In college some friends and I thought it would be “cool” and “edgy” to watch an adult film and so there we were, huddled around the TV waiting for the action to pop off. A virgin at the time, I thought it would give me some insight into what sensual pleasures lay ahead for me when I decided to “go all the way”. Instead the footage sent me screaming out of the room to try to unsee the image of two hoodlums making the beast with two backs. Black erotica, particularly adult films, is notoriously bad, which runs counter to my romantic (and cerebral) nature. Touch me, tease me, feel me and caress me, you know what I mean? Here is a rundown of what makes black raunchy romance videos so unsavory:

The Names
Booty Talk 524: Big Booty Black B*tches get Busted Down! Why are the names of these videos so terrible? They are offensive, mostly because they’re disrespectful and rob the woman of the agency of being a participant in the sexual experience. Rather, she is merely a prop to be used to please the penis of her partner. Why not something more seductive, like Mocha Mami’s or Chocolate Seduction? Not everyone likes to be talked to like a $20 dollar hooker (it’s ok if you do though), and it makes it hard to fantasize about being in the video starlet’s position (pun intended).

People
The people in black adult films are…special. In all the films I’ve seen everyone looked slightly broke down. The guys usually wear a sideways baseball hat, a fake No Limit chain and white socks with droopy elastic. The ladies aren’t much better with their hard hair and drawn on eyebrows. Everyone and everything is ashy. There is nary a supple surface on the screen, and that deeply disturbs me.

Even in fancier movies the cast is subpar. Case in point: Montana Fishburne. All the make-up she had on her face should have been re-routed to her donk. I’m sorry, but nobody wants to see constellation cheeks, the Big Dipper in the sky is quite enough. And the men aren’t any better. Example: Brian Pumper. This man is the epitome of a hot mess. While he is indeed very attractive, his personality is beyond narcissistic, and his belief that he is God’s gift to women makes him hard to stomach. However, you will find that his rapping is quite entertaining and I encourage you to YouTube them. They are probably better than his films. Pure Comedy.

Plots & Production Quality
A plot in a black porn is harder to find than BigFoot, and I’m starting to think that like BigFoot, they don’t actually exist. Instead what you find is the people I mentioned earlier smiling and waving directly into the camera, a Twitter length conversation about how the girl is going to get smashed out, and then a cut to the “action.” There’s no build up, no excitement, and the viewer is left trying to figure how all of it went down in the span of two minutes and 15 seconds.

I don’t know if these films are intentionally low budget or what, but they are usually taped on a hand-held recorder in the basement of someone’s grandma’s house. This is evidenced by the plastic wrap on the couches and the sounds of someone’s parent cooking upstairs. The family dog can be found roaming the “set” looking for food scraps. The mattress has floral patterns on it. All of these factors lead to an unsexy visual that will dry up even the moistest Brazilian rainforest.

Capturing the beauty, vulnerability and realness of sex is extremely hard. From a purely creative standpoint I understand that. But black erotica doesn’t even attempt to do the act any justice. I’m just saying it would be nice to see some classy black adult films where there isn’t skeet in everyone’s eye and people actually seem to enjoy themselves. Maybe I should just stick to Zane’s Sex Chronicles, but in the meantime black adult films need to cum stronger.

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  • It’s funny how everyone is speaking on how “funny” the article is. Yet it’s true. You see the same 10 black men in every black movie. The black porn industry revolves around the men, and a few women (but the women only get popular if they do movies with white men or they host parties at strip clubs). The white porn industry revolves around the women. Most black porn stars use to be strippers… GHETTO strippers at that.

    I’m a guy, and if I watch a 20 minute porn video (which I feel is as long as a movie should be), I have to skip through 10 minutes of dick sucking. Then there’s more dick sucking every time they change positions. WHO DOES THAT SHIT?? From my experience in life, men that want to have their dicks sucked all the time are borderline gay.

    The girl on girl scenes are even worse. I consider myself a “veteran” (lol) at eating pussy, and ANY woman will tell you that you gotta do more than just flick your tongue… Yet the girl is all screaming and what not… TERRIBLE!

    I think what’s worse than the black porn industry are the guys that support it. Most of my guy friends that I complain to about it always say… “I don’t see anything wrong with it.

    I always say there are 3 things that make a great black porn movie. #1, the woman has to be fine as hell with a nice body… no weave… and no weed smoking lips… THAT eliminates 90% of the movies so I can’t even make it to #’s 2 and 3! LMAO!!

  • The disrespect shown towards the women in the films cannot be corrected by simply teaching pornographers better manners. People who make porn hate women. People who use porn hate women.

    Porn is the graphic representation of a violent system of male domination and female oppression. Those who consume it are damaged by it. There is no good porn. There is no way to make “bad” porn better.

    • ian calvert

      We are being duped into believing pornography represents healthy sexuality.

    • DAngelo136

      I disagree with you. You seem to parrot the militant feminist definition of adult films that somehow all porn is a form of abuse. The definition of “normal” and “healthy” change with the times. Being gay at one time was not considered “normal” or “healthy” and now we do.

      Adult films are here and they’re here to stay. All adult films are fantasies in visual form. You can get the same effect from reading “Fanny Hill”. But now with the technology we have available, the product should be better. But “better” takes money. Large studios can afford to hire top notch talent both behind and in front of the camera. Most of Black adult films are run on shoestring budgets and guys who have no idea of what comprises good movie making techniques.

      What they need is the equivalent of a Spike Lee in the industry behind the camera. I would also add that anybody who is thinking of getting into the industry as a producer or director, read this article and then study on basic movie making; a good book would be “$30 Film School” by Michael Dean. There’s really no excuse why the Black adult film industry can’t improve. We have the knowledge, the equipment and if you look hard enough the talent to do so.
      But first, we have to shed the feminist (white) attitude.

  • NYClater

    People that don’t like porn must not be able to bust a nut. That’s the only reason I can think of. People that are able to have orgasms like porn.

  • jenks8702

    i totally agree with this article and ive always felt this way. i have to watch other races of porn to be fulfilled.