‘I Wanna Get You Pregnant’

by Geneva S. Thomas

0616_fighting-couple-in-bed_smIn a 21st century dating context where Black women in America are quantitatively disadvantaged, any supposed family oriented man would seemingly be a God sent lottery pick. But what happens when what gets the dream brotha you’re positively feeling off is telling you he wants to get you pregnant?

A few months ago, I went on date to New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art with a hopeful I was so sure about in the first month I told my Mom about him. We were playfully flirting inside of the Temple of Dendur when soon the squeezing the small of my back and subtle sneak feels on my booty turned into a full on tongue war. His wet and slippery kisses made his way from my neck up to my ear somewhere in between my Swarovski crystal studs and my earlobe. Out of nowhere, he uttered “I wanna get you pregnant.”

It was like a turbo Hoover vacuum sucked all of the oxygen out of my body. I found myself gasping, coughing…it was like some instant allergic reaction to artificial shellfish. I don’t know if he became hypnotic over the Givenchy perfume I was wearing or what. I shot a sharp look at him and said, “Umm wha, what did you just say?” I was hoping he would do one of those just kidding laughs and jokingly play it off, but instead with a serious face he straightened up and went, “Why you tripping?”

Shocked and taken all the way back at how for real he seemed, I clapped back, “Dude, you have to be kidding me! You can’t just whisper things like that in my ear!” Instantly my mind flashed back to the time we almost got busy in his condo in the middle of a syndicated ‘Martin’ episode. He conveniently had no condoms and claimed it was too late for him to run to the Duane Reade around the corner to get some. What’s more, he proceeded to undo my blouse as if it was really about to go down. Now I’m thinking he may have been more than a little thirsty that night, this man is trying to family plan on the sly.

Needless to say, our cultural outing at the MET and the dinner plans that followed at Harlem’s new Red Rooster was canceled. “Umm I forgot I have an early meeting in the morning. Let’s get up later.”

There was no morning meeting. Instead I switched my Kirkwoods to GAP flats on the corner of 83d & 5th, hopped on the train and met my girls at my neighborhood spot, Peaches. The first line after one sip of “Brownstone Punch”…

“What the fuck?! How can a man that fine and that educated be that damn looney?”

“Well, I’m not so sure he’s dumb Geneva, he’s just flirting. Guys find that sexy,” goes the always irritatingly intuitive and diplomatic Toya.

“I guess I’m off trend.” I said. “When did it become attractive to tell a woman at a freaking museum I want to get you pregnant?”

“I mean, why not say, I can see myself marrying you?” offers the sensible Deneatra. “My ex used to say that all the time when we had sex. He claimed he didn’t want me taking birth control anymore because it made me fat, and he never wanted to use a condom. After a while I put two and two together and really began to consider that he was intentionally trying to get me pregnant. Interestingly, he never talked about a ring.”

“Dede, you were just being paranoid about him,” says Toya.

“What was so strange about it all is that it seemed to really turn him on, it was sexy to him,” I recalled.

We unanimously became muted and glared out of the window. Our eyes roamed and ended up at the Marcus Garvey Elementary School across the street. A streak of cold shot through my body. This can’t be my life…

Is there seriously a sub-culture of Black men who intentionally want to get the girls they date pregnant?

We came of age to the series of R. Kelly songs from ‘Half On A Baby’ to one of the artist’s modern version, the collab, ‘Pregnant’ featuring The Dream, Tyrese and Robin Thicke. I began to think in bed that night, is there seriously a sub-culture of Black men who intentionally want to get the girls they date pregnant? And why is there the appetite for little league juniors instead of the call for wedding bells?

Could these brothas with a case of paternal instinct be really after a family or are they in search of some other kind of twisted fulfillment? And what exactly is so sexy and freaky about telling a girl, “I wanna get you pregnant?” Is it some kind of wordplay foreplay–the new head?

During my late night critical thought mass, another part of my cerebellum wondered, maybe I’m selfish or ungrateful? Should I be happy a guy wants to create a life with me? In a sea of non-committing brothas who choose to come and go, this one was talking children in the first month. But I quickly shot back to my senses. And I thanked God for it.

This man’s spontaneity and hasty taste for kids seemed forced and a little scary. Moreover, I thought about how important a meaningful relationship was to me and it’s eventual transition into marriage and family. A guy who somehow takes the idea of this too lightly is simply a guy I can not rock with.

All I could think about was how I would trick myself into forgetting about him by deleting his number from my iPhone and keeping myself busy over the next few days. I was vigilant on ignoring every call and text, and blocking his kisses out of my mind–which were quite good– and removing the vase of lilies he sent to my office from my desk.

Until Thursday while lunching at my fave Thai spot with my BGF (Best Gay Friend), I got a call from the parched-for-babies dude. I wanted to send him to voice mail, but somehow found myself picking up the phone.

Him: “What’s good? Why you been ignoring me?”

Me: “Umm I wasn’t ignoring you, I’ve just been really busy with a lot of deadlines.” My boy Sureme snickers on the other side of the table. I shush him and continue talking.

Me: “Honestly, I was a little turned off with what you said at the MET.”

Him: “Word? What did I say?”

Me: “Quit playing.”

Him: “I mean, that’s just how I felt at the time, it’s just something I like to say.”

While running him a series of questions in search for clarity, I asked myself how many girls has he uttered those words to, and why would he like to play with those words, when any other brotha would dash from the mere thought of kids? Ultimately it was a paradox too overwhelming for me to solve. I ended the call, finished my pad thai and downed a passion fruit bellini.

Shortly after I ended the call, Mr. Babies was on my phone again, but this time he texted.

“You think too much.”

  • Love child

    I’ve also met a brother who uttered the same thing to me, it had just been days since we met. He claimed he was in love with me and all that hogwash, so I ask him about marriage, and he said he’s not ready for such a commitment, and then I ask, is having a baby not an even bigger commitment? He then called me selfish, after I told him there is no way at 24 years old I am going to mother any child. I’m still trying to achieve my dreams, live a little, travel, get to know me, then get married and then bring a child into this world in a good enviroment. I’m sorry I don’t get that. For me any man who says he wants a child is asking for me to ignore all his calls and act like I never met him. But then I thought maybe there women out there who find that nice that a man you barely know wants to have a baby with you.

