to laugh at us all the way to their banks. Many first generation Asians and Arabs depend on our dysfunction exclusively to quickly find their American Dream, while having no respect for us as a group. We enable them to afford to live in places we cannot afford to live in. We enable them to send their children to Ivy League Colleges while a significant number of us will only visit our children behind bars.
The image we’re preferring is reinforcing a critical subconscious dilemma. And to get into our subconscious to reprogram it, we must make the drastic sacrifices of honoring our natural hair. There’s no other way to resolve this issue. Wealthy black men who can only love white women learned from their mothers that straight hair is the best choice. How can such a situation not need to be stopped? If only for the unbelievable
amount of money that is leaving our communities to enrich others, can we not agree that this trend is uplifting everyone but ourselves? Is such a stubborn mindset not the mental slavery, running rampant still?
@Ripuree: I hear what you’re saying and it’s real talk, but black women are queens of denial. We deny our dependency on false, foreign hair, toxic chemicals, etc. and call that a “preference”. We deny that almost 80% of us are obese or overweight, we deny that many of us are single and that our men have serious issues with men, that men of other races see our insecurities and failings and also don’t want us. We deny that we do need to do better, be better, for ourselves and our families. What yoy said was real talk, but it will likely fall on many blind eyes. Sadly, many black women would like rather die in angry ignorance than in enlightened happiness.
You’re so vain you probably think this trending topic is about you…..9 times out of 10 what is said within the natural hair community isn’t about what’s going on outside of it. But what was experienced by the individuals when they had perms rather it’s the comments said to them or things they’ve believed themselves but no longer do. And yes that may mean seeing relaxers as creamy crack. But unless someone is walking up to you telling you you shouldn’t relax your hair and to step into the light, it likely has more to do with them and their experiences than you. Not saying there are never cases where naturals point a finger but not so much so that an entire “community” needs to be outed about it. It’s like with anything there will be the negative representative but also difference of opinion doesn’t equate judgment or hate towards another.
I agree with you %100. Some women do indeed engage in finger pointing and have nappier-than-thou attitudes, but for the most part, I think natural women are pretty accepting of their relaxed counterparts because we’ve all been their. And while I do believe that everyone woman has the right to wear her natural hair the way she pleases, I also believe that sometimes ladies who are relaxed do take things too personally. I think it’s a little narcissistic for women who are relaxed to get offended when women who are natural embrace and celebrate their hair. When I talk about why I went natural, I’m talking about ME. I’m not projecting my experiences on anyone yet there’s still always someone who thinks that by embracing myself, I’m trying to tear them down.
Natural hair does not equate self-love nor does relax hair equate self-hate. Every woman’s story is different and at the end of the day, we all just need to let each other be; Let the woman who just discovered her natural hair bask in her newfound freedom and confidence, and let the woman who prefers to straighten her hair do just that.
I agree with your comment. Unfortunately, I’ve been in situations where natural women have come at me all wrong and told me to “stop living the lye”. Rude.
Overall though, I’d say that the natural community is more about self-love and exhibiting the freedom of choice.
Preach! Although I’m natural, I too didn’t do it to find myself. I really just wanted to stop the breakage/thinning; in the process, confidence came (but that also came with growing up). As long as you’re taking care of you’re hair and you’re happy, that’s all that matters.
Let me piggyback on this for a moment. I’ve been natural for quite some time now, and I blow dry my hair straight, without anybody questioning.
Anyways…I’ve always had long, thick, and super curly hair. When straightened, it reached mid back. I got sick of dealing with it, and wanted a change, so I cut it, just above my shoulders.
To hear the outrage in several family members voices left me irked; but to get phone calls from male friends questioning as to why I chopped off my hair really pissed me off. It’s just hair. I have no emotional attachment to what’s growing out of my scalp; and even if I did, I take good enough care of it that I know it will grow back in a matter of months.
But why and when did it become other people’s concern as to what I do with my hair? I’m unmarried, and an adult; nobody’s hair model. I cut my hair for me, and I am happy with the results.
Point: Just like with tattoos, piercings, makeup, clothing, and other superficial beautification rituals: I do this for me to make me feel good.
If my make up could be flawless,I would wear more than just lipgloss and mascara.
If my signature perfume did not smell like all the rest in the train, I would wear more Chanel 5 and less Jo Molane.
If I had the gift of good hands I would straighten my hair,instead of wearing twist outs and fros.
Unfortunately chica, (as it’s been said before) “This song is not about you.” I dig the love and helpfulness there is in the natural hair blogs, sites, and forums as I also love the supportiveness in the long hair forums. I’m sure there is a weave, wig, relaxer, bald head, blond hair etc…. forum somewhere in the World Wide World. If you feel left out I would suggest you try one of those. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do with you. But don’t villianize me for “big upping and/or sharing” something I dig.
