Slut

by Josie Pickens

If one defines a woman who is sexually liberated, sassy, and self-defining as a slut, which often appears to be the case, then I, according to that definition, am a slut. Pardon my shrugging. I left my hoe tape and the shame attached to it in my twenties. My girl Renina gifted me with the term “hoe tape,” it has helped to describe a voice inside me I have always struggled to silence. You know, that voice that tells women how to dress, think, behave, desire. The one that says, “only sluts carry condoms” (epic side-eye to Will.I.Am) or “if you wear that short skirt you are inviting trouble” (because Divine One forbid that a man should be in control of himself enough to resist assaulting a woman because he can see her legs), or a favorite of mine (as another blog site recently suggested), “give him full reign in the bedroom”… girl, what?

As a single woman, before my marriages, I kept a full stock of condoms, lube, and the likes in my bedroom nightstand. While I wasn’t having what some may consider a lot of sex, I was sexually active and scared to death of sexually transmitted diseases—particularly HIV and AIDS—that were having their way with the women in my community. At that time, I was volunteering with local organizations that were hoping to stomp out what we were sure was a developing pandemic. Our foresight was spot on. I reflect on this a few days after National HIV/AIDS Testing Day, and I wonder what man, or woman, would pass judgment on a (Black) woman who hopes not to become one of the 46% of Americans living with an HIV/AIDS diagnosis. Yes, you read that correctly.  According to the Center for Disease Control, African-Americans compose nearly half of those living within the US with the disease. I would call a person who chooses to shame a woman intelligent enough to consider these factors and CHOOSE life—foolish, and even dangerous. Yet there hangs that word slut, above one’s head like mistletoe, but with death as a prize instead of sweet kisses. You all are welcome to that life. I’ll carry on living as a harlot as I carry on living.

Black girls in the hood learn by the age of about twelve, if not sooner, that they are viewed as sexual currency and property before they understand what such terms mean. Grown men begin asking our age and making lewd comments about how our hips are spreading as our bodies develop into the women that our minds do not know. Many of our mothers, in an effort to protect us from the inevitable, try to cover us with loose garb and prayers before we leave our homes, all for naught. As we grow, we realize that regardless of what we wear or how we speak, we are going to be hyper-sexualized, sometimes verbally offended and sometimes sexually assaulted in the streets. Oddly, and sadly, maneuvering through these interactions becomes second nature. And so, many of us just choose to live how we want and wear what we want.

According to Constable Michael Sanguinetti of the Toronto police department (where the first documented “slut walk” took place), women would face rape and other sexual violence less if they avoided dressing like sluts. I could write a thesis on the misogyny attached to this type of thinking and how much it puts women in danger, but I won’t—not here at least. This is about us. THIS is about women being able to see themselves as full human beings who don’t find value in being defined by others. THIS is about the freedoms that this evolved nation claims to be founded on; values that women in short skirts and tight tops are not excluded from. Women who realize this and choose to dress and think as they please are sluts, so you know, be informed and prepared.

I was tickled to read The Good Men Projects post “If You Sleep With Her, You Can’t Call Her A Slut” mainly because it makes my heart glad when men attempt to challenge patriarchy in a “men you are absurd and also jerks” kind of way, and I grow tired of always being that girl at the bar challenging men who just want to buy me a cocktail and engage in light conversation on how dangerous, unevolved and well, dumb their thinking can be. Moving on, this particular post deals with how we (both men and women) promote sexual shaming through language. A group of men were asked the very simple question, “What makes a woman a slut?” Some days it seems like the answer is breathing, but I digress. The answers, not intriguing but telling, divulge the ideas that men not only consider women sluts according to how they behave and dress, but also who they sex, how often they sex, whether they have multiple sexual partners, and how quickly they choose to have sex. In other words, if a woman has sex with a man, essentially she is a slut.

Oh.

Men are supposed to have ultimate power over all things sexual and intimate. Women are supposed to be submissive enough to allow a man to lead in the bedroom, unless of course he leads us to having sex on the first date. In that moment, we are supposed to gain the power to resist, then give in, then wait to be called sluts afterword. What fresh hell is this? There are at least 376 mixed messages that one can document in such an interaction. As with “dressing appropriately,” women who have sex are essentially considered sluts regardless of what they do or say, so they may as well climax at the end, right? I’m all for orgasms. Slut talk, I know, but real talk nonetheless. The peculiar thing is, as the article calls out, men would have way better, more engaging and pleasing sex if they promoted women to enjoy sex acts  instead of making them feel like Mary Magdalene every time they remove their panties. In the illustrious words of the Ohio Players, “free the mind and the ass will follow”—literally.