  • CalypsoMiss

    If a man had told me that after a month of dating, alarm bells would have been going off like crazy, and I would have run away from him as fast as I could. You were absolutely right to take off. He probably did think it was a sexy thing for him to say, and probably thought that it would work with you because it sounds like it has worked for him in the past. Maybe he’s used to dating women with babies on the brain. Who knows! He’s whack! Within a few weeks of dating, my husband and I were so into each other, we started talking about marriage. We married 2 years later. During that time of dating, we discussed many topics including how many children we wanted. Relationships take time. Love takes time. It sounds like he wanted to put the cart before the horse. If he’s really a smart brotha, he needs to start acting like it and slow his roll!

  • http://[email protected] ross

    upon reading this article i fell somewhat uneasy for what i told a stanger the other day. i told her i was pregers and it was your baby. she looked at me with disgust as I pretruded my stomach to look like i was pregnant. I’M A FAT MAN. I KNOW.
    All kidding aside i remember one time i was making love to my girl and I was so into it as i gently kissed her neck. her legs were churning back and forth between the sheets. i massaged her chest with mine all the while interlocking our hands. i remember uttering those words “I want to have your baby” maybe it was out of desperation or a mere attempt for a deeper affection towards me. the sex was so good that i wanted cry.. it was that then on i remember that she owes me five dollars……………

  • http://www.ebonylolita.tumblr.com Ebonylolita

    Girl……… RUN!!! We have warning bells for a reason. Now if this was something he said often b/c HE finds it funny……. RUN. Your obviously not the type of woman that is into that type of shenanigan. He thought the line was gonna be his pumpum guarantee & he got DECLINED like a bad Amex card. Now it’s “You think to much” *Kissteeth/Eyeroll*

    Welp, girl the minute YOU stop thinking is the minute you fall into the trap so keep thinking LONG & HARD and don’t forget to RUN from that type a fuckery. There’s enough single mothers out in the world w/o you adding to the mix. Sad b/c I’m sure that line has worked on previous women & future victims. *Shrugs*

  • Stephanie

    “YOU THINK TOO MUCH”

    I think that just says it all? What an idiot

  • http://www.pnkwire.blogspot.com cdh

    I honestly think its game that probably works on naive girls. Just like telling someone you love them during sex. If a girl is desperate, and naive, having someone tell her “I love you,” and “I want to get you pregnant” gives her hope that there is a possibility for a future, even if that’s not what the guy really wants. He puts the idea in her head and gives her something to “work” towards. She may let jher guard down because she thinks he’s generally interested in starting a family with her and perhaps that will lead to marriage. Unfortunately there are clearly still people out here who think a baby equals automatic family and bliss forever. It’s a psychological thing. I’m not sure I’m making sense to anyone other than myself. lol That’s the best way I can explain it.

  • Nina

    Hilarious read!
    I’ve, too, been told, “I wanna get you pregnant”. It was weird, to be quite honest. We weren’t even in a committed relationship, let alone married. I didn’t give him what he wanted but the next girl did — he has a brand new baby girl & is no longer with the mother of the child. SMH

  • guest

    This is the equivalent of a woman talking about “commitment” and “marriage” on the first date or too soon. As much as women think commitment is sexy, guys aren’t try to hear that either so what makes this foolishness ok?

  • http://Growingupto30.WordPress.com Journeyto30

    I was ready with a comment until I read the last line if this article. Humph! I get accused of the same thing. I mean I do think a lot but usually it’s justified- as in this case. He’s cocoloco. In short, unless he was able to add the clause “…but I want you to be my wife first”, he sounds like the male version of a turkey-basing woman.

    You’re not crazy. His comment was shrewd and off putting to any woman seeking a quality, mature, lasting relationship. Let him get a desperate for child woman pregnant….

  • http://sartorialme.blogspot.com serenissima

    girrrlllll. ive been there A FEW TIMES. for some reason a LOT of guys think im the wife/baby mama type… maybe because im a nanny? my last three- count em, THREE- boyfriends played this card on me. one told me straight up he was trying to get me pregnant because he knew id make a great mom, had a good head on my shoulders, and would take care of the kid. really though?!

    the one before him kept telling me whenever i was ready we could get married and get to work on me having his six sons. he got the -_- face right before i broke up with him. and even a friend of mine always used to joke about us having a baby that we could put in the NBA, cuz hes over six feet tall and im six feet, even.

    im not sure where guys got the idea that it was a cute or funny thing to say, but i think i agree with CDH that its probably something that works on young, immature girls… its like the promise of marriage, only better, because its a BABY (insert sarcasm here).

  • Dave

    Perhaps that is the issue. Maybe he is not looking for a lasting “mature” relationship.
    Maybe he just wants to be a father.
    It’s 2011….it is possible.

  • Nasya

    In this day in age every Black women is not trying to be someone’s baby’s mama It seems like we are not socialized to be more than a baby mama what about being wifed first my goodness.

  • Nina

    It doesn’t require 1. bringing a child into the world or 2. having ties with that person for the rest of your child’s life. Big difference.

  • Tiana

    Riiiight??! Dude is ‘effin ridiculous!

  • Nina

    I’m tall as well & too many men have told me the same thing — “let’s make NBA babies together”. The problem is, 1 too many were serious. I must look like a cash cow or something. Plus, why try to produce a child solely for the purpose of them being an athlete? I want my child to be a scientist like his/her momma :)

  • http://www.frickenfashionable.com Monica

    …Interesting……. I can’t believe he said that! I have NEVER had that happen to me, nor have I ever heard about this happening! How weird! I would definitely be creeped out by any guy who wanted to impregnate me on the first date… People are crazy.

  • http://www.adivastateofmind.com A Diva State of Mind

    You definitely don’t think too much. If a dude said the same thing to me after dating for only a month, I would’ve reacted the same way!!

  • Tomi

    This has never happened to me. I will do everything in my power to prevent it.
    Seriously who the hell thinks that’s sexy O_O?
    “I want to get you pregnant. Oh but no marriage though. Gotta keep my options open.”
    And let’s not forget the “We’d make cute babies,” argument.
    You know what would be cuter? A pink, conflict-free, diamond on my finger.

  • Clnmike

    Lol, good article, I can’t even think about saying that to a woman with a straight face. But his mentality was summed up when he was quick to say that but not will you marry me, sign of the times.

  • au napptural

    OMG, I thought this had only happened to me! Similar situation, early days of dating. And when I called him on it, he thought it was normal. Deleted.

  • EmpressDivine

    TRUST that this is not a “sub-culture” of what I’ll call “trapping men”. There are a lot of them out there. This guy was just bold enough to voice his intentions. There are just as many guys poking holes in condoms, “forgetting” condoms, and slipping them off during sex as there are girls. I think it’s all about control. I’ve heard more than a few guys say they think a girl will give them pretty babies or she looks like she’ll take care of his kids. I even heard a guy he just wanted to have baby mama drama. Guys know that if a woman has his child he will always have access to her life.

