Tyler Perry and the Baby Daddy Discord
Back in December, when we thought we were having a kid, I got a little overwhelmed. Now I got overwhelmed when I first got a dog because I knew I was responsible for this living creature. So think how I reacted to the thought of having a child.
I was far more intrigued to hear about the “she” in Perry’s life that completed the “we” in his statements than his revelations about possible fatherhood. And until reading the aforementioned internet headlines, I’d never given much thought to the use of the baby daddy/baby mama terms. However, the headlines’ word choice made me feel some kind of way. Why not say Tyler Perry nearly became a father, instead of the heavily-connotative “baby daddy”?
This moment took me back to a few weeks ago when I mentioned to my girlfriend that I was having dinner with our mutual friend Michael, his ex-girlfriend Sherry, and their daughter, Alexis.
“Wait, so you’re meeting up with him, the baby, and his girlfriend?”
“They’re not dating anymore.”
“Oh, so she’s his baby mama.”
”She’s his daughter’s mother.”
I paused, wondering if I was unnecessarily asserting a passive manifesto that the use of a popular colloquialism needed re-evaluation. Maybe it wasn’t that deep, but I didn’t want to say “Yes.” Sherry isn’t befitting of the prevailing baby mama stereotype: a nagging, obnoxious ex who blows the child support check at Forever 21 before paying for daycare. Michael and Sherry had a relationship. Michael and Sherry had a baby. The relationship didn’t work out, but they are both in Alexis’ life as co-parents. I would hardly call Michael a baby daddy in the stereotypical sense. He is far from being the deadbeat absentee, every bit the proverbial rolling stone. He’s a responsible father who, along with Sherry, provides Alexis with emotional and financial needs while keeping the peace with Sherry for their daughter’s sake.
Baby Daddy, much?
I wondered if Perry–a man who has struggled with the effects of abuse at the hands of his own father—would fulfill the baby daddy stereotype himself. Baby Daddy connotes not only a financial absenteeism, but an emotional one as well. Mind you, telling or not, the Ebony article boasts of Perry’s $350 million net worth. Is it fair to peg him as a “I’ll just send you a check. I’ll love you through my currency alone” kind of dad?
I wonder if we need to reassess our lexicon for parenthood. Is there a space for responsible Black mothers and fathers (married or single) to be respectfully addressed as such? Does marriage define “real” parenthood? Do we lose the mother/father label if there is no ring and no relationship? Or has the baby daddy/baby mama dialect permeated our culture so much that it’s turned the corner from a derogatory dismissal to a term of endearment? What is it that makes me feel some kind of way?
I was just as shocked about the ‘she’ too! I had no idea he was straight. Hmph.
Anyway I think we need to rethink our entire lexicon, not just that regarding parenthood. I hate the way we speak of and to one another. We need to safeguard our minds and find more respect for ourselves and each other. Part of doing that is watching our mouth.
Every new slang word or colloquialism that comes out is based in derision and self loathing. Nothing but new ways to insult each other; stan, smash, baby daddy, etc.
It’s a mentality that does nothing but oppress.
Me and you both!
Maybe, it was with a surrogate? But then, he would be expecting the baby, right?
I find it hard to believe he is straight. Maybe he is bi.
I don’t know what it is with Black people and the way they refer to things and people.
1. Thirsty
2. Basic B*tch
3. Smashing/Hitting/Beating it up
4. Females/B*tches/Shorty/Ma (Remind me again why grown men refer to other women as their Mother?)
5. CO-SIGN<—— THIS DOES NOT MEAN TO AGREE WITH ANOTHER'S OPINION
Let’s see, no marriage, one of the parents is not living with the child and 9 times out of 10 the kid came along as a result of both parties were irresponsible. Baby mama/daddy is a fitting term. The real problem is when people try to normalise dysfunction.
well considering that a great deal of marriages end in divorce, I wouldn’t consider a child born to a married couple free from dysfunction.
@ Chica – excellent statement
@Clnmike – And what do you have to say about those of us who do not want to be married? Do we not deserve to be respected with a proper title of mother/father simply because we chose not to conform to a societal standard of being married? I believe that we do and there’s a lot of ignorance in your statement and your reasons for backing it.
And, we are seeing a lot of that these days–normalizing dysfunction, that is.