I prefer to own my desire and my way. I have been in the streets and the bedroom negotiating my right to choose how I desire to live and love for a very, very long time. It will take more than name calling to make me side step my advancement towards wholeness. If that means one needs to call me a slut, then by all means, please do. After all, it ain’t what people call you, but what you answer to that determines who you are. Although, I prefer the moniker “amazing.”

  • http://sisterescape.blogspot.com Fiore Scott

    Thank you for adding the little blurb about National HIV Testing Day and the CDC’s stats. I just wrote a post about this and I’m glad others are spreading the news.

    Regarding the topic, I totally agree with you. It’s ridiculous how women still have to deal with such misogynistic views on sex. I lost my v-card to an ass who believed I was lieing just because I had condoms in one of my drawers. Excuse me for being prepared and not wanting to get preggers or an STD. Thankfully I’ve only dealt with much more open minded men since then.

    And it drives me crazy when I see men try to use the defense in rape cases (and succeed) that the woman was dressed like she wanted sex, so she was asking for it. Ri-freaking-dick-u-lous.

    Sure there are outright hoes. The kind that are bearing their asses in the club for no reason or that Case “Not Your Friend” kind of chick. But to be labeled a slut or hoe just because you are sexually aware and enjoy it….

    Just be safe folks and get tested!

  • AustralianGirl

    Its been crystal clear to me for many years, that most societies see controlling and restricting women’s sexuality as absolutely essential.

    The next question is: Why?

  • THE D

    I understand your sentiment, but the facts will always stand simply due to the physiology of our bodies. Women cannot invite numerous random men into her body and not be view by men (and women) as clean, pure, and acceptable. Hosting a ton of parties at your home, and going to a ton of parties at various homes simply don’t carry the same ramifications. This isn’t about women agreeing or disagreeing with this sentiment, but it’s simply the truth. When it comes to finding a what most men consider a “a good woman”, it is usually a woman that doesn’t have a lot of random miles put on her by a lot of random men. Regardless of how you feel, you cannot change this psychology.

    The rules are not the same for men and women. But please know that I do not condone promiscuity in either sexes. It’s way too dangerous especially within the black community where STD’s are “mysteriously” disproportionately high. Be safe fam!!

  • http://girllnexxdoor.blogspot.com Theresa C.

    This struck a chord: “Black girls in the hood learn by the age of about twelve, if not sooner, that they are viewed as sexual currency and property before they understand what such terms mean. Grown men begin asking our age and making lewd comments about how our hips are spreading as our bodies develop into the women that our minds do not know.”

    I remember very clearly growing up in Philly as a young girl and older men commenting on my hips, breasts, and shape. The discomfort that a girl feels when hearing such comments is horrid and can be tragic because should we not respond the way they feel we should or not respond at all, we could be walking into a danger zone, just walking down a street.

    Great piece and very telling.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    because many males are too cowardly to deal with the power of the goddess

  • http://twitter.com/jonubian Jo Nubian

    Good Morning The D.

    I think we have to be careful not to confuse physiology and socioloy. Men and women are socialized to believe that differences exist that really do not. Additionally, this post does not promote promiscuity as much as it supports women being in command of themselves, their desires and their safety.

    Thanks for reading.

  • Dawn

    @THE D It’s amazing how you’re still placing all the blame on the women, and I think it’s a societal issue more than a physiological issue.

    Understand that no similar hurtful language exists for men. While women can be called sl*ts or ho*s if they are promiscuous or b*tches or c*nts by both other women and men, no similar terms exist for guys. What’s the negative word for a guy who’s slept with a lot of women? What about the word for a guy who’s being an a-hole that’s specific to his gender?

    You all have to realize the negative implications language and society have on all our perceptions and behavior. If all women adopted similar judgemental attitudes toward men who slept with a lot of women and nixed downing each other, I think we’d definitely see a change.

    Just as @Flore shares above, “Sure there are outright hoes…,” she’s still criticizing a type of woman that many of us are sure to look at and use negative gender-specific language. I think we all need to strike those words from our vocab and criticize the men in our lives who use them and – like the article above says – own your own desire. And don’t worry about the next woman’s desire. It’s not your business, and we need to be more supportive of one another without critique.