    The moral of the story is carry your own protection and never trust a big d**k and a smile. These boys are poison! <– check my Bell Biv Devoe reference!

  • DeePDX

    Girl, a dude who you’ve barely began seeing and who utters them words at “passionate” moments ain’t nothing but a manipulator and selfish. Point Blank. Homeboy was thirsty and thinking with his “little head”.

    Believe me, I’m not some prudish chick that’s waiting around for the prince in shining armor to whisk me away ’til happily ever after. But c’mon. Dudes that act like this, especially when they retort with “you think too much” are really saying, “I wanna bed you down. Talking about babies and making love is romantic. Dropping my seed in you continues MY legacy. MY genes will go on. And no, I will NOT marry you first, but instead will continue to play the field at my chosing while you take care of my son/daughter.”

    Girl, that’s all that is. It’s up to you to let him and TRY to establish a relationship of mutual love and respect. But by the sound of it, home dude just wants to hit it until he’s ready to move on to the one. Just my 2 cents.

  • African Mami

    @ ross,

    ROFL!!!!! You are a certified nut case…..

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    The dude that said this to me once upon a time is out of his mind. I also blame the other women he’s said that to before, who probably thought it was sexy and then had sex with him afterwards.

    Some of these men cannot be trusted to even blow breath upon you, straight up.

  • lala

    no wedding, no womb
    simple as that

  • http://www.tracyreneejones.com Tracy Renee Jones

    What? I’m surprised this is the first time you’ve ran across one of those.

    I INVEST money in condoms and I chart my fertility like an Egyptian astronomer to avoid pregnancy. These dudes see a female they they think will be a good mother or be a good investment and they plot to knock her up. Think about it, a college girl from a good family having a baby with a dude is like marrying up for a woman back in the day.

    I’ve been told as such; ‘if you had my baby it would ALWAYS be me and you, no matter what. You could marry the next man. I’m still in you’re life”. I suggest we get married and he thinks that’s too complicated..

    Watch ya back, ladies. The wolves are circling…

  • Bebe

    *deep sigh of relief*

    Whew! I thought I was the only person this crazy ish was happening to! I’ve gotten these “1/2 on a baby” propositions more times than I care to remember.

    In the middle of sex, I had an ex say to me “I wanna get you pregnant, so I can have this forever?” Seriously? A baby gives you lifetime booty rights? What happened to marriage? We broke up shortly after that.

    Most recently, one of my truly platonic guy friends asked me if he could get me pregnant. It was SO random and caught me completely off guard. Clearly, that answer was no.

    In some case, I attribute it to the male biological clock. In others, I’m at a loss for words. How is it that you can see someone as the mother of your child, but you don’t think marriage first?

  • African Mami

    I would break out into a “Put a Ring On It” jig and leave him totally perplexed.

  • natti_f_babii

    LOL @ ur pink diamond ring. Haha yes girl i agree 100%

  • The Taker

    I think if some dude said that to me in which EVERY last one of them has (wtf, why every dude I meet want me to have his damn baby, must be my aura) all he would have heard was “SWOOOOSSHHHHH”. I’ll be damned if I let some dude just knock me up all willy nilly. Im not trying to have no freeloading uterus droppings no way unless its by Prince and even then I question if I really want to go through with it *not like Prince will ever consider knocking me up anyways,lol*.

    Anyways, yeah this is pretty much a no go. A NO GO.

  • http://sartorialme.blogspot.com serenissima

    LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    *gasps for air*

    *laughs some more*

  • Tomi

    “wtf, why every dude I meet want me to have his damn baby, must be my aura”

    HAHAHAHA it’s totes them “Baby-Making” hips we all supposedly have. A chick has told me that the curve of my waist to lower hips looked like a perfect saddle for twins. It’s a jigsaw puzzle! “A perfect fit, therefore I MUST inseminate you.”

    Really it only makes sense once you do the math. /sarcasm haha~

  • http://sartorialme.blogspot.com serenissima

    ‘freeloading uterus droppings’

    epic greatness, right up there with ‘Put A Ring On It jig.’ im going to have to use both of those

  • The Taker

    Im soooo serious when I say these things. Its scary to me. My heart be racing all fast and ish.

  • http://[email protected] ross

    you are so corny!!!!!!!

  • EmpressDivine

    @ Ross

    Tell em why u mad tho?!

  • binks

    I almost got in trouble for dying out laughing at this article…LOL I heard about this before it is quite common especially these days with everything mostly being done backwards i.e. baby carriage before marriage. But I could NEVER figure out why the baby commitment first. I mean getting married and being parents are two major commitments but would being married be sort of the easier one out of the two? You can always get a divorce but you are a parent for a lifetime and tie through the other parent whether you like him/her or not. But it has nothing to do with feeling parental urge 9/10 times because you would think that if you want to be a father you will think about oh I don’t know marrying the mother, providing a stable household for the kid, etc. etc. To me it comes down to be selfish and leaving your “mark” on a person without a real commitment for certain privileges don’t believe the hype ladies.

  • Rastaman

    Isn’t “I wanna get you pregnant” just another version of the old standby “I want you to be the mother of my children”. Crasser and less subtle I think but probably more befitting of the times in which we live. Ladies, those kinds of men use those kinds of lines because they have worked for them before. There is nothing complex about it at all. She should have responded to his “You think too much” text with “You don’t think at all”.
    It is obvious you were not the right target for this line of seduction but unfortunately there are enough self esteem challenged girls out in the ether who will be enamored and feel truly special the next time homeboy utters those words. Based on the runaway epidemic of unwed mothers in our community saying “I wanna get your pregnant” may actually be quite fruitful and working much better than “I wanna marry you”.

    I feel sorry for you ladies if these are the level of foolishness you all have to deal with on a daily basis. I done and said some dumb sht in my dating life but I have to be thankful I have never said some sht like that. Reading this reminds me that one of the biggest arguments I ever had with a long term GF occurred because she playfully stated she was pregnant and I replied “Hell no!” She did not think my response was that endearing but like I said to her, I am not trying to get you pregnant so do not be playing like that…..

  • tasha

    Good read.. but we could have did without the references to Kirkwoods, Red Rooster, his condo.. #just sayin

  • http://brokecollegegrad.blogspot.com Lauren

    Just like they’re girls who try to trap guys with babies, there are men who try to trap women with kids too. It works both ways.

