Why Did I Pick Up!?
“Hello?”
“Hey, sexy.”
“Marcus? Are you serious? You stood me up Friday night. It’s Thursday. What the hell do you want?”
“Babe, I know you’re mad. But you gotta understand! My moms called me and she wasn’t feeling good. I had to go sit with her. I was so worried about her, I totally forgot about our plans.”
“Oh…well…I mean, I understand that your mom comes first and I hope she’s feeling better. But why did it take a week for you to call me? You could’ve at least sent a text. I was worried about you!”
“Aww, sweetie, I know. I just been busy. I got, you know, my boss in my ear all the time. Keeping me at work late. Then I was going to Moms’ crib every night. My brother don’t never visit or nothing, I’m the only one. It’s just so much going on, you know? I mean, if you don’t understand that, then it’s cool. I’ll let you go-“
“No! I mean, no…I understand. I don’t mean to stress you out or nothing. I just…this isn’t the first time you’ve disappeared like that…I just wish you’d just text me and let me know you’re okay.”
“No doubt, little lady. Well, I definitely wanna see you soon.”
“I wanna see you too! Um, there’s a movie screening tomorrow night at the school I wanted to go to. It’s free! Maybe we could do drinks before…”
“Tomorrow? Nah, baby girl. I don’t wanna wait that long. I’m trying to see you tonight.”
“Tonight? It’s already 9 and I gotta work in…”
“If you don’t have time to see me, it’s cool. I just thought you was missing a brother and I wanted to come spend a little time with you. Don’t even worry about it though.”
“Well… I’m in the house now, if you wanna come through…”
“Perfect. I’ma stop at my man’s crib, then I’ll be over there.”
*Click*
Raise your hand if you saw that this conversation was doomed from the second Marcus spoke. Excellent. I wish you all had your hands up, but since I can see that some of y’all don’t…let’s rap. How many of you dolls have been in a position like this before? How many of you knew that you should hang up the phone as soon as you saw his name on the caller ID…yet, you rushed to pick up?
It’s alright. I’ve been there. So has your mama and I bet your cousin, too.
Sometimes, it’s hard as hell to ignore the call of the time-wasting, non-committal, ain’t-that-cute-anyway bum who’s been playing you to the left since the day you met. It shouldn’t be, but it is. He’s charming. He has a great career/future. You have so much in common and would be perfect for one another and if he just thought to spend more time with you, he would see that. So your better judgment goes out the window, down the block and into hiding.
Definitely been there.
Sisters, when you feel that feeling…the feeling that tells you “This man doesn’t give half a damn about me”…then you gotta look past your excitement when you see his number on the caller ID. You have to put aside your desire, loneliness physical needs and/or anything else that can make him all the more tempting. See, often times we go through the motions of “How could he do me like that?” after we’ve been totally used and hurt by someone. But we had all the information we needed before we got played, yet still chose to engage.
The next time you see your Marcus’ phone number pop up on the screen, don’t even give him the chance to talk his way back into your good graces. If you already know what it is, and what it is ain’t worth much…hit the ignore button and save your own piece of mind.
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My thoughts as well.
I’ve only had this issue with one crazy ass dude in particular. When he found out I’d moved on he flipped and was texting and calling down my phone, until I changed my number and blocked him.
Hopefully he’s forgotten I exist. Because he’s silent to me.
Ms. Moneypenny, I love your NAME!!!
1st time reading Clutch ever, and this post gave me LIFE! I just hit 30 a couple months ago and really started paying attention to how I see men really treat the women that they are in love with or married to. I realized that none of my past beaus have ever treated me like that. I’m holding out for the better man…my better man….whoever he may be! :)
@ Virgovida good for you.. I too have decided “i’m holding out” for my better man. I know my worth..
I definitely can relate to this. This was the story of my last “situation” but it was a lesson learned. I liked the article however I wish you would have developed it more. Maybe in your next one.
Not only was this my last situation, dude had the same name!!! Like VirgoDiva I’m also approaching 30 and really looking at how men and women that are together relate to each other. I’m going to let a man’s action speak a whole lot louder than his words.
I like this post. I think all single women deal with this issue at one time or another. I find that keeping the vision in front of me for what I want in a man/relationship, keeps me from returning to the old, dead thing……
Great work!
One woman wrote and another co-signed on this as to what “good dick” can do (all men when we hear this scenario in the post we KNOW its the dick, only the dick and all about the dick)
so the question is it time for women to look at casual sex in this context as something to not do, I mean I have been hearing this since IS 211…honestly. kept thinking “ah the ladies wont be so gullible when I’m older”.
I’m 35 now, and I got plenty of friends with kids born in conditions like these and their BM’s are the one’s who took “Marcus back”. In these relationships there was no love no growth no respect but lots of f*cking.
Is it time we all look at casual sex perhaps as a bit of a flawed philosophy for some of us? Particularly the ladies.
Sex certainly isn’t the only thing that can make a woman see past her better judgment and entertain a man who isn’t good for her. Many women can have casual sex without getting attached romantically and others can fall head over heels for a man before they’ve even had sex. This wasn’t a piece about reconsidering the idea of casual sex, but rather, making sure that those men who we know are no good for us (for whatever reason) get their access passes revoked.