  • Gabi

    I agree with you and understand your story. From a young age we are taught our bodies are sexual currency and not truly ours. I developed a bit earlier than other girls and I remember the stares from men twice my age. It instantly made me feel like meat and as one man was staring, my mother goes “she’s in middle school!” he just shrugged and walked away staring at both our backsides…even to this day, I have issues showing my figure because I remember how uncomfortable men made me feel about it.

  • http://www.dreamhampton.com dream hampton

    LOVE your writing!

  • WoW

    I wonder why the same thing too. Pisses me off. Virginity checks, female circumcision, abortion arguments from RICH WHITE MEN. UGGGHHH!!!!!

    If men spent more time learning how to treat women right…they wouldn’t have time to create all these stupid rules. I wish women had a “chop his dyck off day”

  • WoW

    What the f*ck you mean by random???????? You may have a random dyck but believe me….everyman I have entertained was by selection. Maybe you should step up your Kitty game bro.

  • BOB

    men are horrible , women have no part in this you guys are innocent

  • BOB

    Listen people most men dont have as many options as women in the sexual market. Women use the slut shaming mechanism more than men because they want the price of sex to stay high, and if a “slut” is having sex with alot of men she is lowering the price of sex for these women. Who wants to marry an 8 for sex when an 8.5 is giving sex away at no cost. And we can not forget women and men are different if a women sleeps with multiple guys she can lie and choose a sucker as a baby daddy and raise a kid thats not his , men can not trick a female into doing the same thing. Bammmmmmmm !!!!! knowledge on you guys call me a troll now

  • Tomi-chan

    I often wondered what made a person qualified in the fields of Ho’-ery and Slagishness. Apparently anything ranging from a broken hymen to responsible sexual practices.

    This only confirms what I believed about this society… a woman’s sexuality is something first owned by her father than preserved by her husband.

    Ew.

  • Jade

    Anyone who dares tell you that there are “biological” reasons for all this is a liar. It’s just a ploy to justify societal restrictions and punishments on female sexuality.

    Remember , not all human societies think this way. Many actually celebrate female sexuality and women are free to engage in any sexual activity she wishes without being shamed.

  • Rastaman

    In my experience most of this sexual branding originates mostly from women in describing other women than men. I hear more women throwing around the word slut and ho in describing another woman’s sexual behavior than men do. Not that there are not men who don’t engage in that type of name calling too but haven’t grown up around sisters and older female relatives they tend to use those disparaging terms more so than men and of course rap lyrics.
    Plus in spirit of equality it is quite common to hear men also being referred to as hos and sluts. And depending on the crowd you are in it can be just as disparaging.
    A culture or society that has not historically placed controls on female sexuality is an exception, not an exception that I am familiar with but an exception none the less. However I am unsure if female sexual liberation is reached when women feel free to behave as the worst of men sexually. Frankly most of those men are generally not sexually liberated or even like women and generally see sex as sport.

  • lee

    One of the best articles I have read in awhile. I hate words like slut and ho because they are used to keep a sexually liberated woman repressed. The sad part is half the time it is other women hurling these words.

  • Unique_one

    Please elaborate on how one is sexually liberated…

  • ALIG83

    @Gabi “I have issues showing my figure because I remember how uncomfortable men made me feel about it.” <—- For me, personally, one of the reasons I have shied away from dressing too feminine is because of the uncomfortable, unwanted attention from men.

  • BOB

    can women lie to men and make them take care of another mans child ? yes they can lol so yes biological reasons for being called a slut exist

  • B

    One of the best and smartest posts I’ve seen on this site. *fist bump*

  • chanela

    sexually liberated? oh okay, thats what they’re calling it nowadays.

    SMH i really wish people would realize that sex isnt a fucking game and that it has REAL consequences. but no people would rather cosign for ” just have your fun and experiment with sex with different men” or ” get yours girl/dude!”.

    i wont be surprised if in a few years it would be abnormal for an adult to not have an STD.

    also, these “Sexually liberated” folks are the SAME ONES who cry and cry on articles on the rate of STDs and AIDS going up when they’re the ones helping it spread since they wanna sleep with every damn body. this is soooo sickening. no wonder why there are so many single mothers. too many idiots sleeping with random men who dont even give two shits about them. but of course thats okay because they’re getting theirs right? SMH

  • lee

    Unique one

    Sexually liberated — Enjoying your sexuality not succumbing to the pressure of those who choose to judge you.