  • Clnmike

    I’ll have to cosign that, I know a guy who intentionally got his than girlfriend pregnant just before she was to start her freshman year at Howard, they have since been married and now divorce with three kids for what ever thats worth. Another dude I know punched holes in a condom with a needle to get this woman pregnant. He was the side piece, so I guess he didnt like the lack of attention.

  • http://brokecollegegrad.blogspot.com Lauren

    That’s a damn shame

  • D-Town Girl

    Gee. Aren’t we hating? #womp

  • zy

    OMG, I just laughed so hard at this I choked! LOL!!! AMEN!

  • Used to do

    Actually had this happen to me when I was dating my “then ex”. He said to me one night, “I’m going to get you pregnant and we’re going to have 5 kids.” I said, “AHA! With what vagina? Good luck on getting those 5 different women to have em!” I hung up the phone after that. Really? In the Southern phrase, I ask, “Where dey do dat at?!” You have GOT TO BE kidding me.

  • http://tealoves2write.tumblr.com ♥ Talia

    I TOTALLY co-sign with everything Tracy RJ just said…

    I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve had this same conversation, verbatim, in the past 3 months. I think you’re right, the wolves are definitely on the prowl. I think it’s sad that knocking women up and settling for single-parenthood is supposed to be okay– and fools be giving you the side eye like it’s delusional to hold out for the happy family scenario. Umm… my advice, stay away from the kool-aid bowl– these thirsty fools have had too much of their share and definitely have the game twisted. Smdh. I’m done.

  • Stacye

    lol @ the put a ring on it jig, hilarious. Yep guys thsi has happen to me twice. Cant figure out when guys thought this line was acceptable.

  • Jenny

    Thank God you think too much . . . of yourself to fall for some punk line he tried to kick.
    Honestly a wonderful man will make my skin crawl with one ill line. “I wanna get you pregnant” is right up there.

  • D-Chubb

    “I think it’s all about control.” YEP!

  • msbklynqn

    Soooo true. I had a guy tell me that in the middle of the uh…”heat of passion” . It shook me to the bone. I had to make sure he still had on the “raincoat” and didn’t pull a fast one one me

  • Magnolia

    My cousin’s boyfriend did that to her when she on the way out. Poked holes in the condom. Apparently he wanted a boy… Well now she has a boy and he’s no where around. Shameful.

  • TR

    I don’t know what dude was thinking. Growing up I learned there were certain phrases that were too valuable to ever slip haphazardly from my lips. “I love you” and ” I want to marry you” were at the top of the list. However, “I want to get you pregnant” was never even in consideration. After “I love you” and “I want to marry you” everything else was implied. If a woman was good enough to get those two statements out of me, then wanting to make babies was an afterthought.

    Maybe he assumed she would be overcome with emotion from a comment like that. Maybe he figured it would make sex a more sure thing. Maybe he was overcome with emotion himself and this was the only way he understood how to express it. Yes, that sounds like a wack excuse, but some of us men really lack the expressive gene. Maybe “I want to get you pregnant” is the new “I want to marry you”. And if so, that is sad.

    I know people trash married life a lot. And I understand why. Still you couldn’t pay me to go back out on the singles scene. I just don’t have the patience for all the BS. When I read things like this it just reminds me how screwed up a lot of people’s priorities are. Luckily the writer did not fall for dude’s game.

  • bob

    I have told women that you keep on looking that sexy you gonna get pregnant, or when a woman is just looking extra slutty and extra good I flat out tell her your gonna get pregnant cus dudes gonna try to smash and one gonna eventually mess up but, I have never said I want to get you pregnant not untill im making like 100,000 a year

  • http://www.biz-moguls.com Norrel

    This is FAR too much!!

  • African Mami

    @bob,

    100,000 a year is no reason for you to tell a chick you want your sperms carried full term!

  • Tomi

    *face-fucking-in-my-palm*
    SIGH

  • http://writingwhileblack.com writtenbyBene

    CO-SIGN! I’m shocked this was the author’s first experience with a man of this ilk. Perhaps she’s surprised because of the notion that he’s an alleged “good brother” based on his academic and career achievements. Well these “I want to get you pregnant” brothers are common; and they come in all shapes, forms & fashions. And I don’t believe most of them are saying it because “it’s just something I say.” In the mind of a man with this line of thinking, getting a woman pregnant is the ultimate way to trap her, be in her life forever, etc. Majority of the time it is men who believe they found a good one and who is honestly an upgrade from the type of women he usually dates (read: educated, smart, pretty, will be a good mother, independent, ambitious). Welcome to 21st century dating.

    P.S. Great read. Your pen game is sick!

  • https://twitter.com/MaryMenstrual MaryMenstrual

    LOL! High Five!

    =)

  • http://justtryingtogetitright.wordpress.com Chinye

    Yeshhhhh, psychologically this just seems crazy. Want the milk to turn into cheese, but don’t want the cow. Completely something else lol

  • Jenn

    Oh god so creepy! This has never happened to me and I am so sorry that it happened to anyone else. That is not right.

  • sunshyne84

    definitely a red flag

    dudes gotta chill….that is NOT flattering

  • http://goldnraysofsunshine.blogspot.com/ GoldnGirl

    So many guys try and say women trap men, but honestly in a lot of instances I think it’s the other way around. Me and my male cousin are very close like siblings and he admitted to me once that he was trying to get a girl he was talking to pregnant with no intention of marrying him. He just thought she’d make a great mother to his kids -_____-

  • ryan

    Im just saying Ill atleast have the money to support the child

  • ryan

    those guys got dropped on their head as babies

  • Cleo

    And I thought I was crazy. Shit like this is why I bring my own condoms to the party.

  • http://deephoneydc.blogspot.com deep.honey

    Great read! Thanks for sharing your story. Yet another way that dating continues to go further and further down the rabbit hole in the 21st century. *sigh*

  • Amber

    I have an issue with this too! I don’t know how this is a turn on! I guess men associate passionate rough sex with “making a baby” and don’t really want one, but they actually do want to have raw sex, and are truly risking creating another life. Some men are surprised and don’t want to take responsibility, but I truly believe there is a subculture of men out there who wear having a baby as a badge of manhood. If this means I am thinking too much then good, cuz I am not going half on a baby I am not ready for just for some passionate moments of sex.

  • jade

    no wedding no womb
    simple as that

  • chinaza

    Some guys say it stupidly in the heat of the moment.
    But some guys seriously mean it when they get possessive and want to “make you unavailable” to other men. As a woman, you can’t be naive.

