Would You Date You?
They say physical attraction is half the battle when it comes to dating, so if a guy you’re interested in asks for your number, you usually feel pretty good about the outlook since women typically feel most insecure about their looks. The truth of the matter, though, is that looks won’t keep you around long if you don’t have much else going for you (or you’ve got a few major things you need to work on).
One day I was mentally rehearsing my answers to the typical first phone conversation questions a man asks (yes, I sometimes do this) like:
What do you do for a living? I work in medical publishing.
What do you do for fun? I don’t really get out much because I work a lot.
But when you do get out, what to you do? Happy Hour, shop?
That’s when I realized I was boring, plain and simple. I literally laughed out loud and thought, I wouldn’t even be surprised if I didn’t get asked for a date after that type of convo (did I mention that I’m also a pessimist?)
Word around the blogosphere is that men don’t care so much about what a woman does for a living. They like to know that a woman has a job, of course, but they don’t get caught up in the title, position, and paycheck quite the way most women do when they hear that a man is a doctor, lawyer, or business owner. So basically what that told me was that what I considered my best quality didn’t mean ish in the eyes of a man. Great.
Spontaneity, a fun personality, being outgoing, those are the things men look at first, and basically my one-on-one convo with myself almost put me to sleep.
And then there’s the other woman in my life—Sallie Mae. She’s not going anywhere until about 2038, so unless I hit the lotto somewhere between now and my 52nd b-day, Sallie is always going to come first when it comes to planning vacations, having celebratory dinners, and exchanging gifts, and a man could very well see this as a liability.
I say all this to say that, via my little introspection exercise, I realized that I had a few housekeeping details to take care of myself before I tried to roll up on a man. In reality I’m not boring, but I’m also not making the time to do all of those things that make me a well-rounded good catch like traveling, or going to concerts, or seeing plays, or any of the other things that I enjoy. Of course I could blame some of this on Sallie, but I take full responsibility for having a longer list of things that I want to do than things I’ve done.
And while we can easily look to the women we know and point out why they don’t have a man—she’s too bossy, too clingy, too uptight, too bougie, too ghetto, too loud, too shy, too controlling, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera–we might need to do a little self-eval ourselves and see if we’re really putting our best foot forward to attract the men that we want to date.
Alongside these “shortcomings” are my positive qualities like being thoughtful and considerate and a good cook, and caring and encouraging, but those attributes don’t show themselves until you’ve made it past the first test of keeping his interest (and proving you’re not crazy).
All things considered, I’m feeling like a strong B right now, but with a little work I’m sure I can pull that up in no time.
What about you, if you were being totally honest with yourself, would you date you?
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Nah, nope, and hell no….lol especially at this point in my life with finishing my bachelor’s degree, trying to relocate, working/saving, etc I’ am just not good company now. I can barely put up with myself and live in my own head so I wouldn’t date me. I am with African Mami I need a polar opposite of me because usually that works for me in terms of personalities.
Great question, for me *fo sho* this is the deal if you would date yourself, it means you have accepted yourself ( warts and all ) and in turn it will be easier to accept someone else into your life. The larger question is are you *worth dating*…..
Yes indeed I would date me. Although I am not where I want to be, I am certainly on my way there. I’m in the process of taking my pre-requisite courses to enter into nursing school and once I’m all complete “Fa-Get-A-Boud-It” LOL. Right now I’m semi employed :-( but that will change soon. I have good personality, I love talking about whatever topic there is under the sun, I’m a comedian, humble, deep thinker, love the Lord, love my family, and love my people. I think a lot people want to meet their Mr. or Ms Perfect when they feel that they are “perfect” but honestly that might not be the best idea. If you can find someone who is dedicated to you while you are on your grind perusing your education or next career, that person will probably stick with you during better times. Put it like this, it’s easy to be a fan of the Super Bowl Champs, but how many people are fans of the last place team who quietly on their way to become Super Bowl Champs. In the words of Johnny Gill…………
You need a love that will not change
You want a lover to remain forever yours
Oh, but you don’t have to worry, you never have to fear
Through thick and thin I’ll always be here
I’ll be your bridge over and through troubled waters
You never have to face it alone
And when the world seems to treat you unfair
Baby, for you I’ll always be there
I won’t be no fairweather friend
I’ll be there till the end
Even through stormy weather
Time and time againI won’t be no fairweather friend
I’ll be there till the end
Even through stormy weather
Time and time again
I love this article especially since I’m going on my first speed dating event this Sunday in NYC! I need to keep in mind how fun I am and remember the 3 or 4 things that make me me! Thanks for the reminder.
Yes, I would date me. I want to find the male version of me. I’m smart, funny, passionate, caring, kind, loyal and genuine. I would looooove to find someone like me. Where is he??? lol
No.
the relationship i’m trying to have with myself (and God) into growing into a better person is me dating myself/getting to know myself/putting time, energy, work, and love into growing into something greater.
so i am already dating myself.
damn right i would date me, not that im egotistical, just that I am just a ray full of energy, and there is never dull moment around this Jamaican girl! I travel, i try new things all the time, I am about to get the car of my dreams, i have my own place, im going to school, and i have the heart of Mother Teresa.I know the lyrics to “The Message” by Nas and Grandmaster Flash, and lyrics to “One” by Res, not that it matters but Im pretty diverse. shy people need not apply.