  • Unique_one

    I too share your sentiments. That’s why I asked the person to elaborate more on “sexually liberated” folk. I have a lot more I want to say on this topic, but this article reminds me of the one below.

    http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself

  • lee

    You can be sexually liberated and in a monogamous relationship. I think we read into things too often and choose to judge others without knowing the facts. My main concern is my sexual well being, I am not here to judge anyone else.

    Liberated -To set free, as from oppression, confinement, or foreign control.

  • Marles

    Everything about your statement was ridiculous, I don’t even know what else to say.

  • chanela

    judge judge judge. this is the word i’m seeing here sooo much. why do people think they’re immune to judging? everybody judges. too many times people confuse having an opinion on something as judging. it sounds so pretentious when people say ” i’m not here to judge” or “dont judging you” because its human to judge/make observations/have an opinion about something. stop being so damn scared about offending others with your opinion.

    one person’s opinion isnt gonna necessarily change someone’s personality or force them to do anything so why is it so bad to be seen as “judgemental”?? i cant stand when someone says their opinion on somebody’s behavior and then everybody wants to stick their nose in the air and say ” judge not lest ye be judged” “cast the first stone” “stop being judgemental” in fact by saying that you’re actually being a hypocrite and” judging yourself” no? you’re trying to force someone to not express themselves no?

    i love how not liking what somebody else does (We have the right to) is now called “judging” or “hating” sheesh! cut it out

  • Marles

    Why does sexually liberation have to mean “having sex with tons of people and not worrying about the consequences?” The author CLEARLY stated she was ridiculed for promoting safe sex practices (even before ever having sex!!!). Female sexual liberation is about not allowing one to feel shamed for ENJOYING her sex life – not feeling the need to be sexually submissive to a man or society. Whether that’s with one person or one hundred, what’s the issue so long as you own it and are being safe/responsible?

    I’m in a monogamous relationship and feel very sexually liberated in the sense that I can get pleasure from the act and have fun doing it with my boyfriend and not feel embarrassed for it. I can say I LOVE SEX and owe that statement for ME.This does not mean I’ve slept with more men than I can remember to count much less name, that I have no decorum as to when it’s appropriate to discuss sex, or that the consequences of sex are not a worry.

    I’m not implying that there aren’t plenty of people who are irresponsible about their sex lives, but merely that the definition of “sexual liberation” needs to be clarified.

  • lola289

    Thanks ladies!!
    I thought I was the only one! My problem is crazy that wheneva I lose weight and can wear cute outfits I always get attention from guys. I kno that may sound good to some but as someone that was teased by boys to men. Its a wonder why I still luv them! But anyway the attention leads to me gaining weight only becuz I get ashamed of myself (ExCatholic). I am so happy for this post…a real eye opener!

  • Bisous

    I pray you are joking.

  • BOB

    whats ridiculous about what I said everything I said was the truth, calling my points ridiculous wont make them lies, keep living your lies and deny the truth, the truth will still be the truth

  • B

    Thank you, Marles. Very well-stated. Some of the defensive women commenting on this site really should read the damn post. Nowhere did the author equate sexual liberation with having sex with tons of men. Sexual liberation is about being able to enjoy sex without feeling shame about it, as society has always encouraged women to feel shameful about sexual desire and sexual satisfaction.

    Get a clue women, and come out of the Victorian ages. It’s 2011, and if you’re a grown ass woman and you are afraid to enjoy sex (SAFELY, as the author emphasizes), then all I can do is shake my head.

  • Brittany

    I wonder why people still go along with the ways of the old days. Some people still act like a bunch of Puritans. Mind. Your. Own. If Sally Sue is getting down with every man there is , what is it to you?

  • Unique_one

    “Sexual liberation” along with the word “slut” is largely based on perception, be it negative or positive. Because of that, I have a differing opinion than the author with their definition of “sexual liberation” and her stance on the negativity of the word “slut”. Does that make your opinion more plausible than mine? No!

  • new moon

    It becomes Everyones business when women and men are spreading diseases between eachother and everyone thry come in contact with. You may practice safe sex but the statistics and reality of the situation is: tons of unplanned pregnancies, tons of STD’s recipients, tons of our people living and dieing from Aids/HIV.
    I mean being “sexually liberated” is all good in all…but be aware of the consequences and understand that we as a whole are NOT being safe about it.
    Life is a big contradiction and we are all hypocrites. Myself included

  • http://twitter.com/jonubian Jo Nubian

    I think, if we were to speak to women who are, let’s say, living with sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS, they will tell you that they did not contract the disease from being promiscuous, but instead not speaking up for themselves in the bedroom. Trust me, I have researched and counseled these women, so I know.

