Picture-2113I recently had to go in on one of my besties, after discovering that she was supposed to take a trip to Miami with a dude she hardly knew. I thought it was odd that she had been somewhat tightlipped about the details surrounding her getaway, considering how excited she had been to go. The crew didn’t get the whole story until the fella stopped returning her phone calls the day of the trip (he had the tickets) and she found herself sitting at the airport feeling silly. A long conversation revealed the truth: dude had only been around for a few weeks.

No. Bueno.

I’ve know my girl for about six years. She’s hardly what you would call a bird or a gold-digger; in fact, she could buy her own trip to pretty much anywhere she’d like to go. But she thought the guy was attempting to sweep her off her feet with a grand gesture. And perhaps he was, until the interruption of finances, a girlfriend, a wife or any other detail that could be very unclear after only a month of dating.

While she was sorely disappointed by his disappearance from the face of the earth- understandably so-homegirl could have dodged a real bullet. The fact that he was able to just ignore her calls, knowing that her bags were packed, speaks volumes about his character. Aside from that, none of her friends knew this man and she herself didn’t take the time to find out what hotel they were staying in. We didn’t have his contact info in case of an emergency, her flight itinerary, nothing. If she had turned up missing, all we would have was “she went to Miami with Steve.”

Travelling any significant distance is something that should come later in a relationship. While it may be awful impressive and tempting that a cutie wants to take you somewhere warm, you don’t know someone well enough after three or four weeks to put your life in his hands that way. Aside from the danger, what if you get into an argument and spend the rest of the trip feeling awkward or angry? Or, worse, what if he gets mad and leaves you out there with no way home? If he wants to be fancy, let him take you to Ruth’s Chris and leave the travelling to the established couples.

When you are dealing with new boos, you need to let someone in your life know his or her basic details in case of an emergency. If you spend the night at someone’s house, text your bestie the address. If he drove, go on and send over his licence plate number as well. Don’t worry about judgment, worry about someone who cares about you knowing your whereabouts. And when a reasonable enough amount of time has passed and you feel safe saying “yes” to a vacation, make sure that you are kept abreast of all important details (flights, hotels, city of destination) and pass that info along as well. The same goes to new platonic friends. You can’t go running across the country or the world without knowing who you are running with!

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  • magnolia

    I once had a guy I dated (briefly) say that I was “xtra” and “trust issues” because I told him in college when I would date, the girls would have their friends sit outside the dorms and secretly take down the license number and get a few shots of dude with a cell phone. This was if the guy was local that no one really knew. The guy wouldn’t know it was going on… Since I highly doubt I’ll end up on Nancy Grace, it wasn’t a bad move. I did say we dated briefly, right. LOL!

  • D-Chubb

    Why is this not common sense?

  • jane

    My girls and I use to hop flights with guys all the time. The secret is to have YOUR own cash and a contingency plan. We would never travel to the airport with them, and always changed our seating or flight [if he bought the ticket], since I couldn’t check his luggage, didn’t know if they were mules or not.

    Before you travel, get the information to the hotel, airport, etc. Register with the consulate of that country., let all your people know his info or the info that he gave you with pictures attached, lastly get a few numbers out of his phone, and jot them done giving them to family members (i know its extreme, but we are talking traveling with “strangers”

    BUT me and my gals could have been lucky in those days, today I wouldn’t recommend this, although a man you’ve known for years can be a mass murderer.

  • cupcakes and shiraz

    I have never travelled with a significant other, but have flown out to hang with long distance online buddies. I generally have my own hotel room and meet them in public places for lunch or dinner. Also- I took advantage of the tourism…see the sights. For the most part, I have had positive experiences (ie- New Orleans was a blast). The one negative experience had more to do with clashes in personality than anything crazy.

    I generally wouldn’t recommend this for everyone though.