For the first time in my 30+ years, I asked my father for advice about relationships, and gasp, men. Call me desperate. I was. But I figured, after 64 years on the planet, he knew something about what makes his kind tick. And well, we’ve developed a relationship over the years where sugarcoating is unnecessary. I knew he was going to give it to me straight.

Why was I desperate? Oh where to begin. I had fallen for a guy who seemed to have fallen for me. We were hot, hot, hot. Then he turned lukewarm out of the blue. Then damn right cold.

I had seen this scenario before, so I was not opposed to wondering what role I played in this disturbing trend. I wanted my love life to be different and wanted to know what I should be doing differently—you know that whole if you keep doing the same thing you’re going to continue to get the same results school of thought.

Hence the Sunday call with Pops.

I ran down the details then asked him what I should do.

His advice?

Act like you don’t give a sh*t.

I know; it sounds like the title of a dating book for women written by a man.

But I’ve heard this sentiment before. Men like a chase, blah, blah, blah.

“That’s not how I am,” I pleaded with my father. “If I like someone, I like him. I don’t want to play games.”

“I know,” my father said. “I know that’s not you.”

And it’s not a lot of women.

Oh but how I sometimes secretly admire those women who can keep their emotions more in check and who don’t wear their heart on their sleeves. The Keisha Greene’s of the world (but you see how it ain’t all that different when they get caught up).

Originally, I dismissed my father’s advice.

Until, as part of an attempt to demystify my love life, I asked my ex-boyfriend why he broke up with me.

“You were too accessible,” he said.

I took in his words. Listened. No judgment. Just tried to learn.

Then I asked only one follow-up question: what does that mean?

“You made it too easy for me.” He responded.

That’s all I needed to hear.

It was time to try something different.

So I stopped giving a sh*t.

What does that mean? Who knows really.

Do I wait to call at least 48 hours after seeing someone? Do I not, under any circumstances tell a dude how I feel? Do I act nonchalantly towards any feelings he may display for me? Should I stop being so helpful?

For me, I translated it as not being too accessible, which really turned out to mean: not putting all my eggs in one basket. I was still easy as Sunday morning, but with more eggs to nurture, who had time to always be available and who had the capacity to care too deeply with everyone?

Talk about fun. I finally found out what people meant when they said they were dating.

Oh I called back when I called back. I responded to texts when I got around to it. I hung out with guys occasionally, when the mood hit.

As much as I hate to admit this, there was a power in it all. I was in control of my feelings instead of the other way around.

Was it all genuine? Nope. Was I playing games? Yep.

At the end of the day, was it me? Nope.

I do give a sh*t. I like one-on-one situations (I’ve been told my other male friends through my investigations to avoid the R word wherever possible) and not just for the mental simplicity, but also because that’s what I prefer. Period.

And you know what else? I’m a giver. I’m a lover. I care deeply. That’s me.

And call me silly, unrealistic, but I know there’s a dude out there who prefers that.

But I did learn something from my father’s advice. I’ve slowed down. And in doing so, interestingly enough, it has affected my accessibility, not in a character-changing way, but because I’m interested in really getting to know someone. That takes time; it’s a process.

And well, eventually good sh*t will happen.

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address [email protected] or you can call the great man on +2348100515075….

  • Sandra Ruths

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is sandra ruths am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine kido matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr osauyi that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend is going to call me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr osauyi for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address [email protected] or you can call the great man on +2348100515075………..

  • JOES CANDRA

    I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. [email protected] that is his email address bye

  • JOES CANDRA

    I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. [email protected] that is his email address bye.

  • Tracy Adams

    MY TESTIMONY ON HOW MY HUSBAND CAME BACK TO ME AGAIN,

    My husband broke up with me 5 months ago, and forced me to sign the divorce papers, and i was completely heartbroken. And I could not get back into any shape emotionally. because my heart and hope was completely lost. Because i love him so much I could not think, eat, sleep, or walk without the ache in my heart. And the thoughts in my head were all about him and the pains that i went through while seeing him with another woman taught me lessons. I so wish that I could have changed the clock back and never to have experienced the pains he made me went through. I ThankGod for this astonishing and brilliant NATURAL LOVE spell caster that came to my rescue. Wow! This spell caster has helped me so much. DR. OGBODU guaranteed me an urgent 24 hours NATURAL LOVE spell casting, of which i accepted it. Shockingly! this month on the 4TH OF MARCH 2014, my husband called me back with lots of apologies after 24 hours which DR. OGBODU assured me, and he did everything possible to withdraw the divorce papers which was previously ongoing with the power of this miracle working spell caster. My husband and i have been living contentedly since this spell caster reunited us together with his love spells. Thank you so so so much Lord OGBODO for your powerful spells. expressions are not sufficient to say thank you. here is his email address and PHONE NUMBER: Email: ([email protected]) or +2347050485554…contact him today and get your problems solved once and for all.

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