  • ChantaleSterling

    Whoa, that almost took me all the way out! HAHA!

  • http://noirmuse.blogspot.com/ Caribbelle

    this terrifies me…uterus is on LOCK!!

  • Pingback: " I Wanna Get You Pregnant? " | The Smugger

  • Nasya

    I agree with you no wedding/marriage no baby.

  • brownsugababy

    BGF? Really? Come on now Geneva…

  • http://AirInDanYell.tumblr.com Erin

    My ex-boyfriend said this same BS to me while we were together, and it scared the hell out of me. I told him straight up that I’m not having kids until I get married and am financially capable of caring for them with my husband, and he was like he didn’t want to get married first. O_o Needless to say, we’re not together anymore, nor will we ever be together again, nor will I ever date a man who feels the same way ever again.

  • LIlah

    I’ve always been perplexed by this too. Guys on the street would randomly cat-call and say things like “Yeah, girl, let’s go half on a baby.” Some young women I knew thought that things like that were extremely sexy. “Girl, he want me to have his baby!” *rolls eyes* I’m like “Um…does he want you to have a ring too?” Though I am now married and expecting my first child, I was vigilant in my single days about condoms and other forms of birth control. It frustrated some guys I dated to no end. I just didn’t want to end up like a lot of women I knew who, after all the lovey-dovey feelings wore off, found themselves to be struggling single mothers with limited incomes.

  • African Mami

    @ ryan,

    Just saying still does not cut it! We need COMMITTMENT. Full time and long term.
    Money only necessitates in the financial aspects of raising the child. What about the emotional, mental and spiritual guidance aspect of it. This new phenomenon using our uteruses as saving accounts, has got to stop. Until then, I’m still jigging it out to “Put a Ring on It”!

  • Desiree

    Lol I had that same thing said to me to. I’m like are you serious?? If I have a child it’s gonna be with my husband and if you don’t want to play that role as well then you better take that line and move on to someone else!!

  • phatlips

    Him: “I wanna get you pregnant.”
    Phatlips: “I wanna restraining order.”

    *shows dude front door, turns out porch light, blocks dude’s number.*

  • ruggie

    “Oooh baby, let’s create the yet another generation of fatherless black children and single abandoned mothers.” How heart warming.

  • Alexandra

    “I’ll put two in you” or “You can definitely be my baby mama”….lol

    And the ever so “When you gon’ let me in”. My ex said this to me plenty of times. But we never went there anyway. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. But I just wasn’t ready.
    I agree with chinaza. Some guys say this in the heat of the moment; ‘Sex talk’ basically.

    Be careful ladies. Theres way too many baby mamas out there, and yes it is true; a lot of guys can trap women with those 5 words. But in the end, he can walk away as soon as he busts. You on the other hand can’t. Make wise choices.

  • strawberry_swirl

    well, i do understand that some women may not be ready for a kid at the moment a situation like that comes up, but think about it, is it really worth being 50 years old with a young child that should be your grandchild by now? when u get around that age u need to be chillin. babies may not be all that wen youre young and poor, but dont wait too late, because u never know wen that opportunity might never come back. its been so many who said no to the baby because they wanna party and have fun or get married first, but what if this is your only chance of ever having a baby? if u dont ever want a baby then dont ever have one but if u do someday, u better take advantage of that cuz its too many women out there who cant even have a baby while the ones who complain about bein married first and this n that can…unfortunately, in this world, its do or dont–permanently

  • Tomi

    Your logic is sort of confusing. Some women don’t want kids. Ever. Me included.
    Also, you should never just pick ANY man just because your biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away. That’s silly….
    Adoption is also a very real option, there’s no need to rush.

  • Renajesq

    Wow! I thought my dating life sucked, but it looks like I’m not alone. I’m sooo sick to my stomach at the ish these men are bringing my way these days that I’m preparing for a life of singlehood…in my last relationship, my ex had a 10 yr old, was UMEMPLOYED for at least a year, AND had a baby on the way. What makes matters worse is that my dumb a*s thought it wasn’t as bad as it sounded because he was a ‘good guy’ who was really, really, really trying to find a job (has a master’s in IT), and he honestly wanted to be in a relationship with me. *Sad face*. Needless to say that was too much drama to deal w/ (even though we broke up right after the baby was born and he found a job), and the other men after him weren’t as bad but brought their own set of selfish issues…I’m glad however, that I already have a child, unlike most of my friends who are in their late 30s early 40s who are ALL beautiful, well-educated, gainfully employed, perfectly sane black women…

  • Rachie

    I so agree. I mean… pregnant? Would he even take care of it? My professor said that her brothers boast of having nine children… Okay.. I think. Nothing is wrong with having nine children if you have the love and finances to care for them. And then she said “he does not take care of one of them,” and I’m just like…. of course.

  • Rachie

    I kind of think marriage is not really an issue because people are in relationships for seven and sometimes ten years and they never get married. It is about a committed responsible person and a lot of black men and some black women just want to play the field through their 20′s, 30′s 40′s and then try to have a baby…. I say, if you want one, have one. Get pregnant with a responsible fellow. That is what I plan on doing because since marriage itself has pretty much been destroyed by pop culture that only promotes a party life style, I don’t have time to wait for a prince that does not exist. I will just have a baby with someone willing to do their part in caring for it and if we are together forever… good. if we date other people… good. If you have love and finances to support a child… good because honestly, I can not see myself being tied down to the same partner for more than three years. I get bored. I so agree. The real question is would he even take care of the baby? Lol. Probably.. boarding on maybe… boarding on no. My professor said that her brother boast of having nine children… Okay.. I think. Nothing is wrong with having nine children if you have the love and finances to care for them. And then she said “he does not take care of one of them,” and I’m just like…. of course.

  • rhea

    @ strawberry_swirl & @ richie:

    Seriously!!! How old are you? You sound like young and foolish girls who are too young to be dating anyone at all. Kids are not just something to have. They are small people who have a lot of needs, and they grow up one day. People get caught up in talking about babies as if that’s all they’ll ever be– just babies. Money is not the only factor. The truth is that babies grow older, get more expensive every day, and need to be raised into adults. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and GOOD common sense to raise a child. (Do you hear me? GOOD COMMON SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) There is all manner of foolishness in this world looking to lead kids astray. Parents have to fight constantly for the good of their children, and single parents have to fight that fight alone. How dare you write it off as if it’s something trivial! I grew up without a father, and I would never wish that on any child.