    For women who are not liberated overall and speficically sexually, the danger is in feeling shame for speaking with their partners about sexual history and measures that will protect them from STI’s. In other words, the woman who is afraid of being judged for carrying condoms has a greater chance of contracting and STI than a woman who carries condoms and ensures that her partner uses them.

    Furthermore, STI’s can be spread by having sex with mutiple people or only one person who one is being monogamous to. People having lots of sex are not spreading diseases, uninformed people who believe themselves to be informed are. Again, what this article is about is women owning not only their desire, but their sexual health.

    I was ready to go in on the men here who commented that it is mostly women who shame and oppress other women, but after reading these comments I’m not sure that argument can stand. In the end, I’m happy for the dialogue and thank you all for reading.

  • Synclair

    “In my experience most of this sexual branding originates mostly from women in describing other women than men. I hear more women throwing around the word slut and ho in describing another woman’s sexual behavior than men do. Not that there are not men who don’t engage in that type of name calling too but haven’t grown up around sisters and older female relatives they tend to use those disparaging terms more so than men and of course rap lyrics.”
    If this is in fact your specific experience, then that’s cool. I have trouble believing this, but cool. I’ll share my personal experience: ever since I was 6 or 7 years old, I’ve been around boys (and men) that call girls ho’s and sluts. Its more than common and if u didnt see/hear it, then u might just be in denial (case and point: the very last part of that paragraph you say “and of course rap lyrics” like the lions share of rap stars arent men. you keep on with that tho).
    “Plus in spirit of equality it is quite common to hear men also being referred to as hos and sluts. And depending on the crowd you are in it can be just as disparaging”
    quite common? I need to come visit where YOU live, bruh. I’d bet money that no matter where you’re from (unless its the Twilight Zone) it is WAY more common for men/boys to refer to women/girls as ho’s and sluts than vice versa, presently and especially historically. Just as disparaging my ass yo. That’s sorta like white people saying “honkey” and “ofay” are just as disparaging as nigger, etc. Men and women are RAISED to look at womens sexuality through a fucked up lens. If you cant see that, like honestly cant see that, then you just have to have blinders on.
    “A culture or society that has not historically placed controls on female sexuality is an exception, not an exception that I am familiar with but an exception none the less.”
    what does this even mean, in general and in context of what you’re saying?
    “However I am unsure if female sexual liberation is reached when women feel free to behave as the worst of men sexually. Frankly most of those men are generally not sexually liberated or even like women and generally see sex as sport.”
    “…to behave as the worst of men…” so far off… that was not the point being made at all. The writer was commenting on the fact that most of the time, women are viewed in the virgin/whore context. She was very clear about that. If a womans sexual habits dont match up to “random man x”‘s standards then she can and most likely will be deemed a “slut”. I know dudes who have slept with a number of girls (double digits) but if a woman has more than 3, its a problem. A good deal of men dont think women should be able to have sex on their own terms. Thats a valid point. Like a muh fucka. All you basically did was get up here and essentially say “women are most of the problem because its mostly THEY who call each other sluts n ho’s; not men. Men are called sluts n ho’s too, y;kno, so its not that bad when a man calls a woman one. women think sexual liberation is copying what the worst of men do, which is sleep around with a lot of people”

  • Synclair

    Whats are you, 16? Lol, kidding, but really, you sound like you did not even read the article. Comprehension is a must, b. You seemed to have got the gist of the gist of what the author was trying to get across and just commented your own thoughts about “sluts”. Your comment was uber defensive and smacked of immaturity. You might want to read it again homie and think this time.

  • Melissa Lynnette

    I dream of a day when men have enough of an understanding of the female body to realize that we are not cars and therefore cannot have “miles” put upon our bodies.
    Leaving out the small percentage of busy prostitutes, the average woman you encounter in your life will not have enough sexual partners, random or not (eye roll), to have any impact on her “physiology”. The most devastating thing her “physiology” will ever go through is childbirth. Unless there are dudes out there packing like newborns, all us chicks should be able to make it through the house parties with a good vacuum and mop like any good hostess.

