Yesterday, Negro Twitter and the blogs went HAM over the Joe Budden vs. Esther Baxter spat. For those that don’t follow such foolishness (like me), apparently Joe is feeling some kind of way about their break up and threatened to post naked pictures of Esther’s ladyparts on the web. Understandably, she wasn’t having it, and an (fairly vicious) argument ensued.

While I won’t recap the enter thing (you can see the tweets here), an interesting thing came out of the whole ordeal. Esther accused Joe of not only being physically abusive during their relationship, but she also hinted that Budden was responsible for her miscarriage.

Although I have no idea who is telling the truth, one thing is clear, there is nothing to joke about when it comes to relationship violence, as Budden seems to think.

Recently, Glamour Magazine decided to do something about the violence against women and launched the “Tell Somebody” Campaign to combat the problem.

Glamour’sTell Somebody” Campaign was inspired by the death of University of Virginia student, Yeardley Love and other women who have been killed at the hands of a lover.

The mag’s website explains:

“Here’s the backstory. One year ago today, 22-year-old University of Virginia student Yeardley Love was found dead in her apartment; her boyfriend later told police he’d shaken her so hard her head repeatedly hit the wall. At the time, Glamour reported on the tragedy in an editorial—and then we watched as, over the course of the next months, similar stories hit our front pages and TV screens. There was the swimsuit designer Sylvie Cachay, 33, strangled and abandoned in a hotel bathroom, allegedly by her boyfriend; Samantha Miller, 34, shot in the head in Tennessee; Courtney Delano, 19, killed in Michigan while six months pregnant; and on and on and on—a seemingly endless series of young women killed, reportedly by the men they were involved with.

“The pattern seems almost unbelievable: How, in this day and age, can abusive relationships still be so common? Aren’t we a generation that grew up being told that men should never lay a hand on women?”

The statistics are quite alarming. Despite living in a time in which many women have the more access, opportunities, and education than those who have come before, many of us find ourselves being abused by a partner.

While many think domestic abuse issues typically involve married couples, Glamour’s study tells a different story.

“‘Among women who are dating—as opposed to married—the homicide rate is climbing.’ And an exclusive Glamour/Harris Interactive survey of more than 2,500 women confirms how common the brutality is: A full 29 percent of respondents said they’d been in an abusive relationship—and an additional 30 percent said they hadn’t, but then went on to acknowledge that at some point they’d been degraded; threatened with a gun or knife; or otherwise harmed by a partner.

So what can be done to stem this tide? Aside from encouraging women to leave their abusers, Glamour’s “Tell Somebody” campaign is raising money to help keep the nation’s largest domestic hotline open 24/7. Sadly, last year 83,027 calls went unanswered due to underfunding, and Glamour and the Avon Foundation for Women hope to change that.

So crack up your cell phone and text, tweet, and Facebook about the “Tell Somebody” campaign.

Have you ever been a victim of relationship violence? How did you make it out?

  • KGDC

    My cousin went to jail because he was accussed of abusing a girl he was dating. Two years later she admitted that she lied about the abuse because she was mad that he broke up with her. He took her to court and now she has a record and his expunged. However, he no longer trusts women and I hope he can heal from that pain..

    If Joe beat her, he’s a monster that needs to be behind bars.

    If he didn’t, then Esther needs to apologize and look at herself in the mirror about HER actions. But we know that won’t happen.

    Either way, they’re two troubled people who think spilling their issues online makes someone feel one way or the other about them. Ultimately, I don’t care other than feel saddened that they’ve both become victims of their own stupidity.

    Abuse is real, but so are those people that lie about abuse and leave people (mostly men) destroyed in their rampage.

  • Liahness

    I was a victim of domestic abuse for 13 years. I was kicked, punched, slapped, spit on, patches of hair cut out of my head, pushed while carrying his child, threatened with knives, guns, told I would be cut up and put in black bags and dumped across the city.

    During the evacuation of Katrina, we lived at his cousin’s house in Texas, and with his mother in the other room, and my kids laying in the bed with me, he jumped on me and choked me. I know someone heard the cries, but nothing was said or done.

    And these are just some examples, the list goes on and on!!!

    I confided in his mother several times, and the last incident when he pulled a gun on me, she said “I didn’t see it, so I don’t believe it!” I think that some of his behavior can be attributed to his mother upholding him, and “siding” with him during the violence. She often tried to explain away his behavior, i.e. “he was tired,” “he punched the closet to keep from punching you,” “you (me) provoked him.”

    When I wanted to leave, she told me that I was being selfish and should think of the kids (we have 2 together, and I have 1 that is by another) and I should compromise.

    My oldest son (which is not his) told me “he is never going to change, he says he will, and it gets better for a little while, then he finds another excuse to hit you.” “When he’s gone, it so peaceful, but when his here he brings negative energy.” WOW, from the mouth of babes!

    I have 3 sons and want them to grow up to be respectful, honest, and never put their hand on a woman; and that was going to be impossible with him in our lives.