    The bottom line is this: Kids need stability, and the best way to grant them that stability is through marriage. Divorce is ugly and expensive. You can’t just walk out of a marriage, but you can waltz out of an open relationship any time of the day or night, even if the relationship is ten years old. And most men willing to leave you will leave you with his kids. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can reinvent the wheel just because you do not see healthy marriages around you. If a man really wants you to have his baby, he’ll marry you. Period!

  • Lisa

    Sounds like someone who got pregnant by a dude like that, is alone now and is trying to justify her life…

  • http://interracialdatingcoach.blogspot.com/ Z

    #1: He obviously said this to get into your pants and intrigue your emotions as a woman who more than likely wants a family and commitment. And this method has probably worked on other women.
    #2: If he doesn’t have condoms in his home and is okay with not using them, that means he probably DOESN’T use protection AT.ALL.EVER.
    #3: A baby but no ring, is still a form of lack of commitment.
    #4: Your friend Toya needs to get some sense somewhere
    #5: We as BW deserve better, stop accepting this substandard BS sisters!

  • http://interracialdatingcoach.blogspot.com/ Z

    So really your only option is to have a baby with the first random dude that offers up his sperm or never have children at all? Let’s be real here if Geneva had gotten pregnant, dude probably would’ve been on the first plane out of dodge. This is what our community has now succumbed to? This is where we now are as BW? Do you for even one second think that white, Asian, and Hispanic women even have these types of conversations?!? We need to do better and learn to demand more as women.

  • http://thecomplexmedia.com/blog/ theComplex

    Thanks for sharing this! I’ve found that it’s mostly something men just say because they do in fact think it’s cute. They aren’t usually ready for the responsibility. I even try killing the comment with a rant about I refuse to EVER be pregnant but it becomes even more fun for them. “Oh I’m definitely knocking you up then!” However, in a couple of cases for me, the guys were quite serious so I took off running. :)

  • http://pertheblog.blogspot.com Tracie

    Whoa! I really liked this one! I have found myself in the same situation. And even now my BF has been talking about wanting kids, and wanted them immediately following marriage…I think is some kind of revolution goin on…WTH! Anywho, Great article!

  • http://pertheblog.blogspot.com Tracie

    But in reference to your situation, ole dude was just running a line. In his sick mind he thought that would make you feel special and would give it up, but lil did he know it did the opposite b/c you have good da!mn sense! SMH…This guy!

  • Jay

    Some men say it because some women like that. All women are different but every women expects a man to automatically know what she likes, what are her turn-ons and offs, etc. But reality is we are all human and are different.

    The baby mother rate is so high and the divorce rate is high also, but let me guess it’s all men’s fault… All that is being said here is nothing at all things never change and won’t until you the women who are the backbone of the world change.

    See all the women that are trying to get married and are honestly nice women, the women out there that sleep with any man are messing it up for you and there are more of them then good girls. Also, if you meet a good man how bout try to make it work and realize that he is not going to be perfect and come with flaws. That’s why a relationship is and always has been work.

  • Bye Trini

    This happened to me a decade ago.

    The offerer was an Ivy League educated Baptist Minister! We had gone on a few casual dates and he randomly blurted that he “…wouldn’t mind…” having a baby with me. Now, this guy was from a bedrock solid family….parents married for nearly 40 years….family owned a lot of property all over NYC…..minister of a high-profile church in Brooklyn…lot’s of future potential to be a major community leader.

    And he wanted me to be his Baby Mama. Not his Wife.

    And he was honestly confused by my lack of enthusiasm to assume the role of the former.

    Needless to say, we didn’t see much of each other after that, and eventually I cut ties.

    To this day, he is in his early 40′s and unmarried…

  • Rastaman

    Had to co-sign.
    I was hoping one of the women on here would check that foolishness. Thank you.
    We have realize that their is a subculture out here who can only offer the world their DNA, they have nothing else to contribute. Unfortunately we have legitimized that thinking so much so that they now believe it is just an equally alternate view.

  • LGB

    Happened to me before too. I was also told I think too much. LOL I don’t have any answers because it took me by surprise too.

  • http://tifivil.tumblr.com Urbanchica

    back in my young, uneducated days if a dude told you he wanted you to be his baby mama, it meant he wanted you for life, you can divorce a wife but you always had ties to the mother of your child was the explaination given….Thank the good Lord I didn’t fall for that line!!!!

  • marty326

    Call me an oddball, but I’m not that insulted by the story or the man’s comment. I think it was just a byproduct of passion and being in “the moment”, honestly. I’ve read this author’s work before and I have to agree with the man in question: she over thinks things too much. At the first sign of any type of a man’s flaw or drawback, she flees the scene, wrapping herself up in a bunch of “what if’s.” It’s all very “SATC”, which for a 28 yr old woman living in New York like myself, is far too trite of a story-line to pay attention to. Try talking to the man in question next time: our best friend’s always have the best intentions, but aren’t mind-readers.

    And lastly, enough with the designer name-dropping. It makes my head hurt…

  • http://sweetilocks.blogspot.com Sweetilocks

    Personally, I think it’s epidemic. Many men know that those are words some women totally fall for. Hence they have no condoms and can’t go get any, but still expect to get some ass. Not up in here! I don’t play games when it comes to pregnancy and many of these guys who are pretending that they’re saying it as a romantic notion are just playing with the idea of reproduction. These are the same guys who suddenly have a job somewhere across the country that they “must take” as soon as the woman he wanted to get pregnant starts to actually look pregnant! Too many of these guys are walking around with this idealistic view of making a baby, which doesn’t necessarily touch on their expected/intended relationship with the mother of said child(ren). That is nothing to play with and you better think too much about stuff like that. Again, he didn’t say, I want to raise a child with you.” He said, “I want to get you pregnant.” Too very different statements! Please don’t fall for the okey-doke baby! Too many girls have already gone for that one. Me? I’M.NOT.GOING!

  • Rastaman

    That would qualify as a subject to over think rather than under think wouldn’t you say?

  • GJ

    Not limited to black men. I’ve had both a black man and white man say that to me. For these two I think it was just pure ego. One got his wish and has three children with a woman he will never marry. So sad. Good enough to mother your children, but not to marry.

  • theloneous

    “I want to get you pregnant”

    Dude is on a power trip, he sounds like a rapist.

  • Tia

    I too would have been veeeery insulted by that. He wanted you to have his babies because some of them think that by you being a baby momma, you will always be an option. I think some actually try to do that to sabatoge you.
    I had someone try that bull….mission NOT accomplished

  • Jaslene

    I totally agree with the name dropping just say you were on the phone nobody needs to know it was a damn iPhone.