  • Unique_one

    Thank you for writing this article. Because words like “nigga, bitch, slut, etc” are largely based on perception, it opens up dialogue on something that needs to be talked about from both perspectives. Although my definition of being sexually liberated is different from yours and I see it as a negative perception, I do see what you’re saying regarding how you perceive a sexual liberated woman to be; I see that as just being safe and using common sense.

  • Miya

    I realize that women wear this notion of sexual liberation like its a badge of honor. I wish we wouldn’t. These days sex is all women seem to put forth as their best value. It’s sad. When I hear women say “I’m sexually liberated,” it sounds like they are trying to equalize the sexual playing field. It’s like they are saying “if a man can have multiple sex partners – then so can I.” We are not men. But if sleeping with more than one partner suits you – no judgment here. But why the need to say it at all? Smart people don’t have to remind us that they’re intelligent and beautiful people don’t have to tout their attractiveness. See where I’m going?

    Another thing, by virtue of our anatomy – women are receivers; men are depositors – so we process sex on vastly different level (emotional, spiritual, etc). Of course there are women who can get down with as many partners as men – but please believe – they are dealing with all those “depositors” on some other level, especially spiritually. And besides, I can’t think of any woman in history who has been rewarded for having multiple sex partners. I’m not saying that women have to be entirely restricted, but chastity is sexy ; )

  • BOB

    everything I said was the truth , and I did read the article and im telling you why these problems occur and whats the reality of the situation, everything I stated is a fact, not an opinion especially the lying about who your baby daddy is I dont care if it hurts your feelings because your probably part of the problem.

  • chanela

    when most people say “Sexually liberated” they use that as a way of saying that they sleep around a lot. the context/definition you guys gave just now is wayy diferent. do adults seroiusly feel shame when enjoying sex with their HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND? now that just silly. all day i agree with it being controlling! like how men can say they love women and love vagina and nobody bats an eyelash but if women say they love penis and men (which they should right? opposite sex?) then all hell breaks loose. eff that!

    but then again people ask about somebody else’s sex life all the time and then say “come on! we’re all adults here!”. apparently not cause REAL adults know better than to pry in other people’s personal affairs (finances,details about sex with the significant other).

  • chanela

    lol THANK YOU! omg i was just about the write the same thing! it actually is our business as a community of humans. some women/men (like me) dont date people who sleep around cause its high risk behavior. so when people say ” its none of the person’s business how many partners their boyfriend/girlfriend have” umm.. for me it is if im dating that man.

    also people complain about men who have multiple children by different women and diseases n stuff well that ish is gonna double and triple if everybody is banging each other. its kinda inevitable even with birth control nothing is 100% so why even support that kind of reckless high risk behavior??? like i said pretty soon it will become normal for everybody to be a baby mama/daddy and have multiple STDs at this rate. people complain about it all the time yet support the cause of it.

  • chanela

    because if sally sue gets herpes and HIV she can pass it to all those dudes who will eventually unknowingly pass it on to other women and so on and so on and then possibly to me or you (who knows?) people keep saying “just get tested” what is getting a test gonna do for you after the fact? it doesnt prevent anything.

    nobody is being a puritan its called common sense and not thinking with your genitals. too much crap is going on for everybody to be fucking every and anybody like that. why the hell would you support something so destructive? what adult does that?

  • SunnyBoston

    I am with you girl. Sexual liberty also comes with great responsibility – pregnancy. Men get to walk away, women don’t. It may not be fair, but it is what it is.

  • Wello

    lol @ some people in here
    good article

    countries that are more open about sex and teach their children about sex and relationships have lower STD and teen pregnancy rate. some of you need to take your scare mongering somewhere else because it hasn’t worked before so why will it now? in fact its not working but i see it makes you feel at ease.
    countries that for all for chastity and the whole sex is bad attitude have horrible rape and teen pregnancy rate. it doesn’t work.

    being sexually liberated is about taking your sexual life into your own hand. whether that means not sleeping with anyone to sort your self out or trying new things in bed. liberation is about choice not one set way to behave.

  • Wello

    LMAO

    silly boy
    calling a backwards opinion formed from bull sh*t won’t be “the truth” and you still won’t have “dropped knowledge” no matter how shouty your posts become or how many times you state your opinions like it a fact.

    and i see some of the “men” that frequent this blog have come to stomp their feet and make similar whiny shouty comments to set us women straight *yawn*

  • Ethan

    the oscar meyer add is annoying!

