Recently, I saw VH1’s newest reality show, “Why Am I Still Single?” Although it was quite clear why the people on the show were unattached (one was extremely socially awkward, another was pompous and shallow), sometimes it’s not so clear why we—regular folk—are still rolling dolo.
I’ve had this conversation with my friends a few times while we lamented about our inability to really find someone worthwhile. No, we weren’t on ‘Nightline’ panic, woe is me mode, but we were really trying to figure out why we—in spite of our absolute dopeness (just sayin’)—were still single.
I’ve had some time to think about it and have boiled it down to three things. Sure there are a lot more, but we’ll start here.
You’re single because…
1) Your expectations are high: Notice how I didn’t say they were TOO high, which is what Steve Harvey and the 50-leven fake “experts” have to say. But by merely HAVING expectations you knock out a significant amount of riff-raff, and limit your dating options. A few weeks ago my friend asked, “How do these chicks with like 5 kids and four baby daddies have a boo, but I don’t?”
Well, I’d wager that her expectations of what kind of man she’d accept/expect weren’t exactly high. Or even existent. Getting a man (or a woman) is easy. I repeat. Getting a man is EASY.No matter what you look like, I’m almost certain that with a little effort you could easily pull SOMEbody…but would that person appeal to you and turn you on in EVERY way (emotionally, intellectually, sexually?)? Probably Not. Choose wisely.
2) You’re an asshole: Yes, this gets the best of us. Now, I fancy myself as a nice person, but I’ll admit, I have some asshole tendencies. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. Being an ass can protect you against folks who are just not worth your time, or suckas who be on that BS.
Being an asshole can prevent you getting all up in your feelings about a man (or woman) who shouldn’t have warranted a second look, but somehow, is trying their hardest to get you to fall for them. Nuh uh. I ain’t going out like that, son. Yes…some assholes are evil. Those are the mean ones, but if you wear your “I don’t give a _____” attitude on your sleeve to weed out the lames and only drop your guard for those potentials who are WORTH it? Then you might find that you’re still single because you haven’t met the right one yet. And that’s ok. As long as your asshole armor isn’t so thick that you can’t ditch it when necessary, you’ll be fine. *Kanye shrug *
3) You’re not ready: Although you might be tired of spending every Saturday night with your girls or on your couch making it a Netflix night, truth be told…you’re not ready to be boo’ed up. If being with the same man for longer than a month makes you feel claustrophobic, or if you like the freedom of not having to include someone else in your plans, YOU’RE NOT READY. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to share your bed and your dinner plates with, but finding and pursing a relationship with someone when you really aren’t ready to commit is just a recipe for disaster.
Sometimes it feels like dating IS rocket science. Finding the right partner, knowing when to share your skeletons, and being vulnerable can be a daunting task. But constantly wondering why you—in all of your glory—is still single with others are happily coupled does little to 1) help you find a mate and 2) feel better about yourself. So stop it, and enjoy!
Are you single? Why?
*This post was originally published on WhoUCallinABitch.com, a blog about love, sex, dating and everything in between.