@Shiva Threatts
Sorry not giving a pass on this just because someone planned to be a single parent. You can have a kid but you can’t insure there is a full time partner to help raise the kid? That is the height of selfishness, never mind the kid who now has it tougher, the real fallout is society that now has to deal with single parents and share the burden of raising those kids and there siblings from other mothers or fathers (cause the chances are high to have multiple baby daddies/mothers ir your not married) or risk having a delinquent running loose in the neighbourhood. A kid who in turn sees no value in a two parent home because they didn’t have one, were not surrounded by any so they think this is how it is supposed to be. Well its not normal, it retards their growth as a human being and perpetuates a cycle. Now you don’t like the term? Well that’s a tough titty to suck on but pucker up because that’s exactly what they are. Ignorance is turning a blind eye to it or worst trying to convince everyone else that it is normal.
Co-sign 100%
Such a rarity, but I’m with you when you’re right, Clnmike. We as a people spend more time getting our hair straight than family planning. Then we try to backdoor it and make our poor decisions look thoughtful. …I’m sorry but no. The fact is some do fit the description of the article (responsible ppl taking care of their offspring) but 9 times out of 10 OOW children are the result of no planning and carelessness. We shouldn’t discriminate against the ones that exist, but we need to stop trying to PR this lifestyle into acceptability, and instead acknowledge the real and try to prevent this in the future.
Even if society disproves who does it benefit to belittle either parent. If you care anything for the children involved you’d keep in mind that your insults do not help.
Baby daddy/mama is not an insult it is an accurate term to describe people who have brought children into this world with out any forethought of the results their action has on them, the child or the community at large. Many of these “parents” exercise no obligation in taking care of the child sufficiently financially let alone actively participate in raising the kid. This attitude has become epidemic in the community and destructive to the over all health of society. But funny enough the real problem is the enabling attitude people display in either justifying this behaviour, finding every angle they can to weasel there way out of responsibility or shift focus from the source of the problem as displayed by this article and some of the commentators. The real insult here is to the intelligence of people who recognise a destructive behaviour when they see it and speak out on it just to have the ignorant try to brow beat them into silence by playing the victim, (slut shaming), or by claiming people should mind their business, despite the fact that your “business” leaks all over everybody else’s business. That is an insult.
@Clnmike
I disagree with you about planned single motherhood. It depends upon the socioeconomic status of the mother, assuming that we’re talking about single mothers. If a woman is able to provide a stable, middle class lifestyle for a child on her own, then I don’t see a problem with that woman rearing a child.
Yes!!!! @ Cinmike Only black folks try so hard to justify dysfunction and we wonder why are communities are the way they are. I say at least try to do the right thing. If it doesn’t work at least you tried. Lawd :( Its sooo embarrassing
Get ‘em, Clnmike! I agree all the way and wish we had more thinkers like you.
The term baby mama/baby daddy is very dismissive, and for good reason when you’re still single and looking. I feel like the term found it’s home in the context of dating. Outside of those conversations it sounds disrespectful because people generally can agree that it’s hard to raise a child especially on your own. You gotta put in a lot of work to be called mother or father. And the people who know you more than likely know how to address you. But I’m sure no one wants to feel like their failed relationship is going to stop them from moving forward in life. So if the child(ren) are alright then yes, that’s just her baby daddy.
The “she” he is referring to is Gelila Bekele. She is an Ethopian model. (Don’t ask why I know that; but google it; there are pics of them together.)
Idk, I would not over-analyze Perry’s use of the term. I myself do not frequently use it, but I do not stereotype those who do because I know not all baby daddys/mommys come in one form.
Thank you. I was more concerned with the ‘she’.
I’m with the author on this one. Though I could care less about what Perry has going on in his personal life, I have long been over the terms “baby mama” and “baby daddy.” First of all, it sounds stupid coming out of anyone’s mouth. Second, while I hate to say this is a factor, white people are saying it and have even named a movie “Baby Mama,” starring popular white comedians Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Finally, I take up the author’s point that those terms carry negative connotations and conjure up a particular image of the deadbeat dad or shrew mom which may not always be an appropriate caricature. I myself never use the terms, even in casual conversation. Really, it just sounds stupid.
I agree. The terms sounds childish and diminishes the power and importance of parenthood.