  • http://sartorialme.blogspot.com serenissima
  • Watchful Eye

    You were very calm and non confrontational. I’d been like…have you lost your mother fuckin mind!? What type a shit you on. ” I wanna get you pregnant?1 How about you adopt fool” I got shit to do tomorrow but I won’t be talking to your ass…know dat.” Fine ain’t no substitute for stupid. Get some goal in your life cuz then you’ll know it ain’t ok to go around whisperin shit like that in peoples ear. (Would have had to have been said with a look of disdain looking out the side of your head,)

  • Cyan

    Madness and in this day and age… Girl you better keep on thinking too much… I find it amazing that men no longer want to marry you but you could be their baby mama!!!

  • OneSouthernBell

    Chile please, brothas who softly whisper, “I wanna make a baby with you” aren’t after a family but a green light on unprotected sex. Period.

    Nowadays, men with any degree of appeal and attractiveness have all read Steve Harvey’s book and have transformed the modern day okie-doke into a play-by-play of what looks and sounds good but still is bad for you. Consider it a new form of running game if you will.

    He’s right though…you do think too much. It’s just that your thoughts are all in the right place–in line with your sense of self worth and maturity.

  • Bobbi O.

    Glad and sad to know it is not just me. In the last 6 months I have had several men from my past hit me with this baby thing. And none of them are offering marriage. It made me so upset to think I am ok for you to knock up but not to love, honor, trust, and protect. The value system of the modern man (some not all) is questionable at best!

  • http://twitter.com/ThtGrlB23 Bernadette

    All i have to say to this is WTF???!!!!????!!!!??? oh and whats the address to that Thai resturant??

  • sRa

    EGO. that’s all it is…spreading their seed.

  • Girl

    Why couldnt it be “I want you to be my wife”..why is it straight to just pregnant? Maybe if women actually did OVERTHINK we wouldnt have so many miserable baby mamas around. Glad she was smarter than most women.

  • http://www.sugahoney.com sugahoney

    Cosiging every part of this comment.

  • Pearlsrevealed

    LMBO!!!!!!! “where dey do dat at?”

  • Alexandra

    @ Girl

    “Maybe if women actually did OVERTHINK we wouldnt have so many miserable baby mamas around. Glad she was smarter than most women.”

    Generalized comment, but I have to agree 100%. There are a lot of numbers to back that up too. Some women actually prefer to be ‘babymamas’ than wives, until he bounces.

  • sara

    PEOPLE WANNA DO EVERYTHING BUT GET MARRIED THESE DAYS!HOW IS THIS ANYTHING NEW? NEXT

  • dont do it

    Yes, this is often the case. Women have to be careful they will pin you for life and they often seem to do this. But, what I dont understand is the relutance to get married. If a man is going to be with a woman what is the difference from dating her and certifying her. Being faithful or not faithful cant be it. Finances of being with them day to day or being married are going to be done anyway so what is the differnce. But, yet, they sure love to impregnant I see alot of black men that want the baby but not to give the ring! Dont get it? I know alot of it is they like that power of having a woman by knocking her up! She is indebted to and her life is going to be even more centered around that man. They know they pretty much have tagged you and have you for life or 18 yrs how ever you want to see it. It is all about the ego. Where is the compassion?

  • Miss Peaches

    Hell no chicks need to say I wish a niggum would? That is what they should say. I’m sorry men know this is it is not easy to have a life outside of having a mans child they know they got you and have a great power over you. Its not easy to take care to live a life that does not move around something that is apart of them forever. Their little seed heathens! Yes, I said it! Seed heathens. They grow up to remind you of the big seed heathen they came from. They know they got you. It is not easy to move on and they like to have that power over their baby mama’s. Heathens! I say! Heathens! Dont let heathens ruin your lifes! Just say NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Build a empire not a seed heathen.

  • Ashley

    I have a two year old daughter from a Guy like this. I was 16 when we met. He called me a stupid bitch and got me pregnant against my will. When the baby was born the father’s friend told me see that’s what you get for being a stuck up bitch. I haven’t left my house for three years straight except for to go grocery shopping and I have no help raising the baby.

  • Temi

    Since you were RAPED..i mean if t was against your will so it was rape..why didnt you report him? get the Morning After pill?
    Now you’re stuck with a baby at 18 for no reason. :/
    Tell me you’re at LEAST getting child support? thru the courts?

  • xgod

    From the man’s point of view, and I might just be betraying a sacred shush code or something, many of us want to try it at least once just to make sure we can get away with it and to find out if we are as fertile as we think we are. Sure, it may seem immature and crude, but many of us men have the animal lust to impregnate as many women as possible as soon as possible.

    “Spread the seed, kill the weed!” is a saying my father had — and he, my two brothers, and his brother all have at least 5 kids EACH — OUTSIDE any marriages they may have had. The “seed” is obvious, the “weed” is any other man’s seed besides your own.

    I have the primal urge that my father and my brothers have. However, I am a more responsible individual, having married the first woman I slept with and – even after 12 years of marriage – still have yet to produce a child. Of course, she knows of my urges and my fantasy of getting her pregnant. I have tried countless times. However, we are probably never going to have kids, as she is on osteoporosis medication which will cause any conceived child to be both deformed and retarded.

    Part of me wishes I could find a woman who is willing to take the risk, just for the fun of it. Many men just want to knock up any and every woman who appeals to them if they can get inside. It only takes one sperm and it’s all over. It’s a disorder, natural though it may be.

    Making you a “baby mama” is the goal of any man who lusts after you, regardless of what he says to the contrary.

    For that reason alone, women should always take control of the condoms and any other birth control. Speaking from experience with my wife when she first got on the pill, many men will sabatoge the condom by poking holes, snipping the tip, or microwaving it to make sure those baby makers get inside you.

    And for all the men who agree totally with what i am saying, sorry if I spoiled your chances at fatherhood!

  • Jane

    I think times are also changing and the ocnventional family has also changed, I was raised by mum when I was young and my dad in secondary school, but my parents have always been close and the older i get the more I realised that I wouldn’t mind a partner that is there for me and we have our child/ren and go through the motions withough the umbrella of marriage. As long as the commitment, communication and friendship is there. Secondly, I live in Nigeria and a lot of men here get their women regnant before marrying them. maybe as proof of fertility on either side or a self trap. I say go for it, if you are ready, what is the worse that could happen??

  • Alayna

    whorish much? A respectable woman waist until l marriage! 24 and still a virgin!!!

