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@hotmail, how about I don’t. I’ve never had any intention of getting married, and I certainly won’t do it as part of some experiment. Heaven forbit I be legally bonded to someone and something goes wrong. I want to be able to leave if I am in danger or if I had kids and they’re in danger. It is more my goal to establish a relationship where we respect our roles and live up to them by choice rather than by force. Cuffing somebody will not improve the chances of raising good kids…having a brain in one’s head will, though.

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Part of the human condition is the constant inner struggles we fight to manage our weaknesses and our destructive instincts. Some days we do this well, some days less well. Sometimes we do this better than others, sometimes less well than others.

Our success or failure in managing our vulnerabilities is heavily dependent on external factors ie, factors outside the self, that feed the experience input into our lives.

If you have a greater number of healthy inputs than unhealthy, my guess is that the net effect of that will be a less destructive person who will NOT, themselves, be a source of unhealthy experience inputs in someone elses life.
In others words – you’ll be LESS LIKELY TO HURT OTHERS.
Which brings to us to us = black folks.

We hurt each other because we’re hurt.

But somebody has to break the cycle. Those of us who believe we understand this hurt, must rise above our own pain and anger and really try hard to lead the way in NOT hurting our own people with our anger, harsh words and unkind actions.

The pain we all feel will not heal any other way.

I don’t care if black parents are married or unmarried when they have children, all I care about is that people love each other and love their children.

We all want and NEED human connection, that’s why despite of all the problems in our relationships we still come together to make babies. Having babies is the most natural thing in the world, it’s not a crime to father or mother a child, that people should be BLAMED and PUNISHED for.

The only thing we need to concern ourselves with creating a loving safe and healthy environment for OURSELVES in which we can give our children the best of ourselves.

That’s the only “right way” to do for our children.

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There is obviously a strong effort to put positive Black, pro-family representations to center stage right now. And we need them to shine as bright as they are shining!

Ladies…we are the rulers of our bodies. You don’t have to be Beyonce.. but {formal} commitment of “his presence is a Must..Must Must ……..” : )

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Most of us are not entertainers with millions of dollars, whose lives are an open book. They have to keep up the appearance. I’m very happy for them, as I would be for any couple married or otherwise who are together, happy and loving each other and welcoming a new life into this world.

Maybe we need to look at the root of the problem as to why people are choosing not to marry, become single mothers and help them, instead of comparing them against the perfection of Beyonce and her husband.

Beyonce is no fool, her ascension to the top has been carefully planned and orchestrated including the timing of her first child. We need to stop the star gazing and worship, but then again there’s no money in that.

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“it’s the natural order of things, the way the good Lord intended them to be”

But, historically speaking, that isn’t true. Marriage, as an institution, came out of transactions to further wealth. The church picked it up as a way to gain riches. If that’s the argument you’re going to use, then it doesn’t hold water and negates the rest of what you’ve written. I can’t possibly listen to someone who does or doesn’t use quotes on what The Right Way is when I see it through a historical lens. It’s a multi-layered argument that is missing that particular foundation, but I see where you intent was. I’d much rather have a discussion of THAT and not about the details of one particular couple who happens to be black.

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