I know, I know, just rock with me for a second.

Last night during a convo with my girl Renina she mentioned I should check out an essay on the Crunk Feminist Collective blog. Already a fan of the site, I let my fingers stroll on over and stumbled upon one of the most honestly written essays I’ve come across in a long time. The title alone, “Single, Saved, and Sexin’: The Gospel of Gettin’ Your Freak On,” let me know I was in for a serious piece of writing, and it did not disappoint.

In “Single, Saved, and Sexin’” the author (who posted anonymously so that she may speak freely) muses about her struggle to satisfy her sexual needs, while staying in compliance with God’s word.

She writes,

Like most conservative Christian folks, I grew up believing, that sex was reserved for marriage. For years my sexual experiences were laden with guilt. I routinely went years at a time with no sexual contact, until I would finally, in a fit of weakness give in to my urges. I was caught in a continual cycle of self-denial, self-indulgence, guilt, confession, rinse and repeat, topped off by five years of celibacy. I was treating sex as if it were a bad habit that I desperately needed to break.

All of that is a prelude to a confession: I’m single. I’m saved (as in born-again Christian). And I have sex. Unapologetically.

As the granddaughter of a preacher, and someone who was raised in a strict Baptist household, I totally understand where she’s coming from. The need to balance your sexual desires with your religious beliefs is a struggle for many, especially women.

The author asserted that, instead of shrinking to fit the limited definition of what’s allowed within the standard understanding of Christianity (her religion), she wanted and needed an “expanded view of God,” one that no longer made her feel trapped in a cycle of guilt and regret for simply expressing herself sexually.

While I read, her words not only resonated with me, but they also struck me as sort of a declaration of liberation more than a woman trying to justify getting her freak on. Too often women, both in religious and secular society, are made to feel like we must adhere to ultra modest standards while our male counterparts are free to live life how they see fit. I don’t think Jesus believed in double standards, so why is so much of our (religious/secular) society predicated on such ideals?

Now I know, some will view her words as the ramblings of a self-indulgent woman who is looking to make God shrink to fit her needs, instead of expanding to meet His. But I find her words pretty spot on. Not only because I am leery of the validity of some of the Bible’s writings (I mean, it was written by MEN after all), but also because I believe that each person’s relationship with God is personal. And God is much too big and too expansive and too alive to be held to such antiquated words. The beauty of God (if you believe) is that S/he meets us where we are and loves us in spite of our decisions.

What do you think Clutchettes and Gents? Can you be “Single, Saved, and Sexin’” and still be right with God? Sound off!

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  • Raya

    WOW! I went to the website itself and read the article!! And I am so so THANKFUL for “Urban Professional” contribution, because this is a mess! I am not here to judge anybody, and true, a relationship with God is personal! But when I read how Christians nowadays compromise the standards that God set for us under the pretext that “men wrote it”, or that women can’t control their sexual urges it just absurd. I’m sorry!! Don’t put that on God! It’s not okay to have sex before marriage according to the Bible, it will never be okay!! So She should’ve just wrote that she decided to have sex because she MADE that decison! It doesn’t make it right at the Lord’s sight!!

    Plus, in the article, the writer talks about the Grace of God: “I do not think one can live and thrive in them. For me, Christianity is too much about grace, too much about freedom to engender the continual guilt, frustration, and anxiety, which I continually confronted merely for expressing my sexual selfhood[…]”
    Let us read Hebrew 10:26 “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left […]
    Plus watch: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=no+more+sheets+juanita+bynum&aq=0

    May God bless us all !!!

  • olive

    Matthew 24:4-14

    4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.

    9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

    For you that don’t read the Bible and call yourself a “christian”/ born again “christian” , you are deceived. Some that say they believe in a “jesus” but do not uphold the word, you are also being deceived because you are making up your own rules and twistng God’s word. If you don’t believe in what Jesus says, don’t call yourself a Christian. For nonbelievers, you continue doing what you do.. continuing to have sex outside of marriage will lead you to self-destruction. Keep going. But for those that truly want to be saved, READ THE BIBLE. Judgement and Justice is coming.

    Tolerance never works.

    Matthew 7:21-23
    21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

    Careful people. If you want to be lied to, keep going that way. For those that want to know the truth, read the word.

    John 8:31-32 “Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

    May Jesus become your ultimate treasure and watch Him work in your life. IT’S CRAZY.

  • sofia

    “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that–and shudder.”
    — James 2:18-20 [NRSV]
    I think we need to redefine what being born again means.