It’s interesting that you seem to soley blame your friend’s baby mommas for their roles in these bad romances, but don’t (at least here) hold them accountable for being Marcus-like AND failing to use protection. The blame goes both ways.
BTW-James, if you are a man, your suggestion that “especially the ladies” get past the idea of casual sex is 100% more offensive. Seriously.
Truth! I agree..
At the risk of beating a dead horse, to quote one of my favourite rappers, ” I know the sex aint gon keep you, but as my equal
Its how I must treat you”
The only women I know who were honestly kept in relationships by the sex aren’t mature enough to consider themselves women other than in the society defined biological sense of the word.
I will say, because you knew your friends as described losers, doesn’t mean that’s what they presented. Much of the problem with women of colour who are increasingly educated is that we have a tendency to think we can change men and the fact that they’re down on their luck has all to do with society and nothing to do with the creature claiming to be a man.
“Why do you pick up the phone for a guy like this? And do you realize guys like me are in the room (or car, true shit) listening and laughing that women (still) fall for this crap, and yes we draw harsh conclusions…because you cant make this stuff up. ”
The framework of what you said, I believe, is ultimately the biggest problem in the Diaspora– that you’re well educated (presumably?) and yet debased yourself to your possessions– (your tout to the car). If we’re all still that small-minded, you cannot expect much better. . . .from anyone.
As one of my male friends use to tell me…”Don’t get addicted to what the dick did!”
LOL HMMM…IM not gonna lie
im s-m-h’ing at myself for this
which i have done on a few occasions
*sighs*
I don’t know why she entertained him that long. It saddens me women still buy this bs in the name of being understanding when they should know and do better.
Did you notice he didn’t call her by her name a single time in the entire conversation? Does he even know which ‘baby’ he’s talking to?….*pause*
Cosign. Plus these dudes are selfish/self-centered. Nine times out of ten you’re both in love with the same person.., him.
Did you notice he didn’t call her by her name a single time during the entire conversation? Does he even know which “baby” he’s talking to?…*pause*
@ Jamilah-Asali Lemieux I do blame my friends for their non sense.
On a reply over on Freshxpress I called a lifelong friend of mine a simp and Grade A loser. 3 Kids by 2 different women and cant keep a job…oh and he dropped out of UVA at 19. He is locked up on Rikers at the moment.
What I find odd is he was questionable when his first BM got with him-he was a drop out working the overnight shift at Macys. I cant see what she saw in son to have his baby. Again I grew up with son everybody on the block knew he was jokester. No way a chick would take him seriously. Dead wrong.
He and his first BM had the baby. They split soon after.
BM no 2 has this history and the dropping out of college (now working at now defunct Circuit City) and no he never again attempted to go back to school.
But she too got pregnant and they had twins. He got a better at LIJ Hosp on Long Island but he loses it for taking too many days off.
Again I dont know what made him a pick to have kids with. Nothing in his recent passed showed achievement and finishing things that mean something to him. It all seems as if both women saw what they wanted to see. Yea the blame is equal but the woman is the one bearing the burden.
Its clear son is terribly misguided as to what a man is (he thought with his dick exclusively). I saw it when he came to my pad after I just framed my degree.
He seemed to get it that day. He quit on himself from the moment he dropped out of UVA to be a Don Juan). And now this s the legacy he has for his 3 kids.
My pops is a jerk, but locked up never and he always had a job.
I lost respect for son for getting caught up in hood shit.
But as I get older I have to start questioning what makes these men so attractive to some women?
Why do you pick up the phone for a guy like this? And do you realize guys like me are in the room (or car, true shit) listening and laughing that women (still) fall for this crap, and yes we draw harsh conclusions…because you cant make this stuff up.
Damn if standing you up isnt the cut off point then let a brother know whats really going on then because I dont do dumb shit like that.
“But as I get older I have to start questioning what makes these men so attractive to some women?”
As a woman, I can’t even answer this question. We always have the choice – we can refuse these men. Geez, I wish I could push a button and make these women turn around and walk away.
“Why do you pick up the phone for a guy like this?”
Exactly. Why DO we pick up? It’s called caller ID. I pay good money for that service – I’m definitely using it to my advantage.
The ADULT man in this article, Marcus, doesn’t even sound like a mature adult, but I unfortunately, ADULT men like him do exist.
James, I understand what you are saying: women could correct all this nonsense real quick by “punishing” this kind of behavior…by just walking away.
I’m 17 and I don’t put up with guys. I have two brothers and I know the little games that these guys play. I see my friends and even some of my family members who are women fall into this trap , but nah , I pass. I will be damned if I get into a relationship with someone and take them seriously , only to have it thrown back in my face. A sista don’t play that (XD)!! I don’t plan on dating until i’m out of college anyway.
One thing I’ve learned– never be too high above falling.
Lucky for you, you don’t fall snare to the games that you see. . . .and what of the ones you don’t?
What will happen when the man who for all intents and purposes is the knight in shining armor (god forbid) leaves your heart in pieces, strewn about like solo cups at an undergrad fraternity party?