Like a lot of women, I’m a huge Sex and the City fan. SATC is one of those shows that really impacted pop culture in many ways. First, it introduced many of us to Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks. And remember those Manolo Blahnik timbs that were all the rage back in 2000? Yeah … me neither. (-__-)

Carrie and crew had women everywhere ordering Cosmos even though they taste like cough syrup, vodka, and disappointment. Samantha had ladies proud of their conquests because they were now allowed to freak anything that walks in the name of vaginal liberation (no judgment, but HPV is REAL). Miranda had women thinking it was okay to be an abrasive, self-centered jackasses with thin hair, STILL pulling men left and right (and one man included Blair Underwood. But HOW??? Lemme quit being a hater). And Charlotte made the 30-something desperado look adorable (yay for argyle sweaters!).

Above all, Sex and the City is liable for something that is still leaving women all high and dry. I call it the “Mr. Big Syndrome,” and I think way more women have it than you think. It’s actively destroyed some folks’ frame of reference of what healthy dating habits should look like (read: leaving women more single than that one sock you found in the dryer).

Throughout the series, Carrie — the lead character played by Sarah Jessica Parker — dates a rich, charismatic guy named Mr. Big on and off. They made up and broke up many, many times. Add two dollops of commitment phobia on both sides, a marriage to someone else by Mr. Big, and one cheating episode involving Carrie, and you get the Cliff Notes version of their dysfunction. But, they had a happy ending; eventually, Mr. Big married Carrie after leaving her at the altar one time. O__O

Most women have had a Mr. Big in their dating history. He’s the guy who is sexy, financially stable, and has this “je ne sais quoi” that makes him irresistible. Plus, you feel like intellectually, he is Einstein. AND, in bed, he’s so good it’s like he memorized the entire Kama Sutra. He is just EVERYTHING — except reliable or committed to you.

He’s the dude that flies you to Paris and leaves the room in the middle of the night on some “we can’t wake up together. You’d think we were … together.” Remember him? Most folks have had something similar. All they do is keep you interested enough to where you’re hung up, but they don’t commit.

And here goes the chorus that I hear from a lot of women: “BUT BIG MARRIED CARRIE!”

*blinks twice*

Sure, Big married Carrie. But did he not leave her at the altar first? Oh. Right. His excuse for leaving her at the altar was that she didn’t pay attention to the fact that he didn’t want a big wedding — she had turned it into a big New York socialite event.

NAWL SIR.

*flips a table*

*kicks every trashcan in a 5 mile radius*

The moment you stand me up at our wedding and embarrass me in front of 300 people is the moment we’re a wrap! While I got on my custom made Vera Wang dress? AND my entire Nigerian family flew in and got fancy clothes with big headties made? AND the cake went to waste? Yeah … the relationship is pretty much null and void at that point. YOU AIN’T GON’ EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT!! That is what you’re not gon’ do!

But … Carrie still married Big in spite of that. Then Mr. Big became the perfect husband. After she chased him, jumped through hoops and repeatedly got her heart broken by him. He finally committed. Whoopty-doo-dah!!!

And Cinderella found her Prince because he found her glass slipper. Both are just as believable.

Carrie won her prize, but in REAL life, I doubt she would have.

In REAL life, you may spend years chasing Mr. Big, hoping for that elusive ring that may never come. You wait for him to commit. And you wait. And wait some more. You also ignore all the other worthy candidates that come across your path. That’s how some people end up owning five cats and singing lonely love songs.

And even if he DOES eventually commit on some “I will marry you Gina. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?” steeze, it doesn’t mean he stops being unreliable.

A Mr. Big can be great in your 20s. If you’re 30-something and still chasing your Mr. Big, you MIGHT want a new strategy. If you have a Mr. Big, I hope you know the position he plays. Enjoy him. Go on the trips. But when you want to get your family game right, he might not be the one. Let Mr. Big go, so someone worthy of your time and willing to commit to you can take up your time and energy.

Don’t let Sex and the City be the downfall of your love life, holding on to a relationship that never existed beyond thrilling trips, wild sex, and the occasional forehead kiss.

Do you have a Mr. Big? Are you still with him? Carrie married Mr. Big, but how many people marry THEIR Mr. Big in REAL LIFE? Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Share. We’re family here.

 

*Read more from Luvvie at her award-winning humor blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com

Like Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter
  • ThatKellyGirl

    I met my Mr. Big when I was 21, working as a receptionist. It was Valentine’s Day; He walked into my office delivering flowers, for the flower shop next to his fire station, on his day off. It was love at first sight for me. He was a tall calendar quality fireman, with a ridculous smile and perfectly coiffed hair. He had a personality that was bigger than life and eventually became my best friend. For the first few months we dated, it was magic. I just -knew- that we would be together forever. Then things changed. Since then we dated on and off for 8 years. No matter what kind of pain he inflicted on me, I found myself back in his arms. He could do no wrong, or so I thought. He ended up not only getting me pregnant, demanding that I have an abortion (which I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy so I had no choice), he confessed to me that he got some woman, that resembled Sloth from the Goonies, pregnant and had been hiding it from me for almost 2 years. I wanted to forgive, just like always, but the loss of that child and the way he treated me told me more than I ever needed to know then. It was time to let him go. Even though I miss him everyday and I hate to admit that I still love him, I understand that I am better off…even if I die an old lady with expensive shoes and 500 cats. We all deserve so much more than that. Carrie and Big in real life just don’t work in the long run. Love doesn’t work like that. Love shouldn’t be one sided.

  • Danielle owens

    I met my Mr.Big in high school btw I’m 18 and his now 21. when we meet I wouldn’t call this girl a friend but a girl I social with a few times me and her was skipping class I seen him and I yelled out “hey I like your dreads” he turned around and just made me speechless. She flirted with him and stuff I just walked behind them he just. Always looked back at me he wasn’t even listening to her I went off to class and I didn’t see him for a week then he chased me down the hallway once again I couldn’t speak he gave me his number and I went to the girl an was like omg I can’t believe that. I go home call it the number don’t work I didn’t care kinda I didn’t want him kinda but I had dreams about him and whenever I tried to hide there he was he would take me to the art tower and we would just talk, make out and I’ll run hoping I wouldn’t see him again coming to find out that was true I moved from florissaint to Ballwin mo I didn’t even get to say bye to him. A year or so I go through a heart break and stuff He finds me on Facebook I remember him and he remember me I was like a 10 minute walk away from him at the time he walks from his house to where I am that day he asks me out when didn’t really work out I had to really keep this a secret cause my dad didn’t like the age difference I was torn so I broke it off we go our separate ways I found out he got a new girlfriend and she was pregnant with his daughter I pretend like I didn’t care I left it alone because then I move to overland mo where ended up dating a girl and got cheated on we broke up he pops up again we started talking but nothing serious we stop talking until now where we are waiting for my 19th birthday November 3rd to make our relationship official fingers crossed that this works out

  • MK

    I totally agree. I met my Mr.Big at 33 and thought he was the one for me. He chased me but then quickly shuts down when things got real. We tried another round and he just keeps playing mind game and won’t commit to anything. The worse thing is he had a string of exes that he’s in touch with as “friends”, one is even married with a baby (which he hangs out with every other week for dinner and go on a trip to Mexico with)…

    As hard as it is I have finally got it and left him behind. I know it is still difficult to meet men but sometimes looniness is better than repeat torture. That little moment of joy can not out win the heartbreaks and disappointment. We can’t let anyone let alone a man to toy with our emotions and not take any responsibility.