I would date me sometimes hah! If that makes sense. But I have my days where I look at my schedule and literally feel bad for my boyfriend because there’s so little room for quality time. But his schedule is just as hectic so he understands what it means to “make time.” Even if its an hour or two after work, we manage to do the things we like. And then I’ve also made time to manage in “me time” and keeping up with my own self discovery. You can find the well rounded life you want.
I most certainly would and what an excellent question. It made me think and I’m sure it made others think as well.
*** LADIES LISTEN UP: NOW FOR THE NO BS MEN RESPONSE.
1. Men Do care what JOB you have. It tells us if you can afford to buy us PlayStation games once in a while, go dutch, and most importantly– what kind of job related social events we must accompany you to! We hate being the paraded around boyfriend at the office party and your corny co-workers telling us–”oh you’re ZEE? we heard so much about you”
2. We ask WHAT you DO for FUN: because we want to see if just how much of a FREAK we can squeeze out of you. Yes we believe that theres a freak in every woman, but with various levels. some are freaky on their own (our favorite side chicks) and most (esp overly educated women) have to be cajoled into letting the freak out. We DONT CARE if you TRAVEL a lot or GO to MUSEUMS– but we DO care that you know how to HAVE FUN when WE take you out. And most importantly: DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN GIRLFRIENDS to GO to these dam places with. HAVING FUN with your girlfriends is very important– CUZ a Woman without girlfriends spell TROUBLE for us. We dont want to be the source of all your entertainment. just like 30%.
3. AND MOST IMPORTANT: WE Care if you WORKOUT– like regular! The #1 REASON why men prefer to go on island vacations without you is because we are afraid to see you on the beach in your 1 Piece Tutu bathing suit, when there are dozens of hot chicks w tight glutes and thongs hovering around us. WE really dont want to have a roving eye– unless you give us a reason to. (it hearts the cornea)
4. And FINALLY- you got it bad girl- cuz you are a WRITER, A BLACK FEMALE writer (i presume) at that. No guy can live up to your never ending LISTS. You are continually drafting mental lists on a guy and editing them after every date.ANd no guy likes to be around women who talk to themselves!– yes yo do. You have to in order to write. It may be your job but it spills into your everyday life. WRITERS are ALWAYS ON! And that means terror for any man you’re with. Any mistake we make will be written about, evaluated, critiqued, analyzed, etc. and end up on a blog–”10 things Your man will do wrong” lol Im sure there are plenty of these articles here everyday!
Take heed Ladies, this is just practical honest information. Take a tip from your Latina’ sistas!- they luv to have FUN, Go out Dancing with their girlfriends, are insanely obsessed with looking sexy at all times, and like to have kids. (lol)
ZEEZUS, I was hanging with you until you took your “general” advice and got personal. The slam against writers is YOUR opinion. As a writer, the men I’ve dated loved the fact that I write for a living (and for pleasure). Its a sign of intelligence to be able to effectively express ideas in black and white. Ive been told that its refreshing to be with a woman who is smart enough to take ideas and analyze them, then write it up for others to read and learn! Ha ha , I get your point about the guy ending up on a blog. Ive done that myself, but I would never call anyone out. And since there is nothing new under the sun, maybe other people can learn from my own experiences, so I will publish my lessons learned on my blog. I admit that Yes, I do live in my head. So far, that hasnt been an issue in relationships. If anything, the fact that I write frustrates those I date, because I dont write much to THEM! LOL I write all day every day. I dont have time to give lengthy responses to emails and texts!
I also take offense to you saying WE need to take our cue from our Latina sisters. Dont forget that they are also very possessive and will fight your ass in a hot minute! That Latin passion can show in the form of jealousy and a temper, not to mention plain crazy! LOL You cite that Latinas are obsessed with looking sexy and all that. Man please! Most men I know dont want a woman trying to look sexy for ANOTHER MAN. They want a woman who only wants to be sexy for HER man. That is a different issue from taking pride in your appearance. Now if you had said take pride in appearance thats one thing. I believe women should take pride in appearance, but not soley to garner attention from a man. They should just want to feel good for themselves, and I guess their own man if they have one.
Thats all… take care
why don’t the men who post on clutch realize how stooopid they sound?
Great question! I date myself all day everyday..me, myself and I have a fabulous relationship. It’s really no wonder I found what I was looking for in that special someone because I really was happy on my own, living my life, dancing to oldies in my undies, having fun with friends and just knowing that I’m a beautiful being. We must get to this point before trying to include someone else in our lives…it just makes things that much easier! :)
Would I date myself? Hell yeah i’d date myself! I’m sessy…. XD
i’d date me in a heartbeat.
i’d be lucky to have me.
i’m awesome.
Given the male reply ,I’d prefer to date myself than a man like him.
Some of y’all might want to start by asking yourselves why you feel the need to use the comment section in this random article to try and validate how you feel about yourselves. Confidence and security (two extremely sexy traits) is internal and does not require this sort of outward expression to strangers.
if you’re so concerned about “outward expression to strangers,” why are you outwardly expressing yourself to people in an online publication, in the comments section?
you obviously wanna feel validated and important so you post on a forum to be heard. right? meditate on your on your own issues, that includes your need to offer free (and bad) counsel to others.
how’s that? lol.
oh, omg… :-)