Love you still
AishaSaidIt
Natural hair is a choice just like green boots or red stilettos. Yeah its natural it grows out of of our scalp but we were born barefoot doesn’t mean i have to walk around shoeless. Natural hair is a choice its a style. Someone could be born with a cleft lip or a huge nose and it takes over their entire face. Automatically is that person supposed to be considered beautiful because they were born with that big nose or cleft lip? Be honest don’ t act like you’ve never seen someone with a jacked up fro. Its really not for everyone and if anyone is wondering I am natural and I love my fro but I don’t believe in being a radical afro pusher on everyone. Its about choices. Its a style I feel many of you believe natural is a life style because once I went natural my entire outlook changed not overnight but I started to love and embrace myself because I saw me not hidden behind weaves or braids but people who’ve never experienced that don’t understand so it’s nothing to take personal because natural hair takes you on a journey of self awareness and acceptance and it takes a big set of balls to do that and some people arent ready to embrace that so natural really isn’t for everyone.
“Yeah its natural it grows out of of our scalp but we were born barefoot doesn’t mean i have to walk around shoeless.”
great way to put it asia!!: )
It’s like Dweedle-Dee and Dweedle-Dum with you two, lol! Comparing natural hair with walking around barefoot. I’m sure you must know how ridiculous that sounds. Shoes protect your feet from the elements while being simultaneously adorning, but how exactly are relaxers and weaves comparable to that? As one commentor already said, a “prederence” for straight hair is a good enough reason to do what you want with your hair, but let’s stop pretending that relaxers and weaves are something that they are not, like safe for hair and skin, non-toxic, and merely an accesory. They are a crutch for many black women and that is the truth.
I agree with Emelyne!
Im sorry. One cannot equate natural hair with a birth defect.
@Minna: It’s just another showcase of the self-hate and hypocrisy of black women when it comes to their hair. They say that relaxers and weaves are a preference, then turn around and call it nappy, unmanageable, and even go so far as calling it a disfigurement. The whole world knows how much blakc women hate their hair and how we’ve contributed to the wealth of Asians to mask, distort, and hide it, but we keep preaching nonsense about varity and style, and everyone doing their own thing. Actions speak louder than words. Then these same hyprocrites will get on blacks who bleach their skin as if that is any worse that relaxing and as if dark skin were a uniquely African feature; it’s not, our hair is. Thank you, Asia, for pretty much saying that nearly all black women are born with a deformity. Please feel free to go dwell on your overwhelming stupidity.
I agree with you. I have grown out my relaxer to give myself options on how I want to wear my hair as opposed to it being straight all the time. However YOU choose to wear YOUR hair should be up to YOU =)
I actually re-transitioned. After being natural for 5 years, I decided to straighten my hair for a change. For me it was like getting a hair cut or changing my hair color. Does it really matter if you have natural hair and live an unhealthy lifestyle? not at all. We as a people get too caught up in appearances. Paraphrasing Outkast; is every chick with natural hair for the cause, is every chick with relaxed hair for the fall? Nawl, so don’t get caught up in appearance.
I didn’t realize that people felt any kind of a way about it. I agree with the person above who said, Do You. If anyone has any sort of theories or hypotheses about why I rock straight hair, or extra hair, they have too much free time on their hands.
I think any woman can wear her hair, as it grows out of her scalp. Just like with any hairstyle choice, body proportions, head shape and facial features need to be taken into account. Every woman can’t wear every straight style, nor every napptural style. I’ve seen jacked up straight hair, and jacked up natural hair. Natural hair is not a “defect”, like a cleft lip or a crooked nose.
Whenever someone says, “Natural hair ain’t for everybody”, I always give them the side eye. Your hair is for you to wear…in a style that makes the most of your features. Straightening is not necessary. If you like your hair straight, well…just say that and stop at that.
Secondly, “nappturals” and “permies” all have high horses that need to be given a much-needed rest. Everybody has something to “prove”, when in fact there is nothing to prove. Do you, just do it well. If you do it well, doesn’t matter if it’s straight or kinky. I’ve seen nastiness on both sides.
I do think black women are conditioned to think that our hair is not attractive in its natural state. We listen to other well-meaning black folks, who love to plant fear in our minds: “You won’t be able to get/keep a job”, “White people will think you’re too militant”, “Black men won’t ask you out/will clown on you”, and all other manner of madness. Some of us succumb, and rather than admit our fears, we attempt to convince ourselves that we really do love all of what makes us “black”, but we just “prefer” to look “not-so-black”. I’m not calling out the author. I’m making some general statements, based on my many conversations with black women.
I completely agree with your last paragraph. And seriously, if people insist on being defensive, why bother following the discussion? Insisting that people “mind their own business” must be a joke; no one is forcing you to read the comments or demanding you to join in the topic.