  • BluTopaz

    ITA agreement with you, esp with women are receptacles. it’s how we are built and nothing can change biology. Sure a woman can have a high sex drive that she fulfills with a lot of men but at what cost? One of my male friends said once ‘i don’t want a woman who’s had a whole bunch of dudes run up in her”–It might sound like a crass double standard but i see where he’s coming from.

  • BOB

    its not opinions its fact look at statistics women have more sex with men a select few men have options to sleep with many women but most men dont, call what I say bull shit but I use to live life blind not knowing the truth, but now I know the truth about women and my life has gotten 10x easier because of this knowledge I acquired. Any men that wish to know the truth go to http://roissy.wordpress.com.

  • apples

    Whatever methods the people in Japan are using to prevent STD, STI, and HIV/AIDS from spreading among themselves, America (especially the Black community) needs to adapt. All I ask is for women who are sexually active to protect themselves and know their status.

  • msinformed

    Japanese culture seems to be a lot more ‘traditional’ for lack of a better word. I currently live here, and from what I’ve witnessed, casual relationships aren’t really promoted. I’m not saying that everyone here is saving it for marriage, heck no, i teach here, and i’m sure these kids are going at it. But there does seem to be more pressure to behave as ones parents and grandparents did. When you look at other cultures that have a very strong family core (ex. grandparents live in the home), their percentages of STD’s and teenage pregnancies are alot lower.

  • JerseyBred323

    The article is saying that enjoying sex responsibly shouldn’t warrant a woman being referred to with sexist epithets. What do baby mommas and promiscuity have to do with this topic? Especially when neither were endorsed by the author?

    I’ve been having responsible, liberated sex with my partner for nearly 7 years. Should he view me as a slut?

    *SMH*

  • JerseyBred323

    @ Jo Nubian:

    “Furthermore, STI’s can be spread by having sex with mutiple people or only one person who one is being monogamous to. People having lots of sex are not spreading diseases, uninformed people who believe themselves to be informed are. Again, what this article is about is women owning not only their desire, but their sexual health.”

    Great point.

  • JerseyBred323

    Where in the article is there an endorsement for promiscuity?

  • BOB

    if you slept with over 10 men in your life time you are if less you are not

  • justsaying_it

    You can sleep with just one, or a small few of people and still catch a disease(which happens a lot). Just protect yourself, and be safe if you sleep around. I feel there is nothing wrong with a woman being sexually liberated, but at the same time I m a hypocrite because I tend to think low of a woman that cheats on what I consider a good guy, or sleeps around for that matter, so I guess I am a hypocritical believer in just do you.

  • lee

    Amen!

  • lola289

    I think we should be liberated. PERIOD!

  • snickerz

    This article kinda reminds me of that “key/lock” saying……”A key that opens many locks is a master key. A lock opened by many keys is a shitty lock”…

    I personally feel that everyone should be free to do whatever they feel sexually as long as they’re safe with it, physically, emotionally, and mentally….and not hurting other people in the process

  • MissRae

    WTF

  • http://none Kit

    Here lies the confusion around the term sexual liberation and how it is usurped to justify all kinds of sexual looseness!

    A woman who cheats on a guy (good or bad) is an unfaithful woman. So that doesn’t make you a hypocrite.

    For example- if someone sleeps with an animal they are not sexually liberated, they are a zoophile!

  • Jenell

    @ Melissa Lynnette: I LOVE you! I mean SERIOUSLY??!! Miles? wtf. What is a car? Not a person, but a machine that you own. I hate this mentality.

  • Jenell

    I’m from Philly too. Strawberry Mansion *shudders*.

  • Jenell

    Lol, I’m pretty sure my hubby didn’t marry me purely for sex, lmao (men, just like women can get that anywhere with very little effort). Like others have said, you do sound very inexperienced. Besides, the cuckolding thing is natural!!! How else are we supposed to get the best/ most in-demand genes while having some rich/ financially responsible schmuck provide for us and the brat? That’s also why nature made it so women don’t fall asleep right after (to seek out stronger swimmers). ;)
    LMAO!

  • cerberus

    A promiscuous African American woman… what a rarity.

  • http://liberatedslut.com Emmanuelle

    This is a great article. That’s what our website is all about. You should check it out!

  • Pingback: “What makes a woman a slut?” Some days it seems like the answer is breathing. | The Slut Revolution

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