    I finally came to the realization, that I was being selfish; by staying in the relationship and subjecting my kids to this violence. He has been out of my life for over a month now, and I am at PEACE!!!! And although I have said it before, and took him back time and time again, this time I know that HE WILL NEVER CHANGE and I have to do what’s best for my children!!!

    LEAVE, LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!

  • The Taker

    OMG, that is so crazy what happened to you.I hope this monster and his evil witch of a mom rot in a bloody dark hell. Im SOOO happy you made it out alive and thank you for sharing your story. You and your sons DESERVE so much BETTER. When women like you share your story for the world to see, you never know who is reading and getting the courage to leave their demon of a spouse. Like I said Im happy for you and I wish you and your sons so much happiness, peace, love and blessings.

  • Emelyne

    @Liahness: I’m happy that you found the courage to do what you had to do.

  • http://whaaatSheSay.blogspot.com Rose-From-ConQrete

    I want to thak you for being the only person to point out the dating violence in their relationship. Everyone else is praising the fact the he “slammed” her on twitter. I took her tweets very serious although I do think that the situation was too personal for twitter. It’s a shame that people are praising Joe Budden for outting her on what she did, but not condeming him for be abusive. Smh the world that we live in.

  • Jennifer

    I am happy you were so brave to leave for your own wellbeing and that of your children.

  • Jennifer

    You will be amazed how many of them are women. We (black people) really need to stop protecting black masculinity. It has done us no favors and will never be beneficial for black women or men.

  • oknow

    i would like to know why do men constantly threaten women w/i’ll post your pics online? y do women constantly take these pics?! he sees u naked why does he need to capture it in the moment.. like duhhh c’mon now.. this happens to many times..

    and as far as the abuse is concerned.. she sat there and dealt w/it and never said a word.. now she wants to put it out there.. she should’ve been done that so his abusive as (so she say) would be in jail.. no roaming the streets and threatening to post nude photos..

  • http://sweetilocks.blogspot.com Sweetilocks

    Joe Budden makes me sick to my stomach. The prevalence of patriarchy in our society makes it so that cowards like him can victimize themselves when they are nothing but sorry ass abusers. The best remedy for this destructive cycle is for us to raise our sons to know that being an abuser makes you a coward. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE to beat up or intimidate the one you claim to love. That’s not love! That’s cowardice! Time to start raising men to correct this sorely unguided misbehavior.

  • http://theretronatural.blogspot.com The Retro Natural

    Fortunately, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship..I’ve never even been cheated on. Some would call me lucky but I really to have high standards and one of those high as standards has to do with someone’s energy. If the energy is foul or it it’s great and it shifts to foul/aggressive/violent, I’m leaving. It’s never gotten to that point because I think I’m pretty good at gauging people’s energy upfront. That being said, people can and do charm ya and then change on ya years down the road but I think there are signs we have to look for. We have to be smart about it and not let “little things” slide. I hear too often, “I should have listened to myself when he/she…” Listen to that voice people, it’s not worth the hurt/pain.

  • j

    Joe Budden is not a man. He should not have put that level personal info on twitter or anywhere on the internet. He was trying his best to degrade her and that’s shameful for a man . . . which HE is not.

  • TR

    Be honest. Who is surprised Joe Budden is abusive? His music is violent, and he has the image to match. He has had run ins with several other rappers. Sometimes people are exactly who they say they are. He deserves every bit of the criticism he is getting. However, in some cases, women need to use better judgment. People who use violent speech and have violent associates are more than likely violent themselves. Why wait for them to confirm it? Remember Mack 10 and T-Boz? Dude was an OG blood from Inglewood with a history of violence. She still hooked up with him. And we see how that turned out. Ladies, don’t throw your standards away.

  • Brittany GIRL

    That is just horrible that someone who is supposed to love and honor you would do such a thing. If I even see a hint at warning signs that a man is going to start going off the deep end. I know violence is bad , but i’m even worse and I know what I would do if any man though himself so bold as to lay his hands on me. None of that! In still in high scholl and I see guys all of the time verbally abuse their girlfriends. Physical abuse happens too. It just makes me grind my teeth when I see it because NO ONE ( man or woman) should be treated like that!

  • Zindzi

    Ya know, why does someone ALWAYS have to bring up an instance of a woman lying about abuse when we talk about abuse? Yes, this article was partially about whether or not she was abused, but the bulk of it was about the REAL abuse women suffer through…so why someone feels the need to belittle that real struggle cause they got a cousin who was lied on is beyond me.

  • Zindzi

    I praise God that you were able to pry yourself away from this demon & his “mother.” I wish more women had the strength, support, and wherewithall.

  • Zindzi

    Booooooooooo! Are you seriously saying women can’t speak about abuse if they didn’t report it? Do you know how many women don’t report abuse? It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it damn sho don’t mean they don’t have the right to talk about it WHENEVER THE HELL THEY WANT.

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