@Sandrine
I’ve learned that when folks can’t handle a contrary perspective, it’s usually because a nerve has been struck.
Even in this article, the fact that the author was “annoyed” by black women celebrating their decisions to leave the lye (in unison) speaks volumes.
There are too many things that SHOULD cause us to become very “annoyed”…and black women being happy about being nappy ain’t one of them.
Let’s kapish the natural hair vs.permed hair, transitioning vs already natural hair, kinky natural hair vs coily natural hair, flat-ironing naturals vs. non-flattening naturals etc hair wars by saying this:
If my hair is not paying your bills and not causing you not to breathe, your opinion is NULL, VOID, and NOT NEEDED, and remember to end it with a smile! How about that ladies?
It’s your hair cause it grows out of your head. Do with it what you want… It’s just that simple. And yes I have #naturalhair…
Great points in this post.
With all the Long Weaves, or Hair Extensions/Straight Look that Black/Women of African Descent are getting to make themselves appealing & looking good…It is still not making Black Men Marry Them( aimed at those that prefer Black Men /&Marriage)…70%of us are unmarried mothers…That is very high…
Meaning don’t stress yourself too much with your hair…either Naturally Blow dry , Relaxed, twisted strands, or Weaves/Hair Extensions…because it seems to me that hair styling choice is probably minimally connected to this Social/family dynamics Phenomenon as mentioned above in our community…
i did the big chop 2 yrs ago.. so I guess i’m one of those ‘new’ natural sistas. at the end of the day, the entire natural hair movement is about encouragement and support. No one is saying that being natural is better than having a weave.. sistas just want other sistas who are thinking about it.. to feel comfortable and realize there are tons of other beautiful women who accomplish it.
No matter what anyone says – until you rock a Teeny Weeny Fro or a baldie.. you’ll never understand the big hoopla. Our society does not always accept our natural beauty..and even though you are confident – you will still have tough days where you wish u could just wrap & go.
To each their own – that applies to both sides of the hair world.. natural or relaxed
let people be
” To each their own – that applies to both sides of the hair world.. natural or relaxed
let people be” Jewel.
I appreciate your comment because people seem to get their panties in a bunch when it comes to our hair and what we choose do with it.
Sistas wear their hair natural or relaxed or whatever, for various reasons. There are so many other issues that we need to be addressing rather than who can and cannot rock natural hair, bare feet and so on.
Can we open up the dicussions about the percentage of African-American children born out of wedlock, the rate of HIV amongst African American women, how we can all give back to the communities in which we live ect… Things that really matter!
It’s ok to talk about barely making it or how horrible men are or how you can pop lock and drop it. But let a nice size group of women celebrate something beautiful that they are blessed with, and all hell breaks loose. My hair is not an inconvenience, or a birth defect, or bare feet. My hair is my glory and it fits me. The key word here is “my” not yours (to those who are annoyed). So if you (my annoyed sistahs) don’t feel the same way and rather cover it up then your opinion on this matter is null and void.
-AishaSaidIt
This whole natural vs relaxed hair debate is utter foolishness. I wear a relaxer because I am a full grown woman who chooses to do so. I am very lazy when it comes to doing my own hair. I prefer a trained professional and my biweekly salon visits are a way for me to unwind. I do not wish I was white in fact I’m quite happy with who I am, I just don’t like nor am I that good at doing my own hair. Even if I ever decided to transition, I would still have my hair blow dried & flat ironed. Twists, afro puffs, etc do not fit my personality. I don’t like big hair, I like my hair sleek and straight to compliment the chin length bob I wear. The most adventurous I’ll get with my hair is when I allow my stylist to use a wave iron.
Do we really need a zillion Twitter posts about natural hair or an entire day devoted to hair???? Since when did hair become that serious an issue? It’s laughable & I really don’t get it.
Do you. Stop worrying about her hair, pointing the finger, passing judgment just because a woman relaxes her hair or wears an afro. Use that energy to go out into your communities to make a difference.
What does the zillion Twitter posts about natural hair have to do with…you? I really don’t get that. Laughable? Wow.
Yeah…do you, and be you. Let others be who they are. Like I said before, black people have WAY more things to be worried about, way more things to “get”, than why black women want to celebrate not being defined by a standard that excludes their God-given features. There’s nothing funny about that.
…and one more thing: Since hair is not that big of a deal (according to you), you can start with the author and the article…and ask her why she felt the need to do an FYI about her decision to straighten her hair? You must find that at least as laughable as the zillion tweets.
@Tynnsmith: I could kiss you. Seriously. No homo, lol!
@Emelyne
No problem…I understand! Lol!
why is a full grown woman so worried about what other full grown women talk about on twitter or devote their day to?? maybe you should skip over those posts or get off twitter if it’s so laughable to see other women enjoying themselves and feeling beautiful. the fact that you find it so annoying says a lot about you.