  • Dee

    Yeah, that isn’t so much a black thing as it is a man thing. All men wanna get a woman pregnant, and that’s probably due in part to a primal urge, like the guy above said, and also masculinity, and a bunch of other factors. Women have the same primal types of urges in different ways. Like for instance, have you ever wondered why women are so attracted to men that all the other women are attracted to? Because, and they’ll never admit this, mostly because we don’t even realize that all of us human-beings are this crazy, but it’s because they think that man will bear her a child whose good with women also, thus bearing her grandchildren and spreading the seed further. So enough with all that bullshit about it being creepy, etc. etc. It was a perfectly natural thing to do for a man, and for all you uppity women’s information, this is a desire retained by most every man, whether they’ll admit or they’re even aware of it or not. It’s human nature. We’re just a higher scale of animals after all. That’s not to say that once you do that though, you should be gone and leave all the responsibility on the woman. If you do it, then man up and help take care of the child. But I think old dude was right originally when he said you think too much, and I think all the uppity women on here blew that completely out of proportion. And it’s also sad that women would so easily blackball a man like that, and just check him off for one single comment he made. The women do have some valid points about marriage first, supporting the child emotionally, financially, but overall, I think the dude was right. THINK TOO MUCH.

  • Mark

    I have to agree with the other men that posted. This is definitely not just a black thing. All guys want to get women pregnant. I’ve personally never said it to a woman who I was dating, though I did say it to my wife once during sex and as far as I can tell it was a turn on for her. When we got to the point in our relationship where we were ttc she started telling me to make her pregnant during sex and it almost always made me cum.
    Don’t doubt that men are thinking it, most of us just aren’t dumb enough to say it to someone we are not committed to. I get what you ladies are saying about the guy being a sleaze, but if a guy says something like this don’t judge them solely on that. He may mean more than that he just wants to knock you up and leave. As far back as I can remember impregnating a woman has turned me on, though so has the Idea of being a devoted father and husband.

  • Brown Skin

    I feel you girl. I recently ddoged a bullet. A man who chased me for two years, we talked on the phone for two months stratight then finally I traveled to see him. He was amazing to be around, he made me laugh but the second time he made me think. They say time tells everything and as time went on the only thing he was so interested in me was my looks. He loved my nose, my eyebrows, my lips and my brown skin. But the ultimate love was my belly. He praised my belly and couldn’t get enough of my small petitte frame. The second time we were together we didn’t use protection. he actually stopped me from going into his drawer to get one. The next morning as he was praising my outer appearance I told him that “nothing was coming out of this vagina” His whole demeanor and facial expression changed like I told him he only had 2 weeks to live. So he says “Well you better get on the pill then”. Mind you this man is 37 and im 30 years old no children and never had the opportunity to be impregnated. I guess he saw me as the perfect target, no trail of men behind me and no children of my own. The whole dynamic of our everyday convo’s text, FB etc.. changed once I made that statement. He doesn’t call or text me like he used to. So just imagine if I would have let all my inhabitions go I would be atleast 4-5 months pregnant with my first child and his 4th. So all this time he was trying to trap me into being his because he knew that I fell in love him and yes he was such a sweety to me and I have never felt more beautiful with a man than the two times I seen him in person. Oh well alls well that ends well.

  • Torry

    Respectable men wait as well. I hope you find a respectable virgin mate! Congratulations!

  • http://nerdstradamas.wordpress.com nerdstradamas

    To the author and women like her:

    You DO NOT think too much.

    If you weren’t thinking while you were dating this man and happened to be duped by his charm and advances, best believe males (and some women) would not sympathize with you. It’s interesting how males are coming to this guy’s defense when everyday women fall for these type of lines only to become the sole person to face consequence and blame.

    I think this guy thought you would be flattered, but he unknowingly raised a red flag, instead. And I am glad you picked up on his game.

    His comment was not innocent, it was revealing of his insidious nature. Telling someone you want to get them pregnant isn’t at all flattering or amusing, esp. with the number of failed relationships.

    *Shudders* Run girl, run!

  • http://nerdstradamas.wordpress.com nerdstradamas

    OMG…that is whore-ible. Who does that? LOL….who just reconnects with people and talks about having kids. And think about what an unfair deal this is for a woman…oh Lawd! this human race…. *cries to the heavens*

  • Blue

    You’d be surprised. I met two guys who thought I’d make a great candidate for being the mother of their children. Dude, how do you skip over relationship & marriage to straight to the kids. I was flattered but ummm no. My ex wanted a kid because he thought that would make our relationship stronger? What the…when did getting someone knocked up become some careless act.

  • tiffany

    This guy just told me that but it’s because of my skin color he said imagine wat our baby would look like… but then he realized water he said n took and corrected it by saying I ddnt mean to say dat out loud

  • disqus_NcxgmsdO5t

    What was up with all the thirstiness though? Are you sure he’s not trying to spread the “the package”… instead of his seed. IJS, you can never be too careful in this day and age.

  • De_Ann

    I have been fortunate to not experience this kind of man but I say dump him and dump him quick. That is so weird. He doesn’t know you and doesn’t even plan on marrying you first. No sir and no ma’m, that wouldn’t be me. Dump him and run.

  • De_Ann

    That’s craziness.

  • mbeezy

    The desire to be a father is a natural aspiration. Telling a woman you want to get her pregnant is obnoxious, crass, and just ignorant. How about – I’d like to build a life with you? Or will you marry me? Come on now. I’m judging anyone who says something like.

  • Jef Tate

    As a dater of the womens on the flip-side of the “sub-culture of Black men who [seemingly] intentionally want to get the girls they date pregnant,” this is not at all startling. I, persomally, am in no shortage of stories that involve women asking me to take condoms off or say, “I want a baby from you.” NOT to be confused with I want a baby WITH you. My homies, particularly after moving to NY, share similar stories.
    While gendered by our dating proclivities, the issue is surely not a gendered one. Still, I do not know if the thrust is of the primal nature for procreation (with a partner you intuit will give you healthy offspring), or the primal instinct for unfettered fornifications.

Latest Stories

5 Ways to Style an Awkward Length Afro

by

South African Journalist Reflects On Being In An Interracial Marriage After Apartheid

by

Did He Cave? Pharrell Puts Dark Skin Woman on the Cover of ‘Marilyn Monroe’

by

9 Killed, 36 Wounded Easter Weekend in Chicago, Feds Intervene

by
More in Life, Relationships
Time Sisters Kept Condoms At Hand Too
Stuck In The Stone Age: Interracial Marriage Banned